youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (More of a rant...me venting, but I'm trying to deal with getting over someone who doesn't love me the same way, I could use advice...) My boyfriend and I have had an on/off relationship that lasted 1.5 years and today is the day I'm letting go...for many reasons. I want a boyfriend who can call me up everyday and talk to me. I want a boyfriend who can text me good morning and good night. I want a boyfriend who can take me out on the weekends and do fun things together. I want a boyfriend who says he misses me when were aren't together. I want a boyfriend who says he loves me everday. I want flowers, simple gestures, and heart-warming surprises. I want to feel loved and wanted by someone. I want to be told I'm what he's been looking for. I want to be able to trust him and be trusted by him. I want to prosper in a relationship, move in, get engaged, get married and have a family. I want romance. I want needy eyes and candle lit dinners. I want excitement, I want the LOVE to be mutal, I want passion and everything a relationship should be. I don't think I'm asking for much, all those things should be there in a relationship that is heading for long-term. All those things should be there when someone loves you. I don't have ANY of that right now. As much as I think I love him, I'm starting to wonder what it is about him that I love. What can he offer me? Is this too much to ask for? After this weekend he has made it clear that I'm not the one for him. It is hard letting go but when letting go is easier than holding on, you know it's time. I hope, I really hope, I can get through this. Any advice? Words of wisdom?
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Anyone? I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach and lump in my throat...I wanted to just go back to him and work things out. But he has commitment issues and isn't sure if he see's himself with me. He hasn't called me in the past 4 days (he went on a trip) but called me last night when he got home...I didn't answer. I'm upset that he hasn't spoken to me.
outofgoodbyes Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 i am going thru the exact same thing and here are some words of wisdom i have to keep repeating to myself every morning as i wake up... it would have never worked out. you both wanted two different things. you do not deserve a man who cannot commit to you because you can offer so much more than that. you deserve someone who will return your love in return. think of it as he's doing yourself a favor. i seriously thought my dude was awesome because he made me so happy but trust me, there are so many others out there waiting to treat you how you want to be treated. love yourself. keep telling yourself how much you love YOU and how important YOU are... and that YOUR needs always come first... if its not meant to be, it could never be... no matter how much we want it to, no matter how hard we try... i hope it gets better for you soon... its been 2 weeks for me and im still reeling from it.... but it gets better.. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 i am going thru the exact same thing and here are some words of wisdom i have to keep repeating to myself every morning as i wake up... it would have never worked out. you both wanted two different things. you do not deserve a man who cannot commit to you because you can offer so much more than that. you deserve someone who will return your love in return. think of it as he's doing yourself a favor. i seriously thought my dude was awesome because he made me so happy but trust me, there are so many others out there waiting to treat you how you want to be treated. love yourself. keep telling yourself how much you love YOU and how important YOU are... and that YOUR needs always come first... if its not meant to be, it could never be... no matter how much we want it to, no matter how hard we try... i hope it gets better for you soon... its been 2 weeks for me and im still reeling from it.... but it gets better.. Thank you. I haven't told him that I'm done yet. After he has not called me for 4 days, I don't feel like he deserves a reason. He called me last night and I ignored it. If he starts to worry as to why I'm not answering I'll let him know I'm okay, but I can't do it anymore. I can't keep being used. Did you know what he did for my birthday this year? NOTHING, not even a card. Want to know what I did for his birthday? Card, dinner, movies, massage, made him feel special!
