3 yr break up :(

[LostOne1]

I hope I can make this story short.

 

Basically me and my g/f have been together almost 3 years, our anniversary for our 3rd yr is coming up in 2 weeks.

 

My g/f had to travel over 4-5 hrs away to a new city for 2 months for work. So it went from a close relationship to distant for 2 months. **** happened at the place she is staying at and the problem was I didn't talk much to her for the first month as I had family over from another country. I should've called her more often or texted and I didn't.

 

I think it kinda gave her time to realize that i wasn't there and maybe I wasn't worth it or maybe she was trying harder than me. I must admit when we first met I always made her feel special and did all the little things. Some where down the line i got lazy and didn't do as much of those special things. And I think this made it worse.

 

I mean bad things happen at the place she stays at, I wasn't there fully for her and normally I would've seen her in person if she was here. She has lots of time to think about things and also she is very far away from all of us she literally has no one she knows. So basically she told me she has no feelings for me now and doesn't love me now.

 

I can't just get how all our time is gone now for her? Our anniversary is coming up and in 2 weeks she will be back in town. I asked if she would see me at first she said yes, but today she said I'll see how I feel when I get there.

 

The thing is I have been constantly texting her and I think shes gotten mad about it. So I promised her today for the next 2 weeks I wouldn't text her till she got back. Might not even text when shes back or wait for her to see if she texts me.

 

I just don't know what else to do? I also was gonna surprise her and go to the city 4-5 hrs away and say im sorry, but she said she would've been choked if I did it. I guess she just wants her space now, but Im scared if I give too much space ill lose any chance I have to get her back.

 

What's worse is that there is a guy staying there one of the roomates in the place and he always makes her feel good by cooking her dinner each day and driving her to places and she told me he said he likes her. Im worried she might just go to him?

 

I remember when I dated her she had been hurt my her ex. And he would call at times and she loved me so much and told him not to call ever again. He tried many tims to get her to take him back but she never did. I wonder if she will do the same to me?

 

I just dunno wut to do? I know when i cried she said it hurts her to see me cry and that I shouldn't cry. The last 2 months have been hell my grandma dies and now my g.f could be gone after almost 3 yrs... Lifes taken a full 360 turn.

 

I don't know if she will call me when shes back. But i think 2 weeks of time off will only make her forget me faster and maybe for me too, but I just can't stand the fact that were this close to 3 yrs and that I made a mistake and want a chance to make it up and show that after this pain I realize my mistakes.

 

All she says is when I wanted u stuff didnt matter as much, and now that im not with u it all matters.. and that even though I want to make it better she doesnt want it anymore.

 

I don't know if this is her talking or just being apart talking... fml.

[LostOne1]

95 views... someone must have gone through this or get a sense of what I can do?

[SadPanda22]

I am a little confused...are you guys officially broken up?

 

I would say to keep your promise not to text her (since you constantly texting her was making her mad) for the two weeks until she's back in town. She won't forget about you in two weeks, and not hearing from you may make her realize that she misses you. Hopefully she will agree to meet with you when she is back in town so that you can tell her exactly how you feel.

[LostOne1]

I would say we are broken up now since she basically said i don't love you anymore or my heart doesn't love you now.

 

And we are not talking so yes we are broken up now.

 

I was reading things online and it seems like texting constantly or calling constantly is the worst thing u can do. I wish I stopped earlier, because she seemed alright then. Now she seems a bit frustrated, but I think in 2 weeks it will allow her to calm down.

 

As for missing me.. I'm not sure. It all depends on how she feels when shes back. Im sure the first few days she will spend with her family. After that.. I don't know.

 

Earlier about a few days ago she did say she would promise to meet me. But after I texted her like crazy lately she was frusterated and mad and said I dont know ill see when i get back. And I think she said that cause I was buggin her with texts being send over and over.

 

I kinda feel like I got no choice. I gotta wait the 2 weeks till shes back and then wait to see if she decides to call or text me when shes here.

 

Since its going to be our anniversary it makes me wonder if she will think of it and try to call me.

 

In the meantime Im slowly preparing myself for a higher chance that she wont call and that she will stick with her decision of not ever wanting to be with me.

 

But I have a question for all? If Im the one who talked to her and got her to fall in love with me and then later lost my own self and now have found who I was... can i still get her to love me again?

