lamaga Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 My boyfriend and me have been together for almost 5 months. We met over a year ago when we lived in the same city, but started talking online after he had moved back to Europe. We fell in love and did LDR for 3,5 months until we met again this summer. We been together in REAL LIFE now for 2 months. We are very much in love and know this is it. Now, the plan was that in September I go back to the States to finish my University with which I am done in February. He was going to come and live with me in October, until we both would go back to Europe and start a life here next year in February. Well, the thing is, these plans all of a sudden changed, when he told me today that he has been offered to attend this seminar for his university which would help him with his Masters thesis, which would be benefitting him getting into the PhD program of his choice. I am very proud of him and I told him, yes, of course, do it, but then we realized it would mean that he cant come to the States and we would face another 6 months (!!!) of LDR. I told him there is no way I could do that, for it is too long of a time for me to be without my partner physically. He told me he is optimistic and he loves me and all he wants is me but he needs to obviously take care of his career as well. He still says he wants to build a future with me and he tells me to think it over. He says that maybe he is naive for being so optimistic but he believes in love and he believes in us. I am so empty right now. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I know he is the one. But what would these 6 months mean for us? This is such a long time. I am more of a pessimist and he is the total opposite when it comes to that kind of stuff. I want to be optimistic but I am SO VERY SCARED that we are not gonna make it. So i rather end it now but then again I don't want to end it, because he is the love of my life. By the way, I am 25, he is 24. Is there anybody who has experienced something similar and could give me some advice? I am dying here, crying my eyes out. He keeps wanting to comfort me but I am scared to let him close, because I feel like I am going to lose him anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Speaking frankly here; 6 months out of the whole lifetime you're planning on having together is nothing. I know it must be a big blow, but from where I'm standing you've got it made, maybe my situation might help you see that it could be far worse; I've been in an LDR since April 2010, he planned to move over within a couple of years and then couldn't because of his work situation, so we have no end goal, no plans of a future together, all we have is the here and now, daily contact and meeting every other month, so I would absolutely LOVE to be in your situation! Keep as busy as you possibly can and have as much contact as you can and the 6 months will be over before you know it. You're so blessed that he is being so optimistic and enthusiastic about your future, grab it with both hands! I don't see why you wouldn't make it just because of these 6 months? Why would you lose him? Are you worried he'll change his mind about you? It's not like you'll have no contact in that time. You also haven't been together long, so maybe this 6 months is a good thing, it means you can't rush headlong into things while still in the honeymoon phase, it's usually good to wait until things even out before making life changing plans. Why you would think about ending such a good thing?! What would you prefer; 6 months apart, or a lifetime apart? Tell him your fears, that you're worried you'll lose him, I am sure he can reassure you. Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lunat1ccc Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Love makes us do crazy things. It's clear that you really love your boyfriend and you should just trust in him. LDR is hard but if he's really the person you think is "the one", don't let go and hang on tight. I know how you feel because my girlfriend and I are doing long distance. She's stationed in Europe for 2 years and I can only go visit her so often. But it ultimately comes down to this: believe that your relationship will last and try your best to make it work. I mean, if it doesn't work out, you can at least look back and tell yourself, "Hey, at least I gave my 100% and tried my best to make it work." I think a lot of us tend to over analyze situations when it really shouldn't be that difficult. 6 months isn't nearly as bad compared to 2 years or more for some people. You can always try to visit each other during holidays. Don't worry too much because worrying won't do any good. Just be optimistic like your boyfriend that the relationship will work out. Good luck and cheer up! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I agree with what others said. What's 6 months??? Seriously... if that's enough to break up with him, then it's not love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lamaga Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 We talked about it and there might be away to shorten the time for 2 months if I cramp all my classes into the winter session of my semester. If this wont work out we are still looking at 4 months apart, and I think we will manage. Thanks though for your advice. It feels good to read positive reinforcement from other LDR sufferers lol 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anubis1311 Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Hi, I kinda know how that feels as my girlfriend has just got a job aboard a cruise ship I'm not stupid and i know what goes on aboard ships lol. But i trust her implicitly and have to be strong! I have started writing a blog about it as she goes in 3 weeks. I guess writing it all down makes me feel a little better. Maybe you could try it. My blog is our long distance relationship Hope it works out for you Link to post Share on other sites
amayana Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Hey, first of all, hang in there! One important thing to say is, Don't make any rash or selfish decision that you might regret later. All of us in this forum know how hard it is to maintain a LDR without going completely bonkers and drown in the dark, black sea of loneliness. And I understand that you know that feeling very well too and are tired of feeling like that. You want your partner to be there. In person, physically. I think one reason why you say that you don't want to do LD again is because you were already looking forward to living with him for good. And now it has been postponed again, something you've been happy and relieved about for so long. But consider that you both have come really far already. You survived those few months. Didn't you become so much closer despite the distance? Appreciate that your partner is willing to stay with you, that he loves you. This opportunity must be really important for him, why don't you support him instead of telling him that you won't be able to do the whole LDR thing again? This situation is certainly just as hard for your partner and I'm sure he's not satisfied with it either but you should never expect life to be fair. On the other hand, if you think that you can't be happy at all in this relationship, that your love is not strong enough, that those 6 months are too long and painful, that you might be better of with someone living close to you, it's probably better to end the relationship. Just mind that the easy way out is rarely the right one. If you really love your partner and just feel disappointed by the situation, reconsider. I hope you'll be able to figure this out; I wish you the best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
LoveToCuddle Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 I recently did not saw him for 7+ months. After that I only saw him for 10 days and now there might me a chance that we have to do this many many times... Does this makes me very sad YES!!! does it make me give up? NO! It's hard but who said life was easy(and especially long distance love). Also somewhere I saw a good quote: ''Distance isn't the problem.Doubts are.'' I did talk to him everyday for more then 6 hours.. Went trough loads of drama etc. but it made us so more stronger and the 10 days were HEAVEN. If the love is strong enough you'll make it. If not it is just not meant to be. and a good tip is: Stop thinking too much things will go how they should happen. Don't worry about it and stay positive. Thinking negative will life just make way harder. Hope this helped you (Sorry for my grammar.) Link to post Share on other sites
anubis1311 Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 I won't be seeing my girlfriend for 7 months at a time, We will then get 2 months together and then it will start all over again. A couple of things are really helping me through it though. I was in pieces when i found out she got the job but i a) joined this site and got some much needed backup, b) started writing my feelings in a blog. If you don't like putting them out there you could keep a diary or scrapbook and when you see him you can both go through it. You put in the good times and the bad c) bought her a promise ring so she has a constant reminder that i have given myself to her despite the difference. She loved it, perhaps you two could discuss whether it's something you would like to do. Its not for everyone as a discussion on here proved but for us it was definitely the right thing to do Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts