mortensorchid Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 A few months ago, I decided to go on OKCupid just to feel around the OLD there. I know, free websites tend to attract nuts and flakes, but since finances are not what they were once I decided that this free one is not quite as sleazy as others are. Results? Odd to say the least. 1) Face to Face - I only met two people face to face through this website. One, The Beekeeper, and I got together a grand total of two times. He seemed like a good guy, worked odd jobs and whatnot, but he more or less told me at our second get together that he is not looking for something serious and will most likely never settle down with anyone. I sent a text after our second get together, I never heard from him again. The second was alright, but I knew this was not going anywhere either. Over dinner he said that he is not sure about people he meets online, in that they are just text buddies or something. That next weekend, I was going away to Pittsburgh and told him via text. I never heard another word from him again after his last text saying "Ok, have fun". 2) Time Wasters - I have had a few that I have had online chats with or exchange a few emails with. Save for one, if they have not asked to meet within four emails, I find, they will never ask to meet you. This one guy and I wrote back and forth to each other for weeks, he never made a gesture saying "I want to take you there sometime" or the like. Then the other night I was on the site, some guy sent me an IM and we had a chat that way. He seemed nice enough, based on the texting through the site, but then the next day I get a message in my inbox saying "Hi how are you?". I realized that was how he got my attention the first time, he is just sending out messages to random women out there and seeing who takes the bait. 3) Texting - I have connected with only a few people really, where we get to the point where we are talking on the phone or texting. One guy and I had a chat through text messaging, he said he found me hard to read. Then the next day I sent him a text asking how he was doing, he responded "Who's this?". I said "forget this" and didn't contact him again. Another who I had arranged a get together with said that he was leaving for vacation the next day and would not be able to get together that night. I said via text "Ok, talk later then." And never heard back from him after that. Think I should just forget about this website? It's just a bunch of nonsense. 1
writergal Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 All OLD websites are the same, whether you pay a monthly membership fee or not. I've tried several OLD websites over the past 4 years to no avail; I'm still single. While it works for some people, it's not for everyone. Definitely not for me. I've resigned my romantic life's destiny to Fate, i.e. Mother Nature, i.e. meeting men in person through mutual friends, Meetups, and through my volunteer activities. I think your OLD experiences are pretty common because OLD is like playing the lottery; you just have to gamble until you hit the jackpot. 4
8mia8 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 From a different perspective, I personally rather send messages either through the site or email for a while before meeting. If someone suggests meeting immediately or even after a couple messages, I'd ignore them because they are to me, more of a time waster and only interested in me based on my picture. If you want to meet more quickly, I'd suggest putting that in your profile. 2
henderson14 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 It just doesn't seem to work for anyone. I know a lot of people who have tried and they are all still single and when they do find someone it is not through OLD. I've been trying it for years, but to no avail. It's something different with every girl. 1
january2011 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I met my SO on the site. From memory of similar threads, I think location matters and has a significant impact on the quality of dating profiles and therefore one's success on the site. 1
pteromom Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Think I should just forget about this website? It's just a bunch of nonsense. It's not the website. It's just reality. Most people aren't going to be compatible with you. That's a fact, no matter where you meet them. You have to just keep moving forward, and cast as wide a net as possible. Then be prepared to throw back a lot of fish. 3
soccerrprp Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I've met a few women from various online sites. EH has been the most successful for me, but it has become ludicrous now. I will not resubscribe. My current gf is from Match, which has also been a little better than terrible. I've had couple dates from it. I've also had a date from POF. My most recent, serious ex has been from EH. I've developed a "friendship" with her. Frankly, after the awesome summer break, i've come to the conclusion that if I don't find anyone, well, that's okay. That's not to say that I am going to sabotage any relationships, rather, I am so much in tune with what I need and want that if she doesn't come along, it will be better than settling. Tried OKC and got nothing. Weird. Not even meaningful communication... 1
FitChick Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 (edited) I've been impressed with the quality of guys on my current website. Most are educated professionals, a few are well known in their field, even famous. I was recently contacted by one who said I "intrigued" him. He didn't tell me who he was but I figured it out. I'm a fan of some of his work. I was able to find many articles and videos of him online as well as learn more via his friends' websites and blogs. He has a twitter following so I can track him like a wild beast. He asked me out for coffee and to a gallery opening but since he's in another country, I declined gracefully and told him to call me if he was coming to my city. He has friends here and is here occasionally for business but hates this city as do I. I look a lot like his ex-wife, who is semi-famous herself (and has since remarried). His mother and I have the same name. No, I won't tell you who he is or the name of the website. Edited August 15, 2012 by FitChick 1
mysteryscape Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 He said you "intrigued" him and that made your bells ring? Is it really so unusual for someone to come up with something like that? Then what are the other 90 or 99% of messages like? I've heard young women say that most guys on OLD are just out for hookups. Older women say most of the men are frogs. I don't know if that means looks or their profile or both. (I wonder what the older men think of most of the women? Most people past 50, certainly 60, are losing it fast in the looks department. If not their faces, their bods.) The rest of your story sounds pretty interesting. Except he wanted to meet for coffee even though he lives way off? Don't the profiles specify location? And, would you really want to play the role of rerun of his ex-wife? 1
Frogwife Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 1) Face to Face - I only met two people face to face through this website. One, The Beekeeper, and I got together a grand total of two times. He seemed like a good guy, worked odd jobs and whatnot, but he more or less told me at our second get together that he is not looking for something serious and will most likely never settle down with anyone. I sent a text after our second get together, I never heard from him again. I am curious as to what text you sent to this man after he told you that he's not looking for anything serious and most likely will never settle down?
