DeadPhotos Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I've been dating this girl for a little over a year, she's beautiful - inside and out. We shared some awesome memories; I, being a type A personality, was incredulously spontaneous and presented a ton of whimsical trips, memories and the like. Until late July, we had always lived within 20 minutes of one another. It was amazing, I was the happiest man alive. We had been through some rough spots - EG. She has had questionable conduct in the past; non-admitted. This however, did not phase me - it was when I began to realize she had built a facade. I do not want to come to an assumption as to why the facade was built, as I am not going to give dignity to suspicion and remain trusting of my now Ex-Partner. In late July, I moved 600 miles away. The first day, she breaks up with me unannounced saying she needs time. Several days later, she said she sorted through the disturbance, and realized that she did want this.. Distance and all. Glad that she had worked it through, I accepted this and was heart warmed. Tonight, she says she isn't in love with me anymore. Nothing abnormal has occurred since. I really love this girl, and would like to continue the relationship.. but, I don't know if she can put what is required into a relationship. This is my first serious relationship, and I have no idea how to cope.. Should I walk away? Should I try to win her back..?
Balzac Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 First if all~welcome to LS. Are you a student? Move is necessary why?
Author DeadPhotos Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Thank you, yes, move was necessary as a student. I know several will tell me the plenty of fish in the sea, line.. But I don't want any woman but her. 1
justwhoiam Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Nothing abnormal has occurred since. This is one of the lines preferred by men, along with: I didn't do anything. In most cases, lots of things happened, just you are not seeing them. 1) She wants to break up: did you try to understand if she was breaking up with you thinking it was the best thing for you? 2) After several days of your absence, she admits she misses you and agrees to be together and manage the distance 3) Then again, she tries to break up saying she doesn't love you: once again, does she mean it? How do you know if she loves you or not? First of all, let's start from you. What did you do in all this? Were you calling her every day? Saying you love her? How did YOU manage the distance? Were you making yourself available to her? You must be both very young, and she's probably aware of that. She needs to be sure she's doing the best thing for herself too. Send her stuff, while you're away. That lowers the chances of her breaking up, because it makes the tie stronger. And it's something tangible. I really love this girl, and would like to continue the relationship.. but, I don't know if she can put what is required into a relationship. If she can't, then that means she didn't love you enough and you need to move on. This is my first serious relationship, and I have no idea how to cope.. Go out of your way to show her how much you love her, if you really care. You will know that you've done all there was to be done. If it doesn't work, you won't have regrets afterwards like "if i had done this, maybe..." Should I walk away? Should I try to win her back..? Now, only you know the answer. I think that being insecure about your boyfriend while he's far away is normal. We're human. There are different ways to cope with that, and not everyone is good at keeping up. The boyfriend can help with his behavior and the things he says. Some are better than others at that.
cheerylowe24 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Ask her for one last time if she still love you, need you or want you.. If she say "NO" i think you better move on and let go of her.. You can't force someone to love you..
Author DeadPhotos Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 I was very receptive and caring, I have only been gone 3 weeks; I can't recall a day I haven't given her a good morning call, with multiple conversations through out the day as I'm not big into texting unless to say goodnight or I love you. We are both only 18.... I had been reading ways to cope on this forum as well as using techniques I found useful at first. She is going to start school soon as well, I am adamant on remaining here to focus on pre-law studies. I would like to continue this relationship, she has already voiced that she does still love me but that the distance is tough and she thinks either her or I will get hurt, and she's afraid of becoming clingy. It's sad, I feel like there is no woman out there that I will find as awesome as her. I am lost, but keepin my head strong. I don't know what to do, and I don't want to be left hanging, or her be left hanging.
sleeplessintexas Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 If she truly loves you, she will get past whatever is making her so afraid and she will come back to you. If she doesn't, and I know it's hard to accept that as a possibility, but if she doesn't there's nothing you can do. You just have to cry and move on. You sound like you're handling it well. Keep a level head and don't throw any anger her way. Let her know how much you love her and if possible, try to find out her specific reasons, if for no other reason than to give yourself closure. If all she's got is that she doesn't want to get hurt or to become clingy, then she either doesn't love you or she cannot handle the distance and the way it makes her feel. Those negative emotions could be very overwhelming for her and she needs to be happy. Some people simply cannot be happy in a long distance relationship. But your education is important and I'm glad that you recognize that. Sometimes the end comes when your paths just aren't going the same direction anymore. And it's heartbreaking, but it is what it is. I wish you the best.
justwhoiam Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 You're both very young. Anyway, if I have the impression of becoming a nuisance to my bf, or that I can be perceived as clingy, I tend to want out of the relationship. If he reassures me it's OK with him and he'll try not to give me any chance to be clingy etc, doing his part, then I feel better & I'm more positive and confident that everything will work out for the better.
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