He is so awesome ... I am afraid I am going to mess this up!

[Shosh]

Hi guys,

I could really use some advice on this one, because I am afraid my insecurities are going to ruin something really special.

 

After breaking it off with a jerk a few weeks ago I decided I needed to forget about him ASAP, so I created an online profile and went on a few dates. My plan - which I stated in the profile - was to just go out once, have a fun evening and nothing more, since I was moving in a few weeks.

 

Well, for some reason this really nice guy replied. We met up to go hiking and from the first moment there was instant attraction. He is so nice, and sweet, and funny, and intelligent, and cute, and open with his feelings,... It is like he is the guy I have been looking for my whole life. Every day I fall more for him, every new thing I learn about him, makes me appreciate him even more.

 

It has only been three weeks, but already we are exclusively dating and either see each other every day or talk all the time. And he tells me how much he likes me and how wonderful he thinks I am all the time.

 

I told him a bit that I am worried about the speed of our courtship, which he acknowledges but says it is due to the fact that I am moving and he says he wants us to build as strong as possible a foundation before I leave. Also, he is already making plans to visit me and offered to fly me back for a visit ASAP.

 

Here is the problem: I can't believe that this is going to last. This is so intense and we have moved forward so quickly, I am afraid we are also going to burn out quickly. Also, he is way out of my league, and I am afraid that he is going to realize how boring, regular and average I am and will dump me.

 

So my natural instinct right now would be to pull back and get some distance between us, but I also know that this would probably hurt his feelings and change our relationship in a way I would not like and regret later.

 

It feels like I am on a White Water Rafting trip, and while the ride is exhilarating, I am also scared of falling out of the boat and kinda want it to stop and get out.

 

Anyone been in a similar situation or has any advice for me?

[madjac74]

 

So my natural instinct right now would be to pull back and get some distance between us, but I also know that this would probably hurt his feelings and change our relationship in a way I would not like and regret later.

 

You mentioned you were moving so whether distancing yourself will hurt him or not...it is going to happen.

 

My question to you as it was with my last girlfriend...Why are you on a dating site in your current area when you know you are moving? You are just setting someone else up for heartache

[Shosh]

My question to you as it was with my last girlfriend...Why are you on a dating site in your current area when you know you are moving? You are just setting someone else up for heartache

 

As I said in my initial post, I wanted to get distracted from a jerk I had been dating. And I said so in my profile. Was totally honest. Said that I was moving, wanted to get over a jerk I was dating, was not looking for a relationship, and only wanted to have one fun evening before I leave.

 

But that is not really the issue here, since my guy and I have gotten way past the one-date stage. And btw, he is the one who wants to have a long-distance relationship. I said that might be too painful, but he is all 'No, it is worth it.'

[madjac74]

As I said in my initial post, I wanted to get distracted from a jerk I had been dating. And I said so in my profile. Was totally honest. Said that I was moving, wanted to get over a jerk I was dating, was not looking for a relationship, and only wanted to have one fun evening before I leave.

 

But that is not really the issue here, since my guy and I have gotten way past the one-date stage. And btw, he is the one who wants to have a long-distance relationship. I said that might be too painful, but he is all 'No, it is worth it.'

 

You are right. It is far too painful. How far away are you moving?

[newmoon]

As I said in my initial post, I wanted to get distracted from a jerk I had been dating. And I said so in my profile. Was totally honest. Said that I was moving, wanted to get over a jerk I was dating, was not looking for a relationship, and only wanted to have one fun evening before I leave.

 

But that is not really the issue here, since my guy and I have gotten way past the one-date stage. And btw, he is the one who wants to have a long-distance relationship. I said that might be too painful, but he is all 'No, it is worth it.'

 

sounds to me like you are just using this new guy to make yourself feel better from the last one. your feelings for this new guy (perhaps) just feel better because you are rebounding from the prior relationship, and any attention/affection you're getting from the new guy is just making you feel good about yourself and allowing you to view him and the budding relationship in a more positive light. too bad for him - since you're moving it's rather pointless.

[Radu]

How long was your last relationship ?

 

Because this sounds like a rebound, and if this is the case those feelings are not real, you are forcing yourself to view him like that.

