Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Makes me wonder about whether their parents hugged them much. (There I go being judgmental! Stop that, me.) Good point. And yeah, when he's not thinking about it - like when we're asleep - he's all over me and wrapped around me like an affection-starved barnacle. Seriously, he will wrap every limb around me like a blood-sucking starfish. Even when he's facing away, he will throw his leg and arm backwards over me and wrap me around him where he wants me. But today I woke up with a pain in my shoulder from letting him contort me to his liking. So I can't keep doing this!!
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Oh, and something else I remembered - not sure if this matters here... but he told me that in school, he was the kid who beat up the bullies. So, the kids getting picked on would come to him, and he would swoop in and kick the bullies' butts, then protect the weaker kids. He comes across as very sensitive and finicky, but strong as a bull. Yep that's definitely relative and is a sign of potential abuse. I was the same way..when I saw weaker people getting picked on I stepped in and fought even tho I wasn't big myself at the time...I took it personalwhen I saw that because it reminded me of myself being abused by adults so a kid or someone my age was a joke to fight..almost kickefd out of school for fighting but I never through the first punch of was starting it. Honestly its probably why I defend the weak in part till this day or the underdog. Of course he may not have been abused just emotionally neglected or something that's helped him attune himself this way. And yes you should punch him back he'd prob like it if its playful ;-) 1
ThaWholigan Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 This totally makes sense. He has told me SO many stories about his formative years with his family, even telling me rather personal things about his family early on. He lives far away from them because of his career, but they are obviously very important to him. Thought so, it also appears you have Moon in his 5th, so likely this helps bring out his playful side also. There are write-ups on some of these placements that could go into greater depth than I Here's my chart - does this help? Sun - Cancer Moon - Sagittarius Mercury - Cancer Venus - Cancer Mars - Virgo Jupiter - Taurus Saturn - Leo Uranus - Scorpio Neptune - Sagittarius Pluto - Libra True Node - Scorpio Ascendant - Virgo 2nd House - Libra 3rd House - Scorpio Imum Coeli - Sagittarius 5th House - Capricorn 6th House - Aquarius Descendant - Pisces 8th House - Aries 9th House - Taurus Medium Coeli - Gemini 11th House - Cancer 12th House - Leo Here's his full chart: Planetary positions Sun - Virgo Moon - Scorpio Mercury - Libra Venus - Libra Mars - Leo Jupiter - Libra Saturn - Libra Uranus - Scorpio Neptune - Sagittarius Pluto - Libra True Node - Leo House positions Ascendant - Leo 2nd House - Virgo 3rd House - Libra Imum Coeli - Scorpio 5th House - Sagittarius 6th House - Capricorn Descendant - Aquarius 8th House - Pisces 9th House - Aries Medium Coeli - Taurus 11th House - Gemini 12th House - Cancer His Mars is in your 12th, two 12th house connections. He likely feels compelled to delve into your inner life, so the connection feels mutual. I cannot read the aspects without the chart of course, but the house placements suggest that this union is new ground almost for both of you. Likely his Sun is conjunct your ascendant, which would make you both very attractive to each other physically as well, thus completing something of a synthesis in attraction. Wait......you've also got Venus and Mercury in his 12th . That makes it more of a connection as well. Also, depending on the size of your 1st house, he also has a Mercury and Venus in your 1st house, thus feeding that attraction with a more physical and mental connection too. I felt this immediate powerful connection with him - like he's a soul mate I was supposed to meet. It may sound ridiculous, but right when I met him, I felt like I could see this inner light radiating out of him. Sometimes he has this magical glow around him - in some ways, it feels like I've known him forever. Yes, this is typical 12th house stuff. I often have an eerie sense of camaraderie with Aquarians, as though we think alike - and Aquarius rules my 12th house, and my Moon is also in there too. You do feel as though you've known the other for a long time due to a familiarity you can't quite fathom. I think you're right. I was really surprised by the things he was telling me early on, in the quiet dreamy times. He often says things to me that just totally floor me and make me wonder how in the hell he knew that, or picked up on that so fast. Sometimes when we rouse in the night, he talks to me and says reassuring things - but I think he's doing it in his sleep, because he never remembers it in the morning. It's always so sensitive and caring. It's like this soft side of him he fights to keep in during waking life. :love: Astrology aside, the two of you are quite clearly meant to have been in a relationship due to the nature of how it has flourished. You should be mindful of the person he is though, as later on you may feel duped by the ethereal nature of your union, and he must do the same. But nonetheless, this seems like a match literally made in heaven - but you have to let it blossom and soon you will both find an even more natural rhythm . 1
amaysngrace Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I think you should invite him to your place and get him stupid sloppy drunk.
