He agreed to be monogomus. Never thought I would want it but I really do. Total 180.

[Leigh 87]

Out of no where, he randomly said " you know I would really do anything for you" and so I said " would you be 100% monogomus for me? No more hookers once per year?" And he said " yes, I don't even care about them".

 

When we first got together, I did not want a monogomus relationship.I thought that being with one girl for the rest of your life was a little too much for me to get my head around; why not love a girl, and have meaningless sex on the rare occasion? Seeing as men enjoy both being in love, and also experiecing a new hot babe. Logical, I thought it was. I did not want a serious monogomus relationship at first at all.

What happened was, it got very complicated; he said he never assumed a girl would be like me and suggest such an arrangment, and that he really could not see himself with other girls. He considered being with other girls cheating, and it was not something he was interested in doing.

So, to satisfy his " male urges" I assumed he must have had, I told him to see a hooker. That it was healthier to have sex with a new women occasionally, before he got serious in life with a women. He insisted he was serious about me, but saw the hookers anyway. two of them. Interestingly, he made me go in with him. He felt " strange" having the encounter without me. And it did not phase me at all, seeing him have sex - it was just a body. A human sex to he has no regard for. I literally had no emotions towards it. And I am definately IN LOVE with this man. 110%.

 

When he vacationed around hot girls, he did not want to do it.

Then I initiated a couple of threesomes which he enjoyed. Not being into girls, I wanted to try it once, but it is nothing I ever want to do again. He was cool with that. He knows I have other options he somehow " needs" more.

However, today I had an epiphany. After talking to my mum about it, I came to the conclusion that I want a 100% monogomus relationship.

The way Andrew and I are together, and how we feel about one another, is indivative that this is the best thing for us. My old viewpoint is just not something I want for myself in a serious relationship.

 

Unfortunately, it started off with him coming onto facebook, and saying " bubby I was in hospital it was so bad omg" And I was naturally very worried and helpless over here in another country:(:(:(:(

He has a near death experience in Thailand. He fell very ill and had one of the worst days of his life. He said all he thought about was me, and kept asking if I would love him forever. I said I would. Because it is how I feel. He asked if I would be with him no matter what. I said I would. He said he put himself down as " married" in the hospital, because he loved me. And wants to think about it within a few months:eek::eek::confused::confused:

 

He is not the sort of guy who is overly romantic, but since he has really gotten to know me and we have gotten very close, he has started saying romantic things. Not just the near death experience instigated that. We have talked about wanting to get married and being together for the rest of our livs before. That it makes us very happy to think of that, rather than apprehensive.

 

So. Looks like he wants to be monogomus. I was literally about to tell him today, when we talked online, that I wanted to move on to either a serious, monogomjus relationship, or to just be single and wait for the right guy. My feelings are too strong now to get strung alone if he :" needs" other girls to be happy, besides me.

 

I guess I am not totally surprised, seeing as he never wanted to be with other girls, besides stuff I organised and lined up with the threesomes and the hookers. It is not like " open" relationship, meant he wanted to go around having sex with girls when he was away from me, the way the guys do when they " cheat". It is still not monogomus of course, even though I am the one who suggested he get other girls, via hookers, out of his system, before settling down with ANY women.

 

I am going to give him the benifit of the doubt here. He is not the cheating type, in my mind, and his friends minds. I guess, like every girl, I will have to 99% trust him with monogomy, seeing as you can never truly trust a person in life.

 

I have to say, I am MUCH more content and fullfilled now that we have this monogomus committment. I would rather risk getting heartbroken, then to make it " safer" by allowing him to have hookers, and therefore minimuza his desire to experience other women.

 

I never thought it would lead to this, I did not want a serious relationship, I wanted to have fun being single, and nto get tied down and risk getting heartbroken for few years. Oh how things have changed.

