The guy I’m dating is chewing with his mouth open, what can I do?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I have just started to date this lovely guy and everything is great. He is sweet, fun, smart and I am so attracted to him. Only one thing, whenever he eats he chews with his mouth open and make a lot of noises.. It’s the same with chewing gum. It is really obvious and I am not this person that freaks out about anything.

 

I really like this guys and want to keep seeing him but I know this will bother me, especially if I would ever eat dinner with him and my friends etc.. How can I tell him that this annoys me without sounding like a control freak or acting like his mother? We have just started dating and I don’t want to come across as a weirdo.

 

I feel your pain Mariaisbella. This is a pet peeve of mine as well. And something my Father did while eating himself. When we got together with my aunts and uncles on my Father's side, they all ate the same way. Needless to say that I have sat through many family dinners dealing with this issue. My brother use to get really annoyed with my Father over it and point it out. I think it made my Father defensive and hurt even though he didn't come out and say that directly. There was tension between him and my brother when my brother mentioned it though.

 

I would consider this an exercise in PATIENCE for yourself. Yes, it is very annoying to hear someone chewing. Yes, it would be great if everyone had sublime table manners. But poor table manners are really mild to the grand scheme of qualities that are important in a man. I would not say anything to him. This is not your job. Especially considering that you just started dating him! At 30, this is a part of who he is right now. You either accept it or you don't. He doesn't want you to try and change him. He is not looking to you to change him. Men like women that accept them for who they are, flaws and all. I would focus on what you can do with yourself, interally, to deal with this issue instead of focusing on what you can do to make him change.

 

Next time you eat together and he talks with his mouthful, remind yourself all the reasons why you do infact like him. Talk to him while you sit together eating and that will also distract you from the chewing. Practice on not focusing on the chewing. It migh take time but it's doable.

 

People come with good habits and bad ones. It's up to you to determine what you can adjust or accept. Always remember that the last thing most guys want is a woman is looking to change him. Especially one that he just started dating.It is not your place to comment on his lack of table manners. If this was a man you weren't that into, I would tell you that he might not be the best guy for you. But considering you do seem really into him, this is something you can work with. Consider it an exercise of growth for *you*.

[TaraMaiden]

I'll tell you how much good manners, pays....

 

A person I know, was entertaining some VIPs at his place of work, together with his MD - and they all went to the Company canteen for lunch. he was negotiating a contractual partnership with their company, and it was important to make a good impression.

They queued for their lunch, and he opted for the grilled sole, took some boiled potatoes, peas, carrots, then headed for the mayonnaise sauce. They sat, and began to eat.

He took one bite - and realised the mayonnaise sauce he had drizzled all over his food - was vanilla custard.

 

He carried on eating, and finished the lot.

 

Hi MD, who had realised his mistake, and had said nothing, later commended him for his sang froid and obvious dedication to the task.

 

He later told me - "it was quite bizarre - but actually - it didn't taste that bad!! My mother taught me never to turn my nose up at anything novel - so i treated it as something novel!"

[Disenchantedly Yours]

TaraMaiden, I think good table manners are nice, but having certain experiences have taught me that good manners can easily be a veneer that doesn't amount to very much at the end of the day. Certianly not to the real quality of a person. I have dated men with Ivy league educations that certainly had the polish you talk about, but when it came down to being a good guy, that was more questionable. The polish of their good manners did alot to cover up who they really where. Good table manners are nice. But they say very little about who a person actually is in his personal relationships.

 

You talked ealier about people with poor manners basically not having been raised right and that they can go back and eat from the trough. That made me laugh because my Grandfather (both of them actually on my Mom's and Dad's side) where pig farmers. I grew up a Farmer's daughter. My Dad might not have had tons of polish, but he was an intelligent man that ran and operated his own successful business.

 

He would drive around the city and give food to homeless people. He would stop to help if someone was broken down, especially a woman because he often thought about me in those cases as he told me. He one time gave a baby duck mouth to mouth because it almost drowned and my Mom was crying. He freaking gave the shoes off his feet to another man one time. But yeah, he chewed with his mouth full and he came from an old school farming family. Pig farming. But that says nothing about what kind of man he was. So I got to admit that your lofty ideals about men with table manners (because real manners are something else) is a bit annoying. Table manners are nice but they are just a polish. They are like a woman with make-up on. If a man treats you right and has the same morals as you do, that's what is important.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Mariaisabella, one more piece of advice. You may want to consider what some of your bad habits are and see if you would appreciate if he commented on them or pointed them out. We all have bad habits!

