hope81 Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 Hello, I just signed up today with this website. I thought maybe it could help me out some. I am 22 and in a relationship with a man and have been for 3 1/2 years now. We live together and we have a 2 year old daughter together. I am just not happy anymore. I have fell out of love with him before but we worked through things and I started loving him all over again like we did when we first got together. I dont know if I have the strength to go through that again. It just isnt that I am unhappy with him but other things as well. I want to go to college and he thinks that is stupid. I want another baby later on after I get through college and he doesnt want anymore. I want to eventually get married and he never wants to get married. So we have different outlooks in what we want in life. I want someone to love me like I love them and someone to put their all into our relationship as I would also. I want someone to be devoted to me like I would be to them and it just isnt like that anymore with us. I am afraid if I break up with him, it will be the wrong decision for our daughter. I am just afraid of change and I just want to do what is in the best interest of our daughter. Also if I were to break it off with him, I wouldnt even know how to tell him. Does anyone have any suggestions at all with anything that I said. I would appreciate greatly some advice. Thank you all so much.
jnel921 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 First of all you are very young..You guys have been together since you were in your teens. You have the rest of your life to look forward to. You are still growing as a woman and if you want to go to college and eventually marry and have more children then you should be able to do so. Maybe its just not meant to be with him. You should never be with someone who will hold you back from your dreams. Lets say that down the road he decides he wants to leave you. At that point with no degree you wont be able to work in a profession that would be able to support you and your child. Take it from me... I married at 23. I got divorced when I was pregnant with my second child. I have to say that I made sure my kids had a roof over their heads, nice clothes and I always had a car to drive them around in, At that time I had an at home nanny...this wouldnt have been possible if I didnt have a good job. You aren't married to this man. so walking away shouldnt be hard since you say the love is gone. Think of your child first and do what you have to do for you two. Improve your life...depend on yourself and don't let a man control your life.
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Best thing for your daughter would be to show her what a real loving beautiful relationship is. She can have a relationship with you and her father still even if you're not together. Don't let her grow up thinking love isn't the beautiful thing it is because she watched her mother stay in a relationship without passion.
RoboHobo Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Hi Hope, I must say that I strongly agree with Olivia on this. You need to show your daughter what a real loving relationship is like, and her father must do the same. For the sake of your daughter you and he should be on good friendly terms, believe me, it is very important for her development. My ex broke up with me last week, and one of the reasons is because she comes from a very bad family life and is scared that that will be her fate too. We are both going through a lot of hurt right now because she has to deal with these issues. Its a very unfair situation because we both love each other intensely. For yourself you need to live the life that you want, go to college and have more children. Do all this with a guy who will support your dreams. Everyone deserves to be happy, and you are the only one that you can look to for happiness. Be the person that you want to be, and let him be the person that he wants to be. Maybe in time he will change, till then look after yourself and your daughter and try to move on. As for how to break up with him, there is only one way to do it, speak to him in person and tell him the truth. Don't be mean, but don't butter him up and give him false hope either. If you are truthful no-one will fault you, and he will respect you more for it.
Author hope81 Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 Thank you guys for the replies. Him and I dont have the hate nor are we at each other's throat. Just like you robohobo him and I come from different pasts and we were raised very differently and I think that has alot to do with the way I feel. I came from a home were everytime someone left a kiss and hug was given and everytime we got off the phone we always said we loved each other. That is how was raised. Him on the other hand had a mother who walked out on him when he was 2 and he had quite a few stepmothers all of which abused him. He had hardly to no love in his life growing up. So here I am when I tell him that what I want in life is to go to college get married to someone I am totally head over heals for and to have another baby and to just have a true family of my own. Well he says "you are living in a fantasy world" and that is what he really believes, that that stuff just doesnt happen. So it really isnt that I hate him at all although the feeling just isnt there no longer. It's just that we have different outlooks in life that I wish I would have found out before him and I got serious and it is just a turn off to me anymore to know what he actually wants. I mean I can't expect him to get married and have another baby if that is truly what he doesnt want as he cant expect me to put my dreams on hold for him. I tried to tell him last night that we needed time apart but it just went over his head. I asked him why he was so unhappy anymore and he said that it wasnt me it was just overall he is just not happy with anything. So I asked him if he thought we needed to spend time apart because I havnt been happy either and I told him why and he never answered me. So I guess I will just have to come out and just be blunt about it. I dont know Thanks again
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