SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Got a date set up this week off OLD and she asked for my last name via text. I said let's see if we enjoy eachothers company and then we'll discuss last names. She responded "Oh, wow.Ok." then lol afterward. I told her didn't mean anything bad by it then she said no worries my last name is x. Now I feel like an idiot becasue she told me hers but I'm not telling hers mine until the 2nd date at the earliest what's the point?
venusianx13 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 So she can Google you and make sure you're not a creep. 2
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I would hold off. I had a similar situation. Because of the nature of my employment, a lot of stuff comes up and for someone who you are meeting for the first time, thats a lil iffy.
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I would hold off. I had a similar situation. Because of the nature of my employment, a lot of stuff comes up and for someone who you are meeting for the first time, thats a lil iffy. I would of told her on our first date and still will but it just had that out of left field vibe given that we've never even met. I hope I didn't come accross like I have something to hide but oh well.
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I would of told her on our first date and still will but it just had that out of left field vibe given that we've never even met. I hope I didn't come accross like I have something to hide but oh well. Well the fact is there are alot of unsavory people on the internet, I made the mistake of giving someone my last name once and it blew up in my face. Go on the date and see how it goes. Chances are she just wants to google you or see if you have Facebook. 1
chphan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) Got a date set up this week off OLD and she asked for my last name via text. I said let's see if we enjoy eachothers company and then we'll discuss last names. She responded "Oh, wow.Ok." then lol afterward. I told her didn't mean anything bad by it then she said no worries my last name is x. Now I feel like an idiot becasue she told me hers but I'm not telling hers mine until the 2nd date at the earliest what's the point? Not that big of a deal that you make it out to be. Sure you have your reason but than again maybe to her it's not that big of a deal hence she gave out hers to be friendly. You should have been more flexible in these kind of situation. She gave out hers than you should do the same. Reason why you feel like an idiot is part of you pretty much tells you you should have to keep things friendly. You kind of gave her a bad vibe like you got something to hide when she's trying to put the effort in knowing you. Don't volunteer to give out your last name but if ask then you should do so as well. I had a couple of exchanges with a couple of girls and especially with one girl where we seem to hit it off on what we have in common in terms of likes and hobbies. I introduce myself and after several in-depth exchanges I keep asking her for her name or drop hints of what her name was but she kept ignoring that requests. After 3 days of several exchanges I just drop the exchanges kind of annoyed in making an effort while this stupid girl wouldn't even give out her name. Ask her for her number and she deflected and ask about exchanging facebook and MSN to chat. Gave me a vibe that she's not serious at all. I don't have facebook and I'm not a chat buddy. Edited August 14, 2012 by chphan
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 You should have been more flexible in these kind of situation. She gave out hers than you should do the same. Reason why you feel like an idiot is part of you pretty much tells you you should have to keep things friendly. You kind of gave her a bad vibe like you got something to hide when she's trying to put the effort in knowing you. Thanks for the feedback. She didn't give hers until I didn't give mine so if she was "putting in the effort" she would of said "My last name is x what's yours?
johan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Depends what you want from her. Do you like her and want to try to build something lasting? Then show her you don't have anything to hide. Your first and last name is available to thousands of people who you don't know at all. That information isn't the key to much. If you don't care that much and prefer to keep your distance, then don't share. 3
chphan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Thanks for the feedback. She didn't give hers until I didn't give mine so if she was "putting in the effort" she would of said "My last name is x what's yours? True but you are second guessing yourself here on what ifs. She could have easily volunteer her last name out after you gave out hers. Who knows. Doesn't matter to me at all since this is your situation. You struggling with this situation is because part of you is second guessing on how you handle it. If you second guessing than it pretty much means you wish you had volunteer instead of not telling her. Asking us to reassure you that you did the right thing isn't going to change you second guessing yourself.
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Should I text her back and tell her I'll tell her when we meet?
venusianx13 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Don't share until after the second date, unless she presses you (for whatever her reasons might be) and if you truly have nothing to hide. I googled some dude I was dating after our second date and I'm glad I did. He turned out to be a very unsavory character. I understand why she might ask. 1
johan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Should I text her back and tell her I'll tell her when we meet? No. You made your decision. Stick to it. Just be cool. Maybe you can relent if she brings it up and teases you about it or something. It's not that big a deal. Little things matter, but not every little thing matters. 2
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 True but you are second guessing yourself here on what ifs. She could have easily volunteer her last name out after you gave out hers. Who knows. Doesn't matter to me at all since this is your situation. You struggling with this situation is because part of you is second guessing on how you handle it. If you second guessing than it pretty much means you wish you had volunteer instead of not telling her. Asking us to reassure you that you did the right thing isn't going to change you second guessing yourself. Thanks but I'm not asking if I did the right thing because everyone would handle this situation differently. I posted to throw the topic around. I was taken back since we've never met yet. I have been on about 8 dates from OLD and this is a first. I'm more concerned about the way I said no than saying no if that makes sense. It just felt weird so I didn't do it, I went with my gut.
