The guy I’m dating is chewing with his mouth open, what can I do?

[threebyfate]

I'll have to agree that the worst thing you can do is to treat the guy like a dog or child.

 

What you can do, is to somehow find or create a situation where there's another man chewing with his mouth open. Then you can point it out as something terrible. If he cares enough, he'll adjust his ways. If he doesn't care, you'd better learn to accept this aspect of him.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

It was a tongue-in-cheek comment said with humour.

There's no need to be precious about it.

 

Oh but I think there is. I understand you were attempting to be funny with the whole “trough” comment. But to play it off as a light hearted comment is lame on your end Tara. Lets be honest, you likened a grown adult man to a toddler because he chews with his mouth open. You hypothesized that he was either a pig or ignorant because he chewed with his mouth open. My father chewed with his mouth open and he was not ignorant, a pig or a child. My mother never condescended to him and did some ignorant little shrewish controlling move to lean over, and physically correct his behavior.

 

Oh, by the way, it is alright if I related your own behavior to ignorant, shrewish and controlling isn’t it? After all, we are all authorties on good manners right? Since you can maintain lectures about good manners and call another adult childish, ignorant and pigish..you also told the OP condescendingly that she was timid, little demure, shy overly-sensitive person... then I can too right? I do enjoy the irony of it all though. Talking about a man's lack of table manners and "class" while calling him a bunch of names...Classy!

 

I just find it ironic to put people in boxes based on their table manners, likening them to children and eating out of troughs, and then lecturing about good manners while you put down other posters.

 

By the way, if you ever did your chin move to my husband, I would have made sure that you knew just how not entitled you were to A) Touch my husband. B) Give manner lessons to my husbnad just because you think you believe your manners to be so sublime. Now maybe your friend was okay with that but where I come from, friends don't touch other friend's husbands in am ove to correct their behavior.

 

 

My great uncle lived in the north of England, and coincidentally, also raised livestock, amongst them, pigs. He also slaughtered his own animals for local traders ansd markets. He too, was considered a scholar and a gentleman, and was a pillar of local society, eventually becoming Mayor, hosting and presiding over many local and not-so-local social events, with my great aunt, as Lady Mayoress by his side. So let's not go down that road, ok?

 

Lol, err why wouldn't we go down this road? My point was revelant only because my father, while not having the best table manners, was a really great guy that gave another man the shoes off his own feet and was giving food out to homeless people. You tried to box the OP's man into a box that just doesn't apply. It talked about my Dad to show you how people can't be put in such boxes.

 

I don’t see what your comment here has to do with what I’ve said about my own father. I mean, that’s great and all but what that has to do with this? We aren’t just talking about past family farming history. You made some distinct claims about people that chewed with their mouth open. My father chewed with his mouth open but he was not anything close to what you claimed people who do are.

 

Unless your Uncle chewed with his mouth open, I'm not sure what your comments have to do with this.

 

On the contrary - in this day an age when the general consensus seems to be "I want it all and I want it now" and "what's in it for me?" it's not only impressive, it's also extremely refreshing, and frankly, so rare as to make me fall over in a dead faint when it happens. And the sure fire way to see whether a lady is saddled with a gentleman or a boor, is to see for how long that goes on.

I think it's an excellent yardstick by which to evaluate a partner.

How he treats you and behaves in public - and for how long.

 

Hmm...it’s not so rare for me when men open doors for me. I guess that’s why I understand that all kind of men, good and bad ones, still know how to open a door for a “lady” and charm her. I guess I just have the experience that while I enjoy certain “manners”, I’ve seen the man behind the curtain too many times to make the mistake that good table manners makes for a good man.

 

Well, a couple of guys in this thread would seem to contradict your assertion, there....

 

Well hot darn! They must be right.

 

Yeah and a couple women seemed to contradict yours...what’s your point?

 

You’re the only person I’ve seen call another person a child, pig and ignorant for chewing with their mouth open though Tara in this thread.

