Mariana345 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Sorry if I made mistakes with my english I'm trying to move on, but I just have too many questions, too many things that I don't quite understand and I can't forget about it. We haven't talk for 10 weeks now, so he is not going to answer them. So, here I am, asking you, who are man, or understand man behavior, what happened? We met at high school, we dated like 2 months and I broke up with him 2 times, because I was a child and I really didn't care about love that much. Besides, at that time I was going through a lot of changes and didn't understand myself. But like a year later I regretted and fall in love with him, even though we didn't meet at all. I knew I did something terrible so didn't look for him, I was ashamed. He added me like 2 years later at MSN and we keep in contact for about one year. He sometimes flirted but nothing too serious. Eventually we met and we still like each other, so we started our relationship. That went for 4 years and 10 months, we had our ups and downs but must of the time we were happy. We loved each other very much. We did plans, we past through much things to stay together. We spent vacations, special days, problems with our families, even an abortion together. We were trying to move in together. Our biggest problem was his friend “K”, he was really close to her, they hug each other, make jokes, have every class together, etc. I found out a photo when he is lying down in her lap and that was all for me. I started to see them really closely and found out she liked him. I thought he really cared about her but not sure he liked her as well because he was really lovey dovey with me. I talked to him about it, he always said that she was just a friend, that he loved me but didn’t change his behavior towards her. So I get tired and when I was close to break up with him he told me that he went to a party with her, she got drunk and imply that she liked him, so he started to distance himself from her. He begged me to not give up us, he will do what I tell him to. I just wanted him to set boundaries with his friend, but since he did that all I feel guilt and continue in the RS. After that we still had some issues, but most of the time we were great. He met my family, I met he’s. His family love me and my family really care about him. He already knew my friends from HS and when he met my university friends everything went well. But after the problem with “K” his friends weren’t that friendly with me anymore. I understand, practically I broke up the harmony in their friendship, but still I tried to get along. I really tried, even when they bored me terribly I was polite and even invite them with us. Never get along that well. So, we finished our university and we had to do our project to gain our degree. Stupidly I agreed to do the project with him and one of his friends (who is also the girlfriend of his best male friend). I really liked her but when we started the project she was just irresponsible! He as well, they didn’t seem to care about the degree and I felt I was carrying all the weight of the project. We ended up fighting, me and my ex and me and the girl. So when we finished the RS was really damaged. Some months ago, around March or so, he started to change. He got angry very easily and I lost my patience too. We used to talk every night, but that last months we didn’t have much to tell each other. We fought very often, and because of silly things, which I can’t seem to remember. The last month we fought almost every day we met but stayed until the end of the day, because we just could met at weekends. I was considering breaking up. He changed too much and I didn’t want to finish like my parents, hating each other. I talked to him about it. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I loved him but thing were too damaged. I knew it will only work if the both of us will want to fix things. He told me he didn’t wanted to break up, that even when we fought he feel good just being with me. So we agreed to make things work out. But the next weekend we fought again. You see, we were having our graduation ceremonies. His and his friend’s were first, mine one week later. I went to his ceremony and they both thanked me in their speech. After the ceremony she approached me and said that we should go out, the four of us (she is the girlfriend of my ex’s best friend) and I said yes very politely. But when I talked to my ex I told him I didn’t want to go with them. So, the next weekend he said that was mad at me for not getting along with his friend, that when we fought he needed them. I never did anything to prevent him to see his friends, he could go out with them, just without me. I never thought we should do everything together, and I really enjoy times by myself, but he rather stayed with me. It was his decision, so I was ok with that. The next weekend he broke up with me. At first he said he didn’t know what to do. After a talk I said that we just have 2 options, work it out or break up. He chose to break up. I was shocked. He told me he has resentments for the fights, that he no longer wanted to do anything to fix things, that he can’t continue. That his feelings had changed, he looked at me, either looking pretty or crying and he didn’t feel the same as before. Then he started with the thing that we are not compatible, that love is not enough. We knew that, but he didn’t care about it before, he never care about future, so I don’t know where this come from. He said that I don’t need him, that I’m strong and will be ok without him. I cried, begged, asked for an opportunity to change, he didn’t care, couldn’t bear it anymore. He haven’t even tried to contacted me. He just asked for some money we were saving to move in together. I tried to reach him a few times, 3 by email (really brief), and just for getting my stuff back. We met but didn’t talk, just took my stuff, thanked him and left. He seemed to expect me to talk to him. At first I was intending to, but the day before he said to my sister that it was official now, and said goodbye to her (3 week after the BU!!!), so I decided not to say anything. Later that same week he added “K” to facebook and went out with her and his other friends. He went a lot of parties, and even he didn’t go back home some days. I found out for his mom, she called me a few times because he didn’t tell her anything about us, so I had to explain to her. She even said that explain his bad mood the past weeks. Some may know that after the BU I kind of stalked him a little until she added “K”, so I found out he went to the movies the day before he broke up, and lied to me about it, he said he was with his work male friend and went to his house. The following weekends he went to the movies and every time he paid for 2, like when he dated me. I don’t know if that was “K” or someone else. So, here is the thing. I know there were a lot going on at that time that could lead to this BU. My personal thoughts are the followings: · We are both in our 26 years, just finished school for good, so he could be going through this “quarter life crisis” thing.· He just got feed up for the fights and got tired.· He was really upset about his friend’s issues and couldn’t bear it anymore.· He met someone else and wanted to be with her, either someone from work or “K”.· All the above.· Something else. I really need to figure this out to have my closure. Sometimes I want him back, but others I realize that I can’t trust him anymore. I can’t talk to him and ask, I don’t know if he would regret or if there is still something between us, or maybe some day will. I just want some kind of understanding to close this chapter in my life and move on. I’m just trying to understand.
Author Mariana345 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 I forgot. When he was breaking up with me he told me that the days before he was feeling with no energy, he didn't wanted to eat, he didn't enjoy his work, he didn't wanted to play videogames and couldn't sleep well. After the BU I felt that exactly way, but I don't know if after he dumped me he still felt that way, only what his mom told me, that he was in a bad mood for weeks. And even though I haven't contacted him since I got my stuff (one month and a half) and 3 weeks ago he blocked me from facebook (I unfriend him since the 2nd week after BU) so I don't know if he doesn't want me to know something, if he is dweling as well or just don't want to know anything from me anymore... Thank you for any reply you could give me, I'm really lost here, just want to make peace in my mind, to understand just a little what happened to this love...
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