spiderowl Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 "I was thinking of you last night when I was ... doing things. I hope that's OK?" Received from guy on online dating site who, up until then, had been quite nice in his messages. We had exchanged a few messages. I'm asking women, if you received this, how would you feel? Guys, do you think this is acceptable? How should a woman respond to this?
Later82012 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 "I was thinking of you last night when I was ... doing things. I hope that's OK?" Received from guy on online dating site who, up until then, had been quite nice in his messages. We had exchanged a few messages. I'm asking women, if you received this, how would you feel? Guys, do you think this is acceptable? How should a woman respond to this? I am a guy and I think it depends on the woman receiving it. Personally, I don't think this is acceptable and I don't think he is looking for a serious relationship with you.
Author spiderowl Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Thanks, I don't find it acceptable either. I agree with you. Unfortunately, this kind of message is not unusual. They start off nice and then this. Why do guys think it's acceptable to do this to a woman?
Later82012 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Thanks, I don't find it acceptable either. I agree with you. Unfortunately, this kind of message is not unusual. They start off nice and then this. Why do guys think it's acceptable to do this to a woman? Because they are either sick or haven't learned how to respect people or both. 1
gaius Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 He's being honest, trying to feel you out. Way too soon though. He probably doesn't have that much experience. If you still like him just ignore that one comment and continue on with the conversation. If he doesn't get the hint and keeps trying to push it then just ignore him all together.
Author spiderowl Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 He's being honest, trying to feel you out. Way too soon though. He probably doesn't have that much experience. If you still like him just ignore that one comment and continue on with the conversation. If he doesn't get the hint and keeps trying to push it then just ignore him all together. Thanks, yes I understand he's being honest. Why does he need to tell me though?
gaius Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Thanks, yes I understand he's being honest. Why does he need to tell me though? He's testing you, seeing if he has permission to get sexual. Which he would enjoy greatly. No greater feeling in the world as a guy than when a woman accepts your sexuality. Some women actually find that kind of information flattering, but not usually until later. 2
mortensorchid Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I don't know about this, it's disconcerting to say the least. It doesn't imply something sexual but it sort of does. I don't think it's appropriate no matter what he did/didn't mean.
Art_Critic Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Depends.. was he boinking another girl He is trying to swing the conversation to sex, thinking this will turn you on and your next reply will be something sexual.. then he knows he has you... If you don't reply with something sexual (who would really ?.. what is wrote is distasteful) then he will pull back and put his effort into another girl... 2
SJC2008 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Until I realized it was an innuendo I thought stage 5 clinger! No dates yet and messaging like that. NOW that I realize what it is that's sick and next him IMMEDIATELY! 1
DuchessKaye Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I would suggest not responding. A guy like this is not worth your time. His intentions are very clear. Do not let him take advantage of you. 2
yongyong Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I wouldn't say 'I was thinking about you' 'I miss you' unless she let me cum on her face or swallow it several times. (which means we are close)
Author spiderowl Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 He's testing you, seeing if he has permission to get sexual. Which he would enjoy greatly. No greater feeling in the world as a guy than when a woman accepts your sexuality. Some women actually find that kind of information flattering, but not usually until later. I see what you mean. It's one thing to accept someone's sexuality - after all, we all have a sexual side - but it's another for them to bring it up front like this. Why can't guys just wait until they know you and have met you and you both know it is going that way before they start pressing the point? I think it's a guy's way of asking 'is this relationship going to get sexual or not?'. The problem is that doing that means it's almost certain it won't. It's just too much too soon. By the way, I don't know any women who would find that flattering, coming from a guy they hardly know. Maybe they would if they were porn actresses. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 He's testing you, seeing if he has permission to get sexual. Which he would enjoy greatly. No greater feeling in the world as a guy than when a woman accepts your sexuality. Some women actually find that kind of information flattering, but not usually until later. I can relate. Some guys can be more subtle though then this guy.
RedRobin Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) How would i feel? Briefly disappointed... then relieved he showed his true colors before wasting anymore of your time. I would end discussion and not respond to future messages. Its not women's job to accept idiots with poor manners. Edited August 14, 2012 by RedRobin 1
GoodOnPaper Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I see what you mean. It's one thing to accept someone's sexuality - after all, we all have a sexual side - but it's another for them to bring it up front like this. Why can't guys just wait until they know you and have met you and you both know it is going that way before they start pressing the point? Probably a number of reasons at work depending on the guy. One thing that could be going through some guys' minds is the glaring awareness that moving too slow risks having the "nice guy" label slapped on you -- of course, that's a fate worse than death . . . so moving too fast may be an overcompensation. I agree that this guy seems too fast, too soon but as someone who always failed by moving too slowly, it's hard to blame him for erring on the other side.
gaius Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 By the way, I don't know any women who would find that flattering, coming from a guy they hardly know. Maybe they would if they were porn actresses. Hence the not usually until later part. You would be surprised though, I know women who seemed to enjoy some level of it before I even met them in person for the first time. I can relate. Some guys can be more subtle though then this guy. Indeed. They can be a lot more subtle, if they know what they're doing. Spider didn't get that lucky with this suitor though.
truth_seeker Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 "I was thinking of you last night when I was ... doing things. I hope that's OK?" Received from guy on online dating site who, up until then, had been quite nice in his messages. We had exchanged a few messages. I'm asking women, if you received this, how would you feel? Guys, do you think this is acceptable? How should a woman respond to this? My first reaction is he was masturbating and thinking of you while in the act. 1. He has no respect for you and only sees you as an object. 2. You should reply: "That's sounds soooo HOT! Too bad that's the closest you'll ever get to being with me See ya, creep!"
Author spiderowl Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 My first reaction is he was masturbating and thinking of you while in the act. 1. He has no respect for you and only sees you as an object. 2. You should reply: "That's sounds soooo HOT! Too bad that's the closest you'll ever get to being with me See ya, creep!" Yes, I agree, that's what he was doing. I find it disrespectful and will not bother to continue chatting with him, but I'm baffled as to why guys think it's a good idea to do this. Does it ever get them anywhere with a woman? I know there are guys who will say 'yes it does' but where is your evidence or are you talking about hearsay?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Indeed. They can be a lot more subtle, if they know what they're doing. Spider didn't get that lucky with this suitor though. I don't think this guy knew what he was doing at all. At one point, he started talking about rainbows and kittens. 1
Author spiderowl Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 He played the nice respectable guy, felt you out, made you think he was not a creeper, then he let his true colors out. Sadly, that does seem to sum it up.
Almond_Joy Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) "I was thinking of you last night when I was ... doing things. I hope that's OK?" Received from guy on online dating site who, up until then, had been quite nice in his messages. We had exchanged a few messages. I'm asking women, if you received this, how would you feel? Guys, do you think this is acceptable? How should a woman respond to this? Flattered - it's a VERY gentle way of expressing sexual interest. I'd have found it irresistibly adorable. EDIT: Reading more posts, I guess context makes a huge difference. I only did OLD for a month, and I only exchanged 6 or so messages with 1 or 2 guys....but those few messages could have easily taken up a page per message. I guess it depends how much information's exchanged in the messages. The guys I messaged never made a sexual implication in the messages, but had they said what this guy told you, I wouldn't have thought it crude or anything to be appalled by. Edited August 16, 2012 by Almond_Joy
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