Eternal Sunshine Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 We'll see about the next steps. Another wise person told me I should try to put a ring on her finger. It's not a terrible idea. But it felt a little too soon. That person sounds so smart. And she still thinks you should do it. Seriously. 1
Forever Learning Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Squeee!!! They have horse drawn carriages in Prague. Just sayin'... Oh yes, can't go wrong with that! No blood or seal carcasses involved either!
nessaaa Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I know it. It's an idea I'm tossing around. Maybe Prague would be a good city to do that kind of thing in... Is "you're like a wounded seal to me, chum" a romantic line? I might try that on her. She is well acquainted with my shark-like tende I started this thread partly for you nessaaa. Guys are not all such cads. you brat. Oke if things don't work out with her, you know where to find me. I don't care if Your the same age as my father..it's all good. 4
SunandMoon Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Johan, the robot found him a female? I know exactly who it is! Blah, you know I'm just teasing, happy for ya and hope it goes well, man. 4
Forever Learning Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I don't care if Your the same age as my father..it's all good. oh snap!!!! 1
Star Gazer Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Is "you're like a wounded seal to me, chum" a romantic line? I might try that on her. She is well acquainted with my shark-like tendencies. She's the shark, silly. You don't need a dead seal to keep her hooked, just a lil' blood in the water. Once a shark knows where to get a good feedin', it sticks around... 1
Star Gazer Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 That person sounds so smart. And she still thinks you should do it. Seriously. I'm actually tending to agree... How long has it been since you met, J? 1
Author johan Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 I'm actually tending to agree... How long has it been since you met, J? Uh... A week and a half? Seems long enough to me to make a decision like this. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Uh... A week and a half? Seems long enough to me to make a decision like this. Oh! I thought we were talking about a couple months.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Think I should be mean to her a little bit here and there? That would probably just hurt her feelings. Nooooo. I hope you know I was kidding. Stay vulnerable even though it's terrifying at times. It's the only way. That is a beautiful story. It's very romantic. I know you are ready for real love. 4
Emilia Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Think I should be mean to her a little bit here and there? That would probably just hurt her feelings. She spent a week with you, she knows who you are and it is what she likes. I'm pretty sure she is bright and clever otherwise you wouldn't have gone for her. If you do anything out of character she will be disappointed at best 4
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Nooooo. I hope you know I was kidding. Stay vulnerable even though it's terrifying at times. It's the only way. That is a beautiful story. It's very romantic. I know you are ready for real love. I was touched by this story Definitely one of the most romantic ones I have heard. 2
Contrecoeur Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Lovely story, but can I be the sole voice of reason and mention it's probably not a good idea to marry someone you've only known for weeks? I understand it's worked (but worked so far is key) for some people. It's just a complete gamble, almost a literal coin toss. You don't actually know this peron yet. Maybe they will turn out to be your soul mate, and if so you'll be glad you did it and have an awesome marriage. But maybe they won't, and it'll be a huge mistake and you'll look back and wonder how you could have been so dumb. 6
Star Gazer Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Lovely story, but can I be the sole voice of reason and mention it's probably not a good idea to marry someone you've only known for weeks? I understand it's worked (but worked so far is key) for some people. It's just a complete gamble, almost a literal coin toss. You don't actually know this peron yet. Maybe they will turn out to be your soul mate, and if so you'll be glad you did it and have an awesome marriage. But maybe they won't, and it'll be a huge mistake and you'll look back and wonder how you could have been so dumb. Fun monitor. 7
