ghenkis Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 To whomever reads this thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't believe I'm even doing this but the unbearable pain radiates throughout my soul and I know for a fact that it won't ever go away, even with time. However, it will diminish, I just want and need it to be sooner. :’( Hopefully, by posting my cries of torment up; it'll aid in the recovery process to start anew with someone else... Here is my testament: My ex and I dated for three years and we both felt strongly for one another. More so, I felt and knew deep within that she was My Soulmate. Our relationship was long distance in which it crossed into our northern neighbor, Canada. We were suppose to marry in a matter of years once we got our finances straightened out and my dual citizenship in the works with her proper sponsorship. However, in the final year, I became corrupted and fell prey to the many sins of this deceitful world. In the midst, I constantly abused her emotionally with no shred of mercy or compassion. All the while all she did was cry and plead for me to open my eyes. Blinded by my unrelenting rage I abandoned her for a moment because I believed I needed time to myself in order to "see the light". During this period she made attempts to get me to show her that I had a place in my heart for her...but my heart was completely harden at this time and I showed no signs of love or care for her whatsoever. Two weeks drifted by and the dark clouds finally lifted away from my eyes. However, I discovered she no longer loved me. As a matter of fact, she told me she has "moved on" with a new man and that for her; the process of “moving on” began since the beginning of our final year together. Which was when the spiral of death began. She advised me to “move on” as well. :'( Followed up by showing me pictures of them together and telling me that she was “happy”. :'( I initially begged her to see that I acted rashly in the heat of the moment and that I genuinely love her...but quickly came to my senses that forcing such things on her just isn't right or fair. So, I wished her and her new man the best of luck...and told her we just both need some time apart from each other...I haven’t contacted her ever since... It’s been a month now...I'm happy for her...but I will never "get over" her. She just meant that much to me and more so she was the one who helped me regain my walk on The Path of Life. I pray to God every night to help me in some way to ease the pain...yet I know I will always long to be with her as she is My Other Half. :’( Perhaps you will perceive me as being melodramatic but rest assured I am not. I truly wish that in the future we will start over again...but who am I kidding, that’s nothing more but a fairy tale wish...and we all know that we exist in a reality that is harsh and desolate for fools, such as myself. :'(
not-a-drive-by Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I'm with you. I think I'm going to start praying to God too. There is noone else or nothing else I can turn to. That seems to be the only hope now. To pray that this pain goes away or for a miracle to happen. I hate myself for turning away from Him and running back in my most desperate times, hoping that He will help me in some way, shape or form.
LostOne1 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I'm with you. I think I'm going to start praying to God too. There is noone else or nothing else I can turn to. That seems to be the only hope now. To pray that this pain goes away or for a miracle to happen. I hate myself for turning away from Him and running back in my most desperate times, hoping that He will help me in some way, shape or form. The worst part is when u pray to god FOR someone and get that person then dont keep ur word that you will make them feel special everyday and have to pray again to ask for messing up.. thats my case.. but I have nothing else but to look for god and kill time. I guess prayer is also a way to relive the pain and let out what you feel.
not-a-drive-by Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 The worst part is when u pray to god FOR someone and get that person then dont keep ur word that you will make them feel special everyday and have to pray again to ask for messing up.. thats my case.. but I have nothing else but to look for god and kill time. I guess prayer is also a way to relive the pain and let out what you feel. Did you lose your second chance? If you do get another chance, don't screw it up. There's so many of us here hoping for a second chance and get $#1t all. So cherish it if it comes around again . Do it for us.
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