S1J3R Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 This story could be extremely long, so I'll try to shorten is some. I'm a 24 year old male, basically I had never had a girlfriend or any experience (first date, first kiss) with a girl up through high school. During my freshman year of college I met a girl who became my best friend and during our sophomore year we started dating. We were infatuated with each other, spent all our time together and really just had a great time together doing anything and everything, no doubt we were in love. Big problem however was that she is Canadian and I am American. We met at a PA (where I'm from) college and dated from our sophomore year up through grad school which we both attended at the same place. The summers were hard because we didn't get to see each other much, but it was always just that much better when we were back at school and could see each other all the time. Our relationship was so great because we had this connection that you don't just find with anybody. We trusted each other with everything, I never needed to worry about anything with her. And while the physical part of our relationship was great, it wasn't even my favorite part, I loved just laying down with her and holding her and kissing her on the forehead and telling her I loved her. A lot of people said we were just the best couple and a lot of couples envied what we had together. Anyway, the start of grad school was great, probably the best year we ever had together. At this point we had been together about 3 1/2 years. We knew she would graduate a semester before me and this is where us living in separate countries would really come into play. Our plan was for her to move into my house in PA with my family and I would move back in after I finished school then we would look for an apartment together. She was able to acquire a visa to work in the states because she went to school here and had a degree that would let her work almost anywhere. She found a job close to my home and we had a lot of her stuff moved in, things were perfect. I had $1,500 saved up at the time and was planning on proposing shortly after graduation to make sure she was mine forever. She went home for winter break to see her family before moving back down to start her job... while she was at home they kept pushing her start date back further and further until they called and said she didn't have the job any more... after offering it to her and she signed an offer sheet (i still hate that company). She was scared and was scrambling to find work, and her sister found her a job in Canada that paid well and was close to her house. We didn't really discuss it, but when we did I told her I didn't think she should take it because I wasn't sure what it would do to our relationship. She said it would be fine and took the job. Within about a 2 week time... things went from perfect/exactly how we planned, to a complete 180 of what we thought would happen. It was very hard on both of us, but she was also excited. She bought a new car and was just so happy to start... but I couldn't match her excitement. I felt abandoned, hurt, scared, and a bunch of other emotions.When she tried to talk to me all excited about her car and job I tried to avoid it because it hurt to talk about... and I guess that hurt her more than I realized. I knew that her moving home would make our relationship indefinitely long distance for at least 6 months and make it way harder to work out. When she took the job, it was expected that I move up to Canada, and while I wasn't against the idea, I wasn't all for it at first either. It took me some time to accept what had just happened and wrap my head around moving away from my family and everything I had ever known, but After a while I was ready for the move. We talked about it and worked it out (at least I thought we did) and continued our relationship through my graduation with us exchanging visits. Things felt right back to normal and everything was great when we saw each other, same chemistry. I never doubted our relationship for a minute. Anyway, I had been looking into moving up there and initially thought it would be easy, and I would just move up and start our lives... but as it turns out, immigration policies are very strict going up north and I didn't qualify for any of the visas I looked in to, and my degree was not accepted up there. It would have taken at least a year and at least $1200 to possibly get a new certification for Canada, basically I was screwed and stuck in the US. Needles to say, this presented a problem. She wasn't going to leave her new job to move down, and I wasn't able to move up. Well one day, about a week after I graduated we were talking, and long story short, by the end of the night she had broken up with me over Skype after about 4 1/2 years of dating. I was absolutely blindsided, I was fully willing to work this out and do the distance until we could be together. She never expressed displeasure to me and never hinted at all at a break-up... I was crushed. I fought for her all summer for almost 3 full months and it went from good and we might get back together to her needing a break, to good, to her ignoring me until she finally said I needed to move on. I still didn't have a real reason why it happened and still very much in love with her. That takes us up to now, we have talked since then and want to remain friends. She says she was so hurt by me being unsupportive about her move and thats why it ended, she said she needs "a supportive man". That hurt in itself because I was always there for her even before we dated. Anything she needed I was there. If she was sick I took care of her, if she was scared I protected her, if she was bored we hung out, If she needed help I was right there, if she needed money i lent it to her, I never let her pay for anything and did my best to spoil her even thought I didn't have much money, I cheered her on during sports and helped her study for school, brushed her hair, bathed her and dressed her after her