Goldfsh79 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I see a lot of people on here who regret their affair, and others who don't. I'm going to be honest: I don't regret it, not at all. I'm glad it's over, but I'm glad I experienced love with exMM. I'm a FIRM believer everything happens for a reason, there are no mistakes, and no coincidences. I know it was supposed to happen. Not many may agree, but this is how I feel about it 6
Author Goldfsh79 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 I suppose. I do wonder how I would feel if I hadn't, but good point.
cocorico Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I see a lot of people on here who regret their affair, and others who don't. I'm one of those who doesn't. On balance: one person (may have) got hurt. Many others are much happier as a direct result of the A. In my book, that's a win. 1
cocorico Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 That's not necessarily true. I know people who had affairs and didn't "get away with it" and still don't regret it. That theory just invalidates a person's experience and journey. And the converse - some who "got away with it" who still regret it, because of the dissonance with their values or morality. It's much more complex than a simple "who got caught" scenario suggests. 4
hermione08 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I regret my affair. I told my partner I was in love with someone else and I did it almost immediately, but he suffered a lot because of me and for this I blame myself, even though we are now friends again. My mother died recently and he came with me to the funeral and helped out with all the arrangements, washed dishes, was supportive, etc. In short, he's a great man. My lover, on the other hand, is a rat. I was lucky that I didn't do more damage, but I regret my affair. I was in love, in a way I still am, but my behaviour was not ok at all. Love does not justify everything. 3
MourningLosses Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I regret it. Both that it had to hurt so many people and that I couldn't hel loving him. It haunts me that we may never get over it.
skywriter Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I see a lot of people on here who regret their affair, and others who don't. I'm going to be honest: I don't regret it, not at all. I'm glad it's over, but I'm glad I experienced love with exMM. I'm a FIRM believer everything happens for a reason, there are no mistakes, and no coincidences. I know it was supposed to happen. Not many may agree, but this is how I feel about it I'm a believer in everything happening for a reaon as well. ...and for the most part, I believe, that my poor choices and lack of effort to establish a firm boundary, with a person, that exhibits a lack thereof is why. I regret my part in the A. 1
Got it Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I greatly regret the pain that it caused but I do not regret the affair. To regret it would mean to not do it over again. I can't regret him. I can't regret us. I do regret the pain our actions caused others. 3
MissBee Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I see a lot of people on here who regret their affair, and others who don't. I'm going to be honest: I don't regret it, not at all. I'm glad it's over, but I'm glad I experienced love with exMM. I'm a FIRM believer everything happens for a reason, there are no mistakes, and no coincidences. I know it was supposed to happen. Not many may agree, but this is how I feel about it Is it something I'd repeat in hindsight? No. I did learn a lot from it though and I appreciate those lessons. It's not a regret in the sense that I don't live my life wishing I could take it back. 4
hermione08 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I regret it in the sense that I wish I could take it back, that I haven't learnt anything from it, that if I had not known this man my life would be better than it is. He was like junk food: lots of calories, no substance, you live much better without it.
Bailey14 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I will never regret this A. I was in love with him in high school and spent my entire life longing for him and his love. Forty-one years later we reconnected and I now know what it feels like to have his love. He will never be with me full-time as long as his wife is alive but, as the line in" Steel Magnolias" goes......I 'd rather have ten minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special. I believe the universe is unfolding exactly as it was intended..... 5
SecretFlower Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I don't regret the affair. I loved him and while it was an affair I believe he loved me too. It ended rather negatively, but there are many things I look back on with fondness. However, I regret all the people that were hurt. I lost my best friend and a lot of close friends. I took a big hit to my reputation and I hurt people for no reason other than my own selfish needs. I do regret that I let it go on for so long, but I don't think I regret the emotional aspect of the affair. 1
Radagast Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I regret that I did not have the necessary to leave my ex-wife before commencing a relationship with my wife. I regret that I remained so long in my previous marriage. I regret my "white knight" complex that led me to get involved with my ex-wife in the first place. I regret that it took me so long to learn, and to overcome, and to find love and happiness. My relationship with my wife, and the outcome of the affair, I do not regret. I celebrate and give thanks daily. 5
2sure Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 In hindsight I am truly sorry for the part I played in other peoples lives as OW. I didnt fully understand what I had done until I fell in love and became a BS. In hindsight, I wish I had avoided that too. But regret? I cant really...without those experiencesI wouldnt know what I know. These were mistakes I had to stop making. I couldnt have learned one lesson without the other. Better to know these things without experiencing them...but I didnt. 2
HisGraceisSufficient Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Do you regret it? I have been haunted by this question since I committed the act of adultery and half a year later, I arrive at this: I regret the immense pain, disappointment and suffering my actions have caused family and friends. A loss of reputation, security and respect are also note worthy. Yet, through my greatest offense (adultery), I found my greatest gift (God). I regret the decision to cheat, lie, disrespect my husband and feel entitled to be selfish. Nothing best describes my experience about who I was when I was having an affair as this: "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18 Pride led me to have an affair and humility will be the only thing to keep it from happening again.