[Balzac]

What an amazingly appropriate share. Thanks!

[Art_Critic]

Nobody is perfect..

Sometimes we just have to learn to look past an imperfection or two.

[2sure]

Obviously good manners can be important to some and not to others. Further, some manners may be of more importance to some and not to others. Thats all good.

 

If OP is that offended by her new guy chewing with his mouth open - its fine. Thats her boundary. It doesnt mean he is unintelligent - it just means he doesnt hold the same importance to this particular piece of courtesy that she does.

 

And it can be a deal breaker.

 

Hmmm. I wonder what his reaction would be if next time at dinner , OP also chewed with her mouth open. Curious.

[xxoo]

I agree with DY. Table manners and culture really don't make the man, although you may be a bad match if you run in circles where these types of manners are very important (I don't).

 

My H chews gum like a cow. Drives me mad. So I moo at him, lol. And we laugh. Somehow, we manage to get along

[TaraMaiden]

DY, you're right of course - and as some previous questions i posed would indicate - perhaps there's more of this than meets the eye... although the OP hasn't been able to come back in and answer them....

'Manners maketh the man.... I have found in my experience that generally speaking, if a person knows how to behave in public, then in a broad sense, they can be expected to behave nicely in other circumstances too.

Of course, this is not a hard and fast rule - but environment and close influences play a part, and it's a composite of things.

But if something as basic as this is causing a 'nails on the blackboard' reaction from the OP, perhaps it's not a bad idea to try to broach the subject....

 

And the trough comment was meant in humour. Thanks for taking it well.

[yongyong]

you sleep with him but you are afraid to tell about this?

 

Once I am that close, I wouldn't mind telling about bad breath, arm pit smell, bad style, being fat and rude manner etc.

[Kofybean]

Mariaisabella, one more piece of advice. You may want to consider what some of your bad habits are and see if you would appreciate if he commented on them or pointed them out. We all have bad habits!

 

Lol who does that?

 

Seriously, who knows, the OP could very well be the kind of woman that would like to know someone finds her perfect in everyway except (insert quirk here) that she needs to change.

 

Who knows, maybe shes that type that does want to

know she looks fat in those jeans and wont throw a fit to hear it.

 

Some women have this burning desire to control or alter something, anything, about the guy they are with. Idk why. Mayne it makes them feel needed or in control... who knows.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Kofybean

[SJC2008]

Just have confidence! Walk with purpose, ratdiate! He'll see that and shut his yap!

 

In all seriousness if it's something that you can't hande (definately understandable) you're gonna have to tell him sooner or later. Try the sarcastic route, look at the food in his mouth and say "very sexy babe, let's go home right now and get it on". That should be a good enough hint IMO.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

DY, you're right of course - and as some previous questions i posed would indicate - perhaps there's more of this than meets the eye... although the OP hasn't been able to come back in and answer them....

'Manners maketh the man.... I have found in my experience that generally speaking, if a person knows how to behave in public, then in a broad sense, they can be expected to behave nicely in other circumstances too.

Of course, this is not a hard and fast rule - but environment and close influences play a part, and it's a composite of things.

But if something as basic as this is causing a 'nails on the blackboard' reaction from the OP, perhaps it's not a bad idea to try to broach the subject....

 

And the trough comment was meant in humour. Thanks for taking it well.

 

 

If by “manners” you mean someone that respects other people, yes. If by “manners” you mean one’s ability to close their mouth when they eat and use their salad fork and the glass to the right of them (or is it suppose to be the left?), then no, those manners don’t make the man.

 

I will be perfectly honest with you, I didn't take the trough comment well. I wasn't laughing with you or at you, I was laughing out of disbelief for your comments. I thought it was tactless on your end to make a comment like that while talking about good manners. I thought it lacked good manners. But I guess on a message board, it's okay to say such things. I talked about my father and the background because you used the word trough and frankly, I wanted to make you eat it. Maybe my Dad didn't have polish, but he had more manners to make comments about people eating out of troughs.

