Love (?) and other drugs

[xpaperxcutx]

I really wanted to believe guys and girls really can be friends but when you're intoxicated and feeling quite invincible emotions rein you in and change the dynamics completely.

 

My guy friend and I have crossed boundaries. Despite merely only knowing him fr only two months we got involved with each other ( we have a running joke that everyday we've seen each other consecutively was equivalent to a years' time). So for the past week, we stayed out late past our imaginary curfews, going to dinner and making out in parking lots. We were were addicted to each other.

Earlier on during the friendship I specifically voiced my concerns about being involved with each other, I can't have have a relationship. I could tell he was falling for me, constantly texting me and driving out to see me even refusing my contributions to go dutch for gas and dinners. I was bowled over yet the conflicting voices remain, we can't be anything more than friends.

 

Understand he literally became my partner in crime. But last night, stupid me opened my big mouth and agreed to a relationship. We were at a party and I had too much to drink for comfort. I was on a high and I became Mushy and sentimental. My addictive personality kicked in abd I succumbed.

 

Today I woke up regretting my actions. My best frienjd told me prior I have always had a tendency to push others limits to see jhow far they are willing to go for me. I don't love him (?) but I did value our friendship. So now I'm at a crossroad. I'm not cruel but I don't want to hurt him. I value his company and his friendship but I don't want to hurt him. It issnt that I'm not not willing to give him a chance but relationships have made me so jaded and I can't deal with unnecessary drama and the complications that follow.

 

What should I do?

Edited August 12, 2012 by xpaperxcutx

[weallfalldown]

sounds like your playing with fire............

[veggirl]

well if you really don't want to date him, you need to tell him that and scale waaaay back on the friendship. I mean spending every day together and making out? what did you expect...? why do you make out with and spend all your time with a guy you aren't interested in? spend more time with your girl friends...seriously.

[xpaperxcutx]

well if you really don't want to date him, you need to tell him that and scale waaaay back on the friendship. I mean spending every day together and making out? what did you expect...? why do you make out with and spend all your time with a guy you aren't interested in? spend more time with your girl friends...seriously.

 

Because we both started out with boundaries. We didn't even hug when we first met. It was afterwards when we first eent out partying, we both got intoxicated, myself especially that I acted without inhibitions. He mistook that as me liking him and afterwards he started kissing me even when I was sober. I went with the flow even tho I repeatesly told him I didn't want a relationship.

The reason we both started hanging out was because my bff was always busy with her bf. I thought I finally a new friend to confide in and I made a mess of things.

[kaylan]

I agree you should scale things back until you are truly ready for a relationship.

 

But you guys seem to get on very well, and you actually have a dude around you who shows you he wants you and makes time to see you (which is what youve always wanted from a guy)

 

Question is, do you see him as someone you could be with when the time is right? Are you truly not ready to be with anyone at all, or do you feel hes not the right one for you?

[xpaperxcutx]

I agree you should scale things back until you are truly ready for a relationship.

 

But you guys seem to get on very well, and you actually have a dude around you who shows you he wants you and makes time to see you (which is what youve always wanted from a guy)

 

Question is, do you see him as someone you could be with when the time is right? Are you truly not ready to be with anyone at all, or do you feel hes not the right one for you?

 

I think he's perfect out of all the guys I've met. he's respectful, considerate and honest. Even though he's 10 years older than me, he doesn't pressure me for anything. also he works 3 jobs abd takes care of his mom his sister and his two nephews. he's not flawless but u haven't found a major thibg to fault him on.

Im insecure. I think he could better than me.

[2.50 a gallon]

I was once like you. In fact I was determined to never fall in love again.

Like you I had the "Baby don't get hooked on me" boundries, and for 15 years, the minute that I felt something beyond a fwb relationship, I was out of there.

 

And like your recent experience, one night I let my guard down, and like you the next day I had those troubling second thoughts. My first thought was to put on my running shoes and never look back.

 

From the beginning on paper, this was a relationship that was bound to fail. If nothing else, she had only broken up with her long time live in bf four weeks prior, so I was the rebound relationship

 

But on the other hand, we seemed to click right from the beginning. And even though I had kissed many other girls in my lifetime, there was just something special in the way she kissed me. And that was the lure that kept me from running.

 

That was seventeen years ago, and I can't tell you how glad I am that I didn't run.

 

I now believe that when love knocks, Answer!

 

You don't have to get in a hurry, take you time and let it happen.

Edited August 13, 2012 by 2.50 a gallon
missing word

[xpaperxcutx]

thank you for your input 2.50gallon. we are taking it slow. the fact that we have a title scares me but I'm holding my ground for now. I just have too much on my plate. he's being understanding and I'm trying not to take him for granted.

[kaylan]

I think he's perfect out of all the guys I've met. he's respectful, considerate and honest. Even though he's 10 years older than me, he doesn't pressure me for anything. also he works 3 jobs abd takes care of his mom his sister and his two nephews. he's not flawless but u haven't found a major thibg to fault him on.

Im insecure. I think he could better than me.

Do better than you? I dunno...Im thinking he feels he hit the jackpot getting a much younger girl in her 20s to date him when hes got 3 jobs and family to take care of. A lot of girls prolly wouldnt be down for that, and would want a guy whos able to make due with one job. So I wouldnt be insecure if I were you.

