the_opposite_sex Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 We've been together 3.5 yrs. We're 20/21 yrs old. Right now, we're planning on gettin a place of our own next summer...by then, we'll be 21/22 hehe. And we're not married yet, and we won't be by then either. SO is it right to move in together before we get married? *i guess keep in mind our ages and how long we've been together, thats why i posted all that info too*
StartingAgain Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 SO is it right to move in together before we get married? How can we answer this question for you? Only the two of you know what's right for you.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted July 14, 2004 Author Posted July 14, 2004 WE think it's right, i'm just gettin everyones OPINION on it...i'm not askin ya to make the decision for me/us. I mean, is it a too personal of a question to be posting? I'm just bringing it to everyone's attention b/c i'm kinda nervous and stuff, i dunno...i've never had my own place before, let alone w/ my b/f...i've only lived in dorms, other then my parents house.
StartingAgain Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 OK. Why do you care what WE think? I guess I don't understand. Do the two of you think it's wrong to live together out of wedlock or something? We don't know either of you, so of what value is our opinion?
supermom Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 I've done it twice.....It's like a test drive...how do you know you can live together (if you're planning on getting married) until you do? I never wanted to find out I couldn't until I was married. Some people would be against it, some are not...you go with your gut.
shortbus74 Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 *LOL* supermom..... test drive.... I like that!!!
CurlyIam Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I've done it too. Didn't work out for me! So I'll just say: "move in only if you think about marrying the guy." If not, then get a girlfriend as a room mate. You'll still see each other a lot, but this way you'll both keep your independence, your own place. IMO, it's not worth the trouble. IF things don't turn out the way you'd like you'have to move out and will feel more like a divorce then of a break up. It's too much of an effort, trust me! Just my two cents, Curly
Author the_opposite_sex Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 We're def gettin married here w/in the next couple years.
CurlyIam Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Then definetely DO move in and live together before! You have a lot of things to discover about one another before the big step! IT's normal to be a bit nervous, it's a very big and important step in your life! Hope you enjoy it and that it will turn out great for you!
HoldOn Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I don't think that moving in together is wrong per se. But think about what you'll get out of it. I have lived with a guy before just because it was convenient and he didn't have a job or money to get his own place. THAT wasn't a good idea and I ended up getting really hurt. This obviously isn't your situation, but I was just putting my experience out there. I don't think it matters either way in your situation since you are getting married anyway. But I would advise against it for two reasons: 1.) If you get married, you'll be living together for the next 60 to 80 years. Living apart for a couple years will let you grow as individuals and learn how it is to be on your own. Dating will also be more exciting since you won't be seeing him every second of the day. 2.) If you live together before marriage, you'll come home from your honeymoon and life will just continue as usual. Being newlyweds won't be as exciting or fun, since you've done it all before.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 Holdon, i see your point on #2, but we've been together for 3 1/2 years now and haven't lived together at all....and we're not planning on living together til next summer or fall.
HoldOn Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 yes, but you are so young, that's why I said that living on your own for a longer time will be good for you. So you can be adults with separate lives...
moimeme Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I absolutely think you should live together if you're planning to marry. If there are unpleasant surprises, it's time to find them out. As for growing on your own - well, I'd not suggest marrying at all until 30 but since you plan to fairly early, I really doubt another year or so will make that much difference.
StartingAgain Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I'm looking for the link, but research published last year shows that living together does NOT make for a good "test drive." Indeed, thouse who live together first, have a significantly higher divorce rate. But, as Curly said, if you've every intention of marrying, and cohabitate first, the divorce rate is not significantly different from the background. The study suggest that living together first is not a good indicator of success for the relationship. Moreover,the frequency of sex and overall satisfaction with the relationship is significanly lower among those who live together than marrieds, and the rate of infidelity in cohabitating couples is much higher than that for marrieds. Even still, cohabitation is very popular and, I think, not terribly a bad idea for those who are not yet ready to marry. If I can find the link again, I'll post it.
HoldOn Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 "A 1992 study of 3,300 cases, for example, based on the 1987 National Survey of Families and Households, found that in their marriages prior cohabitors "are estimated to have a hazard of dissolution that is about 46% higher than for noncohabitors." The authors of this study concluded, after reviewing all previous studies, that the enhanced risk of marital disruption following cohabitation "is beginning to take on the status of an empirical generalization."5 " http://www.smartmarriages.com/cohabit.html
Author the_opposite_sex Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 hmm i looked into that website and a few others...and all them just give me a reason why i shouldn't live w/ my partner before marriage....but my partner and I have already agreed that we were gonna live together just to "tests the waters"..but now i'm a little more confused then before, even tho my b/f and I have already sat down and pretty much made our decision....i guess i shouldn't worry bout it too much then huh?
Author the_opposite_sex Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 btw, thanks to all of ya for the help/advice i'm gettin so far! Although I thought StartingAgain came off a little harsh, but who can tell if you can't hear the person's voice i guess.
HoldOn Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 It's definitely a big decision to live with your bf, so make sure you talk about ALL your questions with him before you do it. I'm sure everything will be fine!
abbyroadme Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Originally posted by StartingAgain SO is it right to move in together before we get married? How can we answer this question for you? Only the two of you know what's right for you. Exactly, you can't believe all of the statistics about living together before marriage. It's all depending on the couple. If you do, good luck!
feesh13 Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 You have a lot of things to discover about one another before the big step That's for sure. I'm living with my boyfriend (we've been together for 6 years and living together for about 1.5 years) I'm beginning to realize what a slob he is and that I am never going to have help cleaning the house and if I do it'll be a half assed cleaning. Guess that's a whole other post, don't wanna high-jack your's. It is a big step but if you feel ready for it only you and your bf can decide that no matter what anyone else's opinion is.
Boobata Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 It is such a good idea.... Move in together before marriage... because I can GUARANTEE you will learn alot about one another... or more along the lines of exactly how useless they are around the house ) I'm 22 and have been living with my other half for aboout 5 months now... I love him... but I now think I can't ever marry him... I'll kill him ) I need to move in with a girlfriend for a few months to recover.... Definately try before you buy!! Good Luck
magda Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 I think you should live on your own before you live with your boyfriend. Why? Because the biggest problems with living with your partner is dealing with little things like dealing with money, chores, and the responsibilities of everyday life. You should both have a handle on yourselves in these departments so that you don't have to go through the stress of learning it together which, if the lessons are hard which they are for many, will cause a lot of stress on your relationship.
HoldOn Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 I'm living with my boyfriend (we've been together for 6 years and living together for about 1.5 years) I'm beginning to realize what a slob he is and that I am never going to have help cleaning the house OK, I am not trying to be a b!tch but didn't you see his place before you lived together? How come you had to move in to see his mess? I think if you keep your eyes open and talk talk talk, you can learn everything you need to know.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 Yeah my b/f and I have talked alot about it. And i've seen the way he lives and takes care of himself, just by seeing his dorm room, seeing him live w/ his parents, etc. He's been on his own a year longer then i have b/c he's a year older. I know dorm life is different then living completely on your own in an apartment or whatever. But we've talked and talked about gettin a place together.
UCFKevin Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 I would never EVER marry a girl without living with her for at least a year first. You never know what you're stuck with until you're stuck with it.
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