What Am I Doing Wrong? :(

[Norse]

Lengthy read I warn you....

 

Now I've never encountered a situation like this yet. So perhaps someone here could give me some positive insight on what I should do if I want to progress this into a relationship eventually. I know this is no easy path I've set myself up for and I understand and I'm willing to accept that. Anyway, here's the rundown on what happened from the start:

 

I message this girl who is a mutual friend of my buddy and his gf via social networking site. After talking a while we set up a date. Mind you this is a 2 hour drive. I'm looking to relocate anyway so I say what the hay, and I know the area anyway so if things did work out... But anyway after I met up with her at her house I'm introduced to family and then we go out for dinner. I think over the course of 8-10 hours yes it was a long date. We went a little everywhere including the movies, dinner, shopping, usual things. I ended that night with a hug and goodbye. I'm not a fast moving type of guy, I'm looking for a relationship anyway not fwb.

 

So later she texts me and tells me that it was the most amazing first date ever. So we went ahead and set up the second date. I decided we could do something simple, dinner at her place and a movie, her kid is two months old and she didn't have anyone to watch her anyway. So basically that whole evening entailed watching movies, meeting a few of her friends(at her place) and taking care of her kid. This isn't the first time I've dated/had interest in a girl with a child, so I'm used to hanging out and having a date at the house, I wanted her to see that as well, and that I didn't have to go out and blow money to have a good time. That date also ended with hugs... longer hugs. Which she texted our mutual friend saying felt really awkward since I didn't kiss her when the time seemed right. I was hesitant of doing such because our mutual friend who knows her much better said she had went through a lot and had some issues with guys after being done wrong, especially with the baby's father walking out after saying he was going to be there(from what her friend has told me). I've never actually asked about any of her previous relationships, I think that's bad water to tread in at this point in time. She also mentioned to our friend that I should be more assertive, and later told me herself that I shouldn't be so shy. So I started getting mixed signals at this point in time, girl wants me to advance, friend says I shouldn't. I didn't and still don't know what to do..

 

Third date... I decided to be "assertive" and was like See you on X day at X time, sound good we can do X and X. She was like, "umm, got a busy schedule friends Saturday, Sunday might work though." So I asked my boss for Sunday off, I just took a chance and later explained to her that I did that and it was chancy but he let me off Sunday and that day ended up working for her. So when Sunday came I started heading that way, and at about the half way point she asked me to "postpone if possible and she wasn't feeling good." This was no lie, she gets little to no sleep with a young child and all. So I was completely okay with it and said sure, turned back around and as soon as I reached town she sent another message saying, "well I guess you can come but I have school tomorrow so don't stay to long". Well that's what I did, I turned around and went to see her, I communicated better with her family than her at all strangely and all of them approve of me including her friends I met(she told me this herself). She does know how I feel about her, I told her that after the second date, which the only thing she really said to that was "This sounds like something out of a story book, and guys have said all of this to me before and I'm not so easy falling for it." Even though I meant everything I said. Anyway, before I left I asked her if she wanted to take a walk with me, and immediately she said "no". Well I was being assertive there I tried.. So while saying goodbye I asked for a hug, and this was one of those half way one armed hugs, ugh... So anyway that wasn't going anywhere so I said "we just need to go out on another date just me and you so things wont seem so awkward". She didn't say much to that just kinda looked off into space and shook her head yes. At this point in time I get strong vibes which usually never lie to me saying, "you'll never be here again"..

 

So later on I found out from our mutual friend what she told her. Which came via text: "I've been seriously screwed up from everything I have been through. And I really don't know if i can function like I did before with someone else. I just feel like idk how to get close to a guy on more than a friend level. Like I've forgotten how to do it, and if the situation presents itself like him asking me to take a walk outside tonight I immediately said no. It's because I didn't want to be alone with him." Then today she texted her again..."It's all me, I think I'm looking for things to turn me away without realizing it, and my whole family likes him too. I think the mistake could have been him coming to my house too soon." So she asked me today, "if you want to I'll give it another shot. But it has to be a date and not at my house because i'm not ready for that yet and it was probably too soon for that. But keep in mind, I have a 2 month old so I can't just go and do whenever I want to".

 

Obviously I told her yes. I don't know what to do now... I don't know what I'm doing wrong..

[venusianx13]

It's not you, it's her. She comes with baggage (and I'm not talking about the child, I'm talking about the emotional scars). Having come from a bad relationship, plus having to take care of a two month old child on her own, it is perfectly understandable that she has not had time to heal yet. She simply hasn't. If you want to continue to see her, you need to take things very, very slowly...because in my opinion, this is too much too soon and her first priority should be caring for her child (and she needs to be emotionally stable and happy in order to do that.) Dating should not be a priority for her right now.

[ChatroomHero]

If you want to continue to see her, you need to take things very, very slowly...