 

I assume if someone fell in love with you.. it was for a reason. So isn't it possible someone can re-fall in love with you again? Logically it makes sense....

[Radu]

You kinda messed up for not staying in contact with her that first month.

 

What kind of contact did you have with her in that first month ?

[LostOne1]

You kinda messed up for not staying in contact with her that first month.

 

What kind of contact did you have with her in that first month ?

We basically talked on the phone after her work and then on msn at night. But when i had relatives over from england going out showing them aorund we came home late most of the time and she slept early cuz she has to wake up early for work. So then msn was not used as much and I didnt phone her nor did she phone me..

 

THen after 2 weeks when my relatives went back I talked to her and I think that time she had already made a decision that she didnt love me and she was basically trying to tell me. I had no idea she would say that she has no feelings now.

 

This distant thing has hurt us a lot but i couldve done more to call and make her feel like shes not alone.

 

All she said was she wants to get some space and enjoy the last 2 weeks she has left in that city before she gets back here to our city.

 

I wouldn't say it was a month of no contact but probably about 2 weeks. But that was the 2 weeks she needed me.

 

THe thing is we have fought b4 over things but normally we made up. This is the first time I've seen her stuck on a decision.

 

Then again she seems changed like what ever happened to her there has changed her in some ways. So I have absoluetly no idea what she will do when she gets back.

 

I will say that since we've been together we both have pushed away our friends, so when she does get back she won't have too many people to talk to right away. Im sorry if that sounds rude, but Im just looking at it all right now.

 

I really don't know I mean there is a chance she comes home and maybe not thinking of me is something she will become used to now in the next 2 weeks and it wont matter when shes back.

 

So i cant guess at all, its going to come down to DOES she remember me, does she remember its our anniversary and does she care about it.

 

I have this feeling she will come back and our anniversary and just me in general wont mean anything. It will be as if im just a normal person and that our anniversary is just another ordinary day,

[LostOne1]

anyone know how long the no contact should stay in place? Its been literally like 6-8 hrs or so like half a day and its super late past midnight and she text me asking if im awake and if i am to msg her back.. I havent said anything and yet she told me to not text her and give her space for 2 weeks? so wut do i do now? do i ignore her for a bit longer?

 

I really think my whining and texts over and over again pushed her to say she needs space. so wait longer now? i dont even know why she is texting me back so soon after telling me to give her space? does she feel bad now suddenly? or maybe she wants to just check to make sure im ok and not sad or hurt after she yelled at me in anger to stop texting her and to give her space.

 

Edit: about 10 mins after texting me she also called me too I didnt pick up.. Im confused is this a test or something? she says give me space and now shes pulling me in to break what she told me

Edited August 13, 2012 by LostOne1

[Radu]

In those 2 weeks you were out of synch, did you two have any contact ?

 

Like sometimes phone during the day, or e-mail ?

[LostOne1]

In those 2 weeks you were out of synch, did you two have any contact ?

 

Like sometimes phone during the day, or e-mail ?

We had some text msgs here and there but it wasnt normal communication that we would normally have like talking on msn serveral hrs or talking on the phone.

 

I don't know what to do now. She says give me space and was mad, but now she is calling me and texting me to

 

"Are you awake"

"text me if ur awake"

 

She calls me twice

 

"i wanna talk to u for a minute...."

 

Calls 5 times in a row...

Edited August 13, 2012 by LostOne1

[LostOne1]

We had some text msgs here and there but it wasnt normal communication that we would normally have like talking on msn serveral hrs or talking on the phone.

 

I don't know what to do now. She says give me space and was mad, but now she is calling me and texting me to

 

"Are you awake"

"text me if ur awake"

 

She calls me twice

 

"i wanna talk to u for a minute...."

 

Calls 5 times in a row...

called me many more times now and said in a text

 

 

"well i wanted to talk to u but u probably left ur phone away ill try calling again but if not then its all good"

 

wut do i do... do i ignore her and give her space or do i pickup? i wanna pickup but i feel it will mean im easy to get then.

Shes called over 10 times now and wont stop?

[twisted_luck102]

you have to look at it this way... a break up is always going to hurt not matter what. all you can do from this is learn from your mistakes. even though you may not realize it right now but you can use this going into your next relashionship. Also, maybe after time has passed maybe there is a possibility of you guys getting back together. but dont think too much into. take one day at a time.

