mariaisabella Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I have just started to date this lovely guy and everything is great. He is sweet, fun, smart and I am so attracted to him. Only one thing, whenever he eats he chews with his mouth open and make a lot of noises.. It’s the same with chewing gum. It is really obvious and I am not this person that freaks out about anything. I really like this guys and want to keep seeing him but I know this will bother me, especially if I would ever eat dinner with him and my friends etc.. How can I tell him that this annoys me without sounding like a control freak or acting like his mother? We have just started dating and I don’t want to come across as a weirdo.
weallfalldown Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 oh dear............just tell him to keep it shut!...
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Lean across at mealtime, press up on his chin, and say "I know what you're eating darling - I don't need to see or hear it going down..." and wink. Then carry on eating. with your mouth closed, natch.... 2
Author mariaisabella Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Thank you for the different advice. I was thinking something like “I have to be very honest with you. It’s a bit embarresing to bring it up.. Its my issue but I have a thing with people chewing with open mouths.. I am sorry for my honestly but just want you to know how I feel etc etc” .
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Men get to be treated as toddlers - when they act like them. Closing your mouth when eating is part of conventional social etiquette. Either he's pig ignorant, or he wasn't brought up with table manners. Either way, little kids eat with their mouths open, so the course of action works - and imparts a strong message right away. No bull. If he doesn't like it, there's the trough. 3
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Thank you for the different advice. I was thinking something like “I have to be very honest with you. It’s a bit embarresing to bring it up.. Its my issue but I have a thing with people chewing with open mouths.. I am sorry for my honestly but just want you to know how I feel etc etc” . This sounds like something a timid, little demure, shy, overly-sensitive person would say, for fear of causing dreadful offence - yet his mouth-smacking is damn rude.... I did the chin-thing to a friend's husband - and he didn't take offence at all. He actually thanked me for reminding him.... and you know what....? Other stuff will surface. Mark my words.
Author mariaisabella Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 This sounds like something a timid, little demure, shy, overly-sensitive person would say, for fear of causing dreadful offence - yet his mouth-smacking is damn rude.... I did the chin-thing to a friend's husband - and he didn't take offence at all. He actually thanked me for reminding him.... and you know what....? Other stuff will surface. Mark my words. Even after 3 dates?
Balzac Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 So much for dating mouth breathers. No reveal from you about his age or profession but this is a "culture" issue. It's the very reason why during the hiring process of many professionals, public dinners and such are demanded. Social etiquette can be learned but it can be an awkward, painful process. I tend to agree with the opinion expressed, other faux pas will soon emerge. On a more personal share, I took a beautiful, intelligent woman to dinner who licked her fingers~that was the end for me.
Later82012 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I have just started to date this lovely guy and everything is great. He is sweet, fun, smart and I am so attracted to him. Only one thing, whenever he eats he chews with his mouth open and make a lot of noises.. It’s the same with chewing gum. It is really obvious and I am not this person that freaks out about anything. I really like this guys and want to keep seeing him but I know this will bother me, especially if I would ever eat dinner with him and my friends etc.. How can I tell him that this annoys me without sounding like a control freak or acting like his mother? We have just started dating and I don’t want to come across as a weirdo. Ask him to change and give him some time. If he doesn't, dump him because these habits become very irritating in the long run.
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Even after 3 dates? How long do you think you should wait? has he kissed you? Held your hand? enjoyed your company? I don't see why the number of dates, matters.... better sooner than later!
Author mariaisabella Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 So much for dating mouth breathers. No reveal from you about his age or profession but this is a "culture" issue. It's the very reason why during the hiring process of many professionals, public dinners and such are demanded. Social etiquette can be learned but it can be an awkward, painful process. I tend to agree with the opinion expressed, other faux pas will soon emerge. On a more personal share, I took a beautiful, intelligent woman to dinner who licked her fingers~that was the end for me. He is 30 and has his own business. Really smart and successful and seems to have a "normal" background. He has really good values and I just don't want to dump him for this since I like everything else about him so far and it seems like a small thing.
Author mariaisabella Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 How long do you think you should wait? has he kissed you? Held your hand? enjoyed your company? I don't see why the number of dates, matters.... better sooner than later! Yes, we have done all that.. Ok, maybe I should but feel so bad!
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Why feel bad? look upon it as being the perfect person to give him the best lesson he could learn from - but sit and wonder what his Mamma never taught him - and why.... - Does he still live at home...?
Author mariaisabella Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Why feel bad? look upon it as being the perfect person to give him the best lesson he could learn from - but sit and wonder what his Mamma never taught him - and why.... - Does he still live at home...? No he doesn't live at home. So basically you think something is wrong with him for doing this? . He seems so nice and educated in every other way so confused.
Balzac Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 It's only wrong if one places value in good manners. Intelligence isn't a factor. Education isn't a factor. Social culture is the issue. It's akin to knowing how to maneuver introductions, stand when appropriate and basics of appropriate social interactions.
Later82012 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 He is 30 and has his own business. Really smart and successful and seems to have a "normal" background. He has really good values and I just don't want to dump him for this since I like everything else about him so far and it seems like a small thing. If he hasn't learnt in 30 years he is not going to learn it for the rest of his life most probably. Good luck changing his habit .