surgery. And during that incident I was always there to talk, and I never told her no or not to do something... I always said it was her choice and understood why she did it. But I guess I can't change her mind. But she was everything to me. We had a dog together... and I felt like part of her family, I love them and she was already part of mine. She was my first everything with a girl (date, kiss, love, sex... everything). We texted and talked all the time all day, and she gave me so much confidence in myself, she could brighter my whole day with just a smile... and now I don't have any of that I have felt lost ever since she left me. My phone doesn't ring anymore... I have nobody to tell about the good and bad stuff of my day, or celebrate achievements or cry to with problems. I'm so lonely and depressed without her... I can barely make it through days without crying. I just want her back so bad. And now that I realize I may have to move on... I can't imagine how I can even begin to do that... how I can ever find someone I love that much or have that connection with again. She was perfect to me. I have no motivation anymore and no confidence. I'm lost. I see pictures of her and stuff online and it seems like she doing ok, and while I'm happy for her because I care about her more than anything... it also hurts to see that because I don't want her to leave me behind, am I being selfish? I just... don't know if I'll ever find someone else or even if I'll ever be able to or want to get over her. But its absolutely killing me. I feel like she was the glue that kept me together, and now I'm unraveling and don't know how to stop it. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I didn't really read it over, and if you want any more detail or anything let me know. I hope you all have some advice, and thank you in advance.
jackiki Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Sorry to hear that man! It is going to be tough: first since she was your first girl, and second since 4 and half years is a long period. Healing is going to take time, but it needs determination to start kicking in. I do still remember my first love, i felt that I am not going to get over her, since we had to go both in our seperate ways but i did, and I said the same thing for the gf after her , and the one after her, and so on! So it could feel now that you lost part of yourself with this girl, but you will be ok! trust me....and life has so much to offer...and you are still young...there is always a brighter side! I believe you should really start focsuing on moving forward and not looking back, because even if you end up reconciling, both of you are in an important stage in your career and developments, that sacrifices will be regreted later...Do not do anything crazy! just focus on your needs and ambitions. You just grduated and about to embark on something new...go to another country...overseas...europe...use the money you saved on your own needs!! start thinking of what is best for you....it is your life and you owe it to yourself. Wish you the best mate 1
lovehurts82 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I'm sorry that you're having to go through this, even considering you were ready to leave the States and move up there with her. From experience, it feels like you'll never be the same.. like it'll hurt forever.. and you won't find anyone to love or to love you like she had. And that's right you won't.. cause there's something better for you. I felt very much the same as you had in my own relationship.. your comment about your phone never ringing anymore is exactly how I've been feeling as well. But, you have to pick yourself up and move on. You're the only one who can do that for you. Now's when you need to find yourself.. strengthen and support yourself. Remember, you were alone before you met her and you survived. You'll be okay once again!
YorickBrown Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Dude, first off, im sorry for your loss. A lot of us here pretty much know how you feel. Some worse than others but for the most part, we're all in the same boat right now. Second, welcome aboard LS (LoveShack). We'll take this journey together. Misery loves company you know. Last but not least, and you might not like to hear this, a storm is coming. It gets worse before it gets better. Keep your head up for now. Stay busy with other stuff in your life.
Author S1J3R Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Thank you all for the responses so far. jackiki: I think thats the advice I'm trying to go with. I know she didn't break up with me for another guy, this all happened because she did what she thought was best for her future and it didn't work out for us as a couple. And I know now that I need to try to focus on myself for the first time in years... its just not as easy as it sounds for me. But I feel I have a lot to improve with myself and get a job and better my own life. lovehurts82: Yeah, I was fully into this relationship... I was ready to marry her... and for me that takes a lot as I'm not good at sharing my emotions with people. But I just don't really see myself as an attractive person I guess, and I just don't know if I really am to anyone else. It really scares me. And yeah the phone thing is something I never thought of before... but it really hurts. I have friends and family around, but I still feel so alone. But I think you're right... I'm at a point where I need to find myself, because I'm definitely a little lost right now. YorickBrown: I decided to join here because I've been wanting to share my story and talk to people who know what I'm going through and I figured this was the place to do it, and thank you for the welcome. As for the storm ahead... thats what most people have told me, and I'm worried because I don't know how things can get worse... but like you said I'll just have to hold my head high and push foreword. again thank you all for the responses, it helps a lot just to talk to people
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