Pregnant GF of 1 month wants nothing with me =)

[Bazamu]

Well relogged on to this website and last time I was on here, was December 18th, 2011. I found something else to keep me occupied and stop coming on here looking to see if people were posting more and more things every minute. I would hit the refresh page on my phone or the computer all hours of the night, just to see if anyone was responding. Looks like im back at square one, but with an even bigger problem.

 

First and foremost, I meet this girl at the bar, she was a Bartender, I never really wanted to talk to her, because she looked way too good looking for me or even anyone out there in this Club. After going there numerous times. I decided to ask her for a pen and paper and wrote my number down (I never do this). I was just so shocked to even ask her for her number. Anyways, a couple days later I get a random text message saying,

"Hey."

I of course ask, "who is this?"

Person, "Guess"

Me, " Richelle?"

Person "Wow, you must give out your number a lot."

 

Right as she said that I knew exactly who it was, hence I never give out my number like that.

 

eventually we talk for a day and I ask to pick her up, we start driving around town in colorado, Right next to the fires in late June (waldo canyon). I couldnt stand looking at the fires everyday, so I asked her while we were driving. "Want to get out of here?" She asked where and I told her me and a few of my friends and Their family are heading around the mountain where these fires are not located. A Hot spring up in Bueno Vista. She agreed to go and I got excited about this trip and get to know her, even more. the next day comes around and I take her up there..... yada yada yada, grab a room, enjoy the hot springs, and then Fornicate. Without a doubt no jimmy was used. We were like rabbits for the next 3 weeks. Yes, I know, very unintelligent and stupid on both parts. Pull out method never works >.<. Story goes on. I drink excessively for the most part and did lots of blow and other recreational hardcore drugs. Never thought once it was hurting something between us.

 

I was feeling us drift apart right when I got a text saying, "Well, the impossible happened." I knew she was pregnant right then. I did not panic and took control and said everything will be fine. While on her side she is freaked the F*** out, heh. a couple more days go by and she seems to be distant, I ask if she still likes me, and if she cares about me the same. she told me to never question her feelings nor emotions for me. I didnt get it. I stirred more things up in my brain thinking she has been seeing other people or wanting to just break up period.

 

Time goes by and eventually, she says we need to break up and we can still be friends. She said I can be here for the baby and thats it. Why this part happened is because I was being a little arrogant and kept coming into her work making a big scene in front of people. I accused her of sleeping with her uncle and drinking more heavily, yelling at her because she would never show emotions. This story is a little off since I am winging this off the top of my head. Why it came to me doing all of the accusing is, because she lied to me about stupid little **** in the very beginning. I will just make a list

 

1. She had one green eye and one brown eye saying she was born that way, Yeah, found out she was lying on that one

2. She told her parents that she was heading out of town with a different set of friends, hiding me from them

3. Told her parents my name was *** instead of my real name, like she was ashamed.

4. Told them she used a condom and it broke, and took a plan B.

and little lies here and there.

 

She lied from the beginning and it was hard to trust someone building **** off lies.

 

Now for the next part, if you arent bored of reading this yet. She lived with her parents, they mean a lot to her, so whenever a plan or opinion is said, she basically jumps on the boat and rows with them, so whatever is said, pretty much goes.

 

It just sucks when you get with someone like this and really have no idea who they are and keep the baby away from me. I already know its mine, because if she didnt want me to be in the picture at all, she would tell me it wasn't. She is keeping it and abortion is not an option.

 

I started buying and reading baby books changed my phone number, so I wouldnt have to get calls for drugs or parties anymore, stopped drinking and doing drugs and left my whole past behind, which was a few days ago. I basically threw everything away to risk it for her and this kid. Now, I know probably 90% of you would be like, damn, your dumb as hell, and other expressions im pretty sure, but I mean what else can I do?

