My NC Diary

[Beatrixx]

My ex and I said our goodbyes on the phone on Monday 13th August. He used the oldest trick in the break-up book, 'We can still be friends'. *sigh* I said 'Sorry but it's all or nothing for me,' he replied with 'Then it's going to have to be nothing'. We said bye and then that was it.

 

This time exactly 6 months ago this guy was crazy about me. He begged me to be his Valentine and now he doesn't want to be with me anymore. It stings.

 

Tuesday 14th August I sent him an emotional text message. I sent it knowing it would be the last one forever. I then proceed to delete his phone number and all the text messages we've ever sent each other, and silly me goes and hits RESEND on one of the texts instead of DELETE. Ahhhhh! I was cursing to myself so much at that moment. Obviously I had to text him explaining my mistake. Pfft. He didn't reply to that nor the emotional text message... so I guess today, Wednesday 15th August, NC begins for me.

 

DAY 1

 

I woke up feeling vile. I probably had the most dreams I've ever had in a single night. Luckily he was in none of the dreams though. I tried to keep myself busy. I've redone my CV, applied for a few jobs, spent a couple of hours reading, watching astronomy documentaries, etc. So my first day of NC has been rather constructive which I'm glad about.

 

I have had moments where I've felt sorry for myself though. I've listened to sad love songs and sang at the top of my voice and I've also been checking my phone constantly for a text message or even a call from him. I hate checking it and seeing I have nothing... It really has to stop.

 

I've also deactivated my Facebook. I can't bear to be on it and seeing his name and picture keep popping up to be honest. I know what he's probably thinking... 'There she goes again deleting her Facebook, the drama queen.' He probably thinks I'll be back on it in a couple days. Well he's wrong. I'm seriously considering never going back on it ever again. I've always felt Facebook is a waste of time anyway.

[Shotputter]

I think it's awesome that you're keep track. Keep it up you can do it!!!!!

[youngnlove89]

My ex and I said our goodbyes on the phone on Monday 13th August. He used the oldest trick in the break-up book, 'We can still be friends'. *sigh* I said 'Sorry but it's all or nothing for me,' he replied with 'Then it's going to have to be nothing'. We said bye and then that was it.

 

This time exactly 6 months ago this guy was crazy about me. He begged me to be his Valentine and now he doesn't want to be with me anymore. It stings.

 

Tuesday 14th August I sent him an emotional text message. I sent it knowing it would be the last one forever. I then proceed to delete his phone number and all the text messages we've ever sent each other, and silly me goes and hits RESEND on one of the texts instead of DELETE. Ahhhhh! I was cursing to myself so much at that moment. Obviously I had to text him explaining my mistake. Pfft. He didn't reply to that nor the emotional text message... so I guess today, Wednesday 15th August, NC begins for me.

 

DAY 1

 

I woke up feeling vile. I probably had the most dreams I've ever had in a single night. Luckily he was in none of the dreams though. I tried to keep myself busy. I've redone my CV, applied for a few jobs, spent a couple of hours reading, watching astronomy documentaries, etc. So my first day of NC has been rather constructive which I'm glad about.

 

I have had moments where I've felt sorry for myself though. I've listened to sad love songs and sang at the top of my voice and I've also been checking my phone constantly for a text message or even a call from him. I hate checking it and seeing I have nothing... It really has to stop.

 

I've also deactivated my Facebook. I can't bear to be on it and seeing his name and picture keep popping up to be honest. I know what he's probably thinking... 'There she goes again deleting her Facebook, the drama queen.' He probably thinks I'll be back on it in a couple days. Well he's wrong. I'm seriously considering never going back on it ever again. I've always felt Facebook is a waste of time anyway.

 

 

I started NC on 8/13 also. It's hard. The minutes feel like hours and the hours feel like days. I keep checking my phone for a text from him but it hasn't and won't come.

 

It hurts really bad. I miss him. I want to hug him.

 

I know I'm not much help, but you're not alone in this

[Garfish]

Just know that you're not suffering alone. Lots of us are going through the same thing right now! I staked my entire future on this relationship. She was supposed to be my life partner, period. Now to have to get back out there in the dating scene at my age, doesn't look good. But a guy can only take so much #### before it just won't work any more. I have to keep reminding myself of all the bad stuff.

 

I can recommend a book "How to Fall Out of Love" by Dr. Debora Phillips with Robert Judd. It gives you techniques from behavior therapy to begin shaping your mind to resist the pull of your ex. Actually, it might be useful just for treating general negative thought patterns. Also "Uncoupling" by Diane Vaughan which examines the stages of separation. It's less helpful in terms of dealing though, but it might help you realize you never had it that good in the first place.

[Fitnerd]

Good idea keeping yourself accountable!

For myself (day 1 of NC was 08/08), as I never break promises, just promised my best friend that I won't be communicating with my EX in any way. Whenever I feel the urge coming, I think about my promise and how guilty I'll feel if I will break it.

