christinew24 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Hi I am 25 and I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years. We were practically engaged and I was pretty much living with him. Our relationship was in trouble and I did everything I felt possible to try and work throug things and get back to us being happy. He never seems to be interested in discussing our relationship. I am totallu in love with him and he just decides one day it is over. I cannot seem to get a grip on myself, I cry all the time, at work in the car, at night. He says he loves me, but how can he love me if he does not want to be with me. We have been talking well mostly me calling and crying trying to get a understanding on this situation. He has always had a tendency to do these things that he sees nothing wrong with(hanging with these girls who hang all over him), and now that we have broken up he is simply acting as if we never existed.....Going out with all these girls and being so unfeeling. Is this lack of emotion and ability to get over these things so easily a guy thing or what? I don;t know I have been trying to fill my weekends at least, with lots of drinking but I cannot stop thinking about him. . I need some help I cannot go on like this I can barely function at work now....Any HELP anyone can offer would help so much.
moimeme Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 It's not a 'guy' thing. It's a 'guy who's a jerk' thing. If he is heartless enough to get over you that fast, he never loved you enough. Be glad he's gone and find yourself a good man who would be crushed to lose you.
april Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Exact same thing happened to me...yep, it's a guy thing.
Nubemeister Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Exact same thing happened to me...yep, it's a guy thing. But I also Agree with moimeme: It's not a 'guy' thing. It's a 'guy who's a jerk' thing. If he is heartless enough to get over you that fast, he never loved you enough. Be glad he's gone and find yourself a good man who would be crushed to lose you
Al83 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I have to say that sux. I am a guy and it is not a guy thing sometimes men can be more sensitive then woman and if you been together that long and gets over you that quick i'd say he is an *sshole. You don't need him and you can do better. I am going through some problems right now and I am crying every night true men cry. Mind you I was in the US Navy as well as a family of Seals and Marines i have seen many men cry! So like i said it depends on the man i think you made a mistake with wasting your 6 years with this man time to move on and find a man that does care and treat you above himself as all woman should be treated like queens
aFighter Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I could never do that to a woman. I've had it done to me but I'd never ever dish it out. I couldn't live with myself The guy is a jerk, yeah you still have strong feelings for him & this is how it goes for the 'dumpee' you just have to mow through & drinking isn't the answer, believe me I know. Forget about any thoughts you have that you're not/were not good enough or that you'll never find anyone again, You ARE good enough and you WILL find someone again. We all feel like this at some point and we're all still here, some of us stronger than ever. Don't waste anymore tears on this guy.
capitald Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 No, but I must say that it is kind of insulting that you would say that. Are you trying to get attention or help? I know your hurting but saying "is this a guy thing" is highly insulting and it tells me that you are going to have to raise your mentality if you are going to find more then a "bar guy". You may have to start changing your criteria. Go less for looks and more for spiritual depth, goodness, faithfulness and love.
DerangedAngel Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Chill out. Like you've never asked if something was a "girl thing". ...it tells me that you are going to have to raise your mentality if you are going to find more then a "bar guy". And how is this not insulting? Go less for looks and more for spiritual depth, goodness, faithfulness and love. How do you know what she looks for in a guy? Maybe she thought she had found a guy that was all of those things. Good luck to you, Christine. I hope you find a guy worth your time. -Deranged
HoldOn Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I'm a girl, but I can say this isn't a "guy thing" it's just a jerk thing. Sorry that your ex is such a punk. Anyway, you should try not to let this bother you. Easier said than done. Just remind yourself that he's doing this stuff because he's a jerk and aren't you glad you're not dating a jerk anymore. Whew! Now you can be free to be happy.
capitald Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 are you having a bad day deranged angel? Do you need a hug?
