Having a hard time getting over a two year relationship

[hopelessly lost]

Hello everyone,

Ive been reading a lot of the posts about coping with a break up, and there was a lot of good advice. Things like sleeping a bit more, and getting out of the house and working lots of over time to keep your mind off things. My only problem is that nothing i do gets my mind of her. We went out for just over two years, we had been living together for more then a year, she was my best friend, we did everything together. She told me just over a month ago that she thinks she should love me more then she does, and that she doesn't think that we are going to last forever.

 

That was just over a month ago. I still live in our apartment, alone, surrounded by memories of her. I can barely get to sleep, and when i do all i dream about his her which puts me in a very depressed mood when i wake up. Going to work does little to keep my mind off things because we met each other at work, and although she no longer works there, the memories are everywhere.

 

In my mind our problems are so fixable, we were in a bit of a rut and just got way to comfortable with each other. Our communication skills were lacking and i know that if we just sat down and had a serious conversation about us that we could have gotten each other back on the right track and be happy and in love again. So, knowing that every day that i "better myself", such as exercising, loosing weight, being far more social, going out a lot more, learning how to listen and trying to have far better communication skills is one day more that i know in my heart that we could be happy and in love again. I am going to see my doctor soon about therapy which i'm really hoping will help.

 

Every day gets worse though, this was the woman I wanted to marry, now I'm all alone with just our cat to keep me company.

[youngnlove89]

Hello everyone,

Ive been reading a lot of the posts about coping with a break up, and there was a lot of good advice. Things like sleeping a bit more, and getting out of the house and working lots of over time to keep your mind off things. My only problem is that nothing i do gets my mind of her. We went out for just over two years, we had been living together for more then a year, she was my best friend, we did everything together. She told me just over a month ago that she thinks she should love me more then she does, and that she doesn't think that we are going to last forever.

 

That was just over a month ago. I still live in our apartment, alone, surrounded by memories of her. I can barely get to sleep, and when i do all i dream about his her which puts me in a very depressed mood when i wake up. Going to work does little to keep my mind off things because we met each other at work, and although she no longer works there, the memories are everywhere.

 

In my mind our problems are so fixable, we were in a bit of a rut and just got way to comfortable with each other. Our communication skills were lacking and i know that if we just sat down and had a serious conversation about us that we could have gotten each other back on the right track and be happy and in love again. So, knowing that every day that i "better myself", such as exercising, loosing weight, being far more social, going out a lot more, learning how to listen and trying to have far better communication skills is one day more that i know in my heart that we could be happy and in love again. I am going to see my doctor soon about therapy which i'm really hoping will help.

 

Every day gets worse though, this was the woman I wanted to marry, now I'm all alone with just our cat to keep me company.

 

 

I'm right here with you, friend. It's very hard. There is nothing I can do to take your pain away. You have to go through it on your own. I'm heartbroken too. I left my ex because he said I wasn't the one for him. It's hard to be rejected by the one you love. It's hard for you because she was familiar, she was comfortable, but she let you down.

 

People suggest no contact on here, but do what is right for you. I find that no contact works for me, even though it's hard. I'm teaching myself to live without him.

 

If you were happy before them, you can be happy after them.

[flitzanu]

living in a shared apartment alone?

 

best advice for that is to GET RID OF EVERYTHING that reminds you of her. no flowers, pictures, deco for the apartment, etc.

 

even stupid crap like shampoo bottles or literally ANYTHING.

 

i lived alone in "our" apartment for a few months with things like that around, and finally after doing a soul cleansing and trashing all that junk, i felt SO much better.

 

make the apartment YOURS, and remove the "ours" from it.

 

savvy?

[steveblack]

My story is very, very similar, as to many others here (3 years). It has been a month of being apart and life just doesn't seem to be right. But for her to break it off, she must have been feeling this way for a good long time. Our communication compatibility did not align and even though we really loved each other, she broke up with me because she wasn't sure we had a future together. Didn't even want to reconcile or talk about it, which makes it seems she gave up. It hurts, trust me I know.

 

There are two ways to move on:

1) be in contact with her and try to get her back. She pushes farther away, and eventually despises you. You through this whole time go through an emotional rollercoaster that is controlled by her.

 

I have done this, and it was the worst 2 years of my life! A lot of pain (I was 22 4 yr relationship)

 

2)

Go NC, and heal yourself from the pain (current breakup 3yr I am 30). Yeah it is going to suck, but if she really wants you she will contact you at some point. If not, you are shielding yourself from a lot of pain. I am over a month of NC an its getting easier, but still is tough.

 

 

Things you should know:

1) its not you

2) she loves you but it wasn't right

3) Be strong!

4) figure your own **** out

5) Do things, keep active

6) Nothing you do! Nothing you do! will change her mind. If she wants you she will contact you.

 

 

you got this

[hopelessly lost]

Hello all, thank you for responding to my post so quickly. Thank you for your advice, today I caved in and I messaged her, told her I love her, told her I missed her. She said she still doesn't see it being a "forever thing" with us. while we were going out and even before I met her I smoked a lot of weed. I'm talking a lot of weed. It made me lazy and unmotivated. Since this break up I haven't smoked weed in over a month. Mentally I feel great, I know I can give her was she wants, and that's why it is so hard for me to get over her. I was saving up to buy her a ring and I know in my heart that we can be happier then we ever have. One of the reasons she broke up with me is because she said we are too similar, that we can't motivate each other to get off the couch. I don't think that is the case at all. Since I've stopped smoking weed I have been extremely motivated to get out of the house and be social and exercise. I have already signed up for my first half marathon in the fall. She is under the impression that I am doing all this because we are better off apart. I don't know how to explain to her that I'm not doing this because we aren't together. I'm doing all this to be the man she could see herself with and to get her back. Yes I need to do it for myself and I will continue doing this with or without her. But it is so hard to get out of bed these days and I force myself to exercise, that I know it would be easier if we were together. I don't know the exact point of this post, it just feels a little better talking about it I guess. I love her, I know at one point she loved me, I want nothing more to fight for us to hold on and never let go. I read somewhere that the word love is only a verb, the feeling can always be regained.

[KatZee]

 

I know I can give her was she wants

 

I know in my heart that we can be happier then we ever have.

 

I love her, I know at one point she loved me

 

I want nothing more to fight for us to hold on and never let go.

 

:/ That's a whole load of "I's"

 

You need to see what SHE is saying. She doesn't see it being a forever thing. She left. She moved out. She hasn't come back. You need to start letting go of what you think you can change, what you think you can give her to make her come back, and how much you want to fight.

 

SHE needs to feel those same things... and she doesn't. So it won't matter what you do. How you change... for her, it's done. It's great you're working on yourself... so take these lessons into the next relationship.

[flitzanu]

what kat said ^^^^^^^^^

[hopelessly lost]

Ya it's over....thanks for the advice