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 No. You made your decision. Stick to it. Just be cool. Maybe you can relent if she brings it up and teases you about it or something. It's not that big a deal. Little things matter, but not every little thing matters. Good point because that'll make me look weak lol!
chphan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Should I text her back and tell her I'll tell her when we meet? No what's done is done. If she's into you than she would still meet you. And if she ask again than you can tell her. It's just a little things but when it comes to girls even little things matter so best to keep that in mind. And if this is OLD than she probably get hit by guys that are married or already have girlfriends so her asking stuff about you is normal as she want to check things out and see if you are a player or not. You don't want to give her pause like you got something to hide in that regards.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 The thread title suggested that this woman that you haven't even met was setting herself up to be Mrs. Xyz. Made me laugh to see what it was actually about. I was going to put in "run for the hills." ha ha In this case though, it seems like she's actually easygoing. Keep it consistent with what you said but present easygoing. Should be good. 1
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 No what's done is done. If she's into you than she would still meet you. And if she ask again than you can tell her. It's just a little things but when it comes to girls even little things matter so best to keep that in mind. And if this is OLD than she probably get hit by guys that are married or already have girlfriends so her asking stuff about you is normal as she want to check things out and see if you are a player or not. You don't want to give her pause like you got something to hide in that regards. Very good point I can understand a womans perspective and we think differently. Where I'm coming from is we haven't been on a date and she doesn't even know if she want's to date me so why ask for the last name before she knows if she's interested?
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 The thread title suggested that this woman that you haven't even met was setting herself up to be Mrs. Xyz. Made me laugh to see what it was actually about. I was going to put in "run for the hills." ha ha In this case though, it seems like she's actually easygoing. Keep it consistent with what you said but present easygoing. Should be good. LOL now that I think about it I can see that haha! 1
Radu Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Got a date set up this week off OLD and she asked for my last name via text. I said let's see if we enjoy eachothers company and then we'll discuss last names. She responded "Oh, wow.Ok." then lol afterward. I told her didn't mean anything bad by it then she said no worries my last name is x. Now I feel like an idiot becasue she told me hers but I'm not telling hers mine until the 2nd date at the earliest what's the point? She offered her name without you asking, you have no obligation to reveal yours by text. Don't text her back, if she teases you about it, make a game out of it and tell her. It helps to be mysterious. You might even get her to guess it. 1
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 And if this is OLD than she probably get hit by guys that are married or already have girlfriends so her asking stuff about you is normal as she want to check things out and see if you are a player or not. You don't want to give her pause like you got something to hide in that regards. She did ask me if I was married and said she was big on honesty so mabye she got burned before. 1
FitChick Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Don't text her back, if she teases you about it, make a game out of it and tell her. You might even get her to guess it. Good idea. Say something like, "So you won't marry me if you don't like my last name?" Guessing your name could be funny, too. Play charades. Do you have a common last name? Tell her you can't even find yourself when you google because there are so many other men with your same name. That way if she finds somethng negative she won't be sure it's you. In the meantime, you should have a look yourself and clean up any false information. Otherwise it will multiply. 1
Radu Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) SJC, also don't rely too much on texting in the future ... you can only send about 7% of the message this way. The rest is in tonality and body language. Save it for the date, and be your charming self there. FitChick's ideea is good btw, charades with your name. It's good to be mysterious, to give them things to think about in between dates. More time they spend thinking of you, the better it is for you. Edited August 14, 2012 by Radu
Author SJC2008 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I'm clean but what can you find by googleing someone? I can't find chit about me and I tried my full name with my birthday and without my middle name.
Andy_K Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Got a date set up this week off OLD and she asked for my last name via text. I said let's see if we enjoy eachothers company and then we'll discuss last names. She responded "Oh, wow.Ok." then lol afterward. I told her didn't mean anything bad by it then she said no worries my last name is x. Now I feel like an idiot becasue she told me hers but I'm not telling hers mine until the 2nd date at the earliest what's the point? Are you Phillydude in disguise? Also, if you're not even giving out your name until after two dates, I hope you're not expecting any action for at least a month 1
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