MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I want to know if there's anyone else who feels like me? Attraction for some is a dial; where they may not start out 100% into somebody, but if the person they're dealing with plays their cards right, they can increase their attractiveness level gradually. Conversely, if that person does something unattractive, all is not lost; you may lose a little bit of the attraction you had for them, but they can redeem themselves and eventually end up back at the level they were at. For me, it's a switch, meaning two things: 1.) It doesn't take any gradual warming up to reach the attraction point. If I'm attracted to you, I am fully attracted to you. The opposite is also true; if I find you unattractive, you can't gain any ground. Nothing you do can change my mind. 2.) If I find you attractive and you do something that I deem unattractive, the relationship cannot be salvaged. I lose interest very quickly and move on. Now, the second part may sound harsh, but keep in mind I'm not looking for anything long term. I suppose if I were I'd have to be more accepting because the longer you're with someone, the more the odds increase that they're going to do something or say something that turns you off, and you'll have to push through that if you want to stay with them. I wonder if we'll see a gender pattern here or if everyone will have different answers, but yes, my attraction meter has a switch, what does yours have?
cerridwen Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) Dial! I have a dial with a lot of notches but it's well-lubricated and it clicks toward positive attraction pretty easily. However, if that dial clicks, clicks, clicks into negative territory continuously, especially early on in a relationship, I'll try to salvage things but eventually will leave from dissatisfaction. Edited August 14, 2012 by cerridwen
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Dial! I have a dial with a lot of notches but it's well lubricated and it clicks toward the positive pretty easily. However, if that dial clicks, clicks, clicks into negative territory continuously, especially early on, I'll try to salvage things but eventually will leave from dissatisfaction. It's interesting. I think both have pros and cons. In your scenario, you may stick around for too long and get hurt because you gave someone one too many chances. In my scenario, I could be letting quality people get away because they did one thing that turned me off.
cerridwen Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It's interesting. I think both have pros and cons. In your scenario, you may stick around for too long and get hurt because you gave someone one too many chances. In my scenario, I could be letting quality people get away because they did one thing that turned me off. Definitely. I used to stick around too long. I've since learned to cut bait quicker if we can't meet each others' needs somewhat naturally. What's the pro of your "switch" style? 1
pteromom Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 If I'm attracted to you, I am fully attracted to you. The opposite is also true; if I find you unattractive, you can't gain any ground. Nothing you do can change my mind. I find this odd. So a girl walks into a club and you aren't attracted to her. She isn't ugly, but she isn't someone you'd notice or pursue. Then a song starts and she starts to dance, and she's got moves. She dances incredibly sexy and is very limber and sensual. Your attraction to her doesn't go up at all? Mine can be a switch or a dial. I can find myself immediately attracted to someone, or someone I am not really attracted to at first can do something that just sparks me. Or I can find someone more attractive over time as I learn who they are.
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Definitely. I used to stick around too long. I've since learned to cut bait quicker if we can't meet each others' needs somewhat naturally. What's the pro of your "switch" style? Good question. I suppose it would be that it's harder for me to get hurt, because as soon as you wrong me, I'm finished with you. So I don't get emotionally tortured. Some people stay in these crappy relationships and don't even know why. They're just too paralyzed to move on. That doesn't happen under my system. I also think that because I start out 100% into you, things get passionate very quickly, as opposed to letting things warm up. I like passion early on. If I want to rip your clothes off, it's the first day I meet you, not somewhere later down the line where I say to myself "hmm, I can see myself being intimate with her in the future"
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I find this odd. So a girl walks into a club and you aren't attracted to her. She isn't ugly, but she isn't someone you'd notice or pursue. Then a song starts and she starts to dance, and she's got moves. She dances incredibly sexy and is very limber and sensual. Your attraction to her doesn't go up at all? Mine can be a switch or a dial. I can find myself immediately attracted to someone, or someone I am not really attracted to at first can do something that just sparks me. Or I can find someone more attractive over time as I learn who they are. If I wasn't physically attracted to her to begin with (and this is at a bar, so all I'm judging her on is looks, not personality) then no, her moves wouldn't sway me. For me, if I'm attracted to you, and you do something attractive, it can only grow from there. If I'm not attracted to you, and you have moves like Shakira, you won't turn on my switch. I've already told myself I'm not into you. You can't break out of my unattractive zone.