[Leigh 87]

I am still shocked in a incredibly happy way. I was literally at a point where, when he came back I would have probably waited for, to TELL Andrew " look, this has been wonderful, but I want a monogomus relationship now, so I think it is best we go our separate ways so as to avoid any confusion...."

 

I scare myself, with my thought process...going from wanting to muck around, get close but not THAT close, to wanting full on monogomy. No other idea seams to make us happier now.....

 

It is like the thought of total monogomy lights us up and reinforces things and makes us happier; where as the thought of it to me before, was that it was pointless, why not have meaningless sex with hookers occasionally, we are young and whatever..

 

I surprise myself a lot how I think one thing then change my mind. I never saw this coming. I have other strong beliefs that I wonder might change too....

[Leigh 87]

I am still shocked in an incredibly happy way. I was literally at a point where, when he came back I would have probably waited for, to TELL Andrew " look, this has been wonderful, but I want a monogomus relationship now, so I think it is best we go our separate ways so as to avoid any confusion...."

 

I scare myself, with my thought process...going from wanting to muck around, get close but not THAT close, to wanting full on monogomy. No other idea seams to make us happier now.....

 

It is like the thought of total monogomy lights us up and reinforces things and makes us happier; where as the thought of it to me before, was that it was pointless, why not have meaningless sex with hookers occasionally, we are young and whatever..

 

I surprise myself a lot how I was SO adamant that pure monogomy was not my cup of tea at this stage of my life... but now I cannot imagine anything else.

[Leigh 87]

How do u delete posts?

[HeavenOrHell]

You can't, but you can ask a moderator to remove them by PM'ing them with a link to the thread or post.

 

 

 

How do u delete posts?

[Radu]

Become a moderator, to delete posts.

 

Have you thought about writing soap opera's scripts ?

[Leigh 87]

I am not joking man, I am just a normal girl who did not want a relationship, but liked being very close to a guy, who I thought should be able to have meaningless sex.

 

I did not see the big deal about a totally monogomus relationship. It is not like he went around having sex with every girl he saw. In fact, I had to organsie each time for him, or he would not have bothered to take me up on my offer.

 

I was VERY adamant and told every one how sure I was of my opinion, regarding letting guys have hookers so they do not have to crave other womens bodies so much.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Are you kidding Leigh?

 

Everything from your posts in last 2 years screamed I WANT A 100% MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP!

[Radu]

I am not joking man, I am just a normal girl who did not want a relationship, but liked being very close to a guy, who I thought should be able to have meaningless sex.

 

I did not see the big deal about a totally monogomus relationship. It is not like he went around having sex with every girl he saw. In fact, I had to organsie each time for him, or he would not have bothered to take me up on my offer.

 

I was VERY adamant and told every one how sure I was of my opinion, regarding letting guys have hookers so they do not have to crave other womens bodies so much.

 

 

You were very adamant because you wanted to convince yourself this was right, not to convince others.

You wanted to have it this way [open on his end], because you are insecure.

Why were you insecure and why are you not anymore is the big question.

 

And i really think that you should look into becoming a soap opera script writer.

[Jane2011]

Glad you're happy, Leigh.

 

I think openness is for the birds, too.

 

My involvement in an open relationship was crazy psychologically damaging to me.

 

It's so much more pleasant to be # 1.

[Leigh 87]

RADU - Thanks for making me laugh. A lot...... Is the pay good? The jobs I am passionate about mean I will need to wor 2 jobs, from 9 - the evening ( travel agent than personal trainer), and I do love writing and used to be quiet adept at it back in high school when I could spell properly.

 

 

 

And I am still insecure, as if I have changed over night. I am more secure within the relationship, due to the events over the past few days. I did not think he would bother to contact me much, but he ended up writing me every day telling me how much he loves me. Then mentioned he would love to marry me. Within a few months if I get my issues sorted out more - and can prove I am serious about sorting out my issues with insecurity. Among other issues.

[Leigh 87]

Glad you're happy, Leigh.

 

I think openness is for the birds, too.

