Medgirl Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 My boyfriend and I had been dating for about a year. Within that year he put me through a lot of heartache. At first he was just flat out mean and touchy. He blamed it on the fact that he has depression. He even made my birthday the worst day of my life by accusing me of cheating on him because I text messaged my online friend. Anyway I broke up with him again about a month ago, then we got back together and he basically promised he wouldn't be a jerk and that he'd make me happy. Well, he did try to make things better, but we got in a lot of fights anyway. We mostly faught about time. He blamed our little time together on me because he said I worked too much, which is silly because, while I'll admit that I'm on call A LOT, I'm lucky to get 2 hours a day in. The problem was was that I'd go to my shift meeting for an hour right when he got off work and he didn't want to wait for me to get back. Anyway, I eventually became depressed. I even scheduled and appointment with a councelor at school. He started to notice that something was wrong. He said he got "weird vibes" from me. He could see right through me. He could see my feelings of resentment, and hurt towards him. He finally made me fess up and I told him that I was depressed and that I couldn't be with him anymore. I feel great about finally being liberated from that relationship, but now I feel like crap. I miss him. I can't get back together with him because i know the same thing will happen, but I miss him. On that note, I know he'll constantly be calling me begging for me to get back with him like last time. Last time I had 2 anxiety attacks because of how he'd call me and tell me how crappy his life is and whatnot. It just really sucks. It isn't fair! Anyone had a relationship like this?
jw32802 Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 yes , my guy is depressed, i think even bipolar, but he was so wishy washy. like all "i love you so much" one night and the next day pulled back. i dont know if its depression or what, but i know scizophrenia runs in his family, and sometiems id come out to the living room in the middle of the night to see him w/ tears rolling down his face. I love him so much but i had to let him go because of it. he just wouldnt get help. now im dying inside, i hear hes with someone new for about 3 mths, right after we broke up and its breaking my heart so badly. he says "you dumped ME, you moved on" and i just said " i thought you'd have gotten help in stead of dating some new girl". its hurting my heart so bad
RoboHobo Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Hey guys, I'm sorry you are going though this pain. Both of you made the correct decision though. Consistency is very important and there will be someone who will be able to give that to you. One thing I've learnt, not through my own experiences but through being caught up in another couples abusive relationship, is that people will only change for themselves. You might be the catalyst that causes them to realize that a change is required, but if you wont do it for yourself you can't do it for anyone else.
Author Medgirl Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 My boyfriend really worked on getting over his depression/bipolar stuff. He went to therapists and took depression pills, after that didn't help he quit the depression pills which I was glad about since they had a lot of bad side effects. He tried to work on himself and he did a pretty good job, but he was still so touchy. I couldn't handle it anymore. He knew how he was and he felt bad. But aside from the bipolar stuff he was immature and sometimes even condescending and selfish. Whenever I'd try to talk to him about something I didn't feel good about he'd always come back with "Well you did this and this to me". It was a rollercoaster and I felt like my soul was dying. I don't know whether or not he'll get with a new girl anytime soon but what jw's ex said about "You dumped ME, you moved on" sounds just like something my ex would say. Maybe he SHOULD think about taking a break from women since he has already been divorced and dumped by 2 women! Regardless, he was killing me slowly and I don't care what he does with his life as long as he just leaves me alone. Now the new problem is is that he WONT leave me alone. He calls me all the time wanting to see me, telling me how much he misses me, telling me how bad his life sucks and how depressed he is, and sometimes even begging for me back! What the hell am I supposed to do? Why can't he see that he's killing me and just leave me alone? I had 4 anxiety attacks, and 2 very serious depression periods where I couldn't eat for days while I was with him. That isn't me! I'm not like that! I'm a happy optomistic person! Why won't he just let me go?
supergirl79 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Wow, I just made a post about a guy who does the same thing to me! I started seeing a counselor and I've never had problems of self-esteem or depression! He would do many of the same things to me, accuse me of cheaitng when I wasn't, tell me that I don't love him anymore - out of the blue, turns EVERYTHING around on me, and then I became (and still am) very depressed. i cry every day, but can't seem to get out of this relationship becasue I'm so afraid of missing him! He doesn't give me the time of day anymore, but says he still loves me - which doesn't make any sense - and it's truly emotional torture! I know he's bad for me, but we have a very "love-hate" relationship because we're really passionate with each other, but fight constatly about stupid stuff! If you get a chance, read my post and let me know what you think....I'm still in this relationship and don't know how to get out! Or am not strong enough to get out! Everything seems to be my fault and I've lost the spirit inside of me.
Author Medgirl Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 WHOA! Supergirl I just read your post and it's horrible! I'm sure you already know this, but you NEED TO GET OUT! This guy is no good and he'll tear you down! It's abuse! My ex was similar, but not near as bad. He used to turn things around on me and a couple of times he said "**** you", but whenever I tried to leave all of a sudden he'd flip his charms on, which is what he has been doing lately. I finally had to tell him to get out of my life. I told him that the relationship was killing me. One of the thiings that helped me the most was thinking of the future without him. Thinking about how it would be without the stress and pain. You need to tell your boyfriend that you've had enough. You need to stand up girl. You need to TAKE CARE OF YOU. I've been reading a book lately called "Self Matters" by Dr. Phil (pathetic I know) and he said that if someone is keeping your life in constant turmoil that it can reduce your life by 8 years. I believe it! The depression, the crying, the anxiety attacks. I'm an EMT and I pick people up all the time for this stuff! You just need to get out. Do it for you! Think ahead a month or two later. You make the decision as to whether or not you'll still be with him crying everyday, or you'll be liberated. You don't need this. There are nicer men out there! Frankly I think it's better to flat out be alone than be with a guy like that! My boyfriend beat me down to the point where I don't think I'll be happy with anyone else anymore. But I don't care! Just as long as I get away from him so I can rebuild my soul! Trust me, you will feel very liberated if you get out. Do this for yourself! You also have to realize that it will be difficult. You'll miss him, you'll think of all the good times, and it will hurt very bad to let him go, but if you don't he'll either kill you slowly or he'll dump YOU and you'll feel like a fool. Don't let ANYONE have control over your life! We are stong, confident, intelligent, attractive women and it is NOT fair to let some guy tear down everything we built! We have control of our lives! Good luck and PLEASE keep me updated!
Recommended Posts