Why does the interest of men in the initial stages of a male/female interaction get..

[joystickd]

seen by females as not wanting a relationship?

 

Honestly as a man the focus is getting in the game and a lot of the mindset is how can I even get in a relationship if I don't know how to even get off the bench.

[Teal]

Vague question is a bit vague.

 

Male communication can be hard to read, too, you know. If I could tell at a glance which ones were interested, which ones were practicing, and which ones just had very friendly personalities, as well as which ones wanted sex, which ones wanted a relationship, and which ones were lying out their ass, I'd be one happy lady and a lot less prone to just dodging guys to save stress.

[RedRobin]

I pretty much assume most men these days aren't looking for a relationship with any woman until he proves otherwise through consistent words and actions.

 

It's not up to women to cross their fingers and just pretend they are.

[gaius]

Most women I know have at least one story where they slept with a guy early and then he vanished, or worse. They learn from experience.

[SJC2008]

I pretty much assume most men these days aren't looking for a relationship with any woman until he proves otherwise through consistent words and actions.

 

It's not up to women to cross their fingers and just pretend they are.

 

I just don't understand when women say most men don't want r's. Most people have bf's/gf's or are married. I've always been in the at my last 2 jobs being single. I'm counting the last 2 because that would go back to when I was 24.

[Imajerk17]

Interesting thread. It often does seem that many women have crazy screening processes. Women would do themselves well to realize that a reason why the PUA Community has survived and grown is because many good guys who want one woman to have a relationship with, haven't been enjoying much success. These guys would make solid devoted boyfriends except they struggle with the "chemistry" aspect of dating that women seem to crave.

 

The playa-wannabes and the "bitter boys" who are looking to get back at women via a bunch of pump-n-dump one-night-stands are only a small minority.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Imajerk17

[spiderowl]

seen by females as not wanting a relationship?

 

Honestly as a man the focus is getting in the game and a lot of the mindset is how can I even get in a relationship if I don't know how to even get off the bench.

 

Maybe your interest doesn't come across as interest in a person but in sex. It depends what your focus is on in your messages.

 

Or, if a guy is approaching women way out of his age group, the women are likely to be suspicious of his motives. I'm over 50. If I got approached by a guy in his 30s (which is fairly common), it would be reasonable to assume he's not looking for a relationship.

Edited August 13, 2012 by spiderowl

[Lonely Ronin]

I pretty much assume most men these days aren't looking for a relationship with any woman until he proves otherwise through consistent words and actions.

 

It's not up to women to cross their fingers and just pretend they are.

 

It's true some guys take advantage of the Dorothys of the world, and women should protect themselves from that. However becoming the Queen of Hearts and cutting off heads for the smallest minutiae, isn't the answer either....

[threebyfate]

Interesting thread. It often does seem that many women have crazy screening processes. Women would do themselves well to realize that a reason why the PUA Community has survived and grown is because many good guys who want one woman to have a relationship with, haven't been enjoying much success. These guys would make solid devoted boyfriends except they struggle with the "chemistry" aspect of dating that women seem to crave.

 

The playa-wannabes and the "bitter boys" who are looking to get back at women via a bunch of pump-n-dump one-night-stands are only a small minority.

PUA doesn't teach anyone how to have a relationship, even if their entire body is in the door. The tactics are counterproductive to emotionally healthy relationships so then, the women their tactics work on, are usually the bat shyte crazy types which they then attempt to enter relationships with and then, the two twist each other's brains out, trying to get the upperhand since there's no respect or trust as foundation for their relationship.

[Teal]

I just don't understand when women say most men don't want r's. Most people have bf's/gf's or are married. I've always been in the at my last 2 jobs being single. I'm counting the last 2 because that would go back to when I was 24.

 

That's not what we're saying. We're saying it's hard to tell which ones want what and which ones to trust, and that the safe assumption is "all/most" until proven otherwise.

 

It's true some guys take advantage of the Dorothys of the world, and women should protect themselves from that. However becoming the Queen of Hearts and cutting off heads for the smallest minutiae, isn't the answer either....

 

True, but the lengths to which some men will go (and have gone) is terrifying to me. My problem isn't that I'm cutting off heads, it's that I'm downright apprehensive about being approached in a non-platonic manner and honestly pretty afraid of trusting or giving them anything of me.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Teal

[Lonely Ronin]

True, but the lengths to which some men will go (and have gone) is terrifying to me. My problem isn't that I'm cutting off heads, it's that I'm downright apprehensive about being approached in a non-platonic manner and honestly pretty afraid of trusting or giving them anything of me.

 

You're afraid of any man approaching you because they are physically attracted to you?

[Teal]

You're afraid of any man approaching you because they are physically attracted to you?

 

I'm afraid of any man approaching me because it means I get to play a very confusing and potentially risky game of trying to discern whether they're a decent person regardless of what they want, a poor liar, or a skilled liar.

[joystickd]

I'm afraid of any man approaching me because it means I get to play a very confusing and potentially risky game of trying to discern whether they're a decent person regardless of what they want, a poor liar, or a skilled liar.

That is a risky game with all play with anyone we interact with. I am simply talking about like for instance women's books focus on relationships and in a sense men's books on dating focus on initial stage things like approach, attraction, etc so there is a perception that men are not into relationships because there is nothing for men in regards to actual relationships.

[RedRobin]

The majority of men eventually want to settle down.

 

it is not women's job to decide when 'eventually' is...

 

A lot of men I know who have lots of one night stands and just mess around have an overall low opinion of women. They feel women can't be trusted so they close themselves off.

 

Oh well. Sucks for them. Smart women screen them out.

 

However, this is not the majority of men.

 

The majority of any group is trying to get the best deal for themselves.

 

How about dating those nerdy nice guys? How about the guy that works at McDonald's? They all want to date you but you reject them because they are not handsome enough, rich enough, smooth enough, etc.

 

You aren't talking about 'me'.... I screen on character, not looks, money, or 'smooth' ness.

 

So don't complain when you get banged and tossed away like trash by men who have lots of options.

 

Has never happened to me. I spot the signs early.

[RedRobin]

These guys would make solid devoted boyfriends except they struggle with the "chemistry" aspect of dating that women seem to crave.

 

You have OLD and the 'instant fix' mentality these days to thank for that.

[joystickd]

it is not women's job to decide when 'eventually' is...

 

 

 

Oh well. Sucks for them. Smart women screen them out.

 

 

 

The majority of any group is trying to get the best deal for themselves.

 

 

 

You aren't talking about 'me'.... I screen on character, not looks, money, or 'smooth' ness.

 

 

 

Has never happened to me. I spot the signs early.

 

Spot signs early lol. I guess you never came across one that will play the role to achieve their "goal". The real golddiggers and players take an almost counterintuitive approach.

[joystickd]

You have OLD and the 'instant fix' mentality these days to thank for that.

I equate OLD with laziness. Most I interact with online all they will ever be is

Notice I said most.

[joystickd]

Vague question is a bit vague.

 

Male communication can be hard to read, too, you know. If I could tell at a glance which ones were interested, which ones were practicing, and which ones just had very friendly personalities, as well as which ones wanted sex, which ones wanted a relationship, and which ones were lying out their ass, I'd be one happy lady and a lot less prone to just dodging guys to save stress.

Female communication is a hell of a lot worse

[spiderowl]

Well, if his enquiries are all about photos of you, what kind of figure you've got, and if you've got msn/Skype, then it's reasonable to assume the guy is not looking for a relationship (other than sex). As most guys approach like that, most guys will get chucked out on that basis.

[Mrlonelyone]

seen by females as not wanting a relationship?

 

Honestly as a man the focus is getting in the game and a lot of the mindset is how can I even get in a relationship if I don't know how to even get off the bench.

 

Who knows, women ask the same thing about men. Everyone has their personal issues that trip them up in relationships. Many people sabotage themselves. It's simple as that. We all think we want a stable LTR or marriages, but on deep levels do we?