mickleb Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Lovely story, but can I be the sole voice of reason and mention it's probably not a good idea to marry someone you've only known for weeks? I understand it's worked (but worked so far is key) for some people. It's just a complete gamble, almost a literal coin toss. You don't actually know this peron yet. Maybe they will turn out to be your soul mate, and if so you'll be glad you did it and have an awesome marriage. But maybe they won't, and it'll be a huge mistake and you'll look back and wonder how you could have been so dumb. I'm on this side of the coin as well, I'm afraid. I think a lack of fear, rather than just going for it, can be demonstrated by thinking 'Well, one day we might find we've spent the rest of our lives together, so what's the hurry?' If she's the one, what have you got to fear? It's all going to work itself out. Proposing to someone could make them run for the hills. Tell her you like her and tell her why, and love every minute of her lapping it up. That's pretty romantic, in my book! 3
Emilia Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I think Johan is reasonably grounded though, it's good to remind him of other possibilities out there sometimes. 2
veggirl Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Lovely story, but can I be the sole voice of reason and mention it's probably not a good idea to marry someone you've only known for weeks? I understand it's worked (but worked so far is key) for some people. It's just a complete gamble, almost a literal coin toss. You don't actually know this peron yet. Maybe they will turn out to be your soul mate, and if so you'll be glad you did it and have an awesome marriage. But maybe they won't, and it'll be a huge mistake and you'll look back and wonder how you could have been so dumb. omg seriously. sorry to be a buzzkill but 1
threebyfate Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 For all you naysayers, my husband proposed in a little under 7 weeks. Can't guarantee it will last for life but he's the love of my life with absolutely no regrets. What's even more interesting is that prior to this, he and I would have both told anyone who did the same, they're nucking futs in the head! When someone's that right for you, you know it and quickly. 9
LittleTiger Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Great news Johan If she is the one for you, the distance is just an inconvenient hurdle. Kiwi man and I are still going strong almost 3 years down the line and we're still separated by 11,000 miles a large percentage of the time. One day we'll be together full time - and so will you and your new lady - if it's meant to be! If you want to propose, don't let anyone put you off. It is a risk but it's yours to take. Kiwi man proposed to me VERY early - long before others would have considered it wise. When you know, you just know! :love: 3
snug.bunny Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Lovely story, but can I be the sole voice of reason and mention it's probably not a good idea to marry someone you've only known for weeks? I understand it's worked (but worked so far is key) for some people. It's just a complete gamble, almost a literal coin toss. You don't actually know this peron yet. Maybe they will turn out to be your soul mate, and if so you'll be glad you did it and have an awesome marriage. But maybe they won't, and it'll be a huge mistake and you'll look back and wonder how you could have been so dumb. The divorce rate is 50/50, so yes, you are correct!
Author johan Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Nooooo. I hope you know I was kidding. Stay vulnerable even though it's terrifying at times. It's the only way. That is a beautiful story. It's very romantic. I know you are ready for real love. She spent a week with you, she knows who you are and it is what she likes. I'm pretty sure she is bright and clever otherwise you wouldn't have gone for her. If you do anything out of character she will be disappointed at best Lovely story, but can I be the sole voice of reason and mention it's probably not a good idea to marry someone you've only known for weeks? I understand it's worked (but worked so far is key) for some people. It's just a complete gamble, almost a literal coin toss. You don't actually know this peron yet. Maybe they will turn out to be your soul mate, and if so you'll be glad you did it and have an awesome marriage. But maybe they won't, and it'll be a huge mistake and you'll look back and wonder how you could have been so dumb. I'm on this side of the coin as well, I'm afraid. I think a lack of fear, rather than just going for it, can be demonstrated by thinking 'Well, one day we might find we've spent the rest of our lives together, so what's the hurry?' If she's the one, what have you got to fear? It's all going to work itself out. Proposing to someone could make them run for the hills. Tell her you like her and tell her why, and love every minute of her lapping it up. That's pretty romantic, in my book! I think Johan is reasonably grounded though, it's good to remind him of other possibilities out there sometimes. It definitely occurred to me to do it. But I think that kind of thing would have been a little heavy for such a new relationship to bear. I think more time together to sort of confirm what we have and to show its depth can't hurt. At least a couple of months. Not that we have doubts or anything. But we should do what's right and not just get carried away. I honestly could ask her right now and not regret it. There will be a right time.