 

My dad might have spent the day knee deep in mudd and farming, but he knew how to take my Mom out to nice restaurants in the city. And I am not talking about Ruth’s Chris Steak House.

 

Here is the deal, I see a lot of women get blinded by fancy treatment. A man openning a door (although this is very nice), or his personal facade toward her during dating, that they ignore, justify or choose not to see who a man may really be. That facade, the charm, the manners...not that impressive if you ask me. Nice, but not impressive.

 

And I don't think the fact that a man chews with his mouth open makes him a "child". If you treat a man like a child, he may not resent you in that moment, he may not even 100% know what happenend, but he will know that he didn't like the way that moment felt. And that's all he needs to know to decide if he is going to keep seeing someone or not. No guy wants to be taught "manners" by his date.

 

No one is perfect. She doesn't need to address anything with him on this. She is either able to grow from this experience and accept this flaw or she isn't and then he may not be the right man for her despite the other qualities she likes. It comes down to what is more important to her.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Some women have this burning desire to control or alter something, anything, about the guy they are with. Idk why. Mayne it makes them feel needed or in control... who knows.

 

In general, I think women are more open to self-work. I think a lot of men get comfortable in an area and are happy where they are and don't want to rock the boat. I am speaking personally here, not professionally. So women might come into a relationship with the idea that, "Oh this will help him." We don't always do that stuff with a malcious intent. But yeah, sometimes it could be a needed/control thing. Control is a tricky thing though because I think that a lot of women try so hard to "control" because they don't feel entirely safe. And if they don't think a guy is holding up his end of the bargin, even if they like that guy, the more "control" they may unknowingly hold onto.

 

Control is certainly something women can struggle with. But so can men. Usually it just comes out in different ways.

[TaraMaiden]

If by “manners” you mean someone that respects other people, yes. If by “manners” you mean one’s ability to close their mouth when they eat and use their salad fork and the glass to the right of them (or is it suppose to be the left?), then no, those manners don’t make the man.

I did say that it was a composite of things, and really, this proves that 'manners' means different things to different people.

 

I mean, when you find a definition of 'manners' as broad as this:

 

Manners

a. The socially correct way of acting; etiquette.

b. The prevailing customs, social conduct, and norms of a specific society, period, or group

 

...It's no wonder people hold different viewpoints as to what they consider to be acceptable...

 

I will be perfectly honest with you, I didn't take the trough comment well. I wasn't laughing with you or at you, I was laughing out of disbelief for your comments. I thought it was tactless on your end to make a comment like that while talking about good manners.

It was a tongue-in-cheek comment said with humour.

There's no need to be precious about it.

 

I thought it lacked good manners. But I guess on a message board, it's okay to say such things. I talked about my father and the background because you used the word trough and frankly, I wanted to make you eat it. Maybe my Dad didn't have polish, but he had more manners to make comments about people eating out of troughs.

My dad might have spent the day knee deep in mudd and farming, but he knew how to take my Mom out to nice restaurants in the city. And I am not talking about Ruth’s Chris Steak House.

 

My great uncle lived in the north of England, and coincidentally, also raised livestock, amongst them, pigs. He also slaughtered his own animals for local traders ansd markets. He too, was considered a scholar and a gentleman, and was a pillar of local society, eventually becoming Mayor, hosting and presiding over many local and not-so-local social events, with my great aunt, as Lady Mayoress by his side. So let's not go down that road, ok?

 

Here is the deal, I see a lot of women get blinded by fancy treatment. A man openning a door (although this is very nice), or his personal facade toward her during dating, that they ignore, justify or choose not to see who a man may really be. That facade, the charm, the manners...not that impressive if you ask me. Nice, but not impressive.

On the contrary - in this day an age when the general consensus seems to be "I want it all and I want it now" and "what's in it for me?" it's not only impressive, it's also extremely refreshing, and frankly, so rare as to make me fall over in a dead faint when it happens. And the sure fire way to see whether a lady is saddled with a gentleman or a boor, is to see for how long that goes on.

I think it's an excellent yardstick by which to evaluate a partner.

How he treats you and behaves in public - and for how long.

