surious128 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I know it's a question I shouldn't be thinking about, but I've come a long way from the heart break I felt. It's been 2 months but I can't help but wonder if I was a rebound. The relationship lasted about 4 months, he had told me he loved me and introdced me to his family. I'm new to this whole ordeal. I'm 18 and he was my first love, first kiss, first a lot of things. I never told him I loved him, I guess I was scared that if I said it I might be lying, I didn't want to hurt him. In june he'd been distant and out of the blue he says he needs to see me. We go for a walk through a park where he explains things from the past have come up and that we should spend some time apart. He wouldn't answer my questions that day, so I messaged him later asking if there was someone else. He wrote me back a letter (which broke my heart) that there was another girl he'd never told me about. The reason he'd started smoking pot was because he was depressed about not being with that girl and that had they been together for longer he was going to marry her. I haven't talked to him since (but I've got to see him once a week at work). He used the cliches like he still cares for me and that I deserve better, but his words don't exactly hold credibility to me. I wonder things like whether he ever loved me (trust me I know the answer to that is no) and now that I think, was I a rebound? From what I know he got out of a relationship 3 weeks before approaching me. I can't help but wonder how you can act so in love but be forcing it so much? And if he loved this girl as much as he says he does why didn't he wait for her? She left him because she was afraid of hurting him because her previous relationships ended with guys getting very messed up (all this was written in the letter). So why come after me when he was so hung up on her? Was I a rebound?
Author surious128 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Not until the letter he sent after he left me
KatZee Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Yes, you were a rebound. The mere fact was that 1. she left him, and 2. he jumped into the relationship with you a short 3 weeks after that split. He said he was with her much longer, and he was going to marry her. That in and of itself shows he was madly in love and that relationship didn't end because he wanted it to. She hurt him and he went out looking to fill the void in his heart. It sucks because you were the one taken for a ride and used to make him feel better about himself, and to stroke his ego. Maybe he didn't intend to use you as such, maybe he wasn't ever sure she'd come back around... but in the end she did. And I don't think that was something he was ever going to be able to stay away from.
Car10e Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 You know 4 months is really not that long. I read somewhere that rebound relationships tend to last only a couple months. To me it sounds like maybe you were his rebound. Especially, if he was in a serious relationship before dating you. My ex bf ended things with me and started dating someone the same week. We dated for 4 1/2 years, so I find it impossible for him not to think of me at all when he's with his new gf. A lot of people don't realize they are a rebound, and in the end they end up getting hurt too. The fact that his previous gf left him says a lot. He was probably waiting for her to change her mind, and used you to help mask his emotions at the time. It is a very cowardly thing to do, because he got you involved also, and ended up breaking your heart.
Author surious128 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 I'm starting to see that now. I guess I just think we were together for a long time because I'm young and it was my first relationship. But I also think because they're only a year older than I am, that she might end up leaving him again. I don't know how long they were together before I got in the picture but I was his 6th girlfriend (it all sounds high schoolish now). I can't help but think that she left him once what's to say she won't do it again?
Car10e Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I'm starting to see that now. I guess I just think we were together for a long time because I'm young and it was my first relationship. But I also think because they're only a year older than I am, that she might end up leaving him again. I don't know how long they were together before I got in the picture but I was his 6th girlfriend (it all sounds high schoolish now). I can't help but think that she left him once what's to say she won't do it again? It could just be high school love. After high school is when you really start meeting new people (college, jobs, etc.). If he has already had 6 girlfriends, I'm sure he is going to be interested in other people. She might leave him or he might leave her. It's tough to say, but I really think if they had problems before, they will most likely have them again. Look on the bright side. He ended it with you before you were able to truthfully tell him you loved him. I'm sure if you really did love him, the pain you're feeling now would be so much worse. You were smart enough for not saying it back. He's young, and probably doesn't really know what love is yet.
CaliBabe Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Thats terrible, I'm sorry you are going thru this. It sounds like he used you in the meantime he figured things out with this new girl. It's his loss, you'll find a better one.
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