Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Are you Phillydude in disguise? Also, if you're not even giving out your name until after two dates, I hope you're not expecting any action for at least a month Lol good one!If I said she hasn't called to see how I'm doing before the date I'd be busted! 1
Emilia Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I chatted with men on email or text who had known my full name before our first OLD date but I think it's a good idea to hold off until you meet. She is a stranger after all and it's good to keep remembering that. Too much familiarity too soon isn't a good idea.
Imajerk17 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I give a girl my last name--I usually volunteer it. I have nothing to hide, and it even makes both of us more like "real people". It's not a huge deal to give a girl your last name. You give your last name to whomever you hand your credit card to say when you go out to dinner.
Jamesblame Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I understand why some poeple feel comfortable doing that...but personally it offends and freaks me out when someone wants to do a background check on me for a first/second date. Sleeping with someone/bringing someone home...maybe. But meeting for coffee? Piss off. of course this goes to different values: Trusting/closed. So maybe that's why it's particularly unappetizing to me.
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I never went out with a guy from OLD who I didn't know his last name. Your response would have me questioning what you're hiding and why you're afraid to tell me something so basic about yourself.
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I understand why some poeple feel comfortable doing that...but personally it offends and freaks me out when someone wants to do a background check on me for a first/second date. Sleeping with someone/bringing someone home...maybe. But meeting for coffee? Piss off. of course this goes to different values: Trusting/closed. So maybe that's why it's particularly unappetizing to me. It did have an awkward vibe when she asked that's why I went with my gut and said let's get to know eachother. I agree with you 100% about being too soon. My POV is that it's a 1st date and we don't even know how it's gonna go. We are going to a public place so there's no need IMO. Anyway she texted AGAIN for my bday and I told her we haven't met in IRL but I'll tell her when me meet and when she runds the background check it'll come back as never married, honest and passionate" and she laughed.
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I never went out with a guy from OLD who I didn't know his last name. Your response would have me questioning what you're hiding and why you're afraid to tell me something so basic about yourself. I can understand that but if it's no big deal walk up to a stranger and tell him your whole name and birthday. I'm 99% sure her intentions are good but I'm not risking the 1% and telling a stranger my whole name and bday. You can have your identity stolen with just that, it was happening on facebook which is why I have my DOB hidden there. 4
Peanut9330 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I dont think your doing anything wrong I personally would want to meet someone before I share my last name I would just wait and see how things go. I once had a guy pay for one of the cell phone searches on me after our first date, and a few weeks later when I had dinner at his house I saw them just laying there on the table. He excused himself and when to get some wine from the basement by the time he was back I was already in my car and halfway down him block.
TheMeatloafJuggler Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Move at the speed that makes you comfortable. If you don't want to do it, you aren't comfortable doing it, and then you shouldn't if you don't want. If there are consequences, then there are, that's something you can't control. I do believe all men should make due regard for a woman's sense of safety. I think every woman has a right to feel safe from harm in her interactions with a relatively new male in her life. That being said, I often find issues like this as mini power plays by one of the parties involved. I hate to say it, but I find that there are many women out there who like to "test" men early on. How far can I push and get what I want, what ever it is, because it sets a tone for the possible future. If she asks and you say no, and she keeps asking, it would reflect to me that she has no respect for you. If it's such a deal breaker for her, then she should leave. Hate to say it, but there are a lot of women out there who feel that if they've given you information, whether you asked for it or not, they are entitled to the same from you in the beginning of the process. Again, I have no issues with a need for safety, but I have issues with the parts that could be entitlement or some mini power play. Do this, give her you mother's maiden name. See if she confronts you. Then tell her you gave her your mothers maidens name to see if she'd snoop into your life. Ask her then if she'd like it if you dug deep into her background ( She will say she wouldn't mind, but my guess is she would be pissed out of her mind if you actually did that) Move at your comfort level. Too often I think most men are pushed and pulled and bullied into only what makes women comfortable in the courtship process.
8mia8 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I also wouldn't meet someone from OLD who wouldn't give me their last name. However, I think it's very old that someone would ask you for your birthday.
veggirl Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Honestly I prob wouldn't be giving out my last name, birthdate incl year etc to someone I hadn't even met. I mean why? You could google my first and last name (both are common) and what? You could pull up a million diff people who are not me. If she is sooo paranoid about you being an axe murderer or married then she should just not do OLD. I mean really. I would be soo turned off knowing some dude is google stalking me or facebook stalking me before we even met. I know a lot of people do it but I don't need to know about it. She can't just meet you for a coffee or whatever and then assess from there? Paranoid, paranoid...
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Honestly I prob wouldn't be giving out my last name, birthdate incl year etc to someone I hadn't even met. I mean why? You could google my first and last name (both are common) and what? You could pull up a million diff people who are not me. If she is sooo paranoid about you being an axe murderer or married then she should just not do OLD. I mean really. I would be soo turned off knowing some dude is google stalking me or facebook stalking me before we even met. I know a lot of people do it but I don't need to know about it. She can't just meet you for a coffee or whatever and then assess from there? Paranoid, paranoid... Right and not to judge her I don't know her but shouldn't you be able to tell if someone is full of crap after a few dates by their actions and stuff? What does that say about her that she meets nothing but jerks? Mabye she needs to adjust her people picker.
veggirl Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Right and not to judge her I don't know her but shouldn't you be able to tell if someone is full of crap after a few dates by their actions and stuff? What does that say about her that she meets nothing but jerks? Mabye she needs to adjust her people picker. I agree completely. Many people (men and women) ignore the obvious signs though, and are blind to the subtle ones (willingly I think, out of just wanting a partner so badly)..and well, that sucks for them but it's not anyone else's fault. 1
Crila16 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Why won't you tell her? What's the big deal. No offense, but you sound kinda stuffy.