 

I have a feeling if he takes things slowly she'll continue telling her friend he's not assertive enough. When he tries to be assertive she'll reject him and continue telling her friend she doesn't want to get close to him.

 

I am not sure you can win in this situation. I think no matter what you do one day it will seem great and the next day it will seem like it's over. One step forward and two steps back could get very frustrating.

 

I would feel like I was just the guy she was dating to get ready again to be intimate with the next guy. Not a good place to be.

[Imajerk17]

Lengthy read I warn you....

 

Now I've never encountered a situation like this yet. So perhaps someone here could give me some positive insight on what I should do if I want to progress this into a relationship eventually. I know this is no easy path I've set myself up for and I understand and I'm willing to accept that. Anyway, here's the rundown on what happened from the start:

 

I message this girl who is a mutual friend of my buddy and his gf via social networking site. After talking a while we set up a date. Mind you this is a 2 hour drive. I'm looking to relocate anyway so I say what the hay, and I know the area anyway so if things did work out... But anyway after I met up with her at her house I'm introduced to family and then we go out for dinner. I think over the course of 8-10 hours yes it was a long date. We went a little everywhere including the movies, dinner, shopping, usual things. I ended that night with a hug and goodbye. I'm not a fast moving type of guy, I'm looking for a relationship anyway not fwb.

 

So later she texts me and tells me that it was the most amazing first date ever. So we went ahead and set up the second date. I decided we could do something simple, dinner at her place and a movie, her kid is two **months** old and she didn't have anyone to watch her anyway. So basically that whole evening entailed watching movies, meeting a few of her friends(at her place) and taking care of her kid. This isn't the first time I've dated/had interest in a girl with a child, so I'm used to hanging out and having a date at the house, I wanted her to see that as well, and that I didn't have to go out and blow money to have a good time. That date also ended with hugs... longer hugs. Which she texted our mutual friend saying felt really awkward since I didn't kiss her when the time seemed right. I was hesitant of doing such because our mutual friend who knows her much better said she had went through a lot and had some issues with guys after being done wrong, especially with the baby's father walking out after saying he was going to be there(from what her friend has told me). I've never actually asked about any of her previous relationships, I think that's bad water to tread in at this point in time. She also mentioned to our friend that I should be more assertive, and later told me herself that I shouldn't be so shy. So I started getting mixed signals at this point in time, girl wants me to advance, friend says I shouldn't. I didn't and still don't know what to do..

 

Third date... I decided to be "assertive" and was like See you on X day at X time, sound good we can do X and X. She was like, "umm, got a busy schedule friends Saturday, Sunday might work though." So I asked my boss for Sunday off, I just took a chance and later explained to her that I did that and it was chancy but he let me off Sunday and that day ended up working for her. So when Sunday came I started heading that way, and at about the half way point she asked me to "postpone if possible and she wasn't feeling good." This was no lie, she gets little to no sleep with a young child and all. So I was completely okay with it and said sure, turned back around and as soon as I reached town she sent another message saying, "well I guess you can come but I have school tomorrow so don't stay to long". Well that's what I did, I turned around and went to see her, I communicated better with her family than her at all strangely and all of them approve of me including her friends I met(she told me this herself). She does know how I feel about her, I told her that after the second date, which the only thing she really said to that was "This sounds like something out of a story book, and guys have said all of this to me before and I'm not so easy falling for it." Even though I meant everything I said. Anyway, before I left I asked her if she wanted to take a walk with me, and immediately she said "no". Well I was being assertive there I tried.. So while saying goodbye I asked for a hug, and this was one of those half way one armed hugs, ugh... So anyway that wasn't going anywhere so I said "we just need to go out on another date just me and you so things wont seem so awkward". She didn't say much to that just kinda looked off into space and shook her head yes. At this point in time I get strong vibes which usually never lie to me saying, "you'll never be here again"..

 

So later on I found out from our mutual friend what she told her. Which came via text: "I've been seriously screwed up from everything I have been through. And I really don't know if i can function like I did before with someone else. I just feel like idk how to get close to a guy on more than a friend level. Like I've forgotten how to do it, and if the situation presents itself like him asking me to take a walk outside tonight I immediately said no. It's because I didn't want to be alone with him." Then today she texted her again..."It's all me, I think I'm looking for things to turn me away without realizing it, and my whole family likes him too. I think the mistake could have been him coming to my house too soon." So she asked me today, "if you want to I'll give it another shot. But it has to be a date and not at my house because i'm not ready for that yet and it was probably too soon for that. But keep in mind, I have a 2 month old so I can't just go and do whenever I want to".

 

Obviously I told her yes. I don't know what to do now... I don't know what I'm doing wrong..

 

What I bolded. There's no way this woman can be ready to date. Find someone else.

[Norse]

Well I texted her this morning and she said nothing back... I guess it's been 8 hours. Her phone is always on her most women have them glued in their hands so..