todreaminblue Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Have you ever dated someone much more conservative and reserved than you? I'm dating a great guy right now, but we just had our first big serious discussion, and it was about how conservative and emotionally reserved he is, versus how emotionally open and expressive I am. It has been starting to make me feel unappreciated, undesired, and sad. I'm like a fiery, wild-hearted Italian, and he's like this proper gentleman from another century. The good points are that he's stable, has a good career he's very serious about, honest with strong values, very cute and sexy, strong and take-charge, independent and sure of who he is and what he wants, intelligent and intellectually curious so we can have amazing conversation about anything at all, a perfect fit for me physically, and completely reliable and solid. The challenging parts are that he's emotionally reserved and not very expressive, pretty uptight and concerned about what other people think of him, conservative with contact, affection, compliments, and so on, somewhat uptight about sex, hardly romantic at all. But he is slowly mellowing out and opening up on all of this, and he seems to be having fun as he does. Any time I tell him I would like him to do something more, like be more affectionate, call me pet names, and that kind of thing, he starts doing it more immediately, and he even tells me he's happy to do it and he loves making me happy. I've tried other approaches, but the only thing that has worked so far is spelling out what I would like very clearly, asking for it in a non-demanding way, and asking if he has that to offer. He says he can't change who he is, but he agrees we can meet in the middle. I told him that if we're not a match, we should let each other go in peace. But we agree that we like each other a lot, and the strong connection feels pretty obvious. I liked him immediately when we met, and he told me the other day that he liked me "in the first five seconds" of meeting, and said that's why he got a little nervous at first. He showed obvious improvement on our date this weekend. He was being noticeably flirtier and more fun, giving me random kisses now and then, making sweet or slightly suggestive comments. He also said in a sweet, sincere way, "It's hard to come up with little things to compliment you about, because I like everything about you." But he did give me little compliments now and then. He also said, "Every time I see you, time just flies. Twenty-four hours go by, and it feels like an hour or two." He told me this time he deleted his dating profile, as opposed to deactivating it, and he's never done that before. He also said it would probably be a good thing for him to become more adept at expressing his emotions and opening up a bit, because even the people who report to him at work tell him he comes across as "emotionally cold", and "all business". The other day I told him he sounded like a robot. And he made a cute joke about being a robot last night. I have also adapted to his style. For instance, I can tell that he strongly prefers when I let him make the moves sexually. Sex seems to go best when I hang back and let him unwind as the date progresses, then make his move once he feels comfortable and ready to go for it. When I do this, he comes at me with confidence, steers everything, and we have the best sex. In the earlier stages, when I would sometimes get impatient and drop little hints and make small moves on him, he would tighten up, and even once called me "aggressive". Has anyone been in a couple with this dynamic? How did it go? What helped? free spirits need a grounding influence in their life.If you have two free spirits together fiery and explosive then chances are those fires will be combustible.A free spirit with no anchor is a spirit that will never be happy.He sounds like your perfect anchor> i am a free spirit to a degree i am a dreamer i am fiery and passionate and restless the type of person who can move suddenly on a whim i travel pretty quickly once i decide to go I would not be happy with is someone who was the same as me, it wouldn't work and it hasn't worked in my life when I am around other free spirits.I want to have a home with a grounded person that would be a dream for me (strange dream for a restless person?) but the truth is sometimes being a free spirit becomes aimless and very one sided.....and that is what a grounded person has aim drive and commitment to guide to teach and share with you a secure life and so you can see two sides to the ever changing world. Dont give up on your anchor.He sounds sweet, you can always work together and find that you give each other something the other does not have....it is actually a good relationship for both of you.This free spirit is off now to find another thread to perch in or google how i can volunteer in africa one or the other....see no anchor....smilin........good luck.....deb 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Thanks for all the insightful comments. Things have taken a turn. He called tonight to tell me he got notice at work today that he's getting laid off at the end of the month. He said he's always gotten the top reviews and raises, so it makes no sense. I suggested maybe it's because he's a more expensive employee - I learned from an HR girl where I got laid off from my first real job that that's why they let me and some others go. Though he was obviously sad about it, he had a good attitude. He said he'll find another good job, he'll be fine, and worst case scenario, he has a year's worth of living expenses saved up so doesn't have to worry about that. He said he only has 2 good friends he'd be comfortable telling about this. One of them is out of the country on business right now, so he said he's going to e-mail him about it. He said he doesn't think he's going to tell the other one, because he doesn't give good advice or know what to say in these situations. He also said he's not going to tell anyone in his family, because they would just worry and cause him more stress. He said he'll tell them once he gets a new job. He said he considered not telling me, but then realized he had to because there's no way he could keep it from me. He said he felt weak for feeling so down, and he should be stronger than this. I told him I started crying in that conference room when I got laid off and asked, "What did I do wrong?" He said, "Yes, but you're a girl and you're naturally more sensitive. I'm a man and I'm supposed to be strong." But then he said he was going to be fine, and said he had already started e-mailing his contacts and brainstorming about where he's going to look for a new job. I told him he could call me or come over anytime, he's not alone, and I care about him, and he seemed really appreciative of that. Really, I feel like this was our first conversation in which he showed some emotional vulnerability, and it went well (in spite of the bad circumstances). 2
