ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Interesting since I get told in work situations that I think more like a man, allowing objective logic to dominate decisions rather than subjective perspectives. Yeah, I've met quite a few women like that, so I don't know if it's inherently a male trait, or rather just a more masculine orientated thought process, given that masculine and feminine energy is often spread out variably in each individual in my opinion. It's usually pretty unique, the way people think and break things down. Even so, attraction can work differently even for people who think in a similar way. What you said about little switches makes sense aswell, rather than just a dial that gets slowly turned up.
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 It's just one of those things that really scares me. I'll be 25 in a few months. So I'll be halfway out of my 20's, looking towards 30. That's about the time most people ideally want to settle down. This way of thinking, I would assume, cannot possibly last long term. At the same time though, I'm pretty set in my ways. I've turned down just about as many women as I've accepted. Sometimes I do wish I could check my brain at the door, get laid, and take it for what it is, but I can't. If there is a girl who is attracted to me, and I think she's cute, but her personality sucks, I can't do it. I can't sleep with her knowing that's all she's good for to me. I don't think that's fair to her. At the same time, what are the sheer odds I'll find a mate who will keep me interested 100% of the time. I guess right now, it works. I meet a girl, I'm attracted to both her personalty and her looks. We do our thing, and then the switch cuts off. And I repeat the whole cycle with someone new.
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Yeah, I've met quite a few women like that, so I don't know if it's inherently a male trait, or rather just a more masculine orientated thought process, given that masculine and feminine energy is often spread out variably in each individual in my opinion. It's usually pretty unique, the way people think and break things down. Even so, attraction can work differently even for people who think in a similar way. What you said about little switches makes sense aswell, rather than just a dial that gets slowly turned up.It's more of a systemizer mindset. A single dial or switch metaphor is too simplistic when it comes to attraction. Most people have vague concepts of what they want of which there's a conscious and a subconscious level, similar to a floating iceberg where the area above the waterline is the conscious mind and below, the subconscious mind.
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It's more of a systemizer mindset. A single dial or switch metaphor is too simplistic when it comes to attraction. Most people have vague concepts of what they want of which there's a conscious and a subconscious level, similar to a floating iceberg where the area above the waterline is the conscious mind and below, the subconscious mind. I have a very complex, yet primitive way of looking at it to be honest . I liken it to something like the 3D chess game in Big Bang Theory, mixed with a bit of "big cat going for prey" kind of feel. It's like I'm playing a game on very different levels simultaneously, and I like to play. It's the only semi-logical way I can really describe how I approach attraction. I am in full agreement with your iceberg theory, that's likely how attraction manifests in the minds of most in my opinion. It's just easier to liken it to switches and dials for the purposes of snap analysis
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It's just one of those things that really scares me. I'll be 25 in a few months. So I'll be halfway out of my 20's, looking towards 30. That's about the time most people ideally want to settle down. This way of thinking, I would assume, cannot possibly last long term. At the same time though, I'm pretty set in my ways. I've turned down just about as many women as I've accepted. Sometimes I do wish I could check my brain at the door, get laid, and take it for what it is, but I can't. If there is a girl who is attracted to me, and I think she's cute, but her personality sucks, I can't do it. I can't sleep with her knowing that's all she's good for to me. I don't think that's fair to her. At the same time, what are the sheer odds I'll find a mate who will keep me interested 100% of the time. I guess right now, it works. I meet a girl, I'm attracted to both her personalty and her looks. We do our thing, and then the switch cuts off. And I repeat the whole cycle with someone new. This isn't a massive problem on the whole, but I can see how it would be irritating and occasionally irritating. A lot of guys around our age are similar in that attraction wanes and then they move on. I found that being able to detach occasionally helps me get a handle on a particularly emotional situation before I can fully accept it, and I think it may be beneficial to apply the same to how one approaches relationships and who the person you are dealing with really is.
8mia8 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Alright well let me just make this clear if I wasn't clear enough in the original post. This is not just about looks/sexual attraction. I'm talking about: 1.) You meet someone and they are just "meh" to you. For whatever reason. You're not buying what they're selling. You can grow to be attracted to them? 2.) Let's say you are attracted to someone, and they do something that completely turns you off, is it salvagable? 1. Yes, I rarely find someone attractive by their looks. 2. Depends what they did and how attracted I was to them at that point. If I reached a certain level of attraction, it would take something incredibly serious for it to be the point of no return.