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) Why won't you tell her? What's the big deal. No offense, but you sound kinda stuffy. PM me your full name and birthday. It's the same scenario, we're online and haven't met yet. No big deal right? Edited August 14, 2012 by SJC2008 edit 4
oaks Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Why won't you tell her? What's the big deal. No offense, but you sound kinda stuffy. I'm guessing your real name isn't "Crila16"? What have you got to hide? 2
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Why won't you tell her? What's the big deal. No offense, but you sound kinda stuffy. On the other side of the coin why does she have to know someones last name and birthday to have a few drinks and a bite to eat in a public place?? Mabye she's "stuffy".
todreaminblue Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Got a date set up this week off OLD and she asked for my last name via text. I said let's see if we enjoy eachothers company and then we'll discuss last names. She responded "Oh, wow.Ok." then lol afterward. I told her didn't mean anything bad by it then she said no worries my last name is x. Now I feel like an idiot becasue she told me hers but I'm not telling hers mine until the 2nd date at the earliest what's the point? A lot of people dont give out their last names on the net or use aliases you should really get to know someone before you give out your full details especially on dating sites that's my opinion though...deb
RiverRunning Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Your reaction was perfectly acceptable to a question that's very invasive (considering you just met her on-line). The fact is, that's all you need is for her to do a Google background check. Maybe she'll find sensitive work information on you. Then, if you guys don't work out or she gets angry at you on the first date, you might have a psycho calling/e-mailing you at work. Asking for more personal details like that before you've even met is in bad form and it's intrusive. Her response to your refusal to answer her is telling. What she SHOULD have said is, "Okay, I can agree to that. Maybe after the first or second date." Instead of trying to make YOU feel like a jerk. I would never give someone my last name if we hadn't even met in person (or at least had a long-time, ongoing relationship on-line). She should understand you want to move slowly, and you should both want to find out if you're psychos before giving out personal information. I regret that I once met a guy on-line. The first date, he was pressing me for my last name, my phone number, etc. Like an idiot (I was 18 at the time), I gave it to him. The second time around, he was pressing to meet my family. I obliged and let him meet them...then he was all over me. Long story short, I hadn't been that into him from the start but ignored my gut. He kept calling me and showed up to my house once, very angry, looking for me. You give someone you don't know that kind of power, and they will run with it. Don't do it, OP. 1
Author SJC2008 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 So anyway we met up and we had a good time. We joked about it and she even said she thought I was gonna back out bescase she was being so pushy. We talked about it more in depth when we met up for dinner and we agreed on how we can see the other persons point of view and such. She's a redhead like me lol. I've never been really too attracted to them but she's cute in her own way, has a nice figure. We have a lot in common in that we've both have had somewhat rough lives and she told me she's only had one serious r that was 10 years ago so I was relived to hear that because I'm not expd. Also we're both busy with work and school so were on the same page there. She mentioned a couple of times that she doesn't want me to go out with anyone else on the site lol so I'm pretty sure she's intersted. At the end of the date we had a nice little mini makeout session too! P.S. we both exchanged b-days lol I really don't care I jsut didn't want to do it with someone I've yet to meet IRL guys gotta look out for themselves too!
johan Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 That's a great outcome. She sounds like a nice person.
monkey00 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 She mentioned a couple of times that she doesn't want me to go out with anyone else on the site lol so I'm pretty sure she's intersted. At the end of the date we had a nice little mini makeout session too! P.S. we both exchanged b-days lol I really don't care I jsut didn't want to do it with someone I've yet to meet IRL guys gotta look out for themselves too! whoa, sounds like she wants you all to herself dude. haha, keep up the good work!
oaks Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Last week a woman asked for my last name once she had agreed to a first date. Then she canceled the date (on the day of the date, a few days after getting my name), but said we can reschedule. Now she's unavailable for the new date, too. I wonder what she found, or if it's even related. Oh well. Slightly annoying, but probably saved time in the long run. OP, glad your date went well!
Radu Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 So anyway we met up and we had a good time. We joked about it and she even said she thought I was gonna back out bescase she was being so pushy. We talked about it more in depth when we met up for dinner and we agreed on how we can see the other persons point of view and such. She's a redhead like me lol. I've never been really too attracted to them but she's cute in her own way, has a nice figure. We have a lot in common in that we've both have had somewhat rough lives and she told me she's only had one serious r that was 10 years ago so I was relived to hear that because I'm not expd. Also we're both busy with work and school so were on the same page there. She mentioned a couple of times that she doesn't want me to go out with anyone else on the site lol so I'm pretty sure she's intersted. At the end of the date we had a nice little mini makeout session too! P.S. we both exchanged b-days lol I really don't care I jsut didn't want to do it with someone I've yet to meet IRL guys gotta look out for themselves too! For the bolded part : - first one and what you said about rough lives is a ... red flag of sorts; first date you don't discuss who hurt you and what not. - oh, how cute of her ... she wants you all to herself. Will she do the same for you ?
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