ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It's not that she doesn't recognize your strengths, but my question is whether one who openly appreciates them is more appealing to you, all else being equal. At the gym now...I'll type out an example from my own life to illustrate my point when I get home... It's 5 am here so I'm going to bed, I'll respond later I'm guessing it wouldn't matter much if she appreciated my strengths or not, as she would have her own interpretation of what makes me attractive to her, whether they are my considered strengths or not. Perhaps on a superficial level, it would appeal to me if she appreciated parts of me that I consider strengths.
MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Some of the answers here are just ridiculous. There is such a thing as too PC. Come on people... You got 2 prospects. 1 appreciates your strengths and makes it known that he/she likes them. The other 1 is the same level of attractiveness, same personality, except this person doesn't outwardly appreciate what you feel are your strengths. Are some of you seriously saying you don't know which you would pick? Assuming everything else about them is the same? Only on LS 2
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It is a given that my SO would appreciate my strengths - perhaps my concern would be if they also accepted my weaknesses. I can't bold this enough! 2
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 In this, it's extremely important to me that my H. appreciates me for all of me, especially my mind and personality. If all he ever did was to compliment me and worse yet, profusely on my looks, then it wouldn't have worked out. As far as a lot of compliments, no thanks. When showered with them, they become redundant since they're inauthentic. 4
Pyro Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Get a motorcycle. She won't be able to resist appreciating you then. 2
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 In this, it's extremely important to me that my H. appreciates me for all of me, especially my mind and personality. If all he ever did was to compliment me and worse yet, profusely on my looks, then it wouldn't have worked out. As far as a lot of compliments, no thanks. When showered with them, they become redundant since they're inauthentic. I can't agree more with this either.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 In this, it's extremely important to me that my H. appreciates me for all of me, especially my mind and personality. If all he ever did was to compliment me and worse yet, profusely on my looks, then it wouldn't have worked out. As far as a lot of compliments, no thanks. When showered with them, they become redundant since they're inauthentic. I don't necessarily mean just compliments with direct words. I mean actions that show that he appreciates your qualities, especially the ones that you feel are strengths of yours. I'm sure he appreciates you "all of you," but I'm primarily focusing on qualities you know are particularly remarkable...unless you have none...
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I think I know exactly how you'd answer it, but you're afraid to do so... Again, it's not about them validating that you're funny. You KNOW you're funny. That is not in question. It's about them appreciating that you're funny. One of the reasons they enjoy being with you is that they enjoy your humor. Now compare that to someone who is very ambivalent about your humor. Do you feel less connected to them? Not really, because my sense of humor doesnt define me. There are many facets that make up AlexCross devildog. So if she was ambivalent about me being a good guy or having a good heart, then I would have an issue. But a sense of humor nah I can care less. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I'm primarily focusing on qualities you know are particularly remarkable...unless you have none... Why don't you just tell us all these qualities you have that you "know" are particularly remarkable that you're upset about Arkansas not appreciating?
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Not really, because my sense of humor doesnt define me. There are many facets that make up AlexCross devildog. So if she was ambivalent about me being a good guy or having a good heart, then I would have an issue. But a sense of humor nah I can care less. Ok, so for you personally, these are important qualities you feel you possess. Let's change humor from the previous example to those qualities. What result?
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Ok, so for you personally, these are important qualities you feel you possess. Let's change humor from the previous example to those qualities. What result? I really don't think there would be a result. If I am dating someone I highly doubt and this all hypothetical that she wouldn't appreciate a man with a good heart unless she is socially retarded. But to answer your question would I require her appreciation or validation, no because if she cant see me for who I am there are about 20 other women that can. Actions speak louder then words. And we live in a world where most people are passive aggressive about communication. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I really don't think there would be a result. If I am dating someone I highly doubt and this all hypothetical that she wouldn't appreciate a man with a good heart unless she is socially retarded. But to answer your question would I require her appreciation or validation, no because if she cant see me for who I am there are about 20 other women that can. Actions speak louder then words. The bolded made me chuckle. And I agree completely. 1
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 unless you have none...Guess I have none then.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I really don't think there would be a result. If I am dating someone I highly doubt and this all hypothetical that she wouldn't appreciate a man with a good heart unless she is socially retarded. But to answer your question would I require her appreciation or validation, no because if she cant see me for who I am there are about 20 other women that can. Actions speak louder then words. And we live in a world where most people are passive aggressive about communication. So you'd prefer a girl who did appreciate those qualities...? That's all I was asking.