amaysngrace Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It really speaks volumes that he opened up to you. And you provided him a soft landing. 4
monkey00 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) Have you ever dated someone much more conservative and reserved than you? I'm dating a great guy right now, but we just had our first big serious discussion, and it was about how conservative and emotionally reserved he is, versus how emotionally open and expressive I am. It has been starting to make me feel unappreciated, undesired, and sad. I'm like a fiery, wild-hearted Italian, and he's like this proper gentleman from another century. The good points are that he's stable, has a good career he's very serious about, honest with strong values, very cute and sexy, strong and take-charge, independent and sure of who he is and what he wants, intelligent and intellectually curious so we can have amazing conversation about anything at all, a perfect fit for me physically, and completely reliable and solid. The challenging parts are that he's emotionally reserved and not very expressive, pretty uptight and concerned about what other people think of him, conservative with contact, affection, compliments, and so on, somewhat uptight about sex, hardly romantic at all. But he is slowly mellowing out and opening up on all of this, and he seems to be having fun as he does. Any time I tell him I would like him to do something more, like be more affectionate, call me pet names, and that kind of thing, he starts doing it more immediately, and he even tells me he's happy to do it and he loves making me happy. I've tried other approaches, but the only thing that has worked so far is spelling out what I would like very clearly, asking for it in a non-demanding way, and asking if he has that to offer. He says he can't change who he is, but he agrees we can meet in the middle. I told him that if we're not a match, we should let each other go in peace. But we agree that we like each other a lot, and the strong connection feels pretty obvious. I liked him immediately when we met, and he told me the other day that he liked me "in the first five seconds" of meeting, and said that's why he got a little nervous at first. He showed obvious improvement on our date this weekend. He was being noticeably flirtier and more fun, giving me random kisses now and then, making sweet or slightly suggestive comments. He also said in a sweet, sincere way, "It's hard to come up with little things to compliment you about, because I like everything about you." But he did give me little compliments now and then. He also said, "Every time I see you, time just flies. Twenty-four hours go by, and it feels like an hour or two." He told me this time he deleted his dating profile, as opposed to deactivating it, and he's never done that before. He also said it would probably be a good thing for him to become more adept at expressing his emotions and opening up a bit, because even the people who report to him at work tell him he comes across as "emotionally cold", and "all business". The other day I told him he sounded like a robot. And he made a cute joke about being a robot last night. I have also adapted to his style. For instance, I can tell that he strongly prefers when I let him make the moves sexually. Sex seems to go best when I hang back and let him unwind as the date progresses, then make his move once he feels comfortable and ready to go for it. When I do this, he comes at me with confidence, steers everything, and we have the best sex. In the earlier stages, when I would sometimes get impatient and drop little hints and make small moves on him, he would tighten up, and even once called me "aggressive". Has anyone been in a couple with this dynamic? How did it go? What helped? That guy sounds a bit like me, I'm also a virgo. At times I can be charismatic and friendly with people, but when it comes down to intimacy and relationships I can be cold. I think it's due to the fact that I grew up in a household where everyone was emotionally cold and no one expressed themselves. And reinforced because I was being burned when I opened myself up when dating. I had to learn to be 'human' as an adult through my friends (and this is post college). Honestly though it is a work in progress and it sounds like your communication on needs is definitely working. When I'm with a girl I like, it is a conscious effort sometimes and need to remind myself to be more intimate or expressive. But it would also need to be reciprocated or initiated by her too, or I'd feel discouraged to be expressive/intimate. It's definitely very natural for a guy to be emotionally cold compared to being emotionally expressive. Hope my 2c helped! Edited August 14, 2012 by monkey00 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) I read this thread, including your last post, Ruby Slippers. The one thing that struck me as a guy reading this is how for many women, everything needs to be spot-on right for you to be happy and secure in a relationship, or otherwise you are considering dumping the guy, as you were with the guy you've been seeing. I mean, this guy has everything going for him, you have great chemistry, and even though he is too reserved for your tastes, he has been working to improve his emotional communication to improve your relationship. And as you have come on here before gushing about your new guy, I assume that you like him more than just for his list of attributes. So, what's the problem again? Really... I mean, no one is perfect. Not trying to hate on you Ruby Slippers, but it's always good to take a step back and see how reasonable your (you in the generic sense of the word you) expectations are. And I'm happy that he is opening up to you about losing his job at the moment. Edited August 14, 2012 by Imajerk17 4
