Gaprofitt Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Anyone ever had a marriage saved at the last minute? Mediation is upcoming, I still love her greatly and we have a 11 month old son. As mentioned she is angry, no contact order, hates me, im evil, im crazy blah blah. I have been in counseling for a long time working on myself for the benefit of just resolving issues and becoming a better person. I assume with no contact, out of sight out of mind I am doomed. She knows how I feel and I know a part of her wants us as a family but she's worried about failing again. I've let her go and obviously haven't communicated much with her. She has been beyond mean and has did some stuff to intentionally hurt me. I hate to just give up but it's out of my control now, I just love her so much and want us as a family so bad. When she moved out with her parents she came back and got the crib, changing table, etc. I replaced it all today with new items for when my son comes down. It's so frustrating because I know we can fix the issues we had but i'm afraid it's just too far in the process and with her extreme angry it will probably not reside until after the divorce is finalized. How do I give up hope and just not care for my sanity? I keep praying she will come around and realize we need help, especially with such a young son in the picture. I'm keeping him in a hotel during visitation one a month, it is brutal and not the best situation for him. Her anger is just crazy, she has this entitlement about parenting and acts like I don't even exist. Thanks, Greg
Tyler. Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Dude you should just talk to her in a calm matter and ask her to go to counselling or something. I mean with your son in the picture, it's a whole different situation than just breaking up. You will see her for a long time and if you really think you guys can work it out, take a shot. Don't beg or anything, just try to explain her how you feel, and if she's really up for it do it. If she's not then there is nothing you can do. Both you and her have to put effort in a relationship. I don't know what else to say, just know that no matter what, it's not the end of the world.
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Dude you should just talk to her in a calm matter and ask her to go to counselling or something. I mean with your son in the picture, it's a whole different situation than just breaking up. You will see her for a long time and if you really think you guys can work it out, take a shot. Don't beg or anything, just try to explain her how you feel, and if she's really up for it do it. If she's not then there is nothing you can do. Both you and her have to put effort in a relationship. I don't know what else to say, just know that no matter what, it's not the end of the world. Thanks for the response.. It's just very sad, I know we could work things out, we both are at fault. She really had the worst communication skills ever, she would hold everything in, avoiding conflict until we both exploded. I can't talk to her and even if I could I know she doesn't want to talk about the relationship. She want only talk about financial stuff and our child. I want us to be a family so badly, that's one reason I am bettering myself and I am also doing it for myself. I wish so badly we both would have got help before she left. I know I am partly to blame, now we have a precious 11 month old who has seperated parents. If she only knew how hard I am working and how truly things would be different. I have to quit beating myself up but I love my family so much to just give up. It's been 1.5 months and I still only sleep 4 hours a night, I constantly think about her and my son, the cruel things she has said and done and all the things she hasn't said. Her anger is just horrendous. She thinks i'm crazy because I went overboard pleading when she left. She abandoned me, she took our son, she took all his stuff and left and refused to even talk to me. I was just crushed and I am still am. I know there is nothing I can do, I understand that now, i've said it all, I've told me counselor how hard I will work, she is so confident in me and praises me for my progress each week. She is even surprised my wife will not give it another 6 months before finalizing the divorce. She has told me women leaving can be a huge wakeup call for men to change behavior. I just wish she believed in me.. Greg
Tyler. Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 See you've done all you could. You've tried talking to her and everything, but it seems that she's not a very trustworthy person. The only thing is, you are putting your son into this situation too much. She doesn't want you to be a family, so be it. But if you want to spend time with your son, and if you can't get this because of her not agreeing with you on this matter, try legal solutions. Tell your divorce lawyer these and i hope that you can get an agreement. She may be the mother of your child but as long as she's in this state you should stay away from a relationship with her, in my opinion. Why would you want to be with somebody who isn't %100 committed to you ? You deserve better, seriously, everyone deserves better. It's not going to work unless both sides put their end of effort in it, and she doesn't. So move on, you'll find someone who wants you and only you. She's not the only girl on the planet you know
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 See you've done all you could. You've tried talking to her and everything, but it seems that she's not a very trustworthy person. The only thing is, you are putting your son into this situation too much. She doesn't want you to be a family, so be it. But if you want to spend time with your son, and if you can't get this because of her not agreeing with you on this matter, try legal solutions. Tell your divorce lawyer these and i hope that you can get an agreement. She may be the mother of your child but as long as she's in this state you should stay away from a relationship with her, in my opinion. Why would you want to be with somebody who isn't %100 committed to you ? You deserve better, seriously, everyone deserves better. It's not going to work unless both sides put their end of effort in it, and she doesn't. So move on, you'll find someone who wants you and only you. She's not the only girl on the planet you know You make some great points, obviously if I am the only one who wants to work on our marriage that's not going to work. It's just so tough, she is a totally different person now. The old person probably would have appreciated my efforts and we would be in counseling now in some way shape or form and working on our marriage. I don't know what happened but it wasn't something positive. I'm getting better as each day goes on, i'm not going to lie i'll hold out hope until the end as I want my family but I realize it's out of my control now which has helped me greatly. She obviously hasn't exhibited any effort to try and save our marriage. We have been married 8 years so that is truly sad. She knows I only want her but i'm not getting anything but hate and anger toward myself. I think she realizes we waited way way way way too long to get help which I realize too now. The sad thing is we may never know what could have been if we tried again. Greg
Tyler. Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 You make some great points, obviously if I am the only one who wants to work on our marriage that's not going to work. It's just so tough, she is a totally different person now. The old person probably would have appreciated my efforts and we would be in counseling now in some way shape or form and working on our marriage. I don't know what happened but it wasn't something positive. I'm getting better as each day goes on, i'm not going to lie i'll hold out hope until the end as I want my family but I realize it's out of my control now which has helped me greatly. She obviously hasn't exhibited any effort to try and save our marriage. We have been married 8 years so that is truly sad. She knows I only want her but i'm not getting anything but hate and anger toward myself. I think she realizes we waited way way way way too long to get help which I realize too now. The sad thing is we may never know what could have been if we tried again.Greg Than dwell on the sadness or what could have been, things happen for a reason. We all think our gf's are the best but in the end something happens and it's just not the same anymore. They might do something totally different from what we think they'll do, somethink we didn't expect at all. People cheat and lie, that's just it. They make their own choices and we can't do anything about that. You may have warned them but in the end it's their choice. Sometimes it's the wrong choice, clearly, but in the end you can't protect someone from themselves. She's not the same person you've fallen for. Think of it this way, if you met her today, not knowing anything about her, would you have fallen for her ? Keep on improving yourself and you'll find someone better, more loving and respectful to your feelings.
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