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Does he have a breathing problem? Has he ever had a broken nose? Does he snore at night? Is he a bit overweight? Is his jaw misaligned? If it's 'no' all the way down the line, it's poor etiquette, and maybe he just needs some rough edges smoothing over.....
soccerrprp Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Probably not in the same league, but my current GF asked me to change my deodorant after our second date. I did. She came right out and told me that she would like to continue being close to me, but was finding it difficult with the strong scented deodorant I was using...what am I going to say? No?! I changed it and heck, I'm even glad I did...I appreciate women who are honest...ask him before going out, talk about how you can cue him when he does, like a slight squeeze to the thighs under the table, or a gentle massage to the arms, etc. during public/social occasions. Just talk to him about it... 2
2sure Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Given his age and experience - he knows he should not pass gas in public or chew with his mouth open. If he isnt do one of those things - he is choosing to do the other, or doesnt think its important.
lady_jadie Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Ahhh jeez, I hear you Maria, I absolutely HATE any form of mastication, for reasons unknown, but people chewing with their mouths open is soo... cringe! It makes me want to leave the room. I always try to have music or tv on it irks me so much, and I know how you feel, you don't just want to brutally come out with it- "JUST SHUT YOUR FREAKING MOUTH WHEN YOU CHEW! I COULD HEAR YOU FROM A DIFFERENT CONTINENT!!!" But you should deal with it, in any way you feel comfortable, sooner rather than later (as Tara said) otherwise if this gets serious and you keep schtum, you will end up like a blocked up boiler and it will explode in the style I just exampled. My ex did the same thing, and also glugged his drink () but it didn't piss me off until the honeymoon starstruck bit was over, and then it seriously started to get on my t*ts and I'd tell him, but he already got into that comfort zone and didn't listen, so my next try was to be snarky to try to 'shame' him into realising he was being gross. Not kind of me. And futile. Sorry I can't actually give you the right words, different techniques for different people I'm afraid. But you aren't a freakout, you just know what you dislike. On a more personal share, I took a beautiful, intelligent woman to dinner who licked her fingers~that was the end for me. Balzac- did you take her to a place that required eating with hands - i.e barbequeue wings shack or doughnut parlour? Otherwise I agree, loud finger licking is equally Jd xx
Kofybean Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I have just started to date this lovely guy and everything is great. He is sweet, fun, smart and I am so attracted to him. Only one thing, whenever he eats he chews with his mouth open and make a lot of noises.. It’s the same with chewing gum. It is really obvious and I am not this person that freaks out about anything. I really like this guys and want to keep seeing him but I know this will bother me, especially if I would ever eat dinner with him and my friends etc.. How can I tell him that this annoys me without sounding like a control freak or acting like his mother? We have just started dating and I don’t want to come across as a weirdo. This reminds me of that joke pointing that women are never satisfied in their search for a perfect man. Just tell him. Hes a grown man. My gf hates when i bite my lip, I do it all the time and when she catches me doing it she reaches over and pulls it out. I dont even flinch and go about my day as if nothing happened. That is, until I forget and bite my lip again and she pulls it out again. So either tell him or board the elevator to the next floor... surely the perfect man you will fins there.
rocketman122 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 ech..my father was like that...plus he would talk while eating and debris was splattering everywhere. I was so embarrassed and disgusted. no matter how many times I told him, it would not help. I would just say:" dad, its impolite. close your mouth, finish eating and then talk"
Balzac Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Ahhh jeez, I hear you Maria, I absolutely HATE any form of mastication, for reasons unknown, but people chewing with their mouths open is soo... cringe! It makes me want to leave the room. I always try to have music or tv on it irks me so much, and I know how you feel, you don't just want to brutally come out with it- "JUST SHUT YOUR FREAKING MOUTH WHEN YOU CHEW! I COULD HEAR YOU FROM A DIFFERENT CONTINENT!!!" But you should deal with it, in any way you feel comfortable, sooner rather than later (as Tara said) otherwise if this gets serious and you keep schtum, you will end up like a blocked up boiler and it will explode in the style I just exampled. My ex did the same thing, and also glugged his drink () but it didn't piss me off until the honeymoon starstruck bit was over, and then it seriously started to get on my t*ts and I'd tell him, but he already got into that comfort zone and didn't listen, so my next try was to be snarky to try to 'shame' him into realising he was being gross. Not kind of me. And futile. Sorry I can't actually give you the right words, different techniques for different people I'm afraid. But you aren't a freakout, you just know what you dislike. Balzac- did you take her to a place that required eating with hands - i.e barbequeue wings shack or doughnut parlour? Otherwise I agree, loud finger licking is equally Jd xx not sushi, pizza, shrimp cocktail, oysters on the half shell, or optionally your list. Smith and Wollensky. Basic, well understood menu and there you have it. I'm a reasonable man.
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 On a more personal share, I took a beautiful, intelligent woman to dinner who licked her fingers~that was the end for me. Ok... I used to drink the gravy and meat juices left over on my dinner plate, from my roast sunday lunch - but only at home, behind closed doors, in the privacy of my dining room! I now no longer eat meat - so I don't do that now - but they were so.... yum!!
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