[PurpleStar]

i'm following your diary Beatrix! keep it up..im also starting NC for like the 100th time but oh welllll

[Beatrixx]

DAY 3

 

Still going strong. Mornings are horrible for some reason though. At night time I feel less pain about the break up, but when I wake up I get this sicky feeling in my tummy as soon as I realize I'm no longer with him...

 

I'm going to his hometown this evening to meet some friends. I really hope I don't bump into him. I can't wait to get to NC day 10, 14, 21 etc, and start feeling better.

 

I don't know if he'll ever contact me again, but I'd rather he doesn't to be honest. It will be so hard to ignore him. I've promised myself I'd ignore him if he does though. Must keep up NC.

[broken77]

I'm done w 2 weeks, and I feel so sick everyday

[Beatrixx]

DAY 6

 

Nearly one whole week of NC! Wow.

 

Well the last few days I've been going out with friends, which has really helped take my mind off him. I'm home alone though today so I'm back to thinking about him constantly. Argh.

 

He texted me on Day 4 of NC. He said he found a necklace at his place and wondering if I was missing one. It definitely wasn't mine because I don't wear necklaces. I just ignored the text. I wasn't going to break NC just to reply to something as lame as that.

[kindest]

I'm on day 10 of NC (2nd time I went NC for the duration of the breakup).

 

Today I read a post of his in an online forum (I snooped, so sue me). He posted a sexy youtube video and said it describes exactly how he was feeling at the moment. So he's bragging about a new girl, or whatever. My heart broke for the nth time. I had a breakdown after reading it.

 

He knows I'm going to see that post of his. We're both active in that forum. It's either he didn't care or it was deliberate.

 

Tomorrow will be better I hope. That's the last time I'm going to snoop. I promise. I'm so tired of feeling worthless.

 

I want to seriously work on my healing now. I'm just so tired.

[jmjacobs31]

I'm on day 10 of NC (2nd time I went NC for the duration of the breakup).

 

Today I read a post of his in an online forum (I snooped, so sue me). He posted a sexy youtube video and said it describes exactly how he was feeling at the moment. So he's bragging about a new girl, or whatever. My heart broke for the nth time. I had a breakdown after reading it.

 

He knows I'm going to see that post of his. We're both active in that forum. It's either he didn't care or it was deliberate.

 

Tomorrow will be better I hope. That's the last time I'm going to snoop. I promise. I'm so tired of feeling worthless.

 

I want to seriously work on my healing now. I'm just so tired.

 

 

OH the Snoop. I am guilty of the snoop. I just snooped the other day. I google his user name that he uses on lots of different stuff to see what comes up. Well I was able to see that he had signed up for Match.com, not only that but it had to of been done right after we broke up cause it says hes 28 and he turned 29 a month after we split. The account must be closed now as I cant find it on match.com so I was only able to read the first two lines that came up when I googled him. It killed me. It still is killing me. I wish I never snooped.

[red.velvet]

I'm on day 1 of NC!! My whole body feels sick

[InAFog]

Left my phone out in the car last night so i wouldn't keep checking it.

Still that sick hopeless feeling though today to see there was nothing...

Don't know why i want it so bad, i've told myself i wouldn't respond anyway... Why would i want something that would test me so bad and most likely break me down??

[Beatrixx]

Left my phone out in the car last night so i wouldn't keep checking it.

Still that sick hopeless feeling though today to see there was nothing...

Don't know why i want it so bad, i've told myself i wouldn't respond anyway... Why would i want something that would test me so bad and most likely break me down??

 

I know exactly how you feel... but deep down I kind of wish I never got that text off my ex about him finding a necklace at his place... It just made me overthink things like crazy, like why is he texting me about this? And it's not my necklace, so who's is it? So many things going over and over in my head about that silly text...

 

Now it's just made me want more texts from him, which is just ridiculous. I just want to see him keep reaching out to me to make it seem like it cares, but really I know it's not good for me because all I do is waste my time analysing every word in that text and what the meaning behind it could be, when I could be doing something useful instead!

[Regrets58]

Went NC end of May for a month,then LC (one meet then email and txt only) for

a month.Will be 3 weeks of further NC on Sunday.

Thought I could handle the LC but still not ready.Checking emails far too often!

She is fading but not quickly enough,still hurts.

Entered into a "friendship" with her too soon (a week I think)after BU.

Left me emotionally drained and completely messed up.

Much calmer,though still sad,on NC.Having a bad day today,no idea why.

[Beatrixx]

DAY 14

 

It's been two weeks NC now but I'm still finding it difficult. I had a peek at his Facebook via my sister's account a few days ago so that kind of set me back. I've promised I'm not going to look at it again.

 

I will admit that I'm disappointed he hasn't been in touch, but it's probably for the best that he hasn't. It would only be breadcrumbs and I don't want that. I just wonder to myself, is he not contacting because he never cared in the first place or because he respects me enough not to give me any false hopes? Or both? ...I miss him so much...

 

Things have improved slightly though. I'm thinking about him 95% of the time instead of 100%. I know that's not much difference but at least it's some. Hopefully this time next week it will be 90%, then 80%, then 70% etc.