dmmm Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 How do you become happy with yourself and forget the "need" to have someone? I've got no friends, just a massive crush on one girl. I don't really want a social life. I like to be on my own, I just can't cope due to this "need" to be with her. I want to be happy on my own. I don't want to meet someone else to get over her. I'm a loner, that's who I am. Just the desire to be with her leaves me feeling massively lonely 24/7. Any ideas?
durentu Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 How many friends equals one massive crush? Why not find out? The only alternative is to be fully immersed in something. Possible pets too
Tyler. Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Yeah i agree with Mina, you asking this question is a sign that you're not fully happy on your own. You may like being on your own but hanging out with GOOD friends isn't that bad either. Why don't you want friends may i ask, aside from just wanting to be alone ? Like do you not trust people in general, or socially awkward maybe ? I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, i just want to know why you don't want ANY friends?
M30USA Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Some people, I'm convinced, just aren't able to be happy alone. I think it's an inborn personality trait. I happen to be one of them. I would prefer to be alone any day than with anything less than quality company.
William. Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 We are the type that are so individually capable but we also want to love someone and be loved back 1
Author dmmm Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Hi Thanks for the replies. The reason I say I don't want friends is because I don't enjoy being out with people. I see people together and just know I couldn't do that. I just can't see myself being able to handle the interaction that people have with each other. I am very socially awkward. Always have been. I probably spend less than 2 hours a day outside my house. I've spent a lot of time on my own. Lived alone for about 6 years. It's just the obsession with this other person makes being on my own so hard.
William. Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) I felt like that when i was 16, now i'm 18 and it's driving me insane how all my good features, my morals, my ethics, my ideals can make such a good relationship with someone but it just seems so hard to find someone interested, seeing you are so solitary, i'd assume that you've taken a lot of time thinking and reflecting about yourself, so i say. What do you want in a partner? are you looking for a short term relationship or a long term one? And i know exactly what you mean by i don't want friends, there are simply so many people out there that you see and sometimes interact with that you know are jerks or as i call them "fake" people, find the ones that you trust, the ones that you know, the ones that at least for me, are open minded and knowledgeable. Then strengthen those relationships, interact with each other more. But i mean, none of us, well very little of the human population actually want to be alone, i suppose it's just something to do with fate, the right place and the right moment with that right someone P.S I've been socially awkward before but now that i have and you have realised this, i asked myself at the time why don't i just work towards being less unsocial, it doesn't mean i have to be friends with people and such but just get out there more, don't do things you don't want to do i.e get drunk if that's not your thing, just be yourself just outside and interact with more things, start talking to a girl you knew or know and see if you can curb your shyness and inexperience. Bit by bit, day by day, it goes away. Edited August 16, 2012 by William.
Coffee20 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Hello, I have same moments, sometimes I enjoy being alone and go out alone, rather than with people. But if I force myself to go out I sometimes come to the conclusion that it can be also fun. There are also some hobbies that you can do by yourself or and it helped me the most, I started to help people by myself, usually I taught them or looked after children without home. 1
Abystarswoman Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I had to learn to be happy by myself before I could be happy with other people, if that makes sense. Very few people really know how to "be alone", I've noticed, and I went through a situation a couple of years ago where I more or less withdrew from everyone - friends, family, potential romantic interests, you name it. I spent those few months completely isolated, and to my surprise, it actually turned out that I was getting "in touch" with who I was as a person and what I wanted for myself. Instead of thinking about other peoples' wants and needs, I actually concentrated solely on myself - what did I want, what did I need? It ended up that I felt completely liberated because for ONCE, I didn't put other people above myself. I didn't resent other people for being what I perceived as "ungrateful" or "unappreciative". I emerged from that period of isolation as a much stronger, much more assertive person than I had been previously. And I think that's one of the few advantages of "being alone" for a brief period of time, at least for me. I do think that we're social creatures by nature, but a brief period of "being alone" is not at ALL unhealthy - on the contrary, it turned out to be one of the things that literally saved my life. Perhaps if you concentrate on yourself and what you need and want for right now, you might be able to come away from this crush realizing that maybe she may NOT be what you truly need. If you follow me.
Phanpooh Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 My advise: move your ass, lazy! U wanna Get over her? So tell me what did she do to make u think u dun deserve a place with her? Fix that, Nerd! I used to be alone at home until sb ask me to go out, where i met my ex, where i meet tons of girls, who could do everything to get my attendtion. Believe me, all u need is Confident and that isnt sth, which people could give u. U r human, they r human, and she is. So just take a coffee with her, ask her out, if she say yes, keep it up. If the answer is no, at least u do sth for yourself. Wanna get over her? At least give urself a chance to know who u r and a place for u in real life. Want more confident? Take a couple movie, 'the art of getting by' and 'friend with benefit', lazy!
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