 

I mean, its like its nothing to her, like this kid does not phase her and her trying to at least deal with me in this picture. She said she needs her space and respect that. I do respect her and I dont talk to her unless its about baby things, as in buying diapers. Which the text are 1 letter word texts back. I pretty much am going to raise this kid in a messed up society I dont want it to be in (remember, abortion is not an option). I just have a feeling she is going to try and get with some dude and he will try and raise it, or even bang her while she is pregnant. who knows, you can think of a million ways this can go wrong, even though it already has..

 

I apologize again for this story kinda of being all over the place and if this isnt in the right section, may you move it to the right one? Thanks Mods

Edited August 14, 2012 by Bazamu

[Bazamu]

Well, its just a way different senario in my case. as in f her and move on, or grab your balls and be a man. There is a damn kid coming out. I just dont see it fair with a child having one parent. Just confused is all. She is also young as hell, and very sexy. I know we will make a sexy baby for sure lol

[Bazamu]

Anyone else got an opinion or been in a situation like this? heh

[Mike_d]

1) get the blood test to make sure it is yours

2) you don't have to be together with the childs mother to be a dynamite father

3) be a dynamite father

4) you 2 are tied at the hip for the next 18+ years, and then still tied after that.

5) a childs success in life is tied impossibly close to the parenting of the mother, good mother = successful child. do your best to support her in a healthy way so that you kid has the best chance at a solid life.

 

regardless of if she wants you there right now chances are great that you are going to be around in some fashion. don't worry about it for the time being. establish that you are the father, take it from there

[Jamesblame]

She's probably freaked out and not certain whether or not to keep the kid. If I was in her shoes, I'd abort. Relationship too early.

 

If She keeps it then she'll definitely be in your life. Babies are expensive as hell. So just keep being the good guy, do the right thing, and I hope it works out for you.

 

I'd definitely let her know that you're there for her, that you know this adds a lot of stress/concern/ problems, and that most importantly, whatever she decides you'll support her in any capacity.

 

Then give her space.

[veggirl]

omg you both sound like hot messes. Why is she having the baby...?

[Bazamu]

Mike_d- that is the first thing that will happen when this baby comes out of her.

 

Jamesblame- You have no idea, she turned on bitch mode after I accused her of those few things, and on top of that, her family makes her choices

 

Veggirl- Because abortion is not the option. She wants to keep it, but I really think she wants to abort it.

[Bazamu]

*UPDATE*

 

She text me today telling me where the appointment was for the baby, finally. I told her thank you for telling me and she answers with a "Yup".

 

Great update lol

[Balzac]

Curious about how many weeks is the pregnancy? Is this mentioned appt an OB check up? Are you attending all of the prenatal checkups?

 

Some women are hormonal, emotional messes in the first 12 weeks.

 

Your transformation and story are pretty amazing. Not so sure how you can be so effectively cool and committed but hats off to you.

[Bazamu]

Balzac- She is 7 weeks pregnant, the next OB Check up will be August 23rd. I didn't know there was a prenatal appointments?....

 

reason me being cool is because I have my own flesh and blood will be coming out of there in a few months. I have to be =)

[veggirl]

will she answer if you call? how old are you guys...? I am shocked that she is being such a B about this..does she not want her child to have an involved father?

 

is there any possible way of having a mature discussion about this with her?

 

do you want to be with her or just be present in the baby's life?

[Balzac]

Baz~"prenatal" covers ALL medical care, office visits, prior to birth.

It's interesting that she/her family wish you to be involved actually.

Is she still working as a bartender? Consumption of alcohol, as surely you must know, is a risk to your fetus.

 

At 7 weeks she's likely still feeling fairly well, trust me that may change. Brace yourself for rough times if she suffers from illness & emotional volatility in the next 6 weeks. Choose your battles as they say.

 

Do your plans for the future include seeking legal counsel to obtain the greatest availability to your child? Not in an aggressive way but rather in a calm, methodical process? Child support is due your child but she never had to request it. Visitation is for you and your child, it is NOT tied to monetary support or the intimate relationship status of either parent. You come across as very interested in your parenting role and actually kinda thrilled! Lucky for your child is what I say to you. Is this girl done with her education? Will that become a future issue? Possibly her family, the boat rowers as you call them, are generous, able to subsidize her for years to come?

