ghenkis Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 To whomever reads this thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't believe I'm even doing this but the unbearable pain radiates throughout my soul and I know for a fact that it won't ever go away, even with time. However, it will diminish, I just want and need it to be sooner. :’( Hopefully, by posting my cries of torment up; it'll aid in the recovery process to start anew with someone else... Here is my testament: My ex and I dated for three years and we both felt strongly for one another. More so, I felt and knew deep within that she was My Soulmate. Our relationship was long distance in which it crossed into our northern neighbor, Canada. We were suppose to marry in a matter of years once we got our finances straightened out and my dual citizenship in the works with her proper sponsorship. However, in the final year, I became corrupted and fell prey to the many sins of this deceitful world. In the midst, I constantly abused her emotionally with no shred of mercy or compassion. All the while all she did was cry and plead for me to open my eyes. Blinded by my unrelenting rage I abandoned her for a moment because I believed I needed time to myself in order to "see the light". During this period she made attempts to get me to show her that I had a place in my heart for her...but my heart was completely harden at this time and I showed no signs of love or care for her whatsoever. Two weeks drifted by and the dark clouds finally lifted away from my eyes. However, I discovered she no longer loved me. As a matter of fact, she told me she has "moved on" with a new man and that for her; the process of “moving on” began since the beginning of our final year together. Which was when the spiral of death began. She advised me to “move on” as well. :'( Followed up by showing me pictures of them together and telling me that she was “happy”. :'( I initially begged her to see that I acted rashly in the heat of the moment and that I genuinely love her...but quickly came to my senses that forcing such things on her just isn't right or fair. So, I wished her and her new man the best of luck...and told her we just both need some time apart from each other...I haven’t contacted her ever since... It’s been a month now...I'm happy for her...but I will never "get over" her. She just meant that much to me and more so she was the one who helped me regain my walk on The Path of Life. I pray to God every night to help me in some way to ease the pain...yet I know I will always long to be with her as she is My Other Half. :’( Perhaps you will perceive me as being melodramatic but rest assured I am not. I truly wish that in the future we will start over again...but who am I kidding, that’s nothing more but a fairy tale wish...and we all know that we exist in a reality that is harsh and desolate for fools, such as myself. :'(
N64 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 This definitely played with my emotions. I am so sorry. It's beautiful and tragic. I want you to know you're not the only one on this rickety little boat. I was with my ex for nearly 6 years. He turned the lights out on us in June. I still love him with all my heart while also maintaining a sense of betrayal. I didn't get a very good explanation as to why it happened, because I guess it just does, and from what I could pull out- they were more petty and offending little reasons that shouldn'tve ended a great relationship. The kind of relationship where sometimes you are stunned with how much in common you have and think "how did I even find this person?" Regardless- they kept the charade of saying they loved us, but they were cowardly(even if they felt holding off on it was to keep us from being hurt) to not be open with us from the start of when they suspected they may have been doubting their love, because every day they stayed with us it'd leave us more confident in our love with them and we couldn't help but start wondering about the future. My relationship was also long distance now and then. Might not make much sense to phrase it that way, but I just don't feel like getting too detailed. But the point is that some people scoff at LDRs. Or people go,"How can you deal with that? I wouldn't be able to do it." and no one realizes that the coping mechanism is to just keep counting down until you see each other and constantly think about how you love them. You deal with it utterly out of love. So when they break it off, you're already adjusted to not always being with them physically, but you can't turn off your mind or your heart and erase those techniques you used when you were together. So, now you're left so used to knowing you love them with confidence with the realization that they lost the feelings for you. You lose your breath just thinking about it. Damn. Well, again, I am sorry. I'm not very religious and even I pleaded to God. I tear up just remembering me crying until I broke out in this rash on my face that apparently babies get(and they cry a lot!) at night, just begging to God to 'bring him back to me'. I literally felt like the closest thing in my life died. But trust me. Every day gets better. Sometimes you'll fall into a pit, but most of the time you will keep afloat and that's because you realize you bared almost your entire being to another person and they claimed to be on the same page, but they eventually called it quits. It's very hurtful and you know that they took that power of love and hit you where your most vulnerable. And all the while, your brain is trying to remind you that it is their right to be able to do that, that they apparently lost that love somewhere along the way, and that it isn't fair to them either. Your heart is the one that got sacrificed to make sure that they didn't stay in a relationship with you where they would have grown bitter and would always wonder "what if" because of you.
Garfish Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 It’s been a month now...I'm happy for her...but I will never "get over" her. She just meant that much to me and more so she was the one who helped me regain my walk on The Path of Life. I pray to God every night to help me in some way to ease the pain...yet I know I will always long to be with her as she is My Other Half. :’( Perhaps you will perceive me as being melodramatic but rest assured I am not. I truly wish that in the future we will start over again...but who am I kidding, that’s nothing more but a fairy tale wish...and we all know that we exist in a reality that is harsh and desolate for fools, such as myself. :'( Hey buddy, yes you will get over it. There will be somebody else who will come along and rock your socks off and you won't forget about her, but you'll come to like the new gal better. Trust me on that one (I feel so old). One thing that's not going to help you too much though, is the idea that you have one and only one "Other Half". Dude, you have up to a million potential other halves. You just haven't met any of them yet (and most of them you won't ever meet). Good luck and give it time. Please, please don't hurt yourself.
Garfish Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 It's very hurtful and you know that they took that power of love and hit you where your most vulnerable. And all the while, your brain is trying to remind you that it is their right to be able to do that, that they apparently lost that love somewhere along the way, and that it isn't fair to them either. Your heart is the one that got sacrificed to make sure that they didn't stay in a relationship with you where they would have grown bitter and would always wonder "what if" because of you. Hey, cheer up. I've had my heart run through the blender a few times and it's probably about to happen again, but you know what? Heartburger tastes pretty good. Everybody should eat some. As a famous mustachioed German said, that which does not kill you makes you stronger. Somebody's out there who's going to be even better for you than the one you lost. 1
Author ghenkis Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 But the point is that some people scoff at LDRs. Or people go,"How can you deal with that? I wouldn't be able to do it." and no one realizes that the coping mechanism is to just keep counting down until you see each other and constantly think about how you love them. You deal with it utterly out of love. So when they break it off, you're already adjusted to not always being with them physically, but you can't turn off your mind or your heart and erase those techniques you used when you were together. So, now you're left so used to knowing you love them with confidence with the realization that they lost the feelings for you. You lose your breath just thinking about it. Damn. You portray the contents of my heart quite accurately. Thank you for realizing that the love we had extends beyond the physical and that's why I'm in my current state of disarray.
Author ghenkis Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Garland, I sincerely thank you for lifting my spirits up. Hey buddy, yes you will get over it. There will be somebody else who will come along and rock your socks off and you won't forget about her, but you'll come to like the new gal better. Honestly, that's exactly what I've telling myself for a while now and for you to reinforce such a thought; it truly helps ease the pain. Don't worry I have no intention to hurt myself. Unless, we're talking about the burning hurt one receives from working his/her body out. 1
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