DerangedAngel Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Nope, having a great day really. I'll pass on the hug. I just think it is quite mean to tell someone they need to raise their mentality, and then bash their taste in men. But if you think that's what she needs, go ahead. -DA
april Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I don't think DerangedAngel is having a bad day.......we're just trying to help christinew24 to make sense out of the terrible thing that has happened to her. Maybe saying it's a 'guy thing' might be words that offend guys...but the fact is : many men display this kind of hurtful, heartless behaviour. It's quite common. I hope you have the strength to walk away from him forever christinew24, because when he says he loves you he is lying. His actions speak volumes.
RoboHobo Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I don't think 'a guy thing' was ever meant to be an insult to guys, but as a guy it's hard to find yourself as part of this stereotype. It's there for a good reason though because most men have the emotional intelligence and compassion of a squished potato. The up side is that there are a handful of deep, caring guys out there and if you look for these qualities in a partner you will find him. christinew24, you sound like a really good person and I'm sure your priorities are in place. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, but you can do better. You'll find a guy who'll treat you beautifully. This is your ex's loss. Start enjoying life and take care of yourself, stay away from drinking, it can be fun but it's a crutch at a time when you need inner strength. Believe me, this will make you stronger and help you to grow as a person. Don't let it taint your views on love, it's a beautiful thing. I truly believe that nothing is ever a waste. You had a good life with this guy for a while, appreciate that and remember them fondly. The relationship would have helped you to grow and mature as a person, be thankful for that. There are lots of people who have only ever had unrequited love, if even that, at least you had it for a while. I'm sorry that sounds harsh and I don't mean to be. You will fall in love again, I guarantee it, my point is don't regret the past learn from it and treasure it. From this point on you are going to living a life that is going to take you to strength and happiness. Your ex has lost out, not you. An exercise that I find helpful in dealing with uncontrollable emotions is to write a letter to the person, say what ever you need to say, don't hold back, and then keep the letter. They don't need to read it, it's done for you sake. Then do something nice for yourself. Don't hate the guy either, he might find his own happiness eventually, if he does be happy for him. This is your life, make yourself happy, this life is about you. Everyone know that it's hard to do, it hurts like hell, but you can do it.
popvix Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I dont think its a guy thing at all .... both genders are equally able to crush another persons heart and spirit Alike alot of the posts on here, i can relate right this moment where i'm the one sitting at home or at work feeling empty and in pain - while my now ex-girlfriend seems like its barely affecting her at all (at least compared to the way its affecting me). I guess it feels awful because we expect that the other person has the same kind of emotional capacity and process as we do with a breakup - but this is just a reminder that some people can easily just move on and carry on with their lives. For the past three months before we had the final split, she would go out drinking and partying after work (the final week, she was out 5 days in a row and would come home past midnight, drunk.... while i would have spent the whole evening at home, upset and unable to sleep till she came home) - And it just blows me away how very little time she's actually spent going through the mental pain that i have. Enough rambling about me though... its just a case of being upset that the other person isnt hurting like you do - it might help to at least resent him a little for being so passe' with your relationship, you may be able to move on and cut your ties a little easier if you stop feeling so down on yourself personally.
Author christinew24 Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 Thanx to everyone for their "positive" postings. I just can't imagine feeling better or even human about all this. The thing is I really thought he was the one..I thought we would get engaged(and soon). We have been together all of my adult life and I have no idea how I can be without him. Of course he had so many "femal friends" before that gave me a run for my money, th thought now of whatever he is doing makes me crazy....Functioning indaily life is at an all time low. I want to get away, as like I said everything I do/see/find reminds me in some way of him. I am feel crazy
popvix Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Hi Christine, I know how you feel - im sitting here right now just feeling the exact same way. One day at a time is the best thing to do i think - and try and keep busy. Keep posting your feelings, it helps... i know.
Author christinew24 Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 Yeah one day at a time is my motto, one day I feel human and know everything is for the best, but then the next day I go back to square one. It sucks. I think I need more distraction in my life...but nothing fully distracts. Thanx
capitald Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Sometimes people do not really understand what they are doing, they think thats the way it is because thats the way I have always done it, just because she did not know does not make it any less of an insult. AND just because you ladies want to paper over the issue, doesn't mean that my CONSTRUCTIVE confrontation won't take hold or have some kind of effect. Hah!!!
