Boyfriend dumped me after 3 years by text message, and now disappeared, am devastated

[Aloisia]

I will try make this very long story short as I can. Basically I was with my bf for 3 years. He was not from my country and we spent alot of time apart cos of that. But when we were apart we talked everyday on skype and texts, never since we met did one day go by when we were not in touch. He left his country to come live with me but used to go home now and then as he could not get work here. I used to visit him too and was there a couple months ago. Everything was great we so happy, I got on great with his family too. After him being away for a few months he came back and we try again to find him work and stuff, but cud not get any. But it was not end of world we cud get by ok. And we had talked before and agreed that if he couldn't get work this time maybe we would both go live in his country, or somewhere else where work prospects were better.

 

I should state here that last year he went home to his country without any warning to me that he had booked his flights at all. I came home from work to find him and all his stuff gone! He had left me a note saying he was so sorry but he couldn't stay here anymore with no money etc. I was in shock and devastated and cried for weeks, but we were still together, I went to visit him afterwards and he came back to try again here. I told him how horrible it was that he did that (left without saying) and he apologised so I accept that.

 

Anyway, over last couple weeks we were arguing lots bout money and things. Also I should say here that he has depression which I only found out about recently, but he was going to a counsellor and I thought it was helping him. Anyway he started to become distant from me and when I asked what is wrong and is it me he kept saying no it not me it his depression and that he just must get through this stage of it and he would be fine.

 

And up until the end he was still loving and affectionate to me. And I remembered actually he had swings like this before and it was always ok in the end. Then 2 weeks ago when I was in work he texted me saying he is going home and that it is over. I rushed home to find he was gone, and all his stuff gone too. He was probably already on the plane at that time. His text said he was sorry he can't face me cos he not like to see me sad, but that this is better for both of us. That he is very confused in life and that I deserve better then him. he said that he never wants to get married or have kids and Cos I do then he doesn't want to waste my time (we only had the kids conversation 3 weeks before and I said jokingly to him not to waste my time if he doesn't want kids and he laughed and said he just not want them now but maybe in future he doesn't know). I have called and texted him but he has ignored all and has completely disappeared! I am so devastated and empty inside. Why did he not talk with me before running away? Is he angry with me that why he ignore me completely? He has hurt me so much I can't believe he is gone. And that he could do it to me again. And how he can dump me with a text message after all we have shared together. I feel abandoned and lost and don't know what to do or how to cope with this at all :-( :-( Can anyone advise me or offer some kind of opinion on this? Should I keep try to contact him? Or hope he change his mind alone? I can't understand how he is so sure that we should be completely over. I can't stop thinking about all the beautiful things we did together and can't believe he can just throw it all away so abruptly, without any warning or dialog between us. Do men think back on the memories too and feel the loss same as women? Or is he doing the opposite and trying to block it all out so as to forget me easier and that's why he ignoring me completely? Thanks

Edited August 13, 2012 by Aloisia

[goodbyesunshine]

Wow. I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds pretty similar to my story, except mine is much shorter, around 8 months. My ex is from another country as well and he met me here, he was going to go back in a couple of months. I'm a student so I can't travel or move back with him, and he decided to stay here until I graduate and we will go together. He hates it here, hates his job, and I suspect he has depression (he's say extreme stuff like he doesn't want to live if he has to live here, he feels depressed and hopeless, etc.) but I never got a chance to bring him to a doctor or anything because one day, out of the blue, he began avoiding me. He said he didn't want to stay here anymore, he wanted to go. I was devastated, I said I wouldn't be able to handle a long distance relationship, and cried. After that meeting, he began to ignore all my text messages, only sending me one telling me to give him time to think. It's been 25 days since that incident, I have tried contacting him, begging him, making other plans with him and begging him to discuss things, but he doesn't even read my messages (I can see it from my phone if he has read it). I guess he is making plans to move on but doesn't know how to face me, so he planned to just "fade away".

 

I know how difficult a situation it is. We had SO many conversations and deep talks discussing this, he knows how I feel about him being like all evasive and avoiding me. I still cannot believe he would do this. Everyday is a struggle not to contact him but I guess that's the only thing we can do I mean they did this kind of sh*t before, who's to say they wouldn't do it again one day when we're married with kids? That's what my mum's been telling me in an attempt to get me to forget about this whole thing. It's the kind of thing we can't help. They are just escapists who don't even consider the feelings of the people who love them. It's sickening