 

btw how old are you?

[LostOne1]

So Im still confused here..

 

She basically tells me yesterday to give her space. Then a few hours later she calls and wants to talk? Then I ignore her dozen calls in a row and her text messages.

 

Finally its the next day and shes never done this before but she texted me during her break at work now. She stopped doing this after she told me she had no room for me in her heart.

 

I don't know what to make sense of now?

 

her text this morning is

 

"i called u to alk to u last nite but u didnt answer n u havent texted so im guessing uv accepted it now (meaning I accepted that i have to move on).. I won't bother u now k. Jus Thought I'd let u know"

 

Someone tell me whats going on her. My only guess is maybe she feels bad that she yelled at me about givng her space and she wants to appolgize. OR she does miss me and realizes tleling me to have no contact for 2 weeks is too much for her considering we were apart for 2-3 weeks with no contact earlier which lead to this problem.

 

I need to know if I should text her to let her know she can call me later today? or do i ignore her.. im scared if i ignore her then she will think I moved on and she might want to move on too and any chance she feels to get back might be gone for good?

[WeirdExs]

If you want to talk to her then I would call her if it makes you feel better but I would come in with tempered exceptions. That text message sounds like she wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I wouldn't be worried about her moving on because you ignored one text message. At the end of the day, if she misses you then she will make the effort to reconcile things (and won't give up after one text message if you really misses you).

[LostOne1]

Well she must miss me.. she texted me so much during her lunch break.. I decided to finally text back. She thinks I am ignoring her and that I have moved on.

 

Or maybe she wants to know if I did or not.. not sure.

 

I'll see if she wants to talk or if her anger n ego is too strong for her to talk to me now.

 

I basically got msgs stating ill never change that im ignoring her now and always have and i must have moved on now and she is going to think that and accept i moved on.

 

To be honest I don't think it will hurt to talk now. I think part of me has started to accept that when she gets back we wont be together now. And I feel I am okay with it now. This NC thing works wonders. I mean ignoring her and putting the pressure on her instead of me begging for a chance feels better.

 

Feels like I have learned my mistakes but also found my old true self. I honestly realized I stopped doing special things, because #1 I started to NOT love my own self, lost my self confidence and respect for myself in life. And in the end I became someone else.

 

Now I feel re-born accepting that I made a mistake a big one and yet knowing I LEARNED from it. Some people have 20+ relationships making the same mistakes over and over again and never having a stable relationship. I feel like I finally love myself again and have respect for my self to be able to see positives in this break up and I know i love myself and someone will love me as much as I care for myself. Im proud of myself for learning from all of this and nothing my ex says can change how I feel.

 

I don't care if she says I wont meet u or if she thinks im ignoring her now. The fact is what I did wasnt fully right, but what she did is not fully right either.

 

I think its stupid to yell and scold and hurt someone to tell them to give them space, then within a few hrs call and text harass them. And then the next day to text harass them some more about them not replyng.

 

I know she wants a reaction from me thats why I waited, but I'll hear her out today if she calls. Based off that I will see, but if she doesn't want me back, then Im okay to let her go now and move on with my life. I love myself and thats what matters right now to me

[dss]

Hello Everyone,

 

I got with my girlfriend during high school 9th grade 5 days ago she told me she needed a break because she said I didnt show her that I loved her like being all on her and stuff kissing her and stuff, after 10 years she gave us a break she had addressed this problem with me before I would I was tell her I would change but I guess it didnt happen as fast or as she imagined it. She said she needs time that shes lost right now, she said guys are the last thing on her mind. she has been going out with her friends and she says she feels fine with out me. But then I tell her that I want to prove myself to her that I love her I want to be with her. After long hours of talking she said she does love me even though she does not want to admit it and she wants me to fight for her, I guess she says that I hurt her alot being this way and whats me show her im different she did tell me that she feels like she owes it to herself to try it with someone else if it comes along. I dont want to lose her I told her I would fight for her she said to give her space that she loves me but needs space. But what if she goes with someone else Im scared of losing her I am 23 years old shes 23 also. please advice.....