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 USMC, I like you. I like your posts, your sense of humor. You should of made a thread instead of hypotheticals, something plausible such as, the girl I am dating doesnt appreciate me. Thats real. You can be romantic and she would not be receptive to that, receiving flowers, thats something that would bother me, her not appreciating my romantic side. 2
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 So you'd prefer a girl who did appreciate those qualities...? That's all I was asking. Thats a given. It shouldnt even have to be asked. That is basic interpersonal relationship 101. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I found that when someone sees your weaknesses as strengths...you are onto a keeper. 4
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I found that when someone sees your weaknesses as strengths...you are onto a keeper. The crappy thing is when a woman sees your weaknesses, and uses them against you. Ok if a person sees your weaknesses. No gender wars.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 USMC, I like you. I like your posts, your sense of humor. You should of made a thread instead of hypotheticals, something plausible such as, the girl I am dating doesnt appreciate me. Thats real. You can be romantic and she would not be receptive to that, receiving flowers, thats something that would bother me, her not appreciating my romantic side. Well, the woman I'm with now actually appreciates what I consider my strengths more than anyone I've ever dated. And these are things she's identified on her own, and they happen to match all the things I value about myself. The example I was going to use to illustrate this, as shallow as it may sound, is physique. There have been some girls who have been very ambivalent towards it, almost as if they don't notice it, whereas some, and especially the current one, greatly appreciate it, and their actions reflect this. Just as an example, if I were to remove my shirt, or have my shirt removed, prior to relations, the reaction coming from her is quite enthralling. Her jaw always drops, and she'll say something expressing her appreciation and desire, and then run her hands over the body in awe. Compare this with the reaction of someone who doesn't notice or doesn't care. Can you honestly say that one wouldn't be more appealing than the other to you? 1
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Guess I have none then. It wasn't meant to be a passive aggressive remark, but a serious inquiry. There are average folks out there who legitimately don't have any remarkable traits. Therefore, they wouldn't receive any particular appreciation for them.
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Well, the woman I'm with now actually appreciates what I consider my strengths more than anyone I've ever dated. And these are things she's identified on her own, and they happen to match all the things I value about myself. The example I was going to use to illustrate this, as shallow as it may sound, is physique. There have been some girls who have been very ambivalent towards it, almost as if they don't notice it, whereas some, and especially the current one, greatly appreciate it, and their actions reflect this. Just as an example, if I were to remove my shirt, or have my shirt removed, prior to relations, the reaction coming from her is quite enthralling. Her jaw always drops, and she'll say something expressing her appreciation and desire, and then run her hands over the body in awe. Compare this with the reaction of someone who doesn't notice or doesn't care. Can you honestly say that one wouldn't be more appealing than the other to you? Ok. I am about to let one of my recent insecurities out but who cares. Up until July 30, I lost 75 lbs. I gained a six pack, almost an 8 pack, not bragging, I put on muscle and I changed the way I looked completely. July 30 I had surgery, major surgery and I am healing currently which is why my post count is so high. I am petrified to take my shirt off due to the scars from the surgery. Now that is something I have to approach as it comes. Going to the beach is gonna suck. Whose going to want me ?
threebyfate Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It wasn't meant to be a passive aggressive remark, but a serious inquiry. There are average folks out there who legitimately don't have any remarkable traits. Therefore, they wouldn't receive any particular appreciation for them.It's comments like these that make me wonder if you've ever been in love before. Your partner is remarkable in your eyes.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Ok. I am about to let one of my recent insecurities out but who cares. Up until July 30, I lost 75 lbs. I gained a six pack, almost an 8 pack, not bragging, I put on muscle and I changed the way I looked completely. July 30 I had surgery, major surgery and I am healing currently which is why my post count is so high. I am petrified to take my shirt off due to the scars from the surgery. Now that is something I have to approach as it comes. Going to the beach is gonna suck. Whose going to want me ? Did not intend to bring up any of your own insecurities, just illustrating a point. I noticed that I felt more enthusiastic about the women who showed such appreciation than those who were ambivalent to my humor, intelligence, physique, etc. My question is whether it's normal to feel this way, or is it a neurologically embedded "need" for external validation that TBF brought up yesterday?
Anela Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 yeah that'll happen, if you're hawt. women regular turn guys strengths into weeknesses. done well in scoholl, nerd. has a good job, workaholic. ran a marathon, stupid. it never ends. I think that when this is appreciated in both sexes, it's because those people aren't sitting around whining: they're doing something (and they usually love doing it). I say this as someone who can whine a lot, when I'm feeling low/defeated.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 It's comments like these that make me wonder if you've ever been in love before. Your partner is remarkable in your eyes. Objectively remarkable. You must be intentionally missing the point of my inquiry.
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