KatZee Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I took a tip off of OKCupid and did the fishing myself. Instead of browsing the guy's profiles who had visited my profile, I went out and did a search myself, read up on people, and chose who seemed most appealing to me. OKCupid did say if YOU were the one to reach out to the guy you'd have better looking choices, and better compatibility. (Since obviously you know yourself best.) I saw a profile on POF that seemed like a great match, good looking guy, I did my homework and stalked the hell out of him through Google, LinkedIn, FB (yeah I'm a creeper, whatever. Not trying to meet any psychos!) We exchanged e-mail addresses and have been talking daily through G-chat for several weeks now. I didn't want to give him my number outright just in case he is a weirdo so it's all been through e-mail. We are actually meeting up for the first time tonight... kind of nervous! Guess I'll keep you guys posted! 2
mysteryscape Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 scope him out with google, etc. you didn't know his name, right?
KatZee Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 scope him out with google, etc. you didn't know his name, right? Once we got to talking. I had his name within the first few minutes.
FitChick Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 He said you "intrigued" him and that made your bells ring? I've heard young women say that most guys on OLD are just out for hookups. Most people past 50, certainly 60, are losing it fast in the looks department. If not their faces, their bods. Except he wanted to meet for coffee even though he lives way off? Don't the profiles specify location? The point of my posting this story was to demonstrate that there are quality men (and women) on dating websites. Not everyone is an unemployed loser or social misfit. But you have to vet them using common sense and intuition. The reason alarm bells went off with this guy was because he didn't specify a type (age, height, weight, income, interests, children, etc.) and was open to every type of relationship. He used terms like "passionate," "tactile," "open mind," "enjoying sensual delights" So basically he just wants to get laid. This seems a bit odd because he travels in glamorous social circles of media, fashion and art, with plenty of gorgeous women. Unless he's slept with all of them! He isn't over 50 but is several years younger than I am. If we stood side by side most people would assume he was the same age because he is balding, about 20 lbs overweight with a slack jawline, bags under his eyes, speaks and moves languidly. I am the opposite of all of that. He clearly didn't read my profile to see my location or that I am looking for long term or marriage. He just saw my pic, maybe read the first line, and contacted me. I want to stay in touch because he would be a good contact for me in his city and I want to keep abreast of his professional doings. I think we'd get along great as friends but I don't think he's ready for anything serious now due to his messy divorce a couple of years ago.
mysteryscape Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 so this fat, balding, baggy-eyed, languid old lech who still hasn't gotten over his ex-wife wants to bang you because you remind him of her -- and this is what you call a quality guy?!
