Which direction should I go?

[lovelornandlost]

My ex and I have been broken up for 5 months now. We were together 7 months. He invited to go on a long weekend vacation out of state with some of his lifelong friends. During the end of the trip I noticed he was a little more distant, but just seemed tired. He was still very loving and affectionate. And during the trip was the first time he was introducing me to everyone as his girlfriend. The week we returned he broke up with me. It came as a total shock to me because the weekend before he told me he really looks forward to seeing me and it is nice that we get along so well. He said he the sparks come and go for him. He held out trying to see if it changed(which I never knew he wasn't feeling it as strongly as I was), he really wanted it to work out because we are so compatible. He also added an aside that he has so much going on in his life that he wouldn't be a good boyfriend to anyone. We had several external obstacles during the building blocks time of our relationship. (family issues, job issues, a little bit of long distance for a couple weeks, general physical exhaustion) I know I became rather closed off because of that, we became very routine too soon, and we didn't develop as close of a bond as either of us wanted or expected. I recognized it and was willing to try to work it out. To me these are things that would shake even a stronger longer term relationship. He thinks we shouldn't have to work at it...it should just be there. I chalk most of it up to poor timing because most everyone else would not have made it past the first month of the obstacles we were faced with. I do know he has not had a serious girlfriend other than me in 5 years. He has been hurt quite a bit and is a little emotionally unavailable because of it. I am the same way. (which is another obstacle) I am a little more ready than he is. But we are both still romantics at heart and really still do believe we can be in a happy lifelong relationship. I think he has some unrealistic expectations in a relationship. Or perhaps since he hasn't been in a long term relationship in so long, he doesn't realize that the first sparks don't always last, rather transform to something more.

 

The first month we had no contact. Then I broke the silence and we went to lunch. Just a casual catching up. Also to exchange some things of ours. He forgot all of my stuff though and still has not given it back. We have been exchanging friendly emails every week or two. I have asked him to do things a couple times, but he was busy, said this coming month he has a much more open schedule and we can do something then. About a week ago he wrote briefly about a recent trip he took and asked how I am. I replied with more in depth questions about him, life in general, family, etc. and remained rather vague about myself. I haven't heard back yet and am confused why he would write and then not follow up.

I am trying to date again, but I keep holding on that I want him back. I was on an online dating site and saw that he is now a member there. Granted he is home online on Friday and Saturday "looking" just like I am, rather than running around town.

 

I really don't know how to proceed with him. Why is he still contacting me, being so kind and acting interested in my life? I am thinking of asking him to go to do something we both are very interested in, and then seeing if the sparks reignite now that our lives have settled down a bit. Another side of me says he needs more time and we should both date other people to see what we are NOT missing out there and that our relationship was better than what we are being offered.

 

What do you guys think? Do you think he just got spooked and/or wasn't ready to move forward yet? Should I try to approach getting back together? Or should I just give up completely and go no contact?

Edited August 13, 2012 by lovelornandlost