 

 

I

t's obvious that chewing food with his mouth open bothers her, and hence it's important to her. Otherwise she wouldn't have posted about the issue - would she - ?

 

Absoluetely. Now it’s up to her to figure out what is ultimately most important. A good guy that treats her well with good values? Or a different guy that keeps his mouth closed while eating. Ultiamtely, when we choose our relationships, we make those choices all the time. Because everyone has flaws and habits and you are never going to find a perfect person. It comes down to what is important to you and what you can deal with. Sometimes people forget that they have a little extra reserve inside them for patience and acceptance. And a BIG thing that men want is acceptance.

 

 

 

'You never get a second chance to make a first impression'.

 

If she's finding out early on that he has little irritating foibles, addressing them now, is vital.

 

Who doesn’t have little irritating foibles?

 

for example, let's look at it 6 years down the line - out to dinner with friends, and the two little ones - and dad is sitting in the corner eating his lunch more noisily than his kids.

wife is seething at her husband's insensitive table manners, and thinking "God, it's like having three kids!!"

 

I repeat, who doesn’t have irritating foilbles.

[TaraMaiden]

If there's one thing men despise in a woman , it's one who actually mocks biology and tempts fate by trying to assert physical dominance over them like that. You must date with some really weak, spineless men if they let you treat them like that.

I don't date any more.

And the man I'm married to actually acted as a Bodyguard to HRH Princess Anne during his military career, and has eaten at the royal table, so I'm not really worried about his being weak or spineless - or lacking in manners, either.

 

It's bad etiquette to eat with your mouth open, it's far more classless for a woman to reach over, close your mouth with her hands, and talk to you like you are a kid in a public restaurant.

I completely agree. Which is why I never suggested anywhere she do it in public. Did I?

don't put words into my mouth, because otherwise, etiquette be damned I'll spit them right back atcha, Wolfie honey. .

 

Try doing that with a real man and see how far you get. He'd grab you by your wrists, put you back in your seat, and then with a "wink" and a smile as you recommend to mask overt and aggressive behavior, tell you "keep your hands to yourself or there will be hell to pay when we get home".

He'd only ever do it once and spend the next week in hospital Recovering from seriously swollen gonads from the kick I'd gladly deliver. something I have actually done to a man who dared lay a finger on me. He was off work for 10 days.

 

I wouldn't visit, let alone bring flowers. I might send grapes though, and he could chomp on those to his heart's content. Mouth open OR closed.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

TaraMaiden

I don't date any more.

And the man I'm married to actually acted as a Bodyguard to HRH Princess Anne during his military career, and has eaten at the royal table, so I'm not really worried about his being weak or spineless - or lacking in manners, either.

 

The real question is how he feels about your manners. Oh but that's right, chewing with your mouth open tells you who a person is but someone using actual name calling toward anotehr doesn't.

 

I completely agree. Which is why I never suggested anywhere she do it in public. Did I?

 

don't put words into my mouth, because otherwise, etiquette be damned I'll spit them right back atcha, Wolfie honey. .

 

 

When you gave your advice all you said was, "during mealtime", you didn't exactly qualify public or private. Is he suppose to read your mind? I also invisioned a public setting because lets be honest, the OP just started dating this guy. It's more likely they are going out to eat publically then they are privately.

 

Either way, I still find that manuver of yours not to be really very nice.

 

He'd only ever do it once and spend the next week in hospital Recovering from seriously swollen gonads from the kick I'd gladly deliver. something I have actually done to a man who dared lay a finger on me. He was off work for 10 days.

 

I wouldn't visit, let alone bring flowers. I might send grapes though, and he could chomp on those to his heart's content. Mouth open OR closed.

 

Classy!

[TaraMaiden]

The real question is how he feels about your manners. Oh but that's right, chewing with your mouth open tells you who a person is but someone using actual name calling toward anotehr doesn't.

 

Why is this suddenly becoming personal, when these responses weren't even to you?

Why do you feel it necessary to stoop to sarcasm?

I thought we were having a relatively decent discussion until this point... why get personal?