East7 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 It is difficult to give a YES/NO answer. I regret the destructive pain the A caused to me, to the BS and to xMW herself. I regret that I lost 1.5 years of my life with someone who was not in a real honest relationship with me. I don't regret how she made me feel and how I felt with her. That's beyond everything I had experienced. I don't regret the lessons I learnt. In 1.5 years of A, I learned more about relationships than in the past 10 years ! 1
noelle303 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I don't regret it. I don't regret the time we spend together and the relationship we had. Even though the ending exploded in my face...I still got a lot out of the whole experience. 1. Don't get pregnant. A pregnant OW is a disaster, but commonly done by desperate women. While I would too give everyone the ''don't get pregnant advice'', as every other thing in life it is only disastrous if that's how you end up dealing with it. 2
thomasb Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 God, yes. I regreted the fact I ever met her before I even dumped her. 3
William Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) OK, thread closed for some cleanup. I'll go light on the points since it looks like posters tried to resolve differences, even if things went off-topic. Back in a few... 21 posts deleted from first page for off-topic I lost count after 50 in total. If I did everything right, no poster received more than two points for their participation in this horrendous multiple threadjack. Oh, BTW, readers will be happy to read that it was a poster on moderation for their comments in another OW/OM thread who alerted me, you know, with six different alerts, to problems with this one. For anyone thinking this is a way of 'getting back' at a moderator, think again! Thanks! If anyone who is in an affair or has been in an affair has regrets to express, or lack thereof, please do so. I can surely tell you that I regretted the last hour spent on LoveShack cleaning this up. That is all. Edited August 18, 2012 by William edited alert number from seven to six
twinsmom Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) Do I regret it?? Oh, yes. I could sit here and say, "Oh I loved him, and I SO don't regret the feelings he gave me!", but that would be a lie, and not because he "left me". A couple of years ago I might have said that even AFTER he left me..When I think of him now, I just feel sick. I compromised my self-worth and integrity. I thought I had found my "soulmate", just like many others on here have said. I was woefully wrong. It was an experience that I would NEVER repeat, and I'm sorry it ever happened. Edited August 19, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Silly_Girl Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I can't regret the affair. Some of my most wonderful memories were created. I learned about a different kind of love. I learned about myself. I learned that there are things I cannot tolerate and won't in the future. I heavily disliked that a person was being lied to, but overall, as another poster said, more happiness than hurt was achieved and their marriage was not a happy or solid one and had not been for some years. I won't have another affair as I think the sea has enough single fishies in it to not have to catch one with a wife. I didn't look to meet anyone at all, least of all a married person. The spark and understanding between us immediately was unlike anything I'd experienced before or since. But armed with the knowledge I have now, if I were to feel that again - even ten-fold - I'd be aware of the pitfalls and I'd walk away. I say walk, I mean run. 2
suki1 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Do I regret it? Absolutely. Would I go back and change it? In a heartbeat. I'd go back to before I met him and find a way to change which course I went on (we met through a work training event) so that we never met in the first place. Though there's always the chance that this would leave me open to completing this mistake later in life I suppose.
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