roadglide Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 My wife and i have been married for over 30 years and we have had our share of ups and downs and our relationship has been good. My wife was overweight for much of our marriage and after haveing a procedure has lost 150 lbs. She looks great and it has been a wonderful thing for her health and her emotional well being. Now i notice she gets checked out by guys all the time and i understand that and i am proud she is with me. Now to my question. We went out for coffee the other morning before work and sat and talked. But as we were sitting there looking in my eyes she glanced over and looked at this guy at the table next to us. She did this three times that i noticed because i was looking her in the eyes at these moments. Why i ask about this? About 2 months ago she did the same thing looking at a guy at the end of the bar were we were having lunch. I asked her about it not angrily but just teased her about checking this guy out. ( he was younger and good looking and had checked her out as we entered the place) She got angry said no she wasn't looking at him she was just looking at what was going on down that end of the resturant. Well there was nothig down there except him and his friend. She loves me is good to me our sex life is fine i just don't understand what the looking is all about. Anyone marreid woman in particular have any insights? thank you
darkmoon Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 as a woman - men look women up and down too - it's reflex, a reflex preen, unconcious unless she's acting evasive on facebook or mobile, she's with you
Ninja'sHusband Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I don't think looking is a big deal, we all do it like the ladies said. Now getting all defensive and angry about it, that's a little weird. Still may be nothing though.
karnak Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 During 30 years of marriage you had never noticed this before? Strange. Why did you come here to to this forum to ask this question? Is your gut telling you something isn't right? Reflect upon this situation and try to decide if this is some sort of insecurity or if you're sensing something. Our subconscious is often smarter than our conscious side. As Greznog poted out: the fact that she's more attractive now allows her more options than before. I'm not saying she's planning on cheating on you. But it's a fact that she can now find a sex partner more easily than before. And she may be wondering what she's been missing for these last 30 years. Remember that you can only control your desires and emotions and not your wife's.
Author roadglide Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I appreciate all the responses and the introspection they caused. I may not have been the best husband when she was overweight and did not bother to notice what i see now. LFH thank you for being so inciteful. The reason i posted was excatly for this kind of feed back. Don't want to borrow any trouble! Love that one. Be Well all and thanks again for taking the time to share. 1
KathyM Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 She was probably just looking in that direction, and people normally glance at others--both men and women--who are in their normal viewing range. It doesn't mean anything.
Stillgrowing Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Men and women look at each other. We check out who is checking us out. She may have been avoiding that when she was heavy and isn't very good at being subtle about it now. It has to be such an awesome feeling for her to feel attractive and desireable. It may very well just be an ego booster for her. Let her ego get boosted. YOU get to go home with her. sg 2
Kelemvor Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 haha, I find it so funny that women are so quick to defend another woman "checking out" other men, but let's be real here... Guys almost NEVER get away with it. If you catch us looking at the young college girl in the short shorts walking down the street, we get busted in the worst way possible. What you're describing is definitely human nature, but let's be serious here... Yes, we all "check out" the other sex and the vast majority of time, it's harmless, but I seriously doubt if this were a wife on here asking why her husband is checking out women all the time and being caught doing it... that he would be defended so well. In spite of gastric banding or whatever the OP's wife had done. Either way... Yea, I wouldn't read too much into it as your wife lost 150lbs and is probably just tickled pink to have guy looking at her again, but I would keep an eye on it and make sure it's just a phase and doesn't continue too long. Let's face it... regardless of losing that much weight, if you were caught looking at other women every time you guys sat down at a restaurant, you wouldn't be let off the hook nearly as easily.
Jethro Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Everybody does it, some are just better at it than others. She hasn't had any self confidence before, now she does, and she can't do the lookover descretely because she hasn't learned how to yet! 2
Kelemvor Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I'm pretty sure they learn that trick shortly after they hit puberty and grow boobs.
karnak Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I'm pretty sure they learn that trick shortly after they hit puberty and grow boobs. Women are way better at doing this than men. In fact their vision mode works different than men's (because their brain is different). Interestingly enough, women are more faithful than men concerning this kind of behaviour. When they're with a guy they love they seldom look at other guys for a question of respect. We guys are less respectful in that matter. 1
standtall Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Road..was she always that heavy? Was she normal size at one time and had relationships with men then? If not, then watch out.
Author roadglide Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 She was not always heavy. Kids, a sedentary lifestyle, and emotions funneled into food led to her weight gain. I am not sure in your post which question related to your watchout comment.
Author roadglide Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Hear is another question soemthing that just occurred recently. I was getting my wifes car keys out of her pocket book we use her key on weekends because it easier. While looking i found two of her bracelets in one of the pockets. So i asked hey theres two of your bracelets in here. She replied oh when i leave them on the dining room table i throw them in my purse. her purse never goes upstairs to out bedroom so why would she do that versus bringing them up the stairs and putting them in her jewlery box? Half a day later afte she cleaned the hous and the dining room table i ntoiced a bracelt on it so i said hon a bracelet here. Sher replied see that's waht i meant earlier i leave them on the table so i put them in my purse. Comments?
anne1707 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Sounds to me like she is putting them in her purse just to make sure they are safe - it's quicker and easier than taking them upstairs. What I would be more concerned about is why on earth this troubles you. This bracelet thing is meaningless and you seem to think there is a hidden meaning in it. Why are you trying to create problelms?
Author roadglide Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Ok then Anne thanks for the response. Meaningless is my hope for this indeed. Not trying to create a problem just want to be sure there isn't one.
Recommended Posts