 

 

 

When you gave your advice all you said was, "during mealtime", you didn't exactly qualify public or private. Is he suppose to read your mind? I also invisioned a public setting because lets be honest, the OP just started dating this guy. It's more likely they are going out to eat publically then they are privately.

no, he wasn't supposed to read my mind, because firstly the comment wasn't even directed at him.

Secondly, if I'd meant while out, I would have said, "while out". the whole point of saying at mealtime, was to indicate that this was a meal time, not a date.

after this period of time, there's no reason why they shouldn't eat "at home" (whose ever home that might be....)

 

what is with you?

 

Either way, I still find that manuver of yours not to be really very nice.

but I wasn't even talking to you....

 

why are you being offensive?

Suddenly you're Goebbels' mouthpiece are you?

 

Classy!

Thank you.

Given that the guy was a convicted violent criminal who landed both his mother and sister in hospital, and very nearly killed his girlfriend, (I subsequently discovered) my conscience is clear.

[veggirl]

:eek:

 

Chewing with your mouth open is GROSS and RUDE, period. You learn that when you are like 5 years old. If a man hasn't grasped that by 30, that is HIS problem and yes it is damn disgusting. No one needs to see your nasty chewed food as you chomp up and down. It is gross and it is disrespectful to others at the table. WHY anyone is trying to argue otherwise is beyond me.

 

Yes, it does make a person look like a friggin barnyard animal or toddler. and maybe they DO need to be spoken to like that if they wanna act like that.

 

It's common decency.

 

Whether someone's dad or gramma or the friggin President chews with their mouth open is beside the point and irrelevant.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

TaraMaidenWhy is this suddenly becoming personal, when these responses weren't even to you?

 

I saw inconstancies in your comments. Inconstancies you are currently ignoring. Why are you focusing on *me* and not talking about the inconstancies I pointed out.

 

 

Why do you feel it necessary to stoop to sarcasm?

 

And what was it you stooped to when you put down the OP and her boyfriend? Is it okay to call others ignorant, pigs and children or overly-sensitive and the list of negativities you attempted to call the OP? Once again, you prove the irony. Sarcasm is "stooping" to something? Since when. I love sarcasm. It's very artful, witty and amusing. How is it I'm "stooping" to anything yet on this topic you are allowed to put other people down and correct other women's husbands?

 

I thought we were having a relatively decent discussion until this point... why get personal?

 

Tara, I think you were really disrespectful and mean about this topic. While your comments weren't directed to me, I still felt it neccesary to comment on how you were treating others. You got personal first when you felt it was your place to label and call people names and shun them.

 

 

no, he wasn't supposed to read my mind, because firstly the comment wasn't even directed at him.

 

Why would the comment have to be directed to him directly for him to respond to it??????????? This is a message board where we are all free to talk and comment about anything right?

 

Secondly, if I'd meant while out, I would have said, "while out". the whole point of saying at mealtime, was to indicate that this was a meal time, not a date.

 

I'm sorry but "mealtime" can be applied to public or private settings. If you meant "in private", then you should have said "in private". But you didn't. So this left it up to interpretation. But I repeat, either way, what gives you the right to put your hands on another adult and physically correct them? Because your touch wasn't a sign of aggression so much as a sign of passive-agreesive dislike thinly covered with flirtation?

 

 

after this period of time, there's no reason why they shouldn't eat "at home" (whose ever home that might be....)

 

what is with you?

 

I didn't say there wasn't a reason why they shouldn't eat at home. I am only pointing out that I came to the same conclusion as the Dr. In most cases, at this stage, they would still be eating out.

 

but I wasn't even talking to you....

 

why are you being offensive?

Suddenly you're Goebbels' mouthpiece are you?

 

I don't much like Goebbel's comments on the board most of the time, but I do think he made some fair points here. In the spirit of fairness, I had something to say on it because I think you have a lot of inconstancies going on. INconstancies that you are ignoring in favor of making me the highlight in your post.