 

My involvement in an open relationship was crazy psychologically damaging to me.

 

It's so much more pleasant to be # 1.

 

 

 

I thought I was right though; that it made way more sense to me to reward him with a hooker, which is meaningless with no risk involved of getting attached, as a reward for being monogomus.

 

I was SO wrong. He did like it when I pushed it upon him, but he never acted like " I need other girls leigh in order to keep me happy".

 

The funny thing is, I am not at all insecure about who I AM; I think I am a lovely person, I like who I am and am committed to getting better and better/ eliminating the bad stuff.

 

I 100% know Andrew adores who I am, and the people around me all think I am very nice and a great girl. While not everyone thinks highly of me, most people I encounter do, the worthwhile, warm, inbteresting people appear to like me. I have no insecurity whatsoever in regards to who I am as a person.

 

I am guessing the insecurty is to do with my body. I have a small build, but used to think I had a " large" build, and think I look a tad bigger than what I am at times. I have NO inclination to starve or lose weight, AT ALL, but I AM VERY HARD on the way that I look.

[Leigh 87]

Are you kidding Leigh?

 

Everything from your posts in last 2 years screamed I WANT A 100% MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP!

 

 

 

Obviously you understood me better than I did myself on the matter.

 

It was not like he was going around, scr3wing other women left right and centre. He would go on party holidays and not do it, and rather call me because he was lonley.

It did not FEEL like he was " cheating" or the relationship was at all " open"... Because he did nto WANT to do as he pleased, it felt very wrong to him, the notion of being with other girls, outside the realm of some hooker he did not give a sh*t about.

[weallfalldown]

what's that broken record doing there?????

[Leigh 87]

what's that broken record doing there?????

 

 

 

 

Your a person who says things even when they are netagive; and serve no purpose but to sound negative.

 

I feels sorry for people like you.

 

 

Please, people! I am extremely happy and me and my partner believe we will be together for the rest of our lives, we are very happy, happier than every couple around us in our opinion.

 

So, unless you know how we feel or what we are thinking, either be supportive of this thread and me, or if you do not believe we are happy and in love, f8ck off and go and comment in threads your welcome in, and where your opinion means something.

 

Seriously. Some people are just.. not warm, happy, positive people. If I do not have anything nice to say, I to not say it. My friends are like me too.

[xxoo]

Leigh, it sounds to me like you are both bring down your walls, and learning to trust each other. The non-monogamy was a way of keeping distance and independence, and now you are letting that go and growing closer.

 

It's risky, but also has the potential to be enormously rewarding. Enjoy!

[Radu]

RADU - Thanks for making me laugh. A lot...... Is the pay good? The jobs I am passionate about mean I will need to wor 2 jobs, from 9 - the evening ( travel agent than personal trainer), and I do love writing and used to be quiet adept at it back in high school when I could spell properly.

 

 

 

And I am still insecure, as if I have changed over night. I am more secure within the relationship, due to the events over the past few days. I did not think he would bother to contact me much, but he ended up writing me every day telling me how much he loves me. Then mentioned he would love to marry me. Within a few months if I get my issues sorted out more - and can prove I am serious about sorting out my issues with insecurity. Among other issues.

 

I hate to say this but i envisioned an Open relationship like having the door to the cell unlocked.

If it's locked, all you can think is how to get out.

If it's unlocked, and i know i can get out anytime i want, i'd probably take a nap and feel confortable.

I intended to propose an open relationship on both ends type of arrangement later in the relationship ... in the future.

 

After following your posts, i realise i had an insecurity related to being cheated on.

Yes my dear, you were somewhat transparent.

 

I think it will work out for you.

And for the record, my only fantasies about having sex during my relationships with other women were as part of a 3some with my then gf, and extra girl made her feel good too ... so i kinda understand your bf.

[utterer of lies]

as if I have changed over night.

 

Not having to pretend anymore must be liberating - to finally be able to be honest with yourself. Good for you.