Mike_d Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Leaving someone who doesn't feel the same ... is the right thing to do if you want more 1
outofgoodbyes Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 i also havent answered mine in a day. he wants to be friends but its just so hard being in contact with him that i have to stop. i get anxious when he texts but i dont have the heart to tell him not to contact me for a while. maybe one day. that absolutely sucks that he ignored your bday! see, no one deserves that... for now, keep thinking of the negatives and you will get yourself thru... for some reason everytime we breakup with someone, its only the good that we remember and that rose colored glass will set us back everytime... 1
LoveHurts88 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (More of a rant...me venting, but I'm trying to deal with getting over someone who doesn't love me the same way, I could use advice...) My boyfriend and I have had an on/off relationship that lasted 1.5 years and today is the day I'm letting go...for many reasons. I want a boyfriend who can call me up everyday and talk to me. I want a boyfriend who can text me good morning and good night. I want a boyfriend who can take me out on the weekends and do fun things together. I want a boyfriend who says he misses me when were aren't together. I want a boyfriend who says he loves me everday. I want flowers, simple gestures, and heart-warming surprises. I want to feel loved and wanted by someone. I want to be told I'm what he's been looking for. I want to be able to trust him and be trusted by him. I want to prosper in a relationship, move in, get engaged, get married and have a family. I want romance. I want needy eyes and candle lit dinners. I want excitement, I want the LOVE to be mutal, I want passion and everything a relationship should be. I don't think I'm asking for much, all those things should be there in a relationship that is heading for long-term. All those things should be there when someone loves you. I don't have ANY of that right now. As much as I think I love him, I'm starting to wonder what it is about him that I love. What can he offer me? Is this too much to ask for? After this weekend he has made it clear that I'm not the one for him. It is hard letting go but when letting go is easier than holding on, you know it's time. I hope, I really hope, I can get through this. Any advice? Words of wisdom? Your the opposite from my EX. She likes to have free time. Doesn't want me to always text her. Likes to have space, wouldn't mind if she didn't get a call from me or a text from me for the day. She loves the "chase" part but in every relationship comes with the "comfort stage" which most people enter. It's hard to get out of it once the couples enter but it happens in all relationships IMO. Have you done anything for him? Have u surprised him with a little gift? Give him a call here and there? Said that you loved him etc.. It works both ways, just because your a girl doesn't give you all the special treatment.. If you put in the effort u'll get back the effort. My EX also said she lost feelings for me although she likes me it's not enough. We'll fair enough, I ain't going to stay with someone who does not have enough feelings for me and want's to drag it on.
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Your the opposite from my EX. She likes to have free time. Doesn't want me to always text her. Likes to have space, wouldn't mind if she didn't get a call from me or a text from me for the day. She loves the "chase" part but in every relationship comes with the "comfort stage" which most people enter. It's hard to get out of it once the couples enter but it happens in all relationships IMO. Have you done anything for him? Have u surprised him with a little gift? Give him a call here and there? Said that you loved him etc.. It works both ways, just because your a girl doesn't give you all the special treatment.. If you put in the effort u'll get back the effort. My EX also said she lost feelings for me although she likes me it's not enough. We'll fair enough, I ain't going to stay with someone who does not have enough feelings for me and want's to drag it on. If I had to list all the things I did for him, I mine as well write a book. Let's see... I have made him CD's, given him "just thinkin' of you" cards, made him dinner, given him massages, bought him presents on all holidays, made him feel special, call him, text him, give him compliments left and right, stayed by his side, tell him how much i love him, listen to his problems, very attentive and affectionate...yada yada. I put the effort there, he doesn't put it back. Sure, he's done some nice things, but not many. Not like I do. He goes on trips without me, doesn't contact me when he's on trips, he said he isn't sure i'm the one, he hasn't bought me anything for my birthday, he only calls once a day (before he goes to work) and when we hangout he is always too broke to do anything BUT YET can afford all the crap he buys, has NEVER bought me a present, wrote me a poem once, buys dinner sometimes, but most of the time I buy, I just am drained.
LoveHurts88 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 If I had to list all the things I did for him, I mine as well write a book. Let's see... I have made him CD's, given him "just thinkin' of you" cards, made him dinner, given him massages, bought him presents on all holidays, made him feel special, call him, text him, give him compliments left and right, stayed by his side, tell him how much i love him, listen to his problems, very attentive and affectionate...yada yada. I put the effort there, he doesn't put it back. Sure, he's done some nice things, but not many. Not like I do. He goes on trips without me, doesn't contact me when he's on trips, he said he isn't sure i'm the one, he hasn't bought me anything for my birthday, he only calls once a day (before he goes to work) and when we hangout he is always too broke to do anything BUT YET can afford all the crap he buys, has NEVER bought me a present, wrote me a poem once, buys dinner sometimes, but most of the time I buy, I just am drained. You sound like me, I don't 'make her dinner really but besides the point. I try to give her what I can considering I'm a recent graduate but my 21 g's worth of student loan money could be said spent on her. I used to pay for everything but don't get me wrong she pays for stuff too just not as much as I do. I get her gifts she gets me gifts but her's are far more expensive than mine. However the stuff she gets me isn't cheap. She went drinking with her friends guys and girls... Didn't text me, or let me know that she was sleeping over at some guys house which is her friends to my knowledge I get mad, she says Im questioning her we break up... WTF? I do the same u'd flip **** on my ass. Hypocrites. I'm assuming he's getting bored, like my EX she's getting bored of me she wants something new and exciting.
