Beatrixx Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Today I got back with my boyfriend after being broken up for two weeks. I ended the relationship but realized I made a mistake so we've decided to give it another go, but he asked if we could take it slowly and start from the dating stage again and not sleep together because... he's ended up falling in love with another girl while we've been apart and he's confused about what he wants at the moment. He was infatuated with this girl (well... woman really... she's 10 years older than me and 7 years older than him) before we got together. She was out of his life while we were a couple but he met up with her while we were broken up and now all the feelings have come back again. The thing is, from what I've heard, the woman is a tease and a player. She has no interest at all in my boyfriend, she just likes the attention. She even has a boyfriend! It's the worst feeling ever knowing that my boyfriend has fallen in love with another woman. By taking it 'slow' with my boyfriend; part of me feels like I'm his back up plan in case things don't work out with this other woman. Of course, I appreciate that he has been honest with me and admitted that he has feelings for this woman (some could have easily kept it a secret) but it's still very hard to deal with. I would be grateful for any advice on this awful situation I have gotten myself into!
Eloise31 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this painful situation. I was in a similar predicament myself a few years ago with someone who I was madly in love with (he was much younger than me and advice dr various friends was that it was just a fling and to move on) - unfortunately I didn't realise how much I loved him until we had broken up and he'd met and fallen for someone else. I'd love to say your story will have a happy ending - and it may do! But in my case, although we tried to take things slowly and rebuild what we had, he resented me for having left - his feelings for her increased as she had never done anything to break his trust, and I ended up feeling hurt and resentful - almost like the 'other woman.' In the end he broke things off with me and decided to pursue a serious relationship with her. I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about what he sees for the future - and if he sees you as part of that. If he isn't prepared to say one way or the other then I think you really need to try and move on with your life until he is in a place to make a decision (if that day ever comes!) Sorry I can't be more positive but I really feel for you - this isn't a pleasant situation for anyone to be in and I hope it all works out for you hun x
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 You don't break up with someone for two weeks then decide it's a mistake...that just screams immaturity and lack of self-security. You only went back to him in part because you knew he was there and you trusted him..you missed him and realized it would be nice to be together with him than be alone...pretty selfish and immature move on your part unless you have some very good reason for breaking up with him or he did something to you that caused you to break up with him which really means he screwed you over. But that doesn't sound like the case at least. As far as him suddenly falling in love with this other girl...are you serious? this guy has had these emotions for this girl and never let it go, he just didn't suddenly and mysteriously have all these emotions rise up...there was an opportunity to reconnect with her and guess what? he did and that's how he really feels and felt the whole time. Regardless you both sound like you really don't belong with each other...you seem like you're just with each other just to be in a relationship, and it doesn't even sound very deep or emotional on any level. Stop taking the easy-road because you get along and have a history or whatever other excuse you'll convince yourself of to insist on staying together...especially now that he has interest in another woman which will now put a fire under your butt just because you may want to win him back over. Stop playing the games, let each other pursue other love interest and be happy..you seem like the type that will move on quickly anyhow so I wouldn't be over-dramatic about this situation...I sense no real heartbreak here just general low level BS. This isn't going to work...you can drag it out but you broke up for a reason, stop trying to go backwards because now there's some tension and excitement in this otherwise bland relationship, especially If you're young which is sounds to be you are (I hope for your sake).
veggirl Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 your boyfriend fell "in love" with someone in TWO WEEKS? honestly you both sound very wishy washy. Why did you guys break up to begin with? I would NEVER date a guy who is infatuated with another woman--how long did you know about that for? why do you want him so badly that you are willing to put up with the fact that he "loves" another woman? eta; since you asked for advice, my honest advice is break up with him and stay broken up. go nc so you can get over him and find a man who is happy with JUST you 1
Recommended Posts