 

I didn't know on the message board you had to be directly talking to someone to respond. I am offended because you hade some awful characterations of people while lecturing on manners despite your own ill mannered behavior and it isn't right.

 

 

Thank you.

Given that the guy was a convicted violent criminal who landed both his mother and sister in hospital, and very nearly killed his girlfriend, (I subsequently discovered) my conscience is clear.

 

Dr. created a hypothetical situation where a man would put his hands on a woman to correct her behavior..with a wink. How would that be different from your own behavior wher you put your hands on a man to correct his behavior?

 

Your real experience has little to do with the hypothetical situation Dr. made up. I believe that if someone assults you, then you have every right to defend yourself even to life or death. But the Dr. mearly created a hypothetical situation to mirror one where a man would put his hands on a woman like you suggested the OP put her hands on her man or like you did to another woman's husband. Why is it okay for you to phyiscally correct someoen but it wouldn't be okay for a man to phyiscally do it to a woman, even if he winked?

 

I am sorry you had to go through an experience to defend yourself, and I am glad you were able to defend yourself, but the experience you shared seems more like an assult, not exactly the situation that Dr was talking about. He was mearly making up a situation where a man could do that to a woman. The thing is, if a man did such a thing to you, you would probably be right pissed off. As you should be. Why would you do that to another adult?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm happy that you can acknowledge double standards Disenchantedly Yours, it's hard to find women who can recognize it and denounce it accordingly, especially when it comes to really childishly aggressive behavior. It's obvious even from past posts towards me and this "Wolf18" people keep mentioning, that she is a person with very serious issues with passive-aggressiveness, or even overt aggressiveness.

 

Hopefully she finds treatment soon, or one day she's going to act that way with a man that has a back bone and wind up seriously injured. I'll pray for her.

 

Dr. Goebbels, you would do better in your posting if you didn't talk about others so much. I like Tara. I just don't think she is being fair here. And I don't think you are being fair to her either by taking it to such a level telling her what she needs to find treatment for (umm which I totally disagree with because I don't think Tara needs treatment, I just think she is wrong her) or that you are going to pray for her. That is equally condsending. It's not right.

 

I do agree with a bit of a double standard being shown here. I know if any guy phyiscally put his hands on me to correct a behavior, I would be pissed off. But I don't think that most guys would do that anyway. I do think that if they did, most women would not like it one bit. they would see through it even if he laid the charm on thick while he was doing it.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I only had good intentions in my advice for her. Some people have anger problems and it catches up to them later in life. TaraMaiden is always giving me advice on how to live my life, so I thought I would return the kind favor.

 

Bullcrap. You did not have good intentions. Not when you say things like "..I thought I would return the kind favor." You are responsible for you no matter how you may think other people are treating you.

[TaraMaiden]

DY, I'm sorry we got to bickering. I'm not into purposely offending anyone, particularly people I've known for a while, so i apologise if my comments offended you.

Diff'rent stokes for diff'rent folks, we think about some things similarly, and others differently.

I would suggest we just let it go.

 

If I may.....

[irc333]

Funny, with most women, there would be no 2nd date....with this one, she's tolerating him. lol

 

 

I have just started to date this lovely guy and everything is great. He is sweet, fun, smart and I am so attracted to him. Only one thing, whenever he eats he chews with his mouth open and make a lot of noises.. It’s the same with chewing gum. It is really obvious and I am not this person that freaks out about anything.

 

I really like this guys and want to keep seeing him but I know this will bother me, especially if I would ever eat dinner with him and my friends etc.. How can I tell him that this annoys me without sounding like a control freak or acting like his mother? We have just started dating and I don’t want to come across as a weirdo.

[Ross MwcFan]

When you're having lunch with him it must be like watching a cement mixer.

[Hopeful30]

I think its disrespectful to the other person when people eat like that.

 

I dont think you should tell him just like that because it might seem rude, but i dont know how else to hint at it because its gross!

 

Maybe if you start eating like that too until he notices, so when he speaks up you can tell him that he eats like that too, so you didnt think it was necessary to use that table manner around him hahaha