 

And I don't think the fact that a man chews with his mouth open makes him a "child". If you treat a man like a child, he may not resent you in that moment, he may not even 100% know what happenend, but he will know that he didn't like the way that moment felt. And that's all he needs to know to decide if he is going to keep seeing someone or not. No guy wants to be taught "manners" by his date.

Well, a couple of guys in this thread would seem to contradict your assertion, there....

 

 

No one is perfect. She doesn't need to address anything with him on this. She is either able to grow from this experience and accept this flaw or she isn't and then he may not be the right man for her despite the other qualities she likes. It comes down to what is more important to her.

It's obvious that chewing food with his mouth open bothers her, and hence it's important to her.

Otherwise she wouldn't have posted about the issue - would she - ?

 

'You never get a second chance to make a first impression'.

 

If she's finding out early on that he has little irritating foibles, addressing them now, is vital.

for example, let's look at it 6 years down the line - out to dinner with friends, and the two little ones - and dad is sitting in the corner eating his lunch more noisily than his kids.

wife is seething at her husband's insensitive table manners, and thinking "God, it's like having three kids!!"

 

And any woman will tell you that last thought - is spot-on!

[mariaisabella]

Thanks a lot for all the advice. I have given this some more thoughts and still not sure what to do.

 

I do agree with the statements that chewing with mouth open doesn’t mean he has no manners. I have spent some time with the guy and he is a real gentleman in all other ways, more than all other guys I have been dating, some that are real snobs and have perfect table manners.

 

He is very polite and nice to everyone. For example, we went for a drink in a bar and there were a lot of people waiting. This other guys was very rude and asked the girl working behind the bar “where is my drink.. I have been waiting for ages..” a couple of times and my date said to me he can’t stand these people that are so rude since he can see the girl was doing her best. He also said he gets sad to see all the busy people on the streets and on the tube that bounce in to others and don’t say sorry, people that don’t give respect to others, for example older people etc. I found that so cute.

 

This guy comes from a different background than me, he has had to fight to get where he is without help from anyone. I do come from a family where table manners are important and this is why I bring this up. I still don’t know if it’s too early to say something.. Maybe I should at least get to know him more so I know if this is a guy I could get serious with before I say something? There might be other things I get annoyed with but so far there is nothing else, on the contrary I like everything very much and I love hanging out with him.

 

However, I will probably have to say something at some point.

[mariaisabella]

I can't believe someone's nasty table manners has created a freakin 3 PAGE THREAD with all these silly dissertations that are so over the moon it isn't even funny anymore.

 

OP, the guy needs to eat like a human being, and not a farm animal. Guess what? In a restaurant 1 or 2 tables over, I don't want to see his garbage rotating any more than YOU do when you're out to dinner with him. I'll see him as a classless fool who was raised by wolves, as will the rest of the patrons at the restaurant who are treated to that disgusting visual.

 

God, stop acting as though approaching him about this is on the same level as asking him to donate a kidney to you. I can't believe all the psycho-babble in this thread about women wanting to "control" men or how the relationship will crash and burn if you treat him like a "child" by using a certain approach. Good lord, this thread is so over the freakin' top at this point.

 

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months. He slurps his coffee and it's the most irritating thing on earth when you have to hear it EVERY TIME HE RAISES HIS CUP. I lasted all of 3 or 4 weeks before I finally told him I wanted to rip my eyelids off because he slurps his coffee and I can't stand people who make noise when they eat or drink. And I'll bet my right arm I'm not the FIRST person he's irrirtated with that habit and I won't be the last.

 

Guess what? He didn't need therapy because he felt I was treating him like a child or trying to control him. Yeah, really! No psycho-babble involved - he's simply become much more aware of this annoying habit and is doing very well at catching himself when he starts to slurp.

 

Problem solved. It's NOT rocket science, folks.

 

OP, tell your boyfriend his eating habits look and sound like feeding time at the zoo and he needs to curb it.

 

Simple.

 

I might not be as sensitive as you when it comes to table manners but it was nice to hear that you can say this without being an idiot, and I will. I believe I need to say it in a nicer way though since I would be very sad if someone told me I had really bad manners and compare me to an animal.