chphan Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 A few months ago, I decided to go on OKCupid just to feel around the OLD there. I know, free websites tend to attract nuts and flakes, but since finances are not what they were once I decided that this free one is not quite as sleazy as others are. Results? Odd to say the least. 1) Face to Face - I only met two people face to face through this website. One, The Beekeeper, and I got together a grand total of two times. He seemed like a good guy, worked odd jobs and whatnot, but he more or less told me at our second get together that he is not looking for something serious and will most likely never settle down with anyone. I sent a text after our second get together, I never heard from him again. The second was alright, but I knew this was not going anywhere either. Over dinner he said that he is not sure about people he meets online, in that they are just text buddies or something. That next weekend, I was going away to Pittsburgh and told him via text. I never heard another word from him again after his last text saying "Ok, have fun". 2) Time Wasters - I have had a few that I have had online chats with or exchange a few emails with. Save for one, if they have not asked to meet within four emails, I find, they will never ask to meet you. This one guy and I wrote back and forth to each other for weeks, he never made a gesture saying "I want to take you there sometime" or the like. Then the other night I was on the site, some guy sent me an IM and we had a chat that way. He seemed nice enough, based on the texting through the site, but then the next day I get a message in my inbox saying "Hi how are you?". I realized that was how he got my attention the first time, he is just sending out messages to random women out there and seeing who takes the bait. 3) Texting - I have connected with only a few people really, where we get to the point where we are talking on the phone or texting. One guy and I had a chat through text messaging, he said he found me hard to read. Then the next day I sent him a text asking how he was doing, he responded "Who's this?". I said "forget this" and didn't contact him again. Another who I had arranged a get together with said that he was leaving for vacation the next day and would not be able to get together that night. I said via text "Ok, talk later then." And never heard back from him after that. Think I should just forget about this website? It's just a bunch of nonsense. What you describe is more related to OLD overall than just OKCupid. I've done POF and OKCupid for a total of 4 months so far and it's pretty much crappy. POF I find to have way more quantity than OKCupid while OKCupid has quality than quantity. The problem with OKCupid was that in my area the quantity was so small within my age group and race that after 2 months it was basically the same people or group of people with hardly any new users and there wasn't anyone on there that I really wanted to connect with but 1 person. And some of those users were from POF. On the other hand POF had lots of users and new users pretty often so there were always users that I was interested in so I end up using POF more. However the results was utter crap. Mind you in I only contact girls who were like above average only in terms of looks and possible connection and still I got rejected or no answer. I got a few exchanges of emails but they were all flaky with 2-3 sentences which I can tell right away from lack of real interest. One female kept baiting with lets do coffee and chat to get to know each other but never showed up on MSN for chat or even make a date for coffee. Just keep giving me the it's been really busy but all the time I see her checking POF each day. Even the one that gave me their number to text end up flaking after a day or so. Even one girl who I had lots in common with and was exchanging messages for a few days refuse to give me her name and when I ask for number, deflected to exchanging MSN and Facebook to talk instead. Interestingly enough the 1 person on OKCupid that I had interest in was the only one that shows real sign of interest and continues to contact me daily. Of course I feel like I got friendzone by her though. LOL. I even met with her and she look good. I still talk to her daily.
FitChick Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) so this fat, balding, baggy-eyed, languid old lech who still hasn't gotten over his ex-wife wants to bang you because you remind him of her -- and this is what you call a quality guy?! Someone who is well off, educated, cultured, successful, talented, well liked, kind (a friend thanked him on his blog for helping him through a health crisis), is what I would call "quality." But TIMING is everything. It doesn't matter how wonderful someone is if he isn't ready to settle down. Since he's only looking for sex (in my opinion) he wouldn't be willing to spend the time, energy and money for LDR. Better to know that up front I have no idea if he is over his ex-wife. I didn't ask. He didn't say I reminded him of his ex. I discovered it by sleuthing. He seems to have a certain "type" as most of us do. I know that the newspapers called it an "acrimonious divorce." As any divorced person will tell you, they are not ready to remarry right away for fear the next marriage will end up the same way. They just want to play and can't say as I blame them. But I want to get married so I steer clear. I learned my lesson the hard way! Meanwhile I just heard from another 'quality guy' with whom I have many things in common. So who knows? For all I know, he hasn't read my profile either! Dating is a numbers game. It sounds like your number never came up so you are angry and bitter. Edited August 16, 2012 by FitChick
mysteryscape Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 It doesn't matter how wonderful someone is if he isn't ready to settle down. Since he's only looking for sex (in my opinion) he wouldn't be willing to spend the time, energy and money for LDR. ... ... I have no idea if he is over his ex-wife. ... But I want to get married so I steer clear. I learned my lesson the hard way! ... It sounds like your number never came up so you are angry and bitter. Sorry if I sounded a bit rough. Really, I was just going by your own description of things. OK, he's a quality guy who just wants to get laid and you steered clear of him, having previously learned your lesson. And he might be a useful contact. From what I can tell, OKC and the rest don't work very well for most people, but they get plenty of action from people for whom nothing else is working at all. The world is a sad and lonely place a lot of the time.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 I am curious as to what text you sent to this man after he told you that he's not looking for anything serious and most likely will never settle down? At our second get together, he told me that in primative societies, people did not keep their children with them for a long time, nor did they stay together. I honestly do not know if that is or isn't true, but that told me that he did not see himself as the kind of person who would ever settle down and be with anyone, married or not. Then he asked if I would like to come and drink some more coffee or tea with him, I said no. He told me before we were to meet that day that he was going to a party later that night (which he did not invite me to), so I made other plans to meet up with some other friends. I left him, went to see the others for about an hour, then sent him a text saying "the other party was super lame, I probably should've hung around longer for the tea drinking." No response. Moved on.
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