Forever Learning Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 yay congrats!! I bet this is all I should have said as well! Sorry for all my pointless drivel Johan! Can I have a total do-over? Ok, here goes. Yay, congrats!!! That is all.
Author johan Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 I think you made a lot of good points in your post, FL. I didn't see any pointless drivel. 4
dreamingoftigers Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 My husband and I raced for the altar too. He proposed at around 2.5-3 months. We were married at the one year mark. It would've been quicker but he had to wait for the re-issuing of his birth certificate. Apparently his province had greatly increased security measures because one of the 9/11 hijackers used a birth certificate from his province. It came with a whole bunch of inherited problems and I don't recommend it. However, I also don't regret it. And standing where we are now, I'm glad that we did. Ok, I'm an "all in person" and from the years I've seen Johan post on here he seems much more logical than I, so even thinking this way seems HUGE. I propose a compromise. In general woman love jewelry and love what it signifies. On our one month dating anniversary I gave my husband two Siamese peaches ( private joke, and obviously not very expensive) he gave me a diamond necklace. I knew then that he was NOT playing around. Having it hanging around my neck i must have touched it 100 times a day. It was a tactical reminder of his feelings for me. So, start there and see is if she freaks ! (Note: it seems like only in the last, say, 60 years have people had to date for SO LONG and know EVERY damn thing about each other, often times overanalyzing until the "spark" is gone, before committing. Sometimes saying " Were all in, lets make it work" is the way to go. It worked for our grandparents and everyone before them. ) 2
runner Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I have this strong feeling that she is the one this is my intuition as well. i'll be lurking this one for sure for more good news ! 4
Els Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Well, it's a bit of a story. I'll try to make it short... she works for one of our foreign offices. She was here on a meet-the-rest-of-the-team trip. I met her in the last couple of days before she left. I took her out, and we kind of clicked. Lots in common, good values, great attraction, etc. When things were clicking along, knowing that she would fly out the next day, I remarked that people miss flights all the time. It wouldn't be the end of the world if she did, too. We both considered it a little bit of a joke. But also a serious expression of my interest. The seed was planted. When I drove her to the airport the next day, we had our first (extremely long) kiss at the airport, and we couldn't let go. It would have been the dumbest thing in the world not to take the opportunity. She stayed with me for the next week. We both worked from my house. We spent all day every day together. It was a six-day long second date. No awkwardness or shyness or disagreements or anything. My home became her home. Very easy. And really fun. Now she's gone home, and we have to go from four dimensions to what feels like two. The degrees of freedom are reduced. We have to fit all we had into voice and pictures. It's great, but it's also a step backwards. I guess I feel like if we don't keep the magic going, she's going to lose the handle. She'll decide it was a fun week, but that's all. Oh my, this reminds me of the first time the bf flew down to see me - a 5000-odd mile international flight. There is no height of passion greater than a that of an LDR visit in its honeymoon phase, IMO. There's a bittersweet air to it, the realization that what you have is so perfect that you never want to let it go but know that you must in due time, and the urgency to savor every passing moment before the person is gone. I don't think you should so quickly assume that the 6-day-long date had no lasting impression on her, or that she'll 'lose the handle' after. Some people have created and maintained attraction and attachment for months and months, purely over a distance. Emotions and love are powerful things. If you let yourself be disheartened over the possibility that it may not mean anything to her, you do yourself a disservice. It may not, but it also may, and if she is as special as you say, what do you lose by trying? Give it a go! You're both working so finances should not be too difficult to find for trips in the future. And relocations are always possible, once the relationship can be taken to the next level. Take heart, johan. I'm so glad you've found a girl whom you mesh this well with. 2
runner Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 i should also add that the last thread i ran into that so reminds me of this one, was the one about tbf getting stuck in the snow. now look how that one turned out 5
Author johan Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Give it a go! You're both working so finances should not be too difficult to find for trips in the future. And relocations are always possible, once the relationship can be taken to the next level. Take heart, johan. I'm so glad you've found a girl whom you mesh this well with. Thanks. I agree completely. And today I booked travel to go see her. She said that made her "so happy". Me, too. We just have to make this long-distance thing last until then, when we can recharge. Now she's trying to put together trips we can take together from her place. I see expense and exhaustion in my future. This is fun. It's risky though. Long distance is not my best friend. I've taken stupid losses before, and I'm not interested in a repeat performance. 8
Author johan Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 i should also add that the last thread i ran into that so reminds me of this one, was the one about tbf getting stuck in the snow. now look how that one turned out Oh sure. Rub it in. 1
writergal Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Just watch the movie Sleepless in Seattle a few times, and then you'll feel better.