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 You sound like me, I don't 'make her dinner really but besides the point. I try to give her what I can considering I'm a recent graduate but my 21 g's worth of student loan money could be said spent on her. I used to pay for everything but don't get me wrong she pays for stuff too just not as much as I do. I get her gifts she gets me gifts but her's are far more expensive than mine. However the stuff she gets me isn't cheap. She went drinking with her friends guys and girls... Didn't text me, or let me know that she was sleeping over at some guys house which is her friends to my knowledge I get mad, she says Im questioning her we break up... WTF? I do the same u'd flip **** on my ass. Hypocrites. I'm assuming he's getting bored, like my EX she's getting bored of me she wants something new and exciting. it's the THOUGHT that counts. I wasn't asking for a diamond ring. I was asking him to come up with 4 quarters so he could be me a birthday card at the dollar store. it's the little things that count. just knowing he thought about me.
pteromom Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 He goes on trips without me, doesn't contact me when he's on trips, he said he isn't sure i'm the one, he hasn't bought me anything for my birthday, he only calls once a day (before he goes to work) and when we hangout he is always too broke to do anything BUT YET can afford all the crap he buys, has NEVER bought me a present, wrote me a poem once, buys dinner sometimes, but most of the time I buy, I just am drained. He's showing you that he has no desire to put in the effort. So yes, you should move on. Find someone who is sure you are the one. However - reading your list of what you want, just make sure you are realistic. All those things - candlelit dinners and flowers and surprises and passion - come and go in long term relationships. The main thing isn't what someone gives to you, but that you feel they love you as much as you love them, and you feel important to them. That's not the case here, so you are right to move on. 2
RogerWallace111 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 You deserve all that sh*t in you listed in your original post. If you want to give on that level, you should have it reciprocated. Hell, even with all that there will be other difficulties. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 He's showing you that he has no desire to put in the effort. So yes, you should move on. Find someone who is sure you are the one. However - reading your list of what you want, just make sure you are realistic. All those things - candlelit dinners and flowers and surprises and passion - come and go in long term relationships. The main thing isn't what someone gives to you, but that you feel they love you as much as you love them, and you feel important to them. That's not the case here, so you are right to move on. I'm just so saddened that I allowed this to happen to me. I should have let it go along time ago, now it's harder than ever
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 You deserve all that sh*t in you listed in your original post. If you want to give on that level, you should have it reciprocated. Hell, even with all that there will be other difficulties. Of course, relationships are work. You work at them everyday, but that's what makes it special. You are willing to work at them everyday because that love is there. You fight for what you want.
rach24680 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 aww hunny, i'm going through the same, although I haven't broke up with him yet, it's finding the right time... Anyway it's fantastic that you know what you want, and every time you find yourself wanting to go back to him, remember that you deserve someone who WANTS to be with you and whom you want to be with too. It's might only be a matter of habit that you miss him, not that you actually want to get back with him. When you spend so much time with one person it will be hard to get used to being on your own again, but it's better than being in a dead-end relationship where both of you want different things. Hope you're holding up oky!
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 aww hunny, i'm going through the same, although I haven't broke up with him yet, it's finding the right time... Anyway it's fantastic that you know what you want, and every time you find yourself wanting to go back to him, remember that you deserve someone who WANTS to be with you and whom you want to be with too. It's might only be a matter of habit that you miss him, not that you actually want to get back with him. When you spend so much time with one person it will be hard to get used to being on your own again, but it's better than being in a dead-end relationship where both of you want different things. Hope you're holding up oky! Thank you. Why haven't you broken up with yours yet? I'd love to hear your story. I'm holding up, but hardly. I can't stop thinking about him or checking my phone. But it's realizing what you deserve...it's realizing that it's okay to walk away. I want so much more than he can offer me.
