USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 As the title states, do you like when a significant other identifies, appreciates, and "externally validates" qualities of yours you feel are strengths? Or do you not care? Put another way, do you mind if a significant other doesn't recognize something about you that you're particularly proud of, either physical or non-physical...? Would you feel slighted by her disregard for it?
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 OMG. Another thread about external validation. My SO appreciates me, the whole of me.
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Two people should compliment each other. It shouldnt be an ego pissing contest about validation. 1
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I also mean to include people you're dating or just starting to date.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Two people should compliment each other. It shouldnt be an ego pissing contest about validation. For example, if you consider yourself intelligent, but the girl doesn't think you are or doesn't openly appreciate your intelligence, does it affect how you feel about her? Or funny...?
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I also mean to include people you're dating or just starting to date. Well if you start dating that person isn't a given they already appreciate and are looking forward to what you are bringing to the table ? 1
johan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Appreciate my strengths?! i could care less. She just better suck on them. 2
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Well if you start dating that person isn't a given they already appreciate and are looking forward to what you are bringing to the table ? What do you feel is a particular strength of yours...? Something you're proud of or worked hard for.
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 For example, if you consider yourself intelligent, but the girl doesn't think you are or doesn't openly appreciate your intelligence, does it affect how you feel about her? Or funny...? I agree but how would you know this ? It would be awfully rude of her to say I dont think your intelligent. I mean if you can hold a good conversation, that speaks volumes. If she likes you and comes back for more that should speak volumes as well.
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 What do you feel is a particular strength of yours...? Something you're proud of or worked hard for. My trial skills, courtroom presence, etc. But, I could care less if my SO didn't put my trial skills and courtroom presence on the top of his list of things he appreciates and values about me as a relationship partner. Something else? Running endurance. But, I could care less if my SO didn't put my athleticism on the top of things he appreciates and values about me as a relationship partner. I don't use my relationships to boost my ego.
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 What do you feel is a particular strength of yours...? Something you're proud of or worked hard for. I have many strengths, some of which people dont like and are not used too is my brutal honesty, I dont sugar coat things, if you want things sugar coated, go eat a donut. I also have a great sense of humor and have been making people laugh since I was in diapers. I have worked hard at not being so shy and letting my guard down. 1
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 My trial skills, courtroom presence, etc. But, I could care less if my SO didn't put my trial skills and courtroom presence on the top of his list of things he appreciates and values about me as a relationship partner. Something else? Running endurance. But, I could care less if my SO didn't put my athleticism on the top of things he appreciates and values about me as a relationship partner. I don't use my relationships to boost my ego. Thats an awesome sexual fantasy, a trial. StarGazer: Your in contempt! Shirt off! Her S/O - I strenously object motion denied, panties off!!!!!!
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 what a snarky rude response. So says the Loveshacker who didnt have the balls to post under their real account so they had to make a new one. 3
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Thats an awesome sexual fantasy, a trial. StarGazer: Your in contempt! Shirt off! Her S/O - I strenously object motion denied, panties off!!!!!! Okay, maybe he does appreciate my skillzzzzz. 1
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 good question. it depends what it is. going to follow this thread. i might learn something. First lesson - Google the word incognito 1
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I have many strengths, some of which people dont like and are not used too is my brutal honesty, I dont sugar coat things, if you want things sugar coated, go eat a donut. I also have a great sense of humor and have been making people laugh since I was in diapers. I have worked hard at not being so shy and letting my guard down. Alright, we'll use your sense of humor since humor, for the most part, is universally appealing. We'll also assume you have a neutral, universally appealing sense of humor for the purpose of this example. Let's say you just started dating two women. The first one is always laughing and enjoying your humor, telling you how funny you are. Meanwhile, you might get a chuckle out of the other, but she doesn't seem to appreciate or even care about your humor. All else being equal, which one is more appealing to you? This isn't about ego stroking or any of that, it's about finding someone who actually appreciates being with you and finds you special and worth dating, and manifests that belief with an outward appreciation of your particular qualities or strengths. Sure, everyone can be dunny, but you internally feel that is a strength particular to YOU. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Alright, we'll use your sense of humor since humor, for the most part, is universally appealing. Bad example. Humor is universally appealing, but not all types of humor are universally appealing.
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 This isn't about ego stroking or any of that, it's about finding someone who actually appreciates being with you and finds you special and worth dating, and manifests that belief with an outward appreciation of your particular qualities or strengths. Actually, what you're suggesting *is* about ego stroking. If they are dating you, then they already appreciate being with you and find you special and worth dating. They shouldn't have to sit there and articulate for you on a regular basis why they're with you.
johan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 She should caress my strengths and treat them like rare gems. She should use the moisture in her warm breath to fog them up and then polish them with the soft hairs on her cheek. ...I guess that's a form of appreciation. 1
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Alright, we'll use your sense of humor since humor, for the most part, is universally appealing. We'll also assume you have a neutral, universally appealing sense of humor for the purpose of this example. Let's say you just started dating two women. The first one is always laughing and enjoying your humor, telling you how funny you are. Meanwhile, you might get a chuckle out of the other, but she doesn't seem to appreciate or even care about your humor. All else being equal, which one is more appealing to you? This isn't about ego stroking or any of that, it's about finding someone who actually appreciates being with you and finds you special and worth dating, and manifests that belief with an outward appreciation of your particular qualities or strengths. Sure, everyone can be dunny, but you internally feel that is a strength particular to YOU. You know I don't know how to answer this. If the one that doesnt laugh I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Shy girls tend to either laugh alot or not laugh at all before they come out of their shell, as for the other one I am more then confident in myself that them appreciating my sense of humor would be an attraction factor. I know that I am a funny guy my mom says so! Bottom line is I don't need their validation. Actions speak louder then words. Ill find out if i make it to a second date.
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Everytime I see a new Hokie thread, I expect to see the words "external validation" or "surface trait theory". And the occasional reference to dick measuring It is a given that my SO would appreciate my strengths - perhaps my concern would be if they also accepted my weaknesses. 3
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 You know I don't know how to answer this. If the one that doesnt laugh I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Shy girls tend to either laugh alot or not laugh at all before they come out of their shell, as for the other one I am more then confident in myself that them appreciating my sense of humor would be an attraction factor. I know that I am a funny guy my mom says so! Bottom line is I don't need their validation. Actions speak louder then words. Ill find out if i make it to a second date. I think I know exactly how you'd answer it, but you're afraid to do so... Again, it's not about them validating that you're funny. You KNOW you're funny. That is not in question. It's about them appreciating that you're funny. One of the reasons they enjoy being with you is that they enjoy your humor. Now compare that to someone who is very ambivalent about your humor. Do you feel less connected to them?
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Everytime I see a new Hokie thread, I expect to see the words "external validation" or "surface trait theory". And the occasional reference to dick measuring It is a given that my SO would appreciate my strengths - perhaps my concern would be if they also accepted my weaknesses. Is it truly a given though...?
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Is it truly a given though...? If she didn't appreciate my strengths, then why would she be dating me? It wouldn't make sense, so I assume it would be a given. Unless she valued my weaknesses more than my strengths. Depends on what she would believe my strengths are.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 If she didn't appreciate my strengths, then why would she be dating me? It wouldn't make sense, so I assume it would be a given. Unless she valued my weaknesses more than my strengths. Depends on what she would believe my strengths are. It's not that she doesn't recognize your strengths, but my question is whether one who openly appreciates them is more appealing to you, all else being equal. At the gym now...I'll type out an example from my own life to illustrate my point when I get home...
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