KimK Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 (edited) A little back story first: My husband and I have been married nearly 3 years, been together over 6 years. We have a 1 year old child together. Apparently he hasn't been happy in a while and told me this past Friday that he wanted a divorce. He doesn't want to go to counseling, doesn't want to work on things, etc. He wants this to be a quick and easy divorce. I get the baby and he just wants visitation when it's convenient for me. He wants nothing but his truck, computer, clothes, and Xbox. Other than that he says I can have what I want and we can sell the rest. I just don't even know where to begin with our divorce. He wants to do it online but we can't use LegalZoom where we live since we have a minor child. I have meetings with a few lawyers in the next few days but I don't know if we can really afford a lawyer. Plus, he wants to do it online. So any advice on doing it online or not? Also, how do I begin to move on? Begin to let go of him? How do I stop myself from thinking about it 24/7. He hasn't moved on but he's burying his feelings by finding other women to fulfill his needs. And it sucks to know he's already been with other women and I'm trying to tell myself it shouldn't matter but it's so hard to let him go. I gave him 6 years of my life and I can't just let that go over a weekend. Edited August 15, 2012 by KimK
jgregory4614 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Kim...He's letting it go! So should you. Don't blame yourself for this. This is all him. It's hard for anyone to just let go but dont let him get the best of you. Most men want to see their ex's suffer. Don't let that be you. You are a woman...you automaticlly have the upper hand! Get with some of your friends. It's important at this point. Dress sexy and have a girls night out. Don't use the online divorce crap. Go see the lawyer in a couple days. I'm sure he can work something out financialy.
jmjacobs31 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I am so sorry you are going through this. I am 4 months post BU with my ex of 12 years. We got in a fight about something stupid and he just decided to end it. Didn't want to try and make it work or go to counseling. I still am having a hard time wondering why he didn't want to work on things, and how he was able to just "let go" so easy. What they say is true.. time heals things. I am in a much better place today then I was 2 months ago. I am not doing great but I am doing better. I am keeping busy... way busier then I have even been. I try to keep in mind things like, do I really want to be with someone who just threw me out like yesterdays trash? I made a list of all the things that suck about him and I read it OFTEN! I am also seeing a therapist and shes been a BIG help. One thing I did that I big time regret is that I let him control the break up... He called all the shots and the end that was a mistake. My advice to you is to take charge of the situation even if you have to fake it. Fake it in front of him and loose it behind closed doors. CRY CRY CRY!! I cried everyday for the first 2-3 months!! good luck and keep us posted!
Author KimK Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 I'm trying very hard to let it go. It's just hard. But it's also so fresh, it hasn't even been a week. I know it will take time to heal but I just wish I could push fast forward to a time when we're over this and he and I can be friends. But maybe that's hoping for too much. My problem is that I'm trying to stay friends with him now. I know it's WAY too soon to even try to be friends. I thought of making a list and reading it every night before I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up. And I should probably keep it with me at all times to read it when I need to remember how not good things were. I made the BIG mistake of talking to him on the phone yesterday. We didn't talk about our child, the divorce, or finances but we talked about our feelings. And that does neither of us any good. We got to talking and then there were questions in my mind of whether or not we should even go through with the divorce or should we try to work on things. And that's where that list would come so I can remind myself why we ended things in the first place.
2.50 a gallon Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 RED FLAG!!!! He told you last Friday, and he is already finding comfort with other women. This has been going on for awhile. From what I have read in your post, he is making all of the decisions, time to see an attorney
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