LittleTiger Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 If we are talking sexual chemistry then for me (female) it's a switch. I will know within seconds of meeting someone if there is any physical attraction - it's either there or it isn't. On the other hand, I can certainly warm to a man as I get to know him. I may even reach a point where, if he's interested in me, I could potentially feel emotionally close enough to have sex with him BUT it would be sex without any genuine desire and not a relationship that I would want to make permanent (been there, done that etc). I know I would continually be looking for that spark with someone else.
pteromom Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 For me, if I'm attracted to you, and you do something attractive, it can only grow from there. If I'm not attracted to you, and you have moves like Shakira, you won't turn on my switch. I've already told myself I'm not into you. You can't break out of my unattractive zone. Interesting. It sounds very limiting to me, but I guess it works for you.
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 If we are talking sexual chemistry then for me (female) it's a switch. I will know within seconds of meeting someone if there is any physical attraction - it's either there or it isn't. On the other hand, I can certainly warm to a man as I get to know him. I may even reach a point where, if he's interested in me, I could potentially feel emotionally close enough to have sex with him BUT it would be sex without any genuine desire and not a relationship that I would want to make permanent (been there, done that etc). I know I would continually be looking for that spark with someone else. So then why even bother? If there wasn't an initial spark, and you know going into it, there won't be a spark if you continue to pursue this guy, why not just hold out for someone who does spark you?
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Interesting. It sounds very limiting to me, but I guess it works for you. Oh i already listed that as a con. It can be limiting, sure. But on the other hand, meeting a girl who turns me on 100% is a hot, wild, experience. Like I said in the OP, I don't think this system can work in a LTR. I mean, it would be awesome if it could, but I doubt it. It's definitely a short term device. When I'm dating someone, it's hot hot hot, all the way through, until the switch goes off. Then I find someone new. I don't hit a rut in a relationship where it's boring and we're just going through the motions. It's passionate and intense and then the fire goes out just as quickly as it came on.
Meg717 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 For me it's also a dial. The more I enjoy someones traits and qualities the more attraction I feel... Sadly though, if I am not attracted to a guy right away, I might not give him the chance to move my dial lol. For example, one of my guy friends invited his friend out with us and he was so funny and enjoyable to hang out with I developed a little crush. Now, if he was someone I wasn't "forced" to spend time with (i.e. stranger in a bar), I probably wouldn't have known how fun he was bc I wasn't attracted to him right away.
Titanwolf Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 switch, but then I have very little patience and it doesn't take much to put me off. 1
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 For me it's also a dial. The more I enjoy someones traits and qualities the more attraction I feel... Sadly though, if I am not attracted to a guy right away, I might not give him the chance to move my dial lol. For example, one of my guy friends invited his friend out with us and he was so funny and enjoyable to hang out with I developed a little crush. Now, if he was someone I wasn't "forced" to spend time with (i.e. stranger in a bar), I probably wouldn't have known how fun he was bc I wasn't attracted to him right away. So this dial, let's give it a number scale, from 1-10, 10 being the highest level of attraction. You meet someone, and they're a 4 on your dial. Do you give them a chance to raise it? Or do they have to start out as a 9 or 10? Also, let's say at one point they're a 10, and slowly work their way down to a 3 or 4..they can salvage that and eventually end up back in the 9-10 range? This boggles my mind. How can someone do something to turn you off, then have the ability to turn you back on?
