Gypsie Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 When a guy says he wants to give it a go and we are both not seeing other people is that a good thing? Would he still be actively looking to date other girls if he wanted to give us a go? Would he have gotten that when I mentioned that I did not want a casual thing that I meant I did not want us dating other people? Just confused by this statement. Other then that. Things between us are great. Even he says he has a ball with me. Even when I mentioned that I did not want a casual thing he seemed cool with it. Yes we have slept together as well and have been dating for a bit over a month. We do that as well as date and go out in public. He pays for everything as well. Not to mention he initiates practically most texts and all phone calls.
musemaj11 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 He wants to keep his freedom to buy as many women as he can afford. Smart guy.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Exclusivity is on the tipping point of being committed and available. Meaning he might remain exclusive to you...unless of course something more desirable comes along. If you mention you aren't looking for something "casual" men learn to just adjust that as a temporary commitment...and even so If he chose to be with someone else what would he really be doing wrong?...breaking the "exclusivity" pact? not something you hear most people say or hold a lot of weight with. If he does you'd never know it or you'd just think it didn't work out, there's no consequence in that for him. Being that he is sleeping with you is basically keeping your vagina on lockdown...so he doesn't have to worry about someone else getting it by being exclusive with you. As far as dating for over a month he may see you as someone commitment worthy but on the fence about which likely indicates his lack of long-term interest or potential he sees...you should never take what a man says or tells you as 100 percent truth and honesty, you need to decide by how genuine, open and communicative he is about his emotions with you are. However being that he is paying and initiating the contact is showing he is interested...but that doesn't mean necessarily for a relationship, he could just be really attracted to you or think you're out of his league, maybe even lack self-confidence and feel like this is what he needs to do to keep you interested and entertained, and come off as a gentlemen or romance you as a lady. You can also have a ball with women you are casual with, it doesn't mean you want it as an significant part of your life...something worth changing your life for. My advice to you is find out where he is on an emotional level...that's going to tell you how truly invested he is with you. Women are typically horrible at this because they're scared to ask guys these questions or scare them away...when honestly It's only going to scare the guys away who aren't that interested. So the choice is yours, you want to live in the dark and be with a guy you don't know how he feels for the sake of something coming out of it, or would you rather get an idea where the relationship is and it's potential by seeing how he responds and what he says to the questions men don't want to answer when they're just looking for something temporary. Most women choose the former...and then down the road they feel mislead or come up with some excuse why it doesn't work out...trust me, he already knows the potential that is here in the long-term...what reason do you think a man wouldn't want to be in a relationship other than to have fun and stay single? Get on the same page or accept the fact that you did nothing to help yourself so you accept whatever outcome. If you're going to say you're not looking for a relationship, then keep lying to yourself..that's fine too. Denials always fun for a little while.
oaks Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 You need to ask him, not us (and also be prepared to explain what you want). Relationships are about communication, not picking a relationship type from a drop-down list, and "exclusive but not official" only means whatever you two agree it means. 1
RedRobin Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Exclusive but not official. I think I've heard it all now. Is that really what he said? Because if he said that, "exclusive but not official"... I'd probably laugh and tell him to call me when he 'officially' figures out what being 'exclusive' means to him... ha ha Personally, *I* wouldn't be having sex with a guy who talks in circles like that... but that's just me. 1
durentu Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 sounds suspiciously like, "Will you be my devoted 2nd choice?" or "You're on deck" 2
Author Gypsie Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Exclusive but not official. I think I've heard it all now. Is that really what he said? Because if he said that, "exclusive but not official"... I'd probably laugh and tell him to call me when he 'officially' figures out what being 'exclusive' means to him... ha ha Personally, *I* wouldn't be having sex with a guy who talks in circles like that... but that's just me. Oh he was just saying he just wanted to see where it goes. Hopefully me mentioning I did not want to date casually makes him realise I don't want us dating other people. Should have asked him what he meant by that but was pretty nervous even bringing up that I was not dating anyone else, wondering if he was or not. Apparently not and just left it at that.
RiverRunning Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Gypsie, I really think you need clarification here. I think a simple, "Hey, when we had x conversation, I don't know if I got your idea of what you want to happen. Do you still plan to date other people? I was thinking that when we discussed seeing how things go, we would do (x, y, z)." You deserve an answer. It doesn't have to be confrontational. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Gypsie, I really think you need clarification here. I think a simple, "Hey, when we had x conversation, I don't know if I got your idea of what you want to happen. Do you still plan to date other people? I was thinking that when we discussed seeing how things go, we would do (x, y, z)." You deserve an answer. It doesn't have to be confrontational. I agree with River, and recommend ignoring all the doom and gloom posted above till you know more. While not exactly like yours, I have had a lot of relationships start this way. a few initiated by me & a few initiated bye the woman, but both for the same reason. I and the women I have dated are usually very private about our relationships, we keep friends and family in the dark, until we know it's significant. For me, Exclusivity means I'm not seeing or looking for someone else, but I don't know enough about you yet to make any definitive statements about how far a relationship might go. 1
RedRobin Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) Oh he was just saying he just wanted to see where it goes. Hopefully me mentioning I did not want to date casually makes him realise I don't want us dating other people. Should have asked him what he meant by that but was pretty nervous even bringing up that I was not dating anyone else, wondering if he was or not. Apparently not and just left it at that. When a guy says he just wants to see where it goes... that usually means with you and however many other ladies he can squeeze in his schedule. That is usually when I smile and say "thanks, but I don't think our goals are in line." ... or I may keep seeing him, but I don't have sex with him. That's for sure. Not until the 'seeing where things go' is backed up by something alot more substantial... but it never has... so statements like that are usually when I exit. You mentioning that you didn't want to date casually only means that he's got a sure thing with you... in guy language, it says nothing about what your expectations are for him. Sorry... I'm not seeing a positive outcome for you on this one, unless you are ok with being his FWB/back up girl. That's kinda what he's made you unless you make it otherwise and make it clear. ... so, he didn't say you two were exclusive? Still not sure what he said or didn't say. Are you? Edited August 13, 2012 by RedRobin
Author Gypsie Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) No. Hence the questions. I just don't know why he is trying to still get to know me and texts me all the time if he wants nothing serious and most the time he does not even mention hooking up or what not. Just really don't want to be led on. Oh and always sends texts after we hang out, saying he had a good time, even when we don't have sex. Edited August 13, 2012 by Gypsie
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