Author johan Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Just watch the movie Sleepless in Seattle a few times, and then you'll feel better. That's a chick movie though. Is there a Stallone version?
writergal Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 That's a chick movie though. Is there a Stallone version? Uh, Farewell My Lovely?
Forever Learning Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) Thanks. I agree completely. And today I booked travel to go see her. She said that made her "so happy". Me, too. We just have to make this long-distance thing last until then, when we can recharge. Now she's trying to put together trips we can take together from her place. I see expense and exhaustion in my future. This is fun. It's risky though. Long distance is not my best friend. I've taken stupid losses before, and I'm not interested in a repeat performance. Oh God, this is so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :bunny: :bunny: (the bold parts) :D I am SO going to live vicariously thru you on this adventure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D ************************************************** Now about the underlined part of your comments (above): No one can predict how something will shake out in the end. No one wants to take stupid losses. You can only do your best, in anything. Risk is always inherent. But you can spoil the enjoyment if you fret too much about possible 'stupid losses'. Not saying you are fretting too much, I have no idea. Besides, what one person thinks is fretting too much, another thinks is a perfectly reasonable amount of fretting. Only a simple observation. Easier said than done (not fretting). I come from a family of fretters, who live life in deep fear of everything. Part of the reason I stayed with an azzhole husband for 16 years is, I was too afraid to leave, I fretted about leaving, I fretted about staying. I'm dead serious. It was debilitating, and excrutiating. Don't worry, I know you are nothing like the ding dong I was at that time. I work daily to overcome this natural inclination within myself, due to how I was conditioned to fret, since early childhood, being raised by fretters. My parents are the most unhappy people I know, in part due to this trait they both have. Wealthy folks now, they started out very poor, but they always worked extremely hard, and avoided any risk, and always put off enjoyment in life in favor of work. Now they are retired, very wealthy, and miserable. Not sure if there is a point in this little tale of mine. I guess it would be, don't be afraid of 'stupid losses'. Sometimes, even a 'stupid loss', can be one of the best parts of life. Not saying this is a loss in any way, shape, form or fashion. I don't think it will be whatsoever. I am just taking this opportunity to elaborate on the comment you made regarding stupid losses. It's just that one's perspective colors one's reality so much. Even a stupid loss can be a fruitful learning experience sometimes, if that is how you teach yourself perceive it in the long run. Obviously, this is my mantra in life, due to my dumb 16 year marriage, for the most part. I have to perceive it as a learning experience in order to minimize the regret factor about it. And, it's all good. I think that's how God and the Universe designed life to be, anyways. One big learning experience. I hope I am not a buzzkill, that is so not my intention. I'm just a flaky chatterbox, is all. Thanks for letting me chatter on your thread. Anyhow, I'll shut up now. Later!!!! Edited August 16, 2012 by Forever Learning 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Thanks. I agree completely. And today I booked travel to go see her. She said that made her "so happy". Me, too. We just have to make this long-distance thing last until then, when we can recharge. Now she's trying to put together trips we can take together from her place. I see expense and exhaustion in my future. This is fun. It's risky though. Long distance is not my best friend. I've taken stupid losses before, and I'm not interested in a repeat performance. You just gotta say F-it at some point Johan and put the pedal to the metal and go for it. Nobody knows the future, but you know how you feel, trust in that...If your gut is telling you to take a chance and you're not just being a fool about it then make that decision and go with it...you don't sound like a 21 year old kid, you've experience by now...so no regrets, live in the moment when someone comes along in your life that seems like somebody truly special. Don't hesitate and let fear keep you back, men tend to over-think and over-analyze...so I know exactly where you're coming from. If everything was predictable in life and never required risk...i think I'd shrivel up like a prune and die It would be far too boring! 8
snug.bunny Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Let's all comend Johan for being Da.Man! Woohoo! PS. FL - John Travolta rocks! 2
Forever Learning Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Let's all comend Johan for being Da.Man! Woohoo! PS. FL - John Travolta rocks! I know!!!! I strongly urge Johan to develop his Saturday Night Fever dance skills in the near future. I feel confidant that will be the determining factor in which to seal the matrimonial deal with his lady friend.
