ParadeRain Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 (edited) She broke my heart when she left me in June... She's the only girl I've been "in-love" with, I was destroyed when she left, I honestly do not know how I made it through to the point I'm at now because around 1 month ago I was literally at ROCK BOTTOM Since then life is looking up for me, I've found myself a new job, starting to socialise with friends again, talking to some new girls, doing things I enjoy... I still think about her a lot, but I found my closure around 6 weeks after she left me when she started hanging out with new guys, since she left me it has brought out every feeling in existence for me, but the most sensible and the one I follow today is that I am going to life myself and be successful, because that is the best revenge, I feel good about my life at the moment, it could be better, but I feel good, and to be able to say that after what I have been through... I'm proud of myself because I almost didn't make it to this point. I don't know if I love her or hate her any more, I wish she was still here with me, but then I remember what she has done to me, and then I wish she is somewhere suffering and I would not save her even if I could. Just like tonight, sometimes I find myself thinking about how she told me she loves me, she finally found somebody who she wants to spend the rest of her life with, planning our future, talking about moving in together, going on holiday, be happy... She went cold and walked away because it wasn't working out, and I know I could change it if I could reverse time, that plays on my mind a lot. She seems to be getting on fine without me from the little I hear about her lately, that makes me feel a quite sad, I wonder if she ever feels the same about me, sometimes finding herself thinking about the same things I do?... I don't want the answer to that even if I could have it, I just wonder. New girls: I'm 20, before her I was quite disrespectful to girls, had countless one night stands, never even thought about treating a girl right, I was only interested in sex... I finally let somebody in, and I got hurt to an extent I didn't know was even possible, heart broken, brought down to the lowest point in my life... I will fight ANY man fist to fist, I will sky dive, I will squash huge spiders in my hand, I will go to war... But I am absolutely TERRIFIED at the possibility of being heart broken by another girl ever again, I CAN NOT let this happen again, I WILL NOT be able to deal with it again... So now I have this overwhelming fear which is guaranteed to cause problems for me with new relationships, this is something I am yet to talk about with anybody who has experience of being scarred like this by their first love... I am just not prepared under any circumstances to go through that again Edited August 12, 2012 by ParadeRain
Dblock10 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 wow man, i know how you feel. how long was your relationship fairly short lived? what i find most interesting about your post is when you say youve had countless one night stands but then this happened and its hurt you more than anything you have felt. well ive felt this twice and now i just cant do it again either. so i was thinking of resorting to being the bachelor and just living the single life, not caring..
Author ParadeRain Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 wow man, i know how you feel. how long was your relationship fairly short lived? what i find most interesting about your post is when you say youve had countless one night stands but then this happened and its hurt you more than anything you have felt. well ive felt this twice and now i just cant do it again either. so i was thinking of resorting to being the bachelor and just living the single life, not caring.. I'm 20 now, she's 22, we have known each other for over 6 years, we always had something for each other but it never led to anything serious, until we got together in January of this year. Bachelor lifestyle is riskfree, only thing you got to worry about is STD's and pulling out at the right time
Jaf15 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 hahahaha sorry ur having a rough time, ur last post made me lol though, you have a good point my man
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