Chi townD Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I want a boyfriend who can call me up everyday and talk to me. I want a boyfriend who can text me good morning and good night. I want a boyfriend who can take me out on the weekends and do fun things together. I want a boyfriend who says he misses me when were aren't together. I want a boyfriend who says he loves me everday. I want flowers, simple gestures, and heart-warming surprises. I want to feel loved and wanted by someone. I want to be told I'm what he's been looking for. I want to be able to trust him and be trusted by him. I want to prosper in a relationship, move in, get engaged, get married and have a family. I want romance. I want needy eyes and candle lit dinners. I want excitement, I want the LOVE to be mutal, I want passion and everything a relationship should be. Awww. Girl you're too late! I'm married now! What you're looking for is a hopeless romantic. And it's sad to say we are a dying breed. BUT!!! Don't lose hope! Because there are still some left in this world! Unforunately a lot of girls want the "bad boy" image. So, a lot of guy are projecting that. And not having their hearts on their sleeves. BUT!!! you truely need to watch a guys character, even when he doesn't know you're looking. He should be the kind of guy that return a found wallet with everything in there. Would stop and help at an accident. Would donate his time to charities. That help you gage his character. That's what my wife says that she loved about me when we were dating. We came across an accident. I stopped and jump out of the car and went to work. A teenage girls leg was shattered and I was able to assess the leg and get her to calm down. My wife (girlfriend at the time) stated that she was impressed at my "take charge" attitude. When we first met she had an allergic reaction to some kind of a soap and her hands were hamburger. It didn't matter to me, I still held her hand on our date even though her hands were tore up. And my wife states that the most romantic thing that I ever did was sent her a special dozen roses. I had the flourist do something to the dozen and I sent her the roses with a card that said, " My love for you will end when the last rose in this vase dies." She FREAKED OUT! She thought I was breaking up with her. I ensured her I wasn't and said to wait. After a couple of days, the flowers started to lose a little color except for one. A couple of more days, they started wilting, except for one. Then, after a few more days, they are well onto dying except....for....one! Then she called me up at work and told me that the rose was fake. I said," Yep! It's made of cloth. That rose is never going to die!" When I picked her up that night......well, she had other plans and we missed our dinner date. She had....ummmm....other things in mind She still has that rose to this day. TOP THAT ONE BITCHES!!!! 5
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Awww. Girl you're too late! I'm married now! What you're looking for is a hopeless romantic. And it's sad to say we are a dying breed. BUT!!! Don't lose hope! Because there are still some left in this world! Unforunately a lot of girls want the "bad boy" image. So, a lot of guy are projecting that. And not having their hearts on their sleeves. BUT!!! you truely need to watch a guys character, even when he doesn't know you're looking. He should be the kind of guy that return a found wallet with everything in there. Would stop and help at an accident. Would donate his time to charities. That help you gage his character. That's what my wife says that she loved about me when we were dating. We came across an accident. I stopped and jump out of the car and went to work. A teenage girls leg was shattered and I was able to assess the leg and get her to calm down. My wife (girlfriend at the time) stated that she was impressed at my "take charge" attitude. When we first met she had an allergic reaction to some kind of a soap and her hands were hamburger. It didn't matter to me, I still held her hand on our date even though her hands were tore up. And my wife states that the most romantic thing that I ever did was sent her a special dozen roses. I had the flourist do something to the dozen and I sent her the roses with a card that said, " My love for you will end when the last rose in this vase dies." She FREAKED OUT! She thought I was breaking up with her. I ensured her I wasn't and said to wait. After a couple of days, the flowers started to lose a little color except for one. A couple of more days, they started wilting, except for one. Then, after a few more days, they are well onto dying except....for....one! Then she called me up at work and told me that the rose was fake. I said," Yep! It's made of cloth. That rose is never going to die!" When I picked her up that night......well, she had other plans and we missed our dinner date. She had....ummmm....other things in mind She still has that rose to this day. TOP THAT ONE BITCHES!!!! That's very cute! I would literally die in their arms if someone did something so thoughtful for me! She is definitely lucky to have you.