veggirl Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Well, just going off your first post, I couldn't be with someone who I had to TELL "please be affectionate". I am more free spirited than my BF but not to the extent it seems you and your guy differ. Ours really is a balance and I love it. It has never been a cause of concern. Your guy sounds great, on paper.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 So, what's the problem again? Really... I mean, no one is perfect. The problem is that I don't feel a natural, healthy emotional bond developing because he is not expressing any emotions, not showing much affection, and not doing many of the little things that make me (and most women) feel appreciated, desired, and cared for. At least, he doesn't do that stuff without me asking for it. If the bond isn't growing, then I naturally start to detach and lose interest, and want to move on and meet someone who appreciates me and is happy to express his fondness for me and build a bond with me. To me, this is very basic in romance. It's as simple as garlic in Italian cooking. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 The problem is that I don't feel a natural, healthy emotional bond developing because he is not expressing any emotions, not showing much affection, and not doing many of the little things that make me (and most women) feel appreciated, desired, and cared for. At least, he doesn't do that stuff without me asking for it. If the bond isn't growing, then I naturally start to detach and lose interest, and want to move on and meet someone who appreciates me and is happy to express his fondness for me and build a bond with me. To me, this is very basic in romance. It's as simple as garlic in Italian cooking. I'm confused. Weren't you gushing about this guy before? Surely you couldn't have gotten this far without him expressing a reasonable amount of emotion/affection, right? 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Well, just going off your first post, I couldn't be with someone who I had to TELL "please be affectionate". I felt the same way, and I talked to my therapist about this. She's very smart and I trust her. She said it's not fair to dump someone without giving him a chance to give you what you want. She said the healthy approach is to say: "I would like / want / need X - do you have that to offer?" No pressure, just a simple statement of what you want or need, and a request that he give it. He can say yes or no. One of the things I asked him for before was more affection - holding hands, hugging, kissing. Yes, I felt ridiculous having to ask for this. But I had nothing to lose, so I tried it. If nothing else, I thought it would be a good exercise in positive communication. He said yes, he did have that to offer, and he would be happy to do it. He said he wanted to do that stuff, too, and it makes him happy to make me happy. Now he is more affectionate. He's still not as affectionate as I would like, and he's still a little awkward with it. But he's doing it, even if he's stumbling a bit. Isn't this how we grow? I admire anyone who has the courage to get out of their comfort zone like that. I'm having to do the same with him. Just as he has to come out of his shell more, I have to be very patient and calm in relating to him. Every time I've asked him for something like this, he has stepped up immediately. He might be a little awkward with it at first, and I'm sure we'd eventually have to meet somewhere in the middle. But he does show a consistent willingness to adapt to my wants and needs. And I must say, it's quite lovely to see him opening up and really having fun with me. Pretty much anytime there's music on in my house, I'm dancing. He's commented that I'm always dancing. The first 5 or 6 times he was over, I tried to get him dancing with me, but he just stood there with his arms folded and said, "I can't dance" or "I don't dance". A couple of weeks ago, I finally got him to pull up some music he likes, and we were both dancing like fools. He was obviously having a BLAST. And he's a GREAT dancer. I knew it! That whole visit was a party. No wonder time flies for him when we're together - he's so serious and focused that it's probably the only time he has fun and blows off some steam all week! Whether the negotiations about fun and affection will feel too much like a struggle and put too big a damper on the fun remains to be seen. 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 I'm confused. Weren't you gushing about this guy before? Surely you couldn't have gotten this far without him expressing a reasonable amount of emotion/affection, right? He was stingy with affection and expressions of emotion from the start, and I brought that up immediately. I've been patiently letting things unfold and develop. He told me from the start that he likes to move slowly, so I was respecting his pace. But eventually, I started to feel tired of waiting for him to warm up. I'm meeting cool guys all the time - guys who are great on paper AND emotionally expressive. Why sit around feeling unappreciated and unwanted when I could be with someone who appreciates me, wants me, and makes that clear to me? So I started speaking up. And now we're working on some adjustments. I like him LIKE CRAZY. But if he doesn't like me, too, there's no point. Like I said, it's OK if he doesn't like me that much. But if that's the case, I'm going to move on and find someone who does. I'd rather be alone and looking than tied up with someone with whom I don't feel appreciated.