 

You have not mentioned your support system, family reaction is what?

 

My recommendation is to get your parental rights knowledge fully up to speed. Rather than threaten, maneuver access and childcare into your thinking, become the concerned father. Congrats to you btw. Maybe not the way you expected it but you are manning up.

[Bazamu]

I havent seen her in over 5 days, she does not want anything to do with me unless its for an appointment or about the Baby. She will always be this way it seems. She broke up with me not too long ago, but before then.... She was always saying she is nauseous and sick, I believe it was a way of her so I couldn't give her affection. I am a person where I will smoother the **** out of you until you till me its enough already.

 

She has a CNA degree that she doesn't seem she wants to pursue in, and she still works at the bar and smokes at least 10-15 cigarettes a day. She does not drink though, which is nice. Its a good thing she is still letting me go to these appointments. I just need to sit there and look at the screen and not talk to her unless she speaks to me. She demanded respect and space, so that's what I am giving her.

 

BTW, she is a bartender at a Strip Club =)/ Forgot to mention lol.

She is getting another job apparently Downtown here and its at a bar/club depends on what time of day it is.

 

As for my Family. They are super excited to see me be a dad and very content with me sobering up and wanting to be the best dad anyone can have. My kid doesn't need **** like that in his life nor see it when I'm with my child.

 

Thank you for the gratz. I can't wait actually, just the whole situation is fubared. If there was a way to make her use her mind and make the decisions on her own would be helpful, other than that. I love responses here on LS. Thanks!

[Balzac]

Get a grip on your smothering w this girl. Show up, be polite, express your delight and call it a work in progress. Romance or not, this baby connects the two of you.

 

CNA is physically more challenging, pays less than barkeep and there ya go.

In her work a day world, how will her changing physical form stress her?

Never mention the "fat" word. HaHa.

 

Again, congrats Baz and enjoy your 40 weeks of preparation.

[snug.bunny]

This:

1. She had one green eye and one brown eye saying she was born that way, Yeah, found out she was lying on that one

 

2. She told her parents that she was heading out of town with a different set of friends, hiding me from them

 

3. Told her parents my name was *** instead of my real name, like she was ashamed.

 

4. Told them she used a condom and it broke, and took a plan B.

 

Does not = sleeping with her Uncle. Is this for real? As for #2, 3, and #4, yes that sounds weird. Are her parents strict? #1, seems a bit like "grasping at straws", to hold against her/over hear head.

 

Why this part happened is because I was being a little arrogant and kept coming into her work making a big scene in front of people. I accused her of sleeping with her uncle and drinking more heavily, yelling at her because she would never show emotions.

oooof.

 

It's good to hear you quit doing drugs and will be there for your child. There's a lot to look into and research with a baby on the way, so try to take it one day at a time. Best wishes and congrats!

[Bazamu]

I'm trying one day at a time. I am realizing I said more things to her to put her in this state of mind, like not trusting her enough and my confidence levels are low with this one. She is gorgeous and I could never understand why she was single when I met her in the first place.

[Bazamu]

Yeah, its definitely mine or she would have told me, so I would have left by now. Thats the only link between her and I. Once the baby comes out, I will be very polite and ask about the paternity test probably after a couple days and then find out 100%. Even if its not right now, I will treat as mine unless otherwise.

[Bazamu]

You do have a kinda valid point, but why would she wait when I'm not even there

[Bazamu]

I have calculated the dates over and over again. The only way she did some other guy is the one day I never really saw her. I'm about 90% sure on this. There is nothing you can really do about until the baby is born. You could do one that goes in the sack, but is a very high risk of death.

[Bazamu]

I try my best. Since she has my kid, I want it to try and work out. TRY I said. Still have awhile to go. When I mean try, I mean as in her and I.

[CC12]

I'm trying one day at a time. I am realizing I said more things to her to put her in this state of mind, like not trusting her enough and my confidence levels are low with this one.

