SadHatter Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 Hi, I wonder if anyone can help - I need some help! OK...here's the story. My girlfriend of 3.5 years split up with me a few months back and it was a very hurtful experience for me, but easy for her as she basically messed me around for months and then started dating her boss from work! I am 21 by the way... Anyway, about a month ago, I met a girl online. I basically saw her profile on Faceparty and I thought, "Wow...she's a stunner!" There were about 5 photos of her, just out clubbing n stuff. Anyway, I messaged her, which was very strange as I never really message girls online and have never thought about meeting girls over the Internet. She message back and then I added her to my MSN Messenger list. She very quickly asked for my mobile phone number, and I said that I wasn't sure as I didn't really like giving my number out over the net etc. However, she said it was no different to meeting a girl in a club. She then rang me a lot over the next two weeks and seemed a really, really nice girl. We were getting on really well and having a right laugh and I sent her loads of photos of me and she said she thought I was very good looking and liked me a lot. We've continued to talk loads since then. We arranged to meet 3 weeks ago, her friend and her, and me and my friend, so that we'd feel more comfortable. I kept ringing her in the morning, but she wouldn't answer for aaaaaaaages (she was supposed to leave at 10.30am). She rang me at 1pm and said that she'd ended up going out the night before and getting really drunk and was really hungover and had only just woken up. She said she didn't get in till 4am. But I looked on her Faceparty profile and she'd logged on the night before at midnight?! Weird I thought, but I didn't say anything. Anyway, she rang me at 2pm and said her and her friend were just leaving. So, me and my mate set off and ended up waiting for FOUR HOURS - and they never showed. We must have tried ringing 1,000 times - but no reply, her phone was constantly switched off. She rang me the next day and said she'd had a car accident on the way... So we then arranged to meet again a week later and she kept saying we'd meet and then on the very day we were due to meet...she tells me...I don't think we should, I am not good for you, and all this other rubbish, basically sounded to me like she was making excuses not to meet. Anyway, last week, she said that it was her 20th birthday and she was going to her parents, and that there were more photos of her on their PC. I rang her on the Monday, and she said that she had the photos on her disk. Since then, I've asked her a million times if she'll send them and she never does. She'll be on MSN Messenger and we'll be talking for ages and then I'll say...."Oh can you send me some of those new photos of you now?" and she's made excuses every single night, "oh my friend is ringing, bye", "dinner is ready, gotta go", "oh there's a program i wanna see on tv, catch ya" and always goes straight offline. I keep saying to her, "It's not you in the photos, is it?" and she gets really angry and says, "Yes it is" - but these new photos are never forthcoming. We then arranged to meet on Monday...she said she was ill on the day...same on Tuesday and we arranged to meet today and were talking on the phone last night and she said, "We are definitely gonna meet tomorrow" - and then surprise surprise, she rings me today and says, "I don't think I am right for you" and all this stuff again and then says, "Not gonna meet" and goes...I ring her an hour later and say, "Why do you never meet, even though all week you always say you will?" and she said, "Oh I am down the town with my mate, I've spent all my money now anyway so can't even afford to"! Anyway...anyone got any ideas what is happening here?! Please help, starting to think she's not who she says she is...
StartingAgain Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 She may not be who she says she is, but one thing is certain: she's screwing with you. Welcome to the world of on-line dating. There are a lot of women on the dating sites who play this game with the guys. I'm sure there are guys who do the same thing, but the ladies tell me they are nore likely to just want some fast and easy sex and on-line is cheaper than the clubs. The more you chase after her the more she's going to yank your chain. Dump her. Ask yourself "Do I really need this crap from someone I don't even know?"
OnTheCusp77 Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 [color=darkblue][/color] She's apparently hiding something. What? I haven't a clue... could be anything. Maybe it isn't her, maybe it is. I can say this though... If she's put you through this much so early in this relationship, it's probably not worth it. She'll just continue to test the waters to see what you'll put up with... and it will get worse. Seems to me she's one of those that likes to take advantage of people and see what she can get. She likes attention, but doesn't want to show you any... You don't want a relationship like that do you?
Author SadHatter Posted July 14, 2004 Author Posted July 14, 2004 Nah I don't want to be messed around again...I've had all that with my last girlfriend! I just really wish I knew what she was hiding, I probably shouldn't care, but I am curious. I think it is either that she isn't her photo or she's a lot younger than she says...