Imajerk17 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) He was stingy with affection and expressions of emotion from the start, and I brought that up immediately. I've been patiently letting things unfold and develop. He told me from the start that he likes to move slowly, so I was respecting his pace. But eventually, I started to feel tired of waiting for him to warm up. I'm meeting cool guys all the time - guys who are great on paper AND emotionally expressive. Why sit around feeling unappreciated and unwanted when I could be with someone who appreciates me, wants me, and makes that clear to me? So I started speaking up. And now we're working on some adjustments. I like him LIKE CRAZY. But if he doesn't like me, too, there's no point. Like I said, it's OK if he doesn't like me that much. But if that's the case, I'm going to move on and find someone who does. I'd rather be alone and looking than tied up with someone with whom I don't feel appreciated. Gotcha. But the last thread you wrote painted a very different picture, so it's hard to tell what is really going on... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/339459-happy-report From what you wrote before in the thread I referenced, he sounded awesome. From this thread you wrote, he sounds cold and unemotional. Anyway, I gave my advice going by the last thread you wrote on him. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between? Edited August 14, 2012 by Imajerk17 2
FitChick Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Your post is similar to my own relationship in that my bf of about 15 months is very emotionally distant/cold and I always feel like I'm the one initiating romance and affection. My bf isn't how I'd like, at all, but what I have learned to do is look at his behaviors all the time. Is he treating me with respect? Doing things without me asking? etc. Behaviors as opposed to open affection are actually better indicators. . my bf is an aqua venus and those men... yikes... like ice sometimes! That is very interesting. I am thinking about dating a Capricorn (known to be a bit distant) who has Mars in Cap as well, and Venus in Aquarius. However, he has a Sagittarius moon which should make him a bit playful.
GorillaTheater Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Women are interested in hearing about a man's emotions? Depending on prior experiences, he may be trying to wrap his head around that notion, just as I am. 1
veggirl Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Ruby, your therapist does have a great point. Of course we all like people to just "know" what we want, but really how can we expect that? There is nothing wrong with getting something you want BECAUSE you asked for it. I agree with her. If he is responsive to you asking, then that's awesome. I can understand taking time to warm up, I am not affectionate off the bat, I am affectionate with someone I truly have feelings for. Then I am super affectionate, but I don't develop true feelings over night like some people do, so I take longer to show that affectionate side of me. If your guy is the same, no problems! I guess I am coming from further into the R if I was having to ask for that stuff on the regular. 2
ThaWholigan Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Ruby, your therapist does have a great point. Of course we all like people to just "know" what we want, but really how can we expect that? There is nothing wrong with getting something you want BECAUSE you asked for it. I agree with her. If he is responsive to you asking, then that's awesome. I can understand taking time to warm up, I am not affectionate off the bat, I am affectionate with someone I truly have feelings for. Then I am super affectionate, but I don't develop true feelings over night like some people do, so I take longer to show that affectionate side of me. If your guy is the same, no problems! I guess I am coming from further into the R if I was having to ask for that stuff on the regular. Agree with this fully. Give it a bit more time, I am betting he will start to be a whole lot more expressive as time goes on.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Gotcha. But the last thread you wrote painted a very different picture, so it's hard to tell what is really going on... Yeah. That was pretty much our most fun weekend ever... and I was on a high from it. Then it hit me that those times are the exception and not the rule. So I spoke up. Another factor is that earlier on, he was not very receptive to me talking about this stuff. He said things like, "You ask too many questions" (in a playful tone, but still) and said I was "giving him an earful" when I tried to talk about anything. So then I tried to just can it and see what happened - and nothing that I wanted to happen happened. So the resentment built up and I got more emotional when I finally did express some stuff. His response when I did was: "I don't know what to say. You're stressing me out. Can we talk about something else?" I said, "NO", and we had the damned conversation. I'm just getting really sick of trying to dig this guy's feelings out of him like crab meat from a claw. At some point my frustration and exhaustion will probably overwhelm any pleasure I get from the little bites I manage to extract. I met this cool, smart, attractive guy at a party recently who flirted with me more in a friendly 1-hour conversation than this guy has flirted with me in 2 months. That doesn't feel great. He asked me out, and I declined because I'm dating this uptight guy. Eventually this is going to get old.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 What is it that makes someone a free spirit? To me, it seems like the basic difference is that I have a relatively fearless and open heart. He has a fearful, suspicious, more closed heart. I'm loving, creative, and wild - he's analytical, reliable, and cold. With his approach, he dominates in things like business and money, but has weak people skills. My strength is that I have a lot of magic in my life and people are drawn to me as a source of inspiration and fire. My weakness is I'm not as stable and grounded.