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 This isn't a massive problem on the whole, but I can see how it would be irritating and occasionally irritating. A lot of guys around our age are similar in that attraction wanes and then they move on. I found that being able to detach occasionally helps me get a handle on a particularly emotional situation before I can fully accept it, and I think it may be beneficial to apply the same to how one approaches relationships and who the person you are dealing with really is. That's the thing for me, i find it hard to detatch and come back with the same intensity I had before. What usually happens is I find a girl, I'm attracted, she's attracted, we get together, then as the weeks go by, parts of her personality start to reveal themselves that turn me off and I have no choice but to hit the eject button. 1
razz90 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 definitiely a dial. I have recent experience of this. I met a guy, but at the time he was intoxicated and therefore quite forward. My attraction was probably a 2 or a 3. However after spending more time with him, esp when sober, my attraction shot up to at least an 8. Sense of humor, charm, and kindness are very attractive traits to me, and he was able to redeem himself with these..
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 That's the thing for me, i find it hard to detatch and come back with the same intensity I had before. What usually happens is I find a girl, I'm attracted, she's attracted, we get together, then as the weeks go by, parts of her personality start to reveal themselves that turn me off and I have no choice but to hit the eject button. I bet you do that thing that Scorpios do where they probe their way endlessly into the never-ending dark side of their counterpart . Likely where that is. You need a girl who either is exactly what she says on the front, or enough depth for you to plow your way into () and keep finding more about her that attracts you. Likely you may find both in 1 girl if you look hard enough.
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 The more picky people are, the longer it takes to find someone long-term which is fine if they're prepared to be patient and live happy lives. But if you're picky, impatient and then blame it all on the other gender for not being able to meet a high bar you can't even meet (if you're honest with yourself which a lot of people aren't), then you're in for a boatload of malcontentment. 1
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I bet you do that thing that Scorpios do where they probe their way endlessly into the never-ending dark side of their counterpart . Likely where that is. You need a girl who either is exactly what she says on the front, or enough depth for you to plow your way into () and keep finding more about her that attracts you. Likely you may find both in 1 girl if you look hard enough. Yup that's me. Sucks sometimes lol. Sometimes I try to force attraction once I lose it but it just won't work. That is a problem for me though, I create this idea in my head of who this woman is, then once she changes that perception with a revelation, I eject.
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 The more picky people are, the longer it takes to find someone long-term which is fine if they're prepared to be patient and live happy lives. But if you're picky, impatient and then blame it all on the other gender for not being able to meet a high bar you can't even meet (if you're honest with yourself which a lot of people aren't), then you're in for a boatload of malcontentment. I agree, but I don't think I'm all that picky. It's just when dating, people put their best selves on display, then once they get comfortable, the cons of their personality come out. If a girl said "I'm needy, I'm clingy, I'm extremely emotional and moody, and some weeks i'll be super into you, other weeks i'll play games" I'd obviously stay away at the start. But that never happens. They seem great at first, then the ugliness comes, and so far, I haven't met someone whose ugliness I can accept and still be attracted to.
Titanwolf Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 What usually happens is I find a girl, I'm attracted, she's attracted, we get together, then as the weeks go by, parts of her personality start to reveal themselves that turn me off and I have no choice but to hit the eject button. This!!!!!!!!!! I swear, if my GF wasn't a mind reader, she probably would have put her foot in it already 1
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Yup that's me. Sucks sometimes lol. Sometimes I try to force attraction once I lose it but it just won't work. That is a problem for me though, I create this idea in my head of who this woman is, then once she changes that perception with a revelation, I eject. Ahh, the "Neptune" effect I call it. The image trumps the real girl. Suffered from this before. This is a simple mind control problem, so I go into interactions with a girl with a clean slate. I build up my image of her based on her behavior, actions, words etc on a case-by-case basis. Obviously, many times I am attracted off the bat, but I will attempt to play the seduction game as slowly as possible to gather as much info as I need, as well as simply to connect more. Don't let your perception get ahead of you
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I agree, but I don't think I'm all that picky. It's just when dating, people put their best selves on display, then once they get comfortable, the cons of their personality come out. If a girl said "I'm needy, I'm clingy, I'm extremely emotional and moody, and some weeks i'll be super into you, other weeks i'll play games" I'd obviously stay away at the start. But that never happens. They seem great at first, then the ugliness comes, and so far, I haven't met someone whose ugliness I can accept and still be attracted to.This is pretty typical in dating. It also used to be my pet peeve, when guys would harshly mask. That's why my advice to people repetitively, is to be yourself. If you can make it work based on your natural states together, there's so much less time wasted. 1
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Ahh, the "Neptune" effect I call it. The image trumps the real girl. Suffered from this before. This is a simple mind control problem, so I go into interactions with a girl with a clean slate. I build up my image of her based on her behavior, actions, words etc on a case-by-case basis. Obviously, many times I am attracted off the bat, but I will attempt to play the seduction game as slowly as possible to gather as much info as I need, as well as simply to connect more. Don't let your perception get ahead of you To add to this, if you can, it's better not to have an image of her at all as it will likely never match the real person.
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