 

In reality Id say youre the one in the drivers seat and prolly have other options. But given the fact that he seems like a good guy so far, just see where this goes and try to feel things out.

 

Anyways, I say just take things slow and be honest with him about how you feel. Get to know him and see where it goes. And I mean reeeeaaallly get to know him before super committing to anything.

 

Good luck.

Edited August 14, 2012 by kaylan

[MGD3]

xpaperxcutx don't run, please don't run from a good man you have a strong friendship and intimacy with because that is all I hear from my female friends wanting this type of mixture. It is a rare thing to have both, I am going through something similar where she is too busy and independant and doesn't want a relationship but loves our open & deep friendship, our flirting our intimate expression towards each other. I recently pressured her out of frustration and now she isn't talking to me and it doesn't feel good.. But stay connected to him please!

[xpaperxcutx]

Do better than you? I dunno...Im thinking he feels he hit the jackpot getting a much younger girl in her 20s to date him when hes got 3 jobs and family to take care of. A lot of girls prolly wouldnt be down for that, and would want a guy whos able to make due with one job. So I wouldnt be insecure if I were you.

 

In reality Id say youre the one in the drivers seat and prolly have other options. But given the fact that he seems like a good guy so far, just see where this goes and try to feel things out.

 

Anyways, I say just take things slow and be honest with him about how you feel. Get to know him and see where it goes. And I mean reeeeaaallly get to know him before super committing to anything.

 

Good luck.

 

Well as I've said he's going thru Ramadan so he's not exerting himself as much. he's really hardworking tho, he has his day job and his night job, then the business he shares with friend.again I can't fault him because he does take responsibility. also my classes has started so I'm not making him my top priority.

he's really different from most older guys tho, he doesn't judge based on age and we got along well even before I knew his age. again we are not physically involved, we've made out and all that but we haven't even had sex. he respects my boundaries.

[kaylan]

Oh wow...hes muslim. Thats a big cultural difference to deal with. Im guessing hes not very conservative though if hes dating you. Its cool to see different cultures mixing up. Never seen an asian girl with a muslim dude before. I can dig it.

 

Wheres he from if you dont mind my asking. You dont have to give specific country, if your worried about too much detail.

 

Anyways, it seems you got a family oriented catch.

 

Best of luck.

Edited August 14, 2012 by kaylan

[kassy]

If he is fasting for Ramadan, then he probably is religious enough to also believe sex during Ramadan is not acceptable with anyone other than his wife, at night. I just dated a Muslim. Great guy, fantastic relationship. We both knew we had no future but enjoyed the relationship for what it was.

 

I would say it is something not to get into lightly if you at all want a future with him. Having agreed no future in our relationship we had lots of interesting chats about cultural differences without them being loaded conversations... The differences are many and huge. I'm not saying either side is right either, but just be careful. You seem a bit precious mentally, while he sounds great, I'm not sure you know what you are in for here.

 

I may be wrong and you know a lot about Islam and what being a Muslim is like for a non extremist. If that is the case then go for it, but go in with your eyes wide open! My ex is a superb guy, and we are still friends after our relationship ran its course.

[Leigh 87]

I am apt to not catching feelings - AS LONG as I am not seriously into them!

 

It is what it is - TRUE romantic feelings cannot be masked. Period.

 

Run around and have fun with a FRIEND who your also have sexually chemistry with - that way, you will manage your romantic feelings - because you won't HAVE them to begin with.

 

 

 

... You now you will not control yourself it your seriously into a guy, and the raw ingredients are there. Come on now.

[xpaperxcutx]

If he is fasting for Ramadan, then he probably is religious enough to also believe sex during Ramadan is not acceptable with anyone other than his wife, at night. I just dated a Muslim. Great guy, fantastic relationship. We both knew we had no future but enjoyed the relationship for what it was.

 

I would say it is something not to get into lightly if you at all want a future with him. Having agreed no future in our relationship we had lots of interesting chats about cultural differences without them being loaded conversations... The differences are many and huge. I'm not saying either side is right either, but just be careful. You seem a bit precious mentally, while he sounds great, I'm not sure you know what you are in for here.

 

I may be wrong and you know a lot about Islam and what being a Muslim is like for a non extremist. If that is the case then go for it, but go in with your eyes wide open! My ex is a superb guy, and we are still friends after our relationship ran its course.

He's not a zealot but he does observe the need to fast, halg out of religious duty and the other out of a need to challengr himself ( one of his jobs is working as a personal trainer. )

He is Bengali, and a mix of middle Eastern. Most of his friends are Asian and White. I don't know why I'm dating him, its not like we're going to get married. He told me himself marriage isn't in his plans especially witth the financial burden he has. My best friend is telling me I'm being paranoid but I'm those types of peoplr who are in it for the long haul otherwise why bother?

[xpaperxcutx]

The religion issue isn't really an issue ad one of my exes was muslim and Iranian and we dated for a year. It's the fact here I am in an iffy relationship because my feelings towards. him are that of a hormonal teenager- I love his compant and I love flirting. but I still don't see where this is going?

[marinelife3]

Hi,

If he's told you that he never plans on getting married, and if you're looking for a relationship leading to marriage, then you shouldn't go out with him.