Broken_or_Angry Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 It's been a month and a half since my wife, I guess my ex now, has left. We were together for 5 years, and to describe our relationship it was volatile at best. There were times that things were amazing, but when things were bad, they were horrible. I really can't blame her, at the time we met I was getting over my first wife passing from cancer. She filled a need that I don't think could of come from anywhere else. She was a true friend when I needed one, but we were more different in every way than you can imagine. I guess I thought that I could be good for her, help her become more grounded and love her better than anyone ever had. My mistake was that I wasn't ready to love anyone yet. At the time I didn't really see it, I didn't see that all I was doing was filling a void, trying to forget, hoping to survive. I guess if anyone is to blame it truly is me, I knew who she was and didn't realize that love would not be enough. I got caught up in trying to fix her, when in reality she liked who she was. Now we are divorced and I'm not sure how to feel to be honest. I love her, I miss her, but at the same time I know her walking away was the right thing. Regardless of how it happened. I am confused because part of me would take her back in a second, knowing that she was not a good person, I would take her back if I could. I miss her, as hard as things were, I miss her. My heart is broken, but I don't understand why. Maybe it's because regardless of her faults, I was there through the good and the bad. I feel like now that she is away, she will now begin to fix who she is, why couldn't she have done that for me? Why not change for me.... I don't understand. Maybe that's what I'm feeling. I need to move on, and stop hoping she will call and come back, I just don't know how.
M30USA Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 It's been a month and a half since my wife, I guess my ex now, has left. We were together for 5 years, and to describe our relationship it was volatile at best. There were times that things were amazing, but when things were bad, they were horrible. I really can't blame her, at the time we met I was getting over my first wife passing from cancer. She filled a need that I don't think could of come from anywhere else. She was a true friend when I needed one, but we were more different in every way than you can imagine. I guess I thought that I could be good for her, help her become more grounded and love her better than anyone ever had. My mistake was that I wasn't ready to love anyone yet. At the time I didn't really see it, I didn't see that all I was doing was filling a void, trying to forget, hoping to survive. I guess if anyone is to blame it truly is me, I knew who she was and didn't realize that love would not be enough. I got caught up in trying to fix her, when in reality she liked who she was. Now we are divorced and I'm not sure how to feel to be honest. I love her, I miss her, but at the same time I know her walking away was the right thing. Regardless of how it happened. I am confused because part of me would take her back in a second, knowing that she was not a good person, I would take her back if I could. I miss her, as hard as things were, I miss her. My heart is broken, but I don't understand why. Maybe it's because regardless of her faults, I was there through the good and the bad. I feel like now that she is away, she will now begin to fix who she is, why couldn't she have done that for me? Why not change for me.... I don't understand. Maybe that's what I'm feeling. I need to move on, and stop hoping she will call and come back, I just don't know how. Don't expect her to change. It probably won't happen. All people, victims and perpetrators alike, all think they are right and that the other person needs to change. My wife physically abused me, even taking a board over me and leaving bruises, yet she still believes I need to change and she hasnt apologized yet. Everyone has an opinion, too, so be careful who you listen to for advice. Judge it from whence it cometh. 1
Author Broken_or_Angry Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Don't expect her to change. It probably won't happen. All people, victims and perpetrators alike, all think they are right and that the other person needs to change. My wife physically abused me, even taking a board over me and leaving bruises, yet she still believes I need to change and she hasnt apologized yet. Everyone has an opinion, too, so be careful who you listen to for advice. Judge it from whence it cometh. Thank you, I will indeed do that. I guess I shouldn't focus on her anymore, and start focusing on me instead.
ver13 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 People have to want to change on their own and you can't fix anyone except yourself. Now go out there and do it work on you and let her do what she needs to do. I don't mean any disrespect but you couldn't fix the cancer and I know you would have given anything to fix that. Your ready to move on now you both needed each other at that time just to make it through. Now you need to find you... 1
Gaprofitt Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 In my situation I realized what all I had done wrong and went about becoming a new person for myself, I have been working out regularly and seeing counselors to work on myself. I have learned a lot during my wife of 8 years leaving and filing for divorce. I learned exactly what I did wrong in the marriage and mistakes not to make in the future. I learned the marriage failing was not all my fault and we each contribute to a relationship failing. I've learned time heals and while I have hope for reconciling with my family and the woman I love I understand it's not my decision. This experienced has changed me a lot already, it has changed my values, it has made me realize I need to become more independent as a person and that independence is healthy in a relationship. I still don't understand my wife's anger toward me and my family quite yet, I know she's just upset but some of the things like keeping my son away from me has been just gutwrenching. I cry all the time about it. I like to think deep down she still cares about me, but I wonder now. Probably my biggest problem is I keep hope alive, I want us a family badly and to work on our issues, but again, not my decision. Greg 2
Author Broken_or_Angry Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 In my situation I realized what all I had done wrong and went about becoming a new person for myself, I have been working out regularly and seeing counselors to work on myself. I have learned a lot during my wife of 8 years leaving and filing for divorce. I learned exactly what I did wrong in the marriage and mistakes not to make in the future. I learned the marriage failing was not all my fault and we each contribute to a relationship failing. I've learned time heals and while I have hope for reconciling with my family and the woman I love I understand it's not my decision. This experienced has changed me a lot already, it has changed my values, it has made me realize I need to become more independent as a person and that independence is healthy in a relationship. I still don't understand my wife's anger toward me and my family quite yet, I know she's just upset but some of the things like keeping my son away from me has been just gutwrenching. I cry all the time about it. I like to think deep down she still cares about me, but I wonder now. Probably my biggest problem is I keep hope alive, I want us a family badly and to work on our issues, but again, not my decision. Greg Wow I am truly sorry Greg, I can honestly say that your situation is much harder than anything I am dealing with. Stay strong and positive, I know it's easier said than done. One day your son will look to you, you need to be ready to be the man, father, mentor he needs you to be. My wife is angry with me as well, not sure why considering I did everything and anything I could to please her. I think it comes down to this... The only way they can justify the separation is to make you out to be the bad guy, otherwise it's hard to look at the mirror knowing what you have done. P.
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