Imajerk17 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Yeah. That was pretty much our most fun weekend ever... and I was on a high from it. Then it hit me that those times are the exception and not the rule. So I spoke up. Another factor is that earlier on, he was not very receptive to me talking about this stuff. He said things like, "You ask too many questions" (in a playful tone, but still) and said I was "giving him an earful" when I tried to talk about anything. So then I tried to just can it and see what happened - and nothing that I wanted to happen happened. So the resentment built up and I got more emotional when I finally did express some stuff. His response when I did was: "I don't know what to say. You're stressing me out. Can we talk about something else?" I said, "NO", and we had the damned conversation. I'm just getting really sick of trying to dig this guy's feelings out of him like crab meat from a claw. At some point my frustration and exhaustion will probably overwhelm any pleasure I get from the little bites I manage to extract. I met this cool, smart, attractive guy at a party recently who flirted with me more in a friendly 1-hour conversation than this guy has flirted with me in 2 months. That doesn't feel great. He asked me out, and I declined because I'm dating this uptight guy. Eventually this is going to get old. Yeah... Anyway again, it is hard to tell whether your boyfriend is just exhibiting solid boundaries. I mean, as a guy, I can say that a woman trying to dig my feelings out of me so early on would put me on the defensive too. And would actually get me to close up more. I take relationships AND my word seriously, and it takes time for me to evaluate whether a woman is worth committing to (even for the time being) and why be too emotionally expressive until I have a better idea. On the other hand, knowing that if I don't step up my game, I'll get pulled out for another guy. might get me to do just that. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 What is it that makes someone a free spirit? A free spirit in my mind is someone who doesn't fit in mainstream who is often creative and sometimes a little unaware of reality who can be restless adn will often fly from one activity to the next.Free spirits need grounding influences in their lives to keep focused.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 That has less to do with conservativisim and more to do with being boring. Having an indiscriminately open heart, however, is just as bad as being an anal retentive prude. I think your analysis is way off. He tends to say NO to even the most innocuous fun thing, if it's new and different. When I do convince him to say yes, he usually has a blast - but he fights it. So yes, maybe he is just boring. However you want to label it, I think I've articulated the problem pretty well. My instincts tell me it's not going to work out. I tried to dump him before I go out of town on Thursday for a week, but it didn't work out that way. The time apart to clear our heads will be good. I imagine it won't last too long after I get back into town. I'm open to being surprised, but realistically, this is not a harmonious match.
todreaminblue Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 That has less to do with conservativisim and more to do with being boring. Having an indiscriminately open heart, however, is just as bad as being an anal retentive prude. Meh, people are generally overrated. If you can find a way to stimulate the typical persons genitals, stomach, or ego, that is about as much you need skills wise for people to like you in the modern world. I think you might have a short-attention span and be easily distracted. While this guy is probably very lame, I think you are probably the other extreme, one of those people who wants to let it all hang out for the world to see, even the stuff we (speaking on behalf of the world) don't want from you. What magic do you have in your life? Save the magic stories for your kids (if you are able to get through the ever-shrinking window), you are an adult approaching middle age, it's time to lay down some roots. Transients wind up realizing that a life on the move (whether physically or mentally) is not a life at all, and unfortunately for them they only figure this out when it's too late. A lot of "free spirits" think the grass is always much greener. Nerds and prudes never do. The truth is in between. That is why if you have two sides of the spectrum you get that "truth in between "you do meet halfway and normally it can work.Everybody is flawed so transients and nerds or prudes doesnt matter its about meeting halfway....the truth in the middle as you put it...deb
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