DarkInspirations Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Christine things get better as the days move on. Its never easy to forget one you love. And it stings twice as bad when you see they moved on rather quickly. I think he suffers some anguish but his way of dealing is by crowding himself with all the girls so he feels like he's loved and wanted. Its not just a guy thing, us ladies do it too. Sometimes even while we're involved. Everyone is human, and some deal with breakup better then others. I dont think he's being with other women on purpose to hurt you, like i said, i just think its his way of dealing. But drowning your sorrows in drinking.. hun, better things to life then that. Instead of grabbing the bottle why not go for a jog or call up a gal pal and take a trip to the mall when feeling really down. Go see a movie, or even find out about free events going on in your area and go do those. Just get on with your life as quickly as possibe hun. Anytime you find yourself thinking about him. Maybe do some excercise . Myself i am going thru a break up and i found out buying that Tae Bo DVD and throwing it in everytime i feel anything about my ex and working out to it. It helps a lot. If your not a very physical person, pick up some of those self help books, like "A Dummies Guide to Wine Tasting." Or something like that. They made me laugh and get your mind off of things too. But in the end, good luck hun. Everyone is here to help you through. Even some of the posters that just have issues with the opposite sex completely.
Author christinew24 Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 I have good days and bad days today was an ok day. I did not cry at every free alone second I had, yesterday on the otherhand was very bad. I don;t know, I feel like I am in drug withdrawal, now i have never been in actual drug withdrawal but from what I see on TV I look and feel the same(hehehe). I don't know I just want to be over this one way or another and get the hope out of my head that he will finally decide that he actually wants to do the work to keep me not just say the words. I know I suck. The things that stinks was we were talking about marriage and I am so in that place right now. It took me so long to get to that place and now nothing. My life was finally getting stable then whamo the carpet ripped right out from under me. I guess i had a unrealisitc idea of love. You love someone you do anything to keep them in your life, and to make them happy....to put them before yourself. Am I wrong? Thanx DarkInspirations your posting helped
DarkInspirations Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Well we all seem to do that. Least i know a majority of my female friends seem to do that. They do everything and anything they can to keep the relationship together. Even when they know deep down that it might be a losing battle. Having been in three relationships were marriage was on the horizon, or at least i thought. I know how you feel. It hurts a lot when they do the stuff they do. Like right now for me. The guy right now i fell for, believe it or not, actually online, we still hadnt met but he proposed. And i fell hard, and within the last few days, he told me he needed a "break" to be able to clear his thoughts, and to determine how much he loved me. So i am hurting pretty bad, especially with the fact he calls still every day and tells me he loves me and misses me but yet he doesnt want to get back together. I wasnt strong the first couple of days but i've decided he's playing a game with me now so i've got to get on with my life. I figured i'll work out to Tae Bo and get fit and feel better about myself before i try to even pair up with a man again. So the best thing is, just worry about yourself. Try to make yourself feel better about the way you look, the way you view life etc.. and then maybe head into finding a guy that will treat you right. Sorry if i seem like i am rambling.. always do when i am tired. lol Good luck Christine.
honey2005 Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 I'm really sorry:(. But if it helps at all, I've been there, and recently. My ex got over my pretty quickly, too. Well actually, he had a girl in line for when he dumped me. I called him for a few days, crying my eyes out, trying to make him explain to me what was happening. I was so confused and it didn't make sense at all. I really loved him, and I thought he loved me, too. He was really heartless about the whole thing. He didn't care that I was hurting, he just wanted to go out and spend time with his new girlfriend. I talked to him for about a week after, I desperately wanted to be his friend. But as of now, I haven't talked to him in almost a month, and I don't plan on talking to him any time soon. Time really does heal the pain. You just have to take it one day at a time, as someone said before. Remember, there is someone out there who will treat you so much better than your ex did. Good luck, I know you'll find someone SOOO much better.
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