I bet you already see yourself being with him forever.

[Shosh]

How long was your last relationship ?

 

Only a few weeks, but I found out he had a long-distance girlfriend the whole time.

 

So you guys all think that he is just a rebound and the strong feelings I have for him are all in my head?

 

I am moving across the country, but I am actually thinking about postponing the move for a few months and see if this relationship has the potential to work out long-term. I told him that, but he is actually interested in moving across the country too, and thinks it would be better for him to join me there, instead of me staying here longer.

 

It is like everything about him is perfect, and I just can't help wondering if this is 'too good to be true'.

[TLY22]

Only a few weeks, but I found out he had a long-distance girlfriend the whole time.

 

So you guys all think that he is just a rebound and the strong feelings I have for him are all in my head?

 

I am moving across the country, but I am actually thinking about postponing the move for a few months and see if this relationship has the potential to work out long-term. I told him that, but he is actually interested in moving across the country too, and thinks it would be better for him to join me there, instead of me staying here longer.

 

It is like everything about him is perfect, and I just can't help wondering if this is 'too good to be true'.

 

How old are you, if I may ask?

[xpaperxcutx]

Only a few weeks, but I found out he had a long-distance girlfriend the whole time.

 

So you guys all think that he is just a rebound and the strong feelings I have for him are all in my head?

 

I am moving across the country, but I am actually thinking about postponing the move for a few months and see if this relationship has the potential to work out long-term. I told him that, but he is actually interested in moving across the country too, and thinks it would be better for him to join me there, instead of me staying here longer.

 

It is like everything about him is perfect, and I just can't help wondering if this is 'too good to be true'.

 

And men can say anyrhing they want to charm the pants of a girl. I doubt he really liked ldrespecially with a girl he met for less than a month. He's good with words but has he backed himself up with action?

[Shosh]

How old are you, if I may ask?

 

We are both in our 30s, though we both feel like teenagers right now.

[Shosh]

And men can say anyrhing they want to charm the pants of a girl. I doubt he really liked ldr especially with a girl he met for less than a month. He's good with words but has he backed himself up with action?

 

About the whole LDR? Not really, but I don't know how he could. He told me he is looking for jobs on the East Coast and I believe him.

 

With everything else he is absolutely reliable and dependable. If he says he calls, he does, if he says he will pick me up, he does. And he is also really generous and if I just comment on something I like, he immediately runs out and gets it. I am worried about stating my preferences now, because I don't want to take advantage of him. One example, I really like Country music, while he really does not. Well, guess what, a few days ago he surprised me with tickets for one of my favorite singers who will be in town soon.

 

He is really awesome and perfect and he has already introduced me to his friends and coworkers. Also, he has never tried to sleep with me yet. The most he does is hold my hands and kiss me. He mentioned that he is very attracted to me and really wants to have sex, but he is happy to wait until I am ready.

 

My worry is less about him, but about me messing everything up with my insecurities and impatience. I have just never dated anybody like him before.

[TLY22]

About the whole LDR? Not really, but I don't know how he could. He told me he is looking for jobs on the East Coast and I believe him.

 

With everything else he is absolutely reliable and dependable. If he says he calls, he does, if he says he will pick me up, he does. And he is also really generous and if I just comment on something I like, he immediately runs out and gets it. I am worried about stating my preferences now, because I don't want to take advantage of him. One example, I really like Country music, while he really does not. Well, guess what, a few days ago he surprised me with tickets for one of my favorite singers who will be in town soon.

 

He is really awesome and perfect and he has already introduced me to his friends and coworkers. Also, he has never tried to sleep with me yet. The most he does is hold my hands and kiss me. He mentioned that he is very attracted to me and really wants to have sex, but he is happy to wait until I am ready.

 

My worry is less about him, but about me messing everything up with my insecurities and impatience. I have just never dated anybody like him before.

 

I say just go with it. It sounds like you're both having a good time. Just let it be what it is at the moment. No pressure. Trust me, that's what I've been doing and it has worked out so well. Don't invest yourself too much, because it mightn't work. But you're 30, so you're mature and you've (hopefully ) learnt life lessons. Don't be afraid to embrace something that makes you feel good. I don't think it's rebound feelings, seeing as you said your last relationship was only short (I don't think a couple of weeks is enough to really give your heart to someone).