Author johan Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Nooooo. I hope you know I was kidding. Stay vulnerable even though it's terrifying at times. It's the only way. That is a beautiful story. It's very romantic. I know you are ready for real love. She spent a week with you, she knows who you are and it is what she likes. I'm pretty sure she is bright and clever otherwise you wouldn't have gone for her. If you do anything out of character she will be disappointed at best I knew you were kidding, MC. I thought it was pretty funny.
Forever Learning Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 (edited) Different personality types do things differently and often either course of action works out just fine, just at different paces. Sometimes you have to go by gut feeling and intuition, as to what to do and what feels right, and what course of action to take, espcially when it comes to love, which is not usually logical in nature. If it's meant to be, it tends to work out no matter what, because both parties want it to work out, and will do whatever it takes to make it work out. For a lifetime, or for a more limited time, whatever. It works for as long as it works, until it doesn't work anymore, if that phase ever comes to be. Sometimes it works for a lifetime, sometimes only a matter of years. You do need to protect the assets you've worked hard for, if possible, because time will reveal if getting engaged/married and moving in together and sharing assets quickly is a good choice or a regretable choice. It takes time to understand the true, underlying nature of a person. For me, with my ex-husband, it took years for me to understand what I was dealing with. I like to think my situation marrying a pathological liar and manipulator was rare. My 'people picker' was broken, so I was easily duped (in my 20's). Johan is extremely intelligent, I can't imagine him being duped in a similar fashion. However, in the initial stages of love, even the most intelligent among us may not have a full picture of a person, because there hasn't been the time accrued for that picture to take shape fully. Nevertheless, one of the best parts of life is throwing caution to the wind and just doing what feels good. Life is funny (and fun) like that. My thought is usually there are really no right or wrong answers, just experiences in which to learn from (and enjoy). Protecting assets that you've worked long and hard for, however, are always a good thing to consider and bear in mind. I had to fight like hell to keep my house (which I owned before I met him) during my divorce, because I live in a community property state. Co-mingled funds meant it was half his, even though he contributed very little towards that asset. Some people worry incessantly about getting married and over-analyze it, hoping to find the perfectly compatible mate, because they believe marriage is forever, and oftentimes for many folks it is, and that's beautiful. But there is no perfectly compatible mate, nobody is a perfect match for anyone else really. That's where ability to compromise in a positive and creative way, comes into play, as an amazing attribute within a person. I say, divorce is a beautiful thing too (albeit a bumpy ride) in it's own way, if down the road, it becomes necessary. Luckily in the free parts of the world where we live, divorce is an option that can free us from something we did in bad judgment or something that evolved from a good relationship to an unhealthy relationship that no longer serves us and promotes happiness. And, thank God for that. The best we can do at any given time is to do what feels right using good judgment, and know that in the future if it really all goes south for any reason, there are options for moving on. Don't mean to be a buzzkill either! Just saying, nothing to fear, there's no mistakes really, just go for what feels right and enjoy it as you go. Edited August 15, 2012 by Forever Learning 1
melodymatters Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Ok, I'm an "all in person" and from the years I've seen Johan post on here he seems much more logical than I, so even thinking this way seems HUGE. I propose a compromise. In general woman love jewelry and love what it signifies. On our one month dating anniversary I gave my husband two Siamese peaches ( private joke, and obviously not very expensive) he gave me a diamond necklace. I knew then that he was NOT playing around. Having it hanging around my neck i must have touched it 100 times a day. It was a tactical reminder of his feelings for me. So, start there and see is if she freaks ! (Note: it seems like only in the last, say, 60 years have people had to date for SO LONG and know EVERY damn thing about each other, often times overanalyzing until the "spark" is gone, before committing. Sometimes saying " Were all in, lets make it work" is the way to go. It worked for our grandparents and everyone before them. ) 2
Forever Learning Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 (Note: it seems like only in the last, say, 60 years have people had to date for SO LONG and know EVERY damn thing about each other, often times overanalyzing until the "spark" is gone, before committing. Sometimes saying " Were all in, lets make it work" is the way to go. It worked for our grandparents and everyone before them. ) That is very cool. I like that mindset as well, I think you are right on.
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