 

You said you waited a couple of weeks before saying.. I have only met this guy for 2 weeks and only 4 times in total so you probably felt a bit more comfortable saying this. I am scared I will come across as controlling since we are not even a couple yet, just dating.

[Emilia]

Nobody is perfect..

Sometimes we just have to learn to look past an imperfection or two.

 

I think 'hearing past' it is the issue though

[Emilia]

I am scared I will come across as controlling since we are not even a couple yet, just dating.

 

Well no because this conversation could be had between people who aren't dating as well

[mariaisabella]

Well no because this conversation could be had between people who aren't dating as well

 

Ok, true but when you’re not dating you have nothing to lose and the other person will not think you are trying to change you into being a good boyfriend. I’m scare he will think “if she is like this nagging now how will it be in a relationship”

[Emilia]

Ok, true but when you’re not dating you have nothing to lose and the other person will not think you are trying to change you into being a good boyfriend. I’m scare he will think “if she is like this nagging now how will it be in a relationship”

 

Then you probably don't want him in the first place

[VodkaShots]

I can't believe someone's nasty table manners has created a freakin 3 PAGE THREAD with all these silly dissertations that are so over the moon it isn't even funny anymore.

 

OP, the guy needs to eat like a human being, and not a farm animal. Guess what? In a restaurant 1 or 2 tables over, I don't want to see his garbage rotating any more than YOU do when you're out to dinner with him. I'll see him as a classless fool who was raised by wolves, as will the rest of the patrons at the restaurant who are treated to that disgusting visual.

 

God, stop acting as though approaching him about this is on the same level as asking him to donate a kidney to you. I can't believe all the psycho-babble in this thread about women wanting to "control" men or how the relationship will crash and burn if you treat him like a "child" by using a certain approach. Good lord, this thread is so over the freakin' top at this point.

 

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months. He slurps his coffee and it's the most irritating thing on earth when you have to hear it EVERY TIME HE RAISES HIS CUP. I lasted all of 3 or 4 weeks before I finally told him I wanted to rip my eyelids off because he slurps his coffee and I can't stand people who make noise when they eat or drink. And I'll bet my right arm I'm not the FIRST person he's irrirtated with that habit and I won't be the last.

 

Guess what? He didn't need therapy because he felt I was treating him like a child or trying to control him. Yeah, really! No psycho-babble involved - he's simply become much more aware of this annoying habit and is doing very well at catching himself when he starts to slurp.

 

Problem solved. It's NOT rocket science, folks.

 

OP, tell your boyfriend his eating habits look and sound like feeding time at the zoo and he needs to curb it.

 

Simple.

 

Great post.

Made me laugh.

[madjac74]

I understand your concern because it is my biggest pet peeve and sadly when you look around, it is ridiculous the amount of adults who eat like this and it is no wonder our children are such savage eaters.

 

I can simply give my children a look when they do it and they instantly know what they are doing wrong. They will do it again of course but I will be there to continue to remind them. My only downfall is that their mom is an open mouth eater and isn't as vigilant in teaching them proper manors

 

I have adult friends who are hideous eaters and I won't say anything because it just isn't my place to be teaching adults. On the other hand my friend's daughter pushes me to the edge so much with her blatant lip smacking that I will make comments like "Gee that sure sounds good!" or when she says something tastes good "Yeah we heard".

 

Anyway if you care about this person and their habits are driving you crazy then you should say something. Maybe try saying it in a joking manor at first to see how they respond. I suppose it depends on your level of comfort with them.

 

And for those who say you should just accept other people's bad habits. I disagree this is a public nuisance and it annoys other people. Just like smoking...and we all know smokers are being shunned from public places as should open mouth chewers!

[veggirl]

How are there multi-paragraph postings about this? lol. It's freaking disgusting to chew with your mouth open. That is something you learn when you are like 3 years old.

 

I would have NO qualms with saying "dude can you chew with your mouth closed please?" I would be TEMPTED to add "were you raised in a barn?!"

 

Gross!

 

It's like burping in front of your date. Or throwing out F-bombs when you meet the parents.

 

Common damn sense. Close your mouth.

[florence of suburbia]

Trickier problem than it seems. Men want to be accepted for who they are but some men don't have a very accurate self-perception. I doubt he realizes he's chewing with his mouth open, but it would be so much better if you weren't the one to tell him.