Chi townD Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 That's very cute! I would literally die in their arms if someone did something so thoughtful for me! She is definitely lucky to have you. LOL! There are some days where I think she would argue that one! I said it on this forum time and time again. That guy you described for yourself is out there right now looking for you. He'll pop up when you least expect it. Hell, I met my wife on a blind date!!!! I wasn't even supposed to go out with her. I had a date with a girl and she had to cancel on me due to a family emergency. A buddy of mine came over and I told him what happened and that I was stuck with two tickets to a Broadway show and dinner reservations. So, my friend made a phone call when I had to run up to my room and talk to(my now wife)who was his sisters friend. I came back down and he jabbed the phone in my face. I had no idea who I was talking to but, after idle chit chat, she seemed cool so I asked if she would like to go with me. She accepted and.....the rest is history. I never expected it. So, he'll come find you. You have to trust me on that one.
smokey bear Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (More of a rant...me venting, but I'm trying to deal with getting over someone who doesn't love me the same way, I could use advice...) My boyfriend and I have had an on/off relationship that lasted 1.5 years and today is the day I'm letting go...for many reasons. I want a boyfriend who can call me up everyday and talk to me. I want a boyfriend who can text me good morning and good night. I want a boyfriend who can take me out on the weekends and do fun things together. I want a boyfriend who says he misses me when were aren't together. I want a boyfriend who says he loves me everday. I want flowers, simple gestures, and heart-warming surprises. I want to feel loved and wanted by someone. I want to be told I'm what he's been looking for. I want to be able to trust him and be trusted by him. I want to prosper in a relationship, move in, get engaged, get married and have a family. I want romance. I want needy eyes and candle lit dinners. I want excitement, I want the LOVE to be mutal, I want passion and everything a relationship should be. I don't think I'm asking for much, all those things should be there in a relationship that is heading for long-term. All those things should be there when someone loves you. I don't have ANY of that right now. As much as I think I love him, I'm starting to wonder what it is about him that I love. What can he offer me? Is this too much to ask for? After this weekend he has made it clear that I'm not the one for him. It is hard letting go but when letting go is easier than holding on, you know it's time. I hope, I really hope, I can get through this. Any advice? Words of wisdom? Be careful what you wish for............. I wished............ I got the dream............ and it still means ****............
SFSally89 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Wow I just want to say I am in a very similar position. Many women have trouble leaving men they they know arent good for them because its scary. Sending you light and hoping you stay strong. You are making the right decision, and will eventually find someone who will WANT to do all those things for you (not because he has to because you asked). Good luck X 3
rach24680 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Thank you. Why haven't you broken up with yours yet? I'd love to hear your story. I'm holding up, but hardly. I can't stop thinking about him or checking my phone. But it's realizing what you deserve...it's realizing that it's okay to walk away. I want so much more than he can offer me. that's what you have to remember and you have to be strong! my story basically, after 4 years of me basically being his lapdog, i'm fed up of trying to see the best in him when I don't know if it's there! Like you, I want a house, marriage, kids and a healthy sex life. Where as now he doesn't want any of this (including sex). I have also gone off sex now, I think something's clicked in my brain and I don't even like him touching me. I know I don't want to be with him, it's just hard after being with him for 4 years because like you, I know I'm going to miss him and maybe I'll wonder if i've done the right thing, I think this is why i've been putting it off to be honest.
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 that's what you have to remember and you have to be strong! my story basically, after 4 years of me basically being his lapdog, i'm fed up of trying to see the best in him when I don't know if it's there! Like you, I want a house, marriage, kids and a healthy sex life. Where as now he doesn't want any of this (including sex). I have also gone off sex now, I think something's clicked in my brain and I don't even like him touching me. I know I don't want to be with him, it's just hard after being with him for 4 years because like you, I know I'm going to miss him and maybe I'll wonder if i've done the right thing, I think this is why i've been putting it off to be honest. What would you miss? You have nothing to miss? No sex? wow. Do you think he is cheating on you? I'm sorry to hear that. I hope one day you can find the courage to walk away and find what you want!
rach24680 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 What would you miss? You have nothing to miss? No sex? wow. Do you think he is cheating on you? I'm sorry to hear that. I hope one day you can find the courage to walk away and find what you want! It's just lonely I guess after that amount of time. And it's the habit of always having someone there to tell you're day to. But I guess that's no good reason to stay with someone. I know he's cheated in the past so I don't know really. Thanks for the support anyway =)
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 It's just lonely I guess after that amount of time. And it's the habit of always having someone there to tell you're day to. But I guess that's no good reason to stay with someone. I know he's cheated in the past so I don't know really. Thanks for the support anyway =) It's not easy, I know how you feel. It takes A LOT to finally bring yourself to leave someone you love. you'll get there soon. I hope so at least. you deserve no less than the best.
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