LasVegasGuy Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I know I am going to have the un-popular answer here, but just like they say when it comes to nice guys "don't comprise for the sake of others". Women do like jerks and no good guys, all of that crap regarding..women like Confident guys, they like guys who have a backbone are just lies created by the same women who like those guys. How in hell is a jealous, controlling freak of a BF a confident guy???? Right?? He's not too confident, not to sure of him self. Just face it..women through 17-31 more than likely want a jerk, and will seem him all the way up to that age. She might however do it earlier if (JERK) burns her and she ends up being a single mother and needs someone responsible to raise her kids. And that's where you "the nice guy" comes in. You pick up the trash, you are the tampon that gathers all of the discharge. Not all women like jerks, that would be a generalization. But majority of those HOT and beautiful women will look like Rosey Odonald when she does want a nice guy. Take my ex for example, loved jerks..LOVED them...Use to have a pretty face, great waste, great legs, and sexy abs...4 years later she is 300lbs, just tacky, and I start receiving 8 text messages and 4 facebook messages a day asking for another chance. Never responded to either one of them 2
Jamesblame Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Authentic Men Get their self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect, positive self-image, confidence, "mojo", identity, validation, approval, boundaries, leadership, etc. from within. They have their own life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. all of which he actively pursues. (Instead of trying to make a woman their EVERYTHING.) They have / posses character, integrity, values, morals, honor,etc. They have a sense of purpose and live their life based on their beliefs / principles. They are consistent and what they say and believe matches up with the decisions he makes and how he conducts himself. Authentic men without thought or fear of consequences will tell a women (anyone) what is on his mind, what he is doing, what he going to do, thinking, etc. if asked. They have their own personal boundaries, risk takers, self-assured, assertive, courageous, bold, self-confident, aggressive, results-driven, etc. They make their own luck and make things happen. Authentic Men take ZERO crap from women (anyone), have ZERO problems telling women (anyone) NO and because they get all their validation, approval, etc. from within... they do not care if you like them or not. They aren't going to apologize for being a Man and they do mind if a woman (anyone) gets upset or if they make a woman (anyone) angry. Without even saying a word, EVERYONE knows where they stand on most things. Should anyone ever choose to "cross them" or attempt to move their boundaries... They have ZERO problem addressing / confronting that person directly. If there are consequences for attempting to do so, there is NO doubt in anyone's mind that an Authentic Man will enforce those in a fair and just way. Authentic Men do not whine, b1tch, complain or make excuses. They do not explain themselves, ask a lot questions, try to reason or justify things with you, etc. Everyone knows how it's going to be and there are no "ifs", "ands" or "buts". Nice Guys Nice Guys will respond to women (most everyone) based on what he thinks she thinks. He constantly weighs out all the possible outcomes / consequences and often times is trying to respond / be what he thinks women (most everyone) want, need, desire, tolerate, find acceptable, etc. They will try and explain, rationalize, justify what it is they are thinking, feeling, etc. and generally are trying to prove themselves, seek approval, seek validation, need reassurance and ask permission to do just about anything. To their own peril, they will avoid at all costs saying / doing anything (even when they should) which might upset a woman (anyone)and he thinks / feels / believes that he has committed a crime if they make a woman (anyone) angry. Basically, they will never "Rock The Boat". Nice Guys have few boundaries and the ones they do have are not firm. They do not take a lot of risks, if they are confident it's not in many areas of their life, they often times worry more about what others think / feel about them than themselves, they make a lot of decisions based on fear or by taking the path of least resistance, etc. They constantly talk about their feelings, emotions, challenges, obstacles and issues they have / face. They whine, b1tch, complain and make excuses and rarely take any action. More times than not, they see / consider themselves to be victims. Should a women (most anyone) ever "cross them", challenge them, attempt to move their boundaries, etc. they either fold like a lawn chair, are passive aggressive about it or they go to their room and sulk. Not to mention, if their are consequences for someones "actions", it is most likely to not be administered or enforced. They take a lot of crap from women (almost anyone), have problems telling women (almost anyone) NO and because they get all their validation and approval from others and not from within... they care a lot more than they should if you like them or not. They ASK you how it's going to be and "ifs", "ands" or "buts" are acceptable. What an Authentic Man is not... Authentic Men are not "Players", "Womanizers" and Pick Up Artists"! A lot of kids (guys and girls) today do not grow up with any sort of Authentic Males present in their childhood or their life. Not only that, there are hardly any Authentic Men Role Models in today's world. Look at Society at Large (Movies, TV, Music, Commercials, Books, Internet, etc.)... It's either one extreme ("Player", "Womanizer" or "Pick Up Artist") or the other (too nice / sensitive / weak / girly buffoon) Due to Authentic Men being in short supply and due to the fact that not many women or men grow up with one present in their life.... Often times, Authentic Men get lumped in with the "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists". Another reason Authentic Men are are mistaken for "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists" is due to the fact that "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists" do possess SOME of the attributes and qualities of Authentic Men. However, they still should be easy to spot because "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists" DO NOT have the character, integrity, values, morals, honor, etc. that Authentic Men have. The dead give away should be the company they keep, their friends, their relationships (with men and women), their lifestyle and how they conduct themselves. When you are with a "Player", "Womenizer" and "Pick Up Artist"or in their presence you will NEVER EVER have PEACE. Things will either move way to fast or never move at all. You will experience drama, chaos, uncertainty, stress, etc. You will never will feel safe, secure, comfortable or know what his intentions are. In your "gut" and "head" every alarm, whistle and bell will be sounding. "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists" are selfish, self-absorb, cocky, arrogant, abrasive immature BOYS who use people. They could be 18 years old or 70 so age does not matter. What Authentic Man is... Authentic Men can "ride" the wild waves of a woman's ocean. So Authentic Men are NEVER trying to control, tame, change or compete with you. On his worst day, he can "roll out of bed" and easily be able to "ride" within the wild waves of your ocean. He is a master ocean navigator and can handle whatever ocean you decide to sail upon that day (or better yet... at the moment). You will respect and admire an Authentic Man's friends, relationships (with men and women), their lifestyle, what they say / do and how they conduct themselves will match up and be consistent across all areas of their life. When you are with Authentic Men or in their presence... you will have PEACE! There is no drama, chaos, uncertainty, stress, etc. He LEADS! Meaning... In a very normal and natural way, your relationship is always moving forward. Through his ACTIONS and his words, you will know exactly where you stand, what you mean to him, where things are headed, what his intentions are, etc. You will feel safe, secure and comfortable. The only thing your "gut" and "head" will be telling you is.... Not to not mess it up! Women, are you tired of meeting "Nice Guys", "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists"? I suspect most of you are either meeting "Nice Guys" or "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists" due to your environment (things you do and places you go) and your sphere of influence (age, friends, family, etc.). The first thing I will tell you to do is... STOP INTERNET DATING!!!!!!!!!!!! Why? We DON'T Online Date! Authentic Men have "life balance" and we are too busy actively pursuing our passions / goals / dreams / hobbies / interests, etc! I do not know of one Authentic Man who Online Dates or who has ever tried or considered it. In fact, every Authentic Male I know over the age of 30 doesn't even have / want / use Facebook. All you are going to meet Online Dating is "Nice Guys", Rebounders, "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists". If there are Authentic Men that Online Date, it's a very, very small percentage (5% at best). Authentic Men do not care about, want or need to sit behind a computer and Online Date. We are out there making a difference in the world! For us, we are most happy when we are using our natural talents, skills, abilities and gifts. We are men of action, we are "doers" and we make things happen. For us, online dating doesn't seem natural because it feels "forced" and it goes against the way we are wired on how we live and conduct our lives. No, it doesn't matter the "TYPE" of Authentic Men (Nerds, Outdoorsy, Creative / Artsy, etc.)... we are still out in the real world. Leading, serving, volunteering, etc. We are always pursuing passions / goals / dreams / hobbies / interests, etc. Not to mention, we stand for a great many things and our beliefs matter, so we fight for, invest and spend time pursuing those things / causes too. So if you aren't meeting Authentic Men, get outside of your current environment, your sphere of influence and go where we are! Women, when you are around and in the presence of Authentic Men... All you have to do are these three simple things: 1. Be friendly 2. Look your best 3. Smile That's it! Authentic Men will take if from there and handle all the rest! From that point on, all you have to do is hang on and go along for the ride of your life! Women, here is where you are going to find and meet Authentic Men... Try attending / volunteering / participating in things that important to you and you care about. Charity Events - Raise awareness / raise money for Animals, Diseases like Cancer, the Homeless, etc. Church Community Service Projects - Habitat for Humanity, Food Drives, building / repairing / restoring various needy homes / playgrounds / shelters / etc. Professional Organizations Political Organizations These are generally going to attract higher quality individuals. They are donating their time, putting in the effort and energy so a large majority of the individuals that attend these things are going to have some or all of the following qualities... giving, understanding, compassionate, charitable, selfless, caring, etc. You will also make new friends and acquaintances and be invited to other functions, events. They new friends and acquaintances also have friends who might also be interested in you as well. The things I listed above are a lot fun, rewarding, something you will enjoy and make you feel good about yourself. It will make you more well rounded, give you things to do and make you an even more interesting person. Not to mention, you will be making a difference in your community and in people's lives. Also, you and the Authentic Man you will meet... Now have several passions, causes, interests, hobbies, etc. that you both share and enjoy and unlimited opportunity to explore those things together in the future. Other places to find Authentic Men... Shows / Events / Festivals / Attractions - The sky is the limit! Auto, Boat, Home, Gun, Fashion, Art, Computers, Books, Sci-fi, Comic Books, Gaming, Animals, Music, Food, etc. Take Classes / Lessons - Music, Art, Dance, Flying, Golf (I know a lot of female friends who had great success with this one), etc. Join a sports league - Kickball, Softball, Flag football, Soccer, etc. Join clubs - Running, Skiing, Photography, Tennis, Investing, Book, Rock climbing, etc. Food / Wine Tastings - These happen all the time at various restaurants, bars, hotels, etc. No need to comment beyond this! At the end of the day, everyone should be a nice person. Nobody should be a pushover. "Nice Guy/Girl" syndrome really has nothing to do with being a kind, empathetic person.
Xestenz Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 'We DON'T Online Date!' Yes, but we do spend time posting about not online dating online... Gibson, I really appreciate all of your posts and have learned a lot from them, and there are aspects to this that ring 'authentic' but it generalizes so much of what is really a nuanced continuum of behaviour and beliefs, and does it in such a grandiose and idealized way, that I'm not really sure if it is useful to me or not. I think that all men exhibit behaviors of niceness and authenticity (at least as defined in your post) to one degree or the other. I think that some of the most 'authentic' men are like my grandfather who simply worked hard at a tough job to support his family and treated them as best he could. Stay active, do things you love and are passionate about, do what is right, respect your responsibilities, believe in yourself. Pretty simple stuff really.
muzik_lvr Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) Interesting article on the topic: What “He’s too nice to date!” really means Edited September 4, 2012 by muzik_lvr
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