snug.bunny Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I know!!!! I strongly urge Johan to develop his Saturday Night Fever dance skills in the near future. I feel confidant that will be the determining factor in which to seal the matrimonial deal with his lady friend. Heehee: John Travolta Struts To A Night Fever Edit - YouTube 1
threebyfate Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Are you taking notes, lovable losers? Notice how the women are flocking to this thread and cheering johan onwards? What does this tell you about what appeals to women? If you can't figure it out, a 2x4 isn't going to help. *makes real popcorn with real butter, instead of microwave popcorn which smells like old socks* *crashes on the couch with her bowl, while hoping johan's going to be a closer on this one* 2
Forever Learning Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Are you taking notes, lovable losers? Notice how the women are flocking to this thread and cheering johan onwards? What does this tell you about what appeals to women? If you can't figure it out, a 2x4 isn't going to help. *makes real popcorn with real butter, instead of microwave popcorn which smells like old socks* *crashes on the couch with her bowl, while hoping johan's going to be a closer on this one* Great observation girl!! I'm still all slap happy about the 'dig a tunnel with my nails to get to her' comment. That was so cute........ And now I must look for my popcorn popper. It really is way better than microwave. 1
FitChick Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 This is fun. It's risky though. Long distance is not my best friend. I've taken stupid losses before, and I'm not interested in a repeat performance. I look at my last significant LDR as a dress rehearsal for the real thing coming up in my future. Now I know what to expect and what it takes to make it work. If you both believe it's worth it, that is all that matters. Would she move to you or would you move there? Are you both US citizens? 2
Author johan Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 So the long distance thing is working out ok so far. Beautifully. Just felt the urge to post an update. I could write several pages about it all. Mostly about feelings I'm not supposed to be having or things I should know better than to do. Everything has been great. It's a lot to process. I feel a little like Wile E. Coyote just off the ledge, suspended in the air, waiting to drop. 12
Lalah089 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 The most important thing to do at this stage is to see if she feels the same way about you 1
Author johan Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Yeah. This hard-to-trust and vulnerability thing I remember from before. I'm on a slippery slope with her. Before it was all fun and wonderful. Now it's like uh-oh, what have I gotten myself into? Which way do I turn? I guess that all sounds negative, but actually it's just the phase we're entering where things get real. It's now a big investment and the loss would hurt. Even thinking about it hurts as if it's real. As if I've lost her. If she even looks at me wrong, I think "now I've done it." How do people do this love thing anyway? I had to overcome this with my ex. I had to force myself to ease up on myself. I had to bury my own face in the fact that she's with me by choice. She hasn't left so far, and she's seen me in some not-so-impressive states. Then I got good at it. I was pretty much bullet-proof. But I'm rusty, and this is a different girl. I can't manipulate her or be false. I have to deal with the fact that it's the real me she's seeing, and she may decide it's not for her. But so far she hasn't. If it bothered her, we'd already be seeing it. So there's really no evidence it ever will. Instead she's in. As much as ever. She does it and she says it. Skyping for hours at a time. Texting and instant messaging the rest of the time. But I keep thinking there's another shoe that is going to drop. I'm a Flying Wallenda without a pole. Edited August 26, 2012 by johan 3
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