UpwardForward Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I don't have a will yet but if I do write one I will put her in it. This may be a good beginning step - and reversable. Also you mentioned she has put money into the house such as the pool, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 This may be a good beginning step - and reversable. Also you mentioned she has put money into the house such as the pool, etc. She did. I know it is the right thing to do and I want to get up the courage to do it but it's hard. It really is hard to let go of that crutch and I feel ashamed of myself that I am still having this fear. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 She did. I know it is the right thing to do and I want to get up the courage to do it but it's hard. It really is hard to let go of that crutch and I feel ashamed of myself that I am still having this fear. No need to feel ashamed. It would be difficult to all of a sudden give up 1/2 of real estate that one has built up on their own - even though I know how much you love her, and her devotion. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Like that is good for a marriage... I would suppose they have some other issues they really should get some help with.... hiding property from your spouse is fraud and would also show that the person who is committing the fraud cannot be trusted. If you know about marital assets then you also know that the discovery process in a divorce is a court process that requires a person to divulge all assets, even hidden ones, not doing so opens that person up to loose a whole lot more than the money they may have stuffed away This is not a conversation about a good marriage. It's about people who protect their assets. People get prenups because they refuse to have someone who's only in their lives for a few years walk away with their life saving. Be it anything. You are entitled to your opinion. Others who think differently might feel you have issues as well. It's all about perception. Those who know what to do... do it well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I am ashamed to say it and I know logically I should but I really am scared to pull that trigger and most men I have talked to about it have advised against it and I am not talking about men who obviously hate women. I think I eventually will but actually putting that level of trust in a woman is a hard step and one I need to get up the guts to do. Nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing! Take your time and when you find the answer that suits you then you will know without a doubt that's what you should do. Take your time. No hurry. *Just fill me in when you decide, please * 1 Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 If I got married to house owning woman and she invited me to live with her, I would see no reason why I should think that I deserved to have the right to her house also. The fact that she welcomed me into her house alone would already be a loving gesture from her toward me. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Woggle, Having been burnt I know what it is like to fear trusting your own judgement completely again. And I know what its like to have that fear even in a good relationship and why you feel ashamed of it. My husband is a wonderful man and I am blessed to have him. But even good couples have bad days. And on those days I do worry that the good in him will run out and I will be scrambling to get my life back in order in his wake. On those days I dwell on thoughts like I should start a savings account as a precaution. But we always figure out the conflict and come to a happy resolve and I feel the shame you're talking about over where my head was at before the conflict gets sorted. I feel it because those plans would require I become a person like the kind I worry about. A secret savings account would require I lie and hide and plan for leaving him and I refuse to be that person. So consider - your fear is being with someone who is insincere in their love for you and the life they seem to want to build with you while you are hanging out there vulnerable in your love for them and honorable intentions. There is your wife everyday by your side putting in her time, effort and money into you and the home you share. She doesn't know that while she is vulnerable in loving you with honorable intentions, every night you lay down next to her being the insincere, self preserving person you fear her becoming. Do you think you deserve her if you are taking her help in improving the value of your home while clutching to the deed like a life preserver waiting for some sign that you should boot her out? If you won't put her on the deed, you should at least be keeping track of the equity she builds in your home so should things fall apart she gets to take with her what she put in. I think this is only honorable since you often fall not just off the wagon but into the gutter of idolizing the player lifestyle. YOU might just end up being the one to screw her over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 It's not that I idolize the player lifestyle but on my worst days I have viewed modern relationships as an example of play or be played. I know that is wrong but whenever I hear of men getting screwed over those thoughts do run through my head. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 I said it was my issues and I am not blaming anybody else. I take full responsibility for this. I ran this by some men I know offline and a few of them thought I was out of my mind. FWIW I actually salute you for what you did. It was very noble. I do however question the purpose of it. Did you really have to take that risk? I have always thought of a marriage as an equal partnership. What has your W brought into the relationship of equal value? With that said I think you are a brave man for what you did. But my home is my most valued asset and I would be a fool to do that. You are probably in a different situation than me though and that would make a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 I am going to see a lawyer about it on Monday and by next week both our names should be on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Congratulations on making a decision. Make sure you come back and tell us what her response was. Story in detail please... if you're up to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 I told her and she was very happy about it. I said that even though this is our house legally it is in my name and god forbid anything happens to me I want her to have it. Tomorrow we are both taking personal days and will see the lawyer about it. Right now she is talking to the local mobster about doing her a favor later on this week but I can't know what it is. Just kidding about that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 So we talked to the lawyer today and as soon as the paperwork goes through the house will be hers. I really am glad I took this leap. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Congratulations, Woggle! We are very, very happy for you... :bunny::bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I think in order to show an act of trust towards her and to show to myself I really am serious about getting over my issues with women I will put the house in both of our names. The house is still on my name because I bought with my ex and the judge gave it to me during the divorce and it is still in my name. I admit I planned on keeping it that way so if she does turn on me I can easily get her out but I need to take this leap of faith. I also want her to feel that is our house instead of a place I let my wife live. Is this a good idea. Wow! I'm so proud of you!!! It's great that you are getting over your fears. I really do hope that you and your wife enjoy a wonderful life together and get old together!!! I am glad your house is you and your wife's home!!! My husband and I have the goal of growing old together and we are so happy for each day! Time is precious and limited, so I very much hope that you and your wife enjoy life!!!! Congratulations on taking this step that shows your wife you love her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I told her and she was very happy about it. I said that even though this is our house legally it is in my name and god forbid anything happens to me I want her to have it. Tomorrow we are both taking personal days and will see the lawyer about it. Right now she is talking to the local mobster about doing her a favor later on this week but I can't know what it is. Just kidding about that. Oh, Tony S is a sweatheart. So we talked to the lawyer today and as soon as the paperwork goes through the house will be hers. I really am glad I took this leap. You mean 'yours' ... as in plural. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 The house is now officially half hers. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 The house is now officially half hers. I wish there was a "double like" button 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 You'll get the ILYBNILWY in about a month, dude. Kidding. Good move. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 You'll get the ILYBNILWY in about a month, dude. Kidding. Good move. If it ends up with this, you have my permission to be a c*nt at the D. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 I told her and she was very happy about it. I said that even though this is our house legally it is in my name and god forbid anything happens to me I want her to have it. Tomorrow we are both taking personal days and will see the lawyer about it. Right now she is talking to the local mobster about doing her a favor later on this week but I can't know what it is. Just kidding about that. You gave me the male verison of story telling . Well it better than nothing. Congrats hun. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 One small step for equality, one giant leap for Woggle (thought I'd keep it topical) Excellent first step, congratulations Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 The house is now officially half hers. And hopefully we wont see you in the divorce forum years from now telling us how she sold off her half of your house. Sorry for being such a cynic. Divorce will do that to some people. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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