 

Yes, it's good that you realize that accusing her of sleeping with her uncle, yelling at her, and causing scenes at her place of employment did put her in this "state of mind," as you call it, of not wanting to have anything to do with you.

 

I bet apologizing to her for being a dick would go a long way toward smoothing things over. Have you thought about doing that?

 

Also, can you please explain why you thought she was sleeping with her uncle? It's important to the progression of this thread. TIA.

[Bazamu]

Me telling her, sorry for being a dick wouldn't cut it. I'm giving her space and a few weeks to see where it leads to. For the other part, when we first met. She lied her ass off about measly things what was pointless. I'm pretty sure everyone can agree trust is what builds a relationship, so this relationship was bound to fall.

 

It's her stepdads brother who is 41 and pretty good looking. She was sitting on his lap and they were having a good time. Tickling each other and poking on each other. She looked hella happy. I was pretty obliterated by then with alcohol and didn't want to say anything. Eventually I did and boy that went well, hence why I stopped drinking and the other things. I guess I do lack some confidence with this, but *****. Would you be able to trust someone if they lied to you and about you to everyone in the very beginning?

[CC12]

Me telling her, sorry for being a dick wouldn't cut it. I'm giving her space and a few weeks to see where it leads to.

 

Sure, I wasn't suggesting that saying you're sorry would automatically fix everything. You can send a quick text that says something like, "I have come to the realization that I was a weird, creepy, rude jerk to you. I understand your need for space and I'm going to respect that from now on. I just wanted to say I'm truly sorry for treating you that way." Obviously, don't say any of this if you're not really sorry. But you really should be sorry. It sounds like you were pretty out of line with some of the things you said/did.

 

For the other part, when we first met. She lied her ass off about measly things what was pointless. I'm pretty sure everyone can agree trust is what builds a relationship, so this relationship was bound to fall.

 

Yes, relationships are built on trust. But maybe she had no intention of building a relationship when she first started sleeping with you? She lied about "pointless" and "measly" things, and that's bad. But, I mean, really, how much stock did you put into this person who you'd only known for like five weeks or whatever? Up until she found out she was pregnant, your relationship consisted of cocaine, drinking, and "fornicating for three weeks." That was not a "relationship." Now, though, you will have some kind of relationship for 18+ years. So do you really want to squabble over her natural eye color or the lies she told her parents? You have better things to worry about now.

 

It's her stepdads brother who is 41 and pretty good looking. She was sitting on his lap and they were having a good time. Tickling each other and poking on each other. She looked hella happy.

 

That sounds pretty gross and inappropriate, to be honest. But do you know what the absolute worst way to handle this would be? It would be to yell and accuse her of ****ing that dude. That's a pretty outrageous accusation.

 

Would you be able to trust someone if they lied to you and about you to everyone in the very beginning?

 

Hey, guess what? It doesn't matter if you trust this girl or not because it's not going to change the outcome, which is: You are a Dad. Congrats!

 

Being a Dad does not require any trust in the mother. You can still do your job as best you can.

 

How old are the two of you? You haven't answered this yet.

[snug.bunny]

Yeah, its definitely mine or she would have told me, so I would have left by now. Thats the only link between her and I. Once the baby comes out, I will be very polite and ask about the paternity test probably after a couple days and then find out 100%. Even if its not right now, I will treat as mine unless otherwise.

 

There is a prenatal paternity test:

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/20/health/paternity-blood-tests-that-work-early-in-a-pregnancy.html?pagewanted=all

 

I know bringing it up/asking for a prenatal pregnancy test is a sensitive subject, and there are ways you can go about it that aren't necessarily accusatory, but, moreso for peace of mind.

 

Having a child is a serious matter and not to be taken lightly.

[Frank13]

1. She had one green eye and one brown eye saying she was born that way, Yeah, found out she was lying on that one

 

How does a person do this if they weren't born that way? Are you saying she wears colored contact lenses? Why would someone make an ass out of themselves with two different eye colors and then lie about it?