LittleTiger Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 So then why even bother? If there wasn't an initial spark, and you know going into it, there won't be a spark if you continue to pursue this guy, why not just hold out for someone who does spark you? Going into what? There are men all over the place - work, hobbies, friends of friends etc. Sometimes I meet men and we become good friends. When I was single, which I'm currently not, that might have led to something sexual at some point further down the line if they managed to get emotionally close enough to me. The spark is too rare to hold out for - I would have been celibate most of my life if I'd refused to have sex with anyone else.........and I have never pursued a guy in my life. They pursue me!
Meg717 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 So this dial, let's give it a number scale, from 1-10, 10 being the highest level of attraction. You meet someone, and they're a 4 on your dial. Do you give them a chance to raise it? Or do they have to start out as a 9 or 10? Also, let's say at one point they're a 10, and slowly work their way down to a 3 or 4..they can salvage that and eventually end up back in the 9-10 range? This boggles my mind. How can someone do something to turn you off, then have the ability to turn you back on? For me if he started at a 5/6 there would be a chance to raise it based on his personality..I don't think if it was lower than "middle of the road" I'd allow them to change my attraction to them (sorry!). I think in terms of salvaging a lowered attraction, it would really have to depend on what caused it. Is it something terrible like cheating? Then no there will be no salvaging...but anything other than that I'd try and work on what turned me off and if the attraction can't be salvaged, then I gotta move on.
Mycteria Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Definitely a dial. I have fallen for people (emotionally and sexually) based on their personalities and senses of humor alone. As long as a guy is thin, and not horribly ugly (let's say a 6 on the looks scale), I can develop sexual attraction - strong sexual attraction - to him based on his personality. I know because it has definitely happened before.
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 For me if he started at a 5/6 there would be a chance to raise it based on his personality..I don't think if it was lower than "middle of the road" I'd allow them to change my attraction to them (sorry!). I think in terms of salvaging a lowered attraction, it would really have to depend on what caused it. Is it something terrible like cheating? Then no there will be no salvaging...but anything other than that I'd try and work on what turned me off and if the attraction can't be salvaged, then I gotta move on. He says something stupid that makes you self conscious of your body. "ahey if you really hit the gym you would be flawless!" or some other foot-in-mouth insensitive remark. You would be able to hop back into bed with this fellow?
Author MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Alright well let me just make this clear if I wasn't clear enough in the original post. This is not just about looks/sexual attraction. I'm talking about: 1.) You meet someone and they are just "meh" to you. For whatever reason. You're not buying what they're selling. You can grow to be attracted to them? 2.) Let's say you are attracted to someone, and they do something that completely turns you off, is it salvagable?
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Many little switches with one overarching circuit breaker. Think binary code from the perspective of a computer.
Meg717 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 He says something stupid that makes you self conscious of your body. "ahey if you really hit the gym you would be flawless!" or some other foot-in-mouth insensitive remark. You would be able to hop back into bed with this fellow? LOL - probably not. You're right...
Meg717 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Alright well let me just make this clear if I wasn't clear enough in the original post. This is not just about looks/sexual attraction. I'm talking about: 1.) You meet someone and they are just "meh" to you. For whatever reason. You're not buying what they're selling. You can grow to be attracted to them? 2.) Let's say you are attracted to someone, and they do something that completely turns you off, is it salvagable? Answers: 1. No, if I have a meh feeling or "I'm not buying what they're selling"..I'll trust my gut...I will not all of a sudden be attracted to him. 2. I just answered this in my response to your question. lol
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Many little switches with one overarching circuit breaker. Think binary code from the perspective of a computer.Should amend this to read "from the perspective of an operating system in a computer".
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It's likely very different and varies in between for everyone, although more often than not, women are more like dials and men are more like switches. Mine is definitely a switch, I am attracted very quickly and once I'm attracted, that's it, I'm fully on it. The chase would keep my attraction switch stayed on though.
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It's likely very different and varies in between for everyone, although more often than not, women are more like dials and men are more like switches. Mine is definitely a switch, I am attracted very quickly and once I'm attracted, that's it, I'm fully on it. The chase would keep my attraction switch stayed on though.Interesting since I get told in work situations that I think more like a man, allowing objective logic to dominate decisions rather than subjective perspectives.
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