youngnlove89 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 It's been 3 days since I stopped talking to him. He called me 2 times Monday night when he got back from his trip. I ignored them. Last night he didn't call. I cried last night. I know I'll miss him. It's really hard to not talk to him. And now I'm wondering why he hasn't called me. Maybe because I ignored his 2 phone calls? How do you all keep up with no contact? It's really hard for me. But he will never give me what I want. He said he isn't sure I'll ever be his girlfriend, but he can't tell the future. He said he doesn't know if I'm the one for him. He told me over the weekend the reason he didn't call me was because he didn't want to f**ck with my feelings. What does that mean? That he doesn't want to tell me he misses me because it might give me false hope? But he then tells me all he did was talk about me the whole weekend to his friends and how he does miss me. He is a contradiction.
outofgoodbyes Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 what really helped for me is when i told him to stop calling and i will contact him when im ready. it puts the power back to YOU and it stops the reminders everytime he calls or texts. its really hard, im on nc day 2 and i miss him. but you have to keep talking to yourself and telling yourself what your needs are and how they will not be met if you went back to him.. my biggest thing i tell myself: how much i would hate myself knowing that if i talked to him again and i allowed him in my life knowing he was unsure if he wanted me... that i am a "backup" until he figured out what he wanted... i couldnt treat me like that... or let anyone else... hope it gets better for you
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 what really helped for me is when i told him to stop calling and i will contact him when im ready. it puts the power back to YOU and it stops the reminders everytime he calls or texts. its really hard, im on nc day 2 and i miss him. but you have to keep talking to yourself and telling yourself what your needs are and how they will not be met if you went back to him.. my biggest thing i tell myself: how much i would hate myself knowing that if i talked to him again and i allowed him in my life knowing he was unsure if he wanted me... that i am a "backup" until he figured out what he wanted... i couldnt treat me like that... or let anyone else... hope it gets better for you At this point, I find myself not finding anything to help me. He hasn't even bothered wondering what's up with me, so I can't really tell him to stop calling/texting me. That's what makes it worse. But I think he knows he has to let me go and he is doing a good job at it. That's what it hurts. Is that I was so easy to walk away from.
YorickBrown Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 At this point, I find myself not finding anything to help me. He hasn't even bothered wondering what's up with me, so I can't really tell him to stop calling/texting me. That's what makes it worse. But I think he knows he has to let me go and he is doing a good job at it. That's what it hurts. Is that I was so easy to walk away from. I'm assuming he's a bit older and he's also the one who broke up with you...for some reason or another.. Anyways, the thing with NC or No Contact is that...it's suppose to be the first thing you do after a break up happens (although, some do it way before, usually the girls do, sort of a dry run)...to get both or either parties to start accepting that the relationship is over at this point. The sooner you do so...the better. Now, as for yor question how do you keep it up? Well, obviously you have to keep yourself busy with other stuff in your life before (when your ex wasn't even around yet) or take up some sort of hobby or sport that wont remind you of your ex...and it goes without saying, to stop looking at FB updates of anything that would remind you again
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 I'm assuming he's a bit older and he's also the one who broke up with you...for some reason or another.. Anyways, the thing with NC or No Contact is that...it's suppose to be the first thing you do after a break up happens (although, some do it way before, usually the girls do, sort of a dry run)...to get both or either parties to start accepting that the relationship is over at this point. The sooner you do so...the better. Now, as for yor question how do you keep it up? Well, obviously you have to keep yourself busy with other stuff in your life before (when your ex wasn't even around yet) or take up some sort of hobby or sport that wont remind you of your ex...and it goes without saying, to stop looking at FB updates of anything that would remind you again no, I broke up with him because he told me he wasn't sure if we would ever be anythign more than what we are. I'm not going to waste my time with someone who doesn't know what they want. But thanks, I think I might get a gym membership. I've cut all contact off for now.
Bigbopper Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Im struggling too. Last time we spoke was Mon, and it wasnt nice. She asked for space and I didnt give it, and now im paying the price. Even though she hasnt said we are actually over, my stuff is still at her place, and we are having a baby (!) the fact that she hasnt even sent a single text is tearing me apart. Read my thread for the full story if you wish, but I just want her back.
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Im struggling too. Last time we spoke was Mon, and it wasnt nice. She asked for space and I didnt give it, and now im paying the price. Even though she hasnt said we are actually over, my stuff is still at her place, and we are having a baby (!) the fact that she hasnt even sent a single text is tearing me apart. Read my thread for the full story if you wish, but I just want her back. You kind of rhymed. But anyways...it's hard to accept something is over when it is everything you wanted. Right now, our best interest in no contact. Talk to me instead!