Author SadHatter Posted July 14, 2004 Author Posted July 14, 2004 I just found out what it is...she rang me and told the truth...she has a 1-year-old daughter with her ex-boyfriend and she didn't tell me because she thought I would never be interested in a single mum. Any help anyone?
moimeme Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 She's none too bright, either. After all, if you lie to someone to get them to go out with you and they go out with you, they eventually find out the truth anyway. In relationships, honesty is the gold standard. I just can't see taking on someone who can come up with so many lies and let you down so much at the stage in a relationship when she's supposed to be on her best behaviour. I think I'd give this one a miss - I suspect it would be a drama-filled relationship.
OnTheCusp77 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 [color=darkblue][/color]I can relate to her situation. I, too, am a single mother... 2 boys. It's rough getting back into dating... You always think to yourself "Guys don't want to date a girl with kids." I learned though... that way of thinking is not fair to the guys you meet. You have to be honest, and open... and let HIM make the determination. IF he doesn't want to date you because of that, he's not worthy. (You can tell her I said that too...) Now... other than that, I have no advice. Only you can make the choice on whether or not to pursue something with a woman that has a child. It's no piece of cake... but it can be rewarding, like any other relationship. Dating a single parent is just different... Hard to explain. My advice... talk to her about what she did, how it made you feel, how you feel about the truth, etc. Get it out... now. If AFTER that conversation you find that you two still want to move forward... by all means... do. Just take it slow. Good Luck!!!
StartingAgain Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 IF he doesn't want to date you because of that, he's not worthy. Can't say I agree with this. Maybe not the man you need to be with, but "not worrthy" is too judgemental for someone you is simply in a different place. I would be very reluctant to enter into a relationsip with a woman with children because I don't have children and don't really want them. For this reason, I understand I'm not the best mate for her. Does this make me unworthy? Unacceptable, yes. Unworthy, no.
OnTheCusp77 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 You are right... Unworthy isn't exactly what I meant. I just meant that if a guy doesn't want you because you have a child, then he's not for you. I stand corrected.
faux Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I must ask you this.... Are you really wasting your time with this girl? Read what you've already stated and you'll see why I feel it is obvious you should not waste one more moment of your time with her. The first time she was supposed to meet you, and flaked out, I would have given up. I think it's completely disrespectful, and a huge warning sign, to agree to meet someone and go "drinking and partying" the entire night beforehand, then actually expect me to understand and forgive.
Author SadHatter Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 Thanks for your advice guys. She says that the reason she always cancels on me is because she can't get a babysitter, people letting her down at the last minute etc. I told my mum all about this and my mum doesn't even believe that she has a child! What would the point be in lying about that though?
StartingAgain Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I told my mum all about this and my mum doesn't even believe that she has a child! What would the point be in lying about that though? I've already told you. Some people on the dating sites like to screw around with people and will lie, lie, lie. I agree with Faux, you've wasted enough time on this woman and are doing exactly what these player love for you to do -- chase after and obsess over them.
moimeme Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Listen to Faux. It is a puzzle to me why, after all she's done so far, you're even slightly interested. We had another guy on here in a similar situation - for months and months and months she'd make and break dates with him. They went out - exactly once - and then she told him she wasn't into him. Don't be this fellow. What she knows is that she can ignore you and you'll keep coming back. I think there are people that get a kick out of toying with people who never smarten up. There's a toy - it has different names different places - that you hit a rubber ball on an elastic and it bounces back and gets hit again. This is you now. Quit going back and getting hit!
DarkInspirations Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 It sounds like the girl could be still hiding something. That a child is now being put into the ring to see if you will accept that. If you do, then maybe she figures you'll accept her for her other flaws that most guys judge women on. Like weight and well, uh, breast size and etc. I will confess, when i first got online. I was one of those girls guys have talked to that sounded too good to be true. I was the 5 ft 7 in tall, long haired red head. with the whole 38D-24-28 measurements. With green eyes and a stripper. I had pics i had even pulled off the net that fit everything and guys believed it. Oh boy did they ever. I was even saying i was 17 and you'd be surprised at some of the twisted freaks out there... especially this principal of a high school.. anyway... point is, i am not any of those things. I m a large woman, i am insecure about the way i look at times. But the only thing that started me to start speaking the truth was because i had started to get feelings for someone. Well of course, the guy was ticked and things didnt end well. But its not like its uncommon.. Lot of woman and men for that matter do it. But basically the point is, i say move on. If she lied to you once, more then likely she has lied to you about even more. And who is to say if the child being any truth either. I know there are lots of women out there that say they have kids to guys just because they want further attention. But NOT all women on the net are out to lie to guys either. Lot of women out there are truthful from the get get go. So good luck.
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