[LostOne1]

Hello Everyone,

 

I got with my girlfriend during high school 9th grade 5 days ago she told me she needed a break because she said I didnt show her that I loved her like being all on her and stuff kissing her and stuff, after 10 years she gave us a break she had addressed this problem with me before I would I was tell her I would change but I guess it didnt happen as fast or as she imagined it. She said she needs time that shes lost right now, she said guys are the last thing on her mind. she has been going out with her friends and she says she feels fine with out me. But then I tell her that I want to prove myself to her that I love her I want to be with her. After long hours of talking she said she does love me even though she does not want to admit it and she wants me to fight for her, I guess she says that I hurt her alot being this way and whats me show her im different she did tell me that she feels like she owes it to herself to try it with someone else if it comes along. I dont want to lose her I told her I would fight for her she said to give her space that she loves me but needs space. But what if she goes with someone else Im scared of losing her I am 23 years old shes 23 also. please advice.....

You know there is a way to create ur own topic right?

 

Don't worry I wont go after ya I know ur in pain we all are here and im in some of it too.

 

What I would do if I were you.. is if she WANTS u to fight for her.. then do it. Maybe she wants u to show to make an effort with her? Send flowers to her place if shes alone or when u meet up for coffee or something get her a small gift something that will mean something to her and show her shes special. And do it soon because if some other guy shows her shes special then ur out of luck for sure.

 

Do things that u never did but positive ones. If you used to not buy her a card ever, then buy her one. Shes looking for u to show her she means more to u than anything else.

[LostOne1]

Just to make an update.

 

She called and I decided to talk today. I would say for the most part we have worked it out now. But I still think we are taking it a bit slow. I think things will get much better when shes back and we can actually spend time together physically being there rather than her being so far away. I think we hit things off on a good note and understand each other.

 

I think she also realizes the change in me and heck i realize it myself. I am a better person now and I never felt so alive. This is before we talked today, so either way good or bad I will make it through. Hopefully it works out for us and I will keep things updated here.

[LostOne1]

So I'm back.. and confused as hell. This is about the above post.

 

 

We seemed to have made up last day after her work. She called me and said she only called to say sorry for being mean since she yelled at me and behaved badly. And, I purposely sounded all happy and energetic though honestly I feel that way too now. So she said im glad you moved on and I said I have sort of but I am tired of crying and beggin u to take me back.

 

And that I wasnt gonna do that.. and she said so ur moving on and I said not really I still wanna be with you. And then she asked if I would find someone else, I kinda said i dont know which made her feel something and I told her I still wanna be with her if possible.

 

There is more we talked about but it was the type of talking we normally have has g.f and b.f about hugging each other kissing and missing etc..

 

Then she goes home to the place she is staying. She does not text me gnite or anything and I do but no reply. This morning on her break she says all the same things as before, I cant be with you, I dont love you, I wont come back.

 

So i don't get what the hell is going on?

 

Shes taking in another city 4 hrs away in a house with few other people. And in particular she lives with many others in this one home. Is it the environment that changed her mood?

 

How do you go from being i love u and I can see ur a changed person and this is what I wanted and talk about marriage and things you want to do... and laugh and all.. and then go into i dont want you, dont talk to me, i have nothing to say to you, I cant come back?

 

Is it her home environment there? or in particular a guy there that does lots for her.. maybe makes her feel special and says he likes her? Is that the reason she feels not needed by me cause he takes care of her there? Apparently they are only friends, but Im not sure what to think. Many things happened at the place she is staying at such as a women trying to threaten her and what not. I wasnt there for her then and I don't know how someone changes so fast?

 

I think it will be time to lay NC now untill she gets back and that is ONLY if she contacts me. Maybe she will see she misses me when shes back and want to try to work it out?

 

The only other thing I can think of is that she is putting me through this, because I did it to her.. in the sense I got layed back a bit and didnt do those special things always. And now she wants to teach me a lesson so when she gets back I won't be that way again.

 

Or lastly maybe she really is done?

Edited August 14, 2012 by LostOne1

[LostOne1]

How bad is it to text ur ex by accident instead of ur sis?

 

I was rushing and texted her by accident since her text msg was near my sis's name and I was rushing for the bus. I then sent a text back saying sorry for it and I sent it by mistake.

 

No message back so far luckily, but is it a bad sign? The text sounds kinda bad too... FML.