Drseussgrrl Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Girl put that man in your past. I'm surprised honestly that you allowed this to go on for as long as it did. The reason he wasn't stepping up is because you accepted what crap he was bringing to the table, which was hardly anything at all. Men absolutely love women who put their hearts above all else. The message you have been sending him this whole time is not one from a woman who loves and values herself- therefore why should he? I know this is blunt but you have got to start demanding better from the men you date. And I don't mean verbally - men respond to actions, not words. By walking away you are sending him the message that you won't allow yourself to be treated less than what you deserve and desire. Do not contact him and ignore him when he tries to get in touch. It's the only way. Just remember that every time you are tempted to get in contact what message you are sending him - "I don't value myself". Well that's garbage. 2
Bigbopper Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 You kind of rhymed. But anyways...it's hard to accept something is over when it is everything you wanted. Right now, our best interest in no contact. Talk to me instead! Yeah, I spotted that and decided to leave it in... The thing is, we had a few little arguments over last week, and then a big row on Saturday resulting in her walking out. I then went to her brothers house on Mon and she was there, and she asked me to leave and go back to my parents, but she didnt say "pack your stuff, its over" or anything, she just kept saying "I need space". Am I being stupid for trying to hold on to that, or do I assume its over? Do I literally make NO CONTACT (fb,text,letter,phone,nothing) and wait for her? If so, how long? Im going out of my mind. Hope you are coping better than I am....
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Girl put that man in your past. I'm surprised honestly that you allowed this to go on for as long as it did. The reason he wasn't stepping up is because you accepted what crap he was bringing to the table, which was hardly anything at all. Men absolutely love women who put their hearts above all else. The message you have been sending him this whole time is not one from a woman who loves and values herself- therefore why should he? I know this is blunt but you have got to start demanding better from the men you date. And I don't mean verbally - men respond to actions, not words. By walking away you are sending him the message that you won't allow yourself to be treated less than what you deserve and desire. Do not contact him and ignore him when he tries to get in touch. It's the only way. Just remember that every time you are tempted to get in contact what message you are sending him - "I don't value myself". Well that's garbage. Thanks this was hard advice I needed to hear. I want to value myself and that's why I finally left him. But that doesn't mean my heart doesn't hurt, because I was the one who loved in the relationship. This is why I have not returned his calls because I gave him many chances to give me what I want and each time he let me down.
Mike_d Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 this may be a silly little thing, but try adding your NC date to your sig here. I find that it helps me to be responsible for something, I don't want to come in here and have to change the date on my sig, so I have something else to help me let her go 1
Drseussgrrl Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 "I need space". Ok well give her all the space in the world and then some. Don't contact her under any circumstances. Nada. Zilch. Then move about your life as if you were single again. THIS will get her attention more than anything else. Buck up that confidence again - your happiness is not dependent on her actions.
outofgoodbyes Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Girl put that man in your past. I'm surprised honestly that you allowed this to go on for as long as it did. The reason he wasn't stepping up is because you accepted what crap he was bringing to the table, which was hardly anything at all. Men absolutely love women who put their hearts above all else. The message you have been sending him this whole time is not one from a woman who loves and values herself- therefore why should he? I know this is blunt but you have got to start demanding better from the men you date. And I don't mean verbally - men respond to actions, not words. By walking away you are sending him the message that you won't allow yourself to be treated less than what you deserve and desire. Do not contact him and ignore him when he tries to get in touch. It's the only way. Just remember that every time you are tempted to get in contact what message you are sending him - "I don't value myself". Well that's garbage. adding this to my reaffirmations!
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Yeah, I spotted that and decided to leave it in... The thing is, we had a few little arguments over last week, and then a big row on Saturday resulting in her walking out. I then went to her brothers house on Mon and she was there, and she asked me to leave and go back to my parents, but she didnt say "pack your stuff, its over" or anything, she just kept saying "I need space". Am I being stupid for trying to hold on to that, or do I assume its over? Do I literally make NO CONTACT (fb,text,letter,phone,nothing) and wait for her? If so, how long? Im going out of my mind. Hope you are coping better than I am.... Don't hold on to it. Let it go. Clinging to hope will just make this process harder. I know it's hard to accept because you want to think that they will come back but they won't. That's just our fantasy speaking. That's from watching too many romance movies where the other person comes back. Don't get it mixed up. she isn't coming back. Let her go. She let you go. She is taking the risk of losing you by sayng she needs space. Do you think she cares? No. Because she is okay with losing you. I'm not coping well either. Truth hurts but we have to get through it.
Mike_d Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 men respond to actions, not words. oh hell yes, a thousand times yes
8mia8 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Write in a journal or here what you want to say to the other person. So much better than accidentally sending a message to the other person and you'll feel a little better getting it out.
Bigbopper Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 "I need space". Ok well give her all the space in the world and then some. Don't contact her under any circumstances. Nada. Zilch. Then move about your life as if you were single again. THIS will get her attention more than anything else. Buck up that confidence again - your happiness is not dependent on her actions. This would be so much easier and clearer if she wasnt pregnant. The thing is, her hormones and emotions are all over the place, so all I can do is go at her speed, and if she needs time on her own. I cant question it. Doesnt make it any easier though.
Bigbopper Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Don't hold on to it. Let it go. Clinging to hope will just make this process harder. I know it's hard to accept because you want to think that they will come back but they won't. That's just our fantasy speaking. That's from watching too many romance movies where the other person comes back. Don't get it mixed up. she isn't coming back. Let her go. She let you go. She is taking the risk of losing you by sayng she needs space. Do you think she cares? No. Because she is okay with losing you. I'm not coping well either. Truth hurts but we have to get through it. I really hope you are wrong youngnlove89.....
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