Just go with it for a little bit. See where it takes you, don't freak out and don't leave your heart too exposed. You'll be fine.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

As we don't have anything other than your own viewpoint on him and the relationship, we can't tell whether/how you're being unrealistic as to your own qualifications.

 

There is every chance you're understating your own dating worth/appeal in order to let your mind fester over these concerns.

 

C'mon, the really great people you want surrounding you in life ARE those who would do and behave much like he has done. You should probably play your hand as if it is all real, and as if you deserve considerable 'good' to come along to your life.

 

Let it evolve, and let it happen...

[todreaminblue]

Hi guys,

I could really use some advice on this one, because I am afraid my insecurities are going to ruin something really special.

 

After breaking it off with a jerk a few weeks ago I decided I needed to forget about him ASAP, so I created an online profile and went on a few dates. My plan - which I stated in the profile - was to just go out once, have a fun evening and nothing more, since I was moving in a few weeks.

 

Well, for some reason this really nice guy replied. We met up to go hiking and from the first moment there was instant attraction. He is so nice, and sweet, and funny, and intelligent, and cute, and open with his feelings,... It is like he is the guy I have been looking for my whole life. Every day I fall more for him, every new thing I learn about him, makes me appreciate him even more.

 

It has only been three weeks, but already we are exclusively dating and either see each other every day or talk all the time. And he tells me how much he likes me and how wonderful he thinks I am all the time.

 

I told him a bit that I am worried about the speed of our courtship, which he acknowledges but says it is due to the fact that I am moving and he says he wants us to build as strong as possible a foundation before I leave. Also, he is already making plans to visit me and offered to fly me back for a visit ASAP.

 

Here is the problem: I can't believe that this is going to last. This is so intense and we have moved forward so quickly, I am afraid we are also going to burn out quickly. Also, he is way out of my league, and I am afraid that he is going to realize how boring, regular and average I am and will dump me.

 

So my natural instinct right now would be to pull back and get some distance between us, but I also know that this would probably hurt his feelings and change our relationship in a way I would not like and regret later.

 

It feels like I am on a White Water Rafting trip, and while the ride is exhilarating, I am also scared of falling out of the boat and kinda want it to stop and get out.

 

Anyone been in a similar situation or has any advice for me?

 

I would say if you get along with this person if there is a connection then go forward with that connection> I have been in a situation recently where I felt a connection with someone i still have those feelings I dont normally actually ever develop feelings like this so soon and it scared me honestly because I haven't had affection for someone the way that I felt.This affection was and still is pretty special.I am nto a scared person at all I do things others wouldnt in a physical way i mean because the outcome to a pyhsical situation has a logical conclusion.Love is emotive, an emotion that can vary in many different ways between two people.In saying that You have to take a chance, to never know a love or realize a love is far sadder to not take the chance because of fear.It may have started quickly doesnt mean it has to take over your life but give it ample time and effort to see if it would work and if two people who are in love or love each other and mutual respect and understanding is involved try, there will always be success.

 

As far as long distance goes.Distance is only an issue if you let it be.Your heart and the persons heart you are with are together, if you are in relationship distance is measured, love is not.There are plenty of ways that you can keep the flame alive while you are apart .Then when you do come together it is so sweet and joyful and special.

 

Long distance is only long if you get out your tape measure and measure it.Your partner is actually on the end of the phone fi you need to speak or want to feel his/her presence.Thats my opinion though.I wish you the best of luck in life and love.....deb

[biogirl05]

you should go for it. take a chance on this guy, let him move with you if he can. rebound feelings after a 3 week relationship? i don't think so. you have already been with this guy longer than the previous one. if you are feeling insecure then you should do things to combat that. why are you feeling insecure? get some self-help books to work on the things that you are not satisfied with about yourself, do some affirmations, make sure to develop other friendships in your new area. I think having enough girl-time is one of the